


Paved with Good Intentions

by hottempered242



Series: Paved With Good Intentions Universe [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Deceit's Name Is Ethan, Episode: A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!!, Episode: ACCEPTING ANXIETY Part 1/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?, Episode: ACCEPTING ANXIETY Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?, Episode: Alone on VALENTINE'S DAY!, Episode: Am I ORIGINAL?, Episode: Becoming a Cartoon! feat. Butch Hartman!, Episode: Can LYING Be Good??, Episode: Crofters- THE MUSICAL!, Episode: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, Episode: EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas!, Episode: Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!), Episode: Growing Up, Episode: Learning New Things About Ourselves, Episode: Losing My Motivation, Episode: MOVING ON Part 1/2: Exploring Nostalgia, Episode: MOVING ON Part 2/2: Dealing With a Breakup, Episode: Making Some Changes!, Episode: My NEGATIVE Thinking, Episode: Sanders Sides Q&A, Episode: Selfishness v. Selflessness, Episode: Taking on ANXIETY with Lilly Singh!!, Episode: The Dark Side of Disney!, Episode: The Sanders Sides 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!, Episode: Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lots of chapters planned, May change to Janus later, Misunderstandings, My First Fanfic, Not Beta Read, Platonic Relationships, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), Tags May Change, This is going to have the whole series, and platonic relationships, but for plot, but only briefly, eventually..., it will take a bit, just gonna leave this here..., no new episode, only up to DWIT, please don't post anywhere else, up to Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 132,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22746502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hottempered242/pseuds/hottempered242
Summary: All the Dark Sides want to do is help Thomas, but he is not listening to them. So they come up with a plan  - sending Anxiety up to the Light Sides to scare him straight.“But remember that good intentions pave many roads. Not all of them lead to hell.”― Neal Shusterman, Scythe
Series: Paved With Good Intentions Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678150
Comments: 275
Kudos: 249





	1. Changes and their Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> This is Virgil's story from the very beginning of the Sander Sides episodes. I started writing this after the Dealing with intrusive thoughts episode, so this story may have branches (or an entire version) if something new becomes cannon that is not in here.
> 
> Deceit's name is Ethan, in case you are confused at first. And capitalized words when he talks designates lies (and normally a sarcastic tone, because that is just him) :)
> 
> I plan on making all the sides sympathetic in this work, at least eventually. The fights on the Sanders Sides episodes will still happen, so there will be conflict that may make a side unsympathetic for a while. But I am writing with all the sides having good intentions that sometimes don't turn out as they hoped. 
> 
> Also, I had to do some soul-searching and realized that I am not able to keep the beginning or end scenes from the videos. They get way too meta for my story. I may still use some of the ideas, but it won't match up with the actual videos.
> 
> EDIT 5/2/2020: So, Deceit's name is Janus and the new episode (Putting Others First) definitely gave me more questions than answers. I plan on scrubbing Deceit's name to Janus sometime soon, but I feel like the new episode was laying down a plot rather than ending one. So I am not planning on adding else to this until that plot is concluded.
> 
> EDIT 5/21/2020: I think I have changed all the Ethans to Janus. Please let me know if I missed any!

Virgil collapses into a sitting position, trying to smooth out his ragged breathing. His muscles are slightly shaking, fatigued from fighting continuously over the last hour. A shadow rushes forward to strike at the downed Side. He tenses up pulling his four shadow spider legs up to defend against the attack only to see a hand grab the shadow and throw it into a door opening in the ground. The door slams closed before the shadow can escape.

Virgil looks around for more shadows. He carefully checks for any others hiding in the corners of the common room, wary of any other surprise attacks. After he is sure the battle is over does he slump back into the sitting position. "Is it just me, or are the NOT more shadows lately?" says the Side that has come to stand next to Virgil.

"Sarcasm was made for you, Janus. Whatever would you do without it?" Virgil quips back. "But you are right. Normally we don't have to work this hard to get rid of Thomas's bad thoughts" He looks around again "And where the hell did Remus get off to?"

"I did NOT see him dragging a few shadows into his room to 'play'" Janus grimaced. "We probably won't see from him for a while. Not that it matters since the work is done today. It would be AWFUL to know what is causing the increase of shadows. Do you have any idea?"

" I get the feeling it has to do with that vlog stunt the Light Sides are pulling with Thomas. A lot of worry on the reaction to the video. Which seems valid to me, considering it does not seem like any of them have a thought-out idea on what they are trying to accomplish." A sneer was in his voice as he slowly pulled himself to the couch, using his shadow arms as crutches. "You would have thought that Logic would have forced a better schedule for the thing before agreeing" He snorted, collapsing face first onto the leather " So I obviously let some of my concerns pass on to Thomas."

Janus fell onto the couch next to Virgil and sighed "If the vlog is causing this much anxiety and intrusive thoughts, then maybe is should be postponed until there is a better plan."

"How would you make that happen? We can't just go up there and tell Thomas that. And if you force all the light sides to not talk about it anymore, Thomas will get suspicious" Virgil sighed, exhausted and just wanting to take a nap. He releases his shadow arms, hoping that his real muscles won't be too sore tomorrow.

"You are probably right" Janus pauses, then a smile starts to unfold onto his face "so if we can't stop this train wreck, how about we go watch it in my room?"

Virgil weighs seeing the Light Sides make a fool of themselves on camera versus passing out now. It wasn’t a hard choice. "Sure, might as well get some entertainment out of all the work they are putting us through. Do you think they even know?"

Janus snorts as he walks to his room "Oh OF COURSE they know. Because they are so PERCEPTIVE to what is happening on the Dark Side." The smile from before has changed into a sneer "They come up with all these ideas that put Thomas in danger and increase his dark thoughts. It would be interesting to compare how many light thoughts come out of this plan against how many shadows we have had to process."

Virgil dove for the nest of patch-work blankets heaped on Janus's bed as Janus turned on the heat lamps. Virgil smirks at Janus. "What? All these shadows are lowering the temperature in here, and you know I don't like the cold" Janus defended. He positioned himself into a reclining position facing the TV in the corner, under the direct beam of the lamps. 

Virgil noted that Remus must have recently snuck into Janus's room, because the walls were covered in snakes. Or maybe Janus liked these drawings - it was so much better than the vomit collage from last week - so he was not going to take it down right away. They both knew any blank wall was just an invitation for Remus to paint. He found all "normal" walls to be a challenge to his creativity, and would beg, sneak, or fight to be able to express himself on them. It is why most of the walls in the dark mind space did not have pictures or anything hanging off of them. The only exception is the painting Remus crafted of the three of them laughing together that had prime real estate on Janus's wall beside his bed. He never seemed to get any paint - or blood, or sludge, or other medium he wanted to paint with - on that picture. Which was a very good thing, because Janus would skin him alive if he did. It was the only picture of the three of them, and Janus refused to allow anything to happen to his "only evidence that you two aren't little shits ALL the time, after all I have done to raise you!".

Virgil smiled, relaxing into the blankets as Janus turned on the TV. The thing was large and high-resolution, allowing Janus to see all that Thomas did. Janus, the keeper of Truth (not that many ever called him that anymore; the Light Sides preferring to call him a more sinister name, Deceit), then figures out what thoughts and feelings to allow Thomas to see and what to obscure from his mind, throwing them into what Remus excitedly calls " the creepy bad-thought basement" until such a time came that Thomas was ready to deal with them.

As they watched the Light Sides and Thomas make introductions on the screen, the two dark sides snuggled further into the blankets. Virgil was somewhat optimistic by the premise laid out in the clip. Maybe by doing these videos, Thomas would actually spend time working on all the issues that caused more work for the dark sides. However, it seems like that would not be the case with this first video.

"What topic do you think Thomas should cover first?" Virgil asked.

"Obviously NOT how he is bad at making achievable goals for himself" Janus smirked.

"Or how much Logic and Morality bicker over every decision " chucked Virgil.

"Or NOT how his dark feelings have been increasing lately"

"Or how his light sides don't seem to keep him on track"

"We COULDN'T go on all day"

Virgil laughs "Yeah you are right. But if this helps lighten our load then I can try to lay off on the vlog anxiety a little." He burrows deeper in the blankets "At least until we see how the next video goes. It is not like there aren't other things to worry about. Did you know Thomas's Dad wants him to _cook_? I won't be taking a break anytime soon"

"You BETTER be getting ready to sleep in _my_ bed. You have your own just down the hall. Go there!" Janus half-heartedly glares at the blanket mound which is Virgil.

"Too tired" mumbles the blanket mound. Janus smothers a smile then sighs loudly. "Well maybe this once" he relents, already turning off the lights. "Be right back, I am going to see if Remus wants to join the slumber party."

A snore is just barely heard from the blanket mound, and Janus chuckles. He walks down the hall to Remus's room and knocks on the door. There is no screaming or banging from the other side, which could be seen as a good sign.

"Hey-o Daddy-o!" Remus cheers as he slams open his door. "Want to see my latest painting? It is dazzling"

"And by dazzling you mean going to either blind me or give me a seizure, don't you" Janus raises a brow.

"Um…." Blinding flashes go off in rapid succession behind Remus "No?"

Janus sighs "Virgil and I are going to have a sleepover tonight, want to join?"

"Oh boy! A sleepover! We can play truth or dare!" The fact that Remus did not scream that at the top of his lungs shows how tired he is. He also seems slower than normal getting his - ripped and faded, but at least they are clean - pajamas. Janus has made it very clear to Remus that he needs to be clean when sleeping in his room, so Remus keeps a special pair of pajamas for the occasion.

"Not tonight Remus. Virgil is already asleep from having to fight all those shadows today. You know how his powers drain him."

Remus looks up at Janus worriedly "Is he alright? He didn't get hurt did he?" His face darkens "If the shadows hurt him I'll-"

"He is not hurt, just tired. You should be too. You fought a lot of shadows today as well. Let's get to bed. It has NOT been a long day"

Remus only mumbled his objections, proving Janus's point. He worried about how much more the two have had to work lately and hopes that it will lighten up.

_If it doesn't then something will need to be done._ Janus thought as he tucks Remus into bed and starts to burrow in himself. _Maybe Virgil is right and this vlog avenue will be cathartic to Thomas. One can only hope._


	2. Decisions made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dark Sides watch "WAY TOO ADULT" in real-time, and there are consequences for Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It does not help as much in this chapter, but if anyone is looking for transcripts of the Sanders Sides episodes, this site has saved me so much time: https://sanders-sides.fandom.com/wiki/Transcripts

The second vlog started out promising to the Dark Sides. They were sprawled on Janus's bed, covered up with blankets with a popcorn bowl in the middle. A new blanket had been added to the pile just this morning. Virgil was able to patch-work pieces of the curtains that Remus had torn up earlier in the month. He likes to create things from the torn up cloth lying around the house and Janus is perpetually cold, so most of the completed blankets end up on his bed.

"Would you look at that, Morality is actually holding Thomas accountable?" Virgil mumbles through his mouth full of popcorn. "But where are the other Sides?"

"Probably waiting to pop up, like a zit or a boil!" Remus exclaims, trying to get popcorn shells stuck between his teeth.

"Why are they talking to the Stove? This episode is making SO MUCH sense!" Janus rants

Virgil starts to panic "Wait, the stove can talk?!? It is sentient? Will it get mad about us using it as a slave? Will it cause an uprising?"

"SHOW THEM MY BUTT" Remus screams then cackles as Thomas echoes the sentiment on the screen.

Janus rubs his abused ears, debating whether to scold Remus for the volume or thank him for stopping Virgil's rant.

"No the stove is not sentient, Virgil. I don't even know why they put it in the skit. And Remus, **put your pants back on! We know what your butt looks like; you don't have to show us!** " Virgil calms down enough to laugh at Remus falling over trying to pull up his pants with both legs in one pant leg.

And the episode ends. A moment of silence happens as the Dark Sides take a moment to catch their breath -

"What the FUCK was that shit?!?"

Virgil would normally comment on the lack of creativity in Remus's cursing, but he was too busy trying to process the new vlog and calm down from his previous use of Tempus Tongue. "But why even talk to the stove?" he frets, still eyeing it as the start of the sentient appliance uprising to come.

"Maybe because Logic and Creativity could not even be bothered to show up" Janus bit out "How are they supposed to work through issues if they are not all there? It seems like this is a joke to them!" he fumed, pacing the room.

"Yeah, I am pretty sure that Thomas's main problems now are how to COOK" Virgil scoffs. "If it doesn't work he can just buy food from the store and bring that." Another quick look at the TV "And he wouldn't have to deal with the stove…"

"Especially if he doesn't tell his family that he didn't make it" Janus murmured, ignoring the last comment.

"He could buy cow's tongue! That would surprise the family" Remus crows.

"By the way Remus, GOOD work shouting 'Show them my butt' so loud that Thomas actually said it. My ears are NOT still ringing" Virgil snickers as Janus glares down at the unfazed Remus.

"Thank you! It is a hard job but someone has to do it! Get it? Hard?" the other Dark Sides stare at Remus. "Like Thomas's butt. Which is hard?"

"…Is his butt hard?" Virgil hesitantly questions

Remus thinks about this, then grins "It will be when I shove a bunch of rocks under his skin!" He shimmies in place, happy with his solution while Virgil grimaces. Janus is pacing, too angry to be disgusted by Remus's imagery.

"Someone has to be the voice of reason up there. They need to drag the other sides kicking and screaming into the same room so that whatever is causing the shadows can be resolved" Janus is murmuring to himself, ignoring the gags from Virgil as Remus is graphically demonstrating how he would harden Thomas's butt. "I would say Logic is the best choice, but he wasn't even there. How will we know who is going to be in each video?"

"That would be easier if we could talk to some of the sides up there to coordinate" Virgil replies, now pointedly not looking at Remus using a cow tongue to lick Thomas's lumpy, "hardened" butt. "But that won't happen. Which of the Light Sides would talk to us?" His face falls and he hunches his shoulders "The Dark Sides? Not like we just want to help Thomas too"

Remus dissipates the cow tongue and the - now wet - rock butt and sits next to Virgil to hug the smaller side. Janus comes over to place a hand on his shoulder. "If they are too stupid to realize we are all working toward the same goal then ignore them" Janus states firmly.

"Or punch them in the face every time you see them. That is what I do with Roman!" Remus adds helpfully. "You can't stab him in the gut as a greeting because that would be" Remus pulls out a dirty and soaked index card "Not a good thing to do to family" He grins as the - apparently flammable - liquid on the card catches fire.

"Just because you burned the index card does not mean you aren't still supposed to remember that" Janus declares, earning a scoff from Remus.

"As fun as that would be, we would still have the issue of them not dealing with whatever is troubling Thomas. The shadows are increasing" Virgil murmurs leaning into Remus.

Janus frowns at the dark circles under Virgil's eyes. The anxious side can take shadows and use them to create his spider arms which have knife-like claws on the end, use his Tempus Tongue technique - to get Thomas to LISTEN if there is danger-, or absorb them into himself to keep them from affecting Thomas. However, doing any of these too much causes the stress-response side to have a mental backlash of anxiety and paranoia. His ability to cope with these backlashes is shaky; not as well honed as the other Dark Sides. Remus will cope with his backlash - that happens when he uses the shadows to create dreams and conjure objects - by word-vomiting and conjuring intrusive thoughts that are worrying but not truly hurtful to Thomas (the extreme intrusive thought shadows, the ones that could break Thomas mentally and emotionally, are hunted down by Remus with a single-minded focus that would shock the Light Sides. Once captured, they would be put into Janus's dark-corner portal until Thomas can handle them). Janus copes with his backlash - that happens after absorbing the power of the shadows to hide things from Thomas and shut up the other sides, and transform into other sides - by deliberately lying and adding snake-features to his person.

While all three of the Dark Sides have been battling a plethora of shadows, Virgil looked the worst out of all of them. Sure, one side of Janus's face now had scales, but the shadows under Virgil's eyes took over more of his face than the scales. Remus has no physical indication of the stress, other than the amount of things he has conjured recently. The fact the creative Side is eyeing his snake-covered walls is not a good sign.

However, both Remus and Janus seem to have a self-preservation check that Virgil does not. Remus and Janus know when to allow the shadows to flow through to Thomas in order to keep themselves sane, where Virgil would rather take on too much than to bother Thomas. It makes it ironic that Thomas is worried about his anxiety when that Dark Side would burn out protecting him well before any other Side. And at the current pace, Virgil is most likely to self destruct than allow Thomas to feel the increase in shadows. It is getting to be too much from him. The best thing for Virgil right now would be able to recover away from the shadows, but that is not possible…

Janus freezes as an idea starts to unfold in his mind.

"What we need is someone we can trust up there. Someone who Thomas will be scared enough to listen to over the ramblings of those Light Sides" Janus muttered. "Someone who truly has Thomas's well-being at heart"

Virgil looks up at Janus and scoffs "oh yeah, and which of the Light Sides do you trust, huh? Because all of them are refusing to even talk to us right now."

"They won't be able to snub us if Thomas is acknowledging us" Janus countered

"Thomas does not acknowledge us. He blatantly ignores us!" Virgil yells, glad for the comfort of Remus's hug "He hates us" he sniffles, feeling tears well in his eyes

"He can't hate us if he does not know we are here." Janus says sternly "and he does not ignore ALL of us"

"What do you-"

"Thomas has admitted that he has anxiety. So if you show up, he would have to acknowledge you. Don't worry. I will hide from Thomas that you do not normally live with the others. If the Light Sides try to bring it up well" a scowl appears on Janus's face "I will deal with them."

"You want me to go up there? Alone?!? Are you kicking me out?" Virgil yells, feeling hurt and scared and too many emotions and-

"Virgil will not be kicked out!" Remus screams, tightening his arms around Virgil "I will fight anyone who wants him gone!!" His crazed eyes lock with Janus's resolute ones as his mace appears next to him.

"I am not kicking Virgil out. I am giving him an important mission. To go to the LIGHT" a significant look is sent Remus's way, causing the other to straighten and his eyes start to return to normal "side and give us a voice. We can't trust them to take care of Thomas anymore. Especially with all the shadows BUILDING UP" another look at Remus whose eyes widen, looks at Virgil's tired and shadowed face, then nods back at Janus "we need to know if the same is happening up there with the light thoughts. And more importantly we need someone up there who can get Thomas to LISTEN" at this Virgil flinches; he has never been proud of his Tempus Tongue ability "so that we can keep him safe. I don't think we can trust the Light Sides anymore" Janus finishes with a flourish, watching Virgil carefully.

"But the Light Sides will hate me up there. They call me paranoia! Just because they can only hear me when I use my Tempus Tongue. They think we are - " Virgil begins

"It doesn't matter what they think. You would be doing this for us and for Thomas. Forget the Light Sides" Janus interrupted.

"FUCK the light sides! In all the sexual positions! Especially the 69 " Remus cackles.

"Okay, maybe not that" Janus glared at Remus. Remus calms down some, which shows how committed he is to helping Virgil. "Seriously Virgil, the Light Sides desperately need help whether they want to admit it or not. Since you are the only one acknowledged by Thomas" - _and the one closest to breaking as the shadows keep coming_ Janus thought - " you would be the perfect choice to go up there." Virgil still seems uncertain so Janus plays his trump card "Would you prefer Remus to go up there and have to deal with his brother who hates him?" Remus wilts some - whether from acting or real hurt, Janus will investigate later - causing Virgil to fire back "Of course not!"

"But…" Virgil hesitates "They won't like me any more than they like Remus." He hunches a little more into himself.

"It doesn’t matter. You will be up there to scare them straight. And you always have Remus and myself that love you no matter what; even though you steal my pillows" Janus confidently states "Right Remus?"

"Right! Though you don’t steal my pillows, Virgil. Is it because they have dirt on them?"

"Is that all there is on them?"

"…yes?"

"Okay" Janus interrupts. "The first thing that is going to happen is Remus is going to **wash his pillows oh my god what did I tell you about sleeping in a dirty bed!** " Janus takes a fortifying breath after a blank look from Remus - to be dealt with later - "And the next thing that is going to happen is Virgil is going to go to the Light Side and spy for us."

A groan from Remus, and a hesitant response from Virgil "But how do I get to the Light Side?"

"Leave that" Janus's grin becomes more prominent "to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no way Remus did not influence Thomas in this episode, just sayin. And Virgil might need some therapy for the stove...
> 
> And the plan has been made! I am sure this is going to go smoothly and not become a massive pile of hijinks and unexpected consequences, right? :)
> 
> I had a little fun moment with the end credit that I chose to take out after deciding not to use those as cannon for this series. I might start a post with all the things I can't put in this series if I get a few more of them.


	3. Welcome to the Light Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is now up on the Light Side, meets Thomas as a Side, and makes a common new-roomate mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about having Virgil meet both the Light Sides and Thomas in the same chapter, but it became too convoluted. Damn this slow burn...

It took a week and a lot of shadow power to move Virgil's room from the Dark Side to the Light Side. The last day was used to make sure that Virgil's closet actually lead to the Dark Side, allowing him to move between the two without the Light Sides knowing. That would make his reports back to Janus and Remus much easier. All of them assume that the Light Sides are going to be suspicious with Virgil's move and they don't want Virgil to be caught phasing into the Dark Side from the Light Side common room. 

The next day was spent prepping Virgil on his cover story. Janus is in his room by his desk, looking over his checklist of 'things to tell Virgil before he goes to the Light Side'. Virgil and Remus are lounging once again on the pile of blankets. With the increase in shadows, the Dark Side house has become colder and darker. Janus's pile of blankets under heat lamps has then become warmest the place to go to. Remus had been "inspired" since the Sanders Sides episode and had added enflamed and falling planes onto the walls in between the snakes. When asked about the new addition, his only response was to scream "MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANES" so Janus let it go.

"Remember that I am Deceit to them; make sure you use that name when talking to them." Janus reminded

"That is going to take some work. We never call you that" Virgil responded "At least I can still call Remus by his name."

"Because I told them my name!"

"Yes Remus, you JUST told them your name. You definitely did NOT appear in front of each of them, scream 'My name's Remus, got it memorized?', spit fire in their faces, and disappear"

Remus shrugs "What can I say, I like Axel"

"He is one of the better characters" Virgil agrees fist bumping with Remus, casually rubbing his fist on his pants and not thinking about what the slime on Remus' hand could have been. "Though you probably shouldn't have tried to play the entire game in one sitting. It took you, what, two days straight to complete? And it was right after you completed it that you got the 'brilliant' idea to introduce yourself to Morality and Logic"

"Worth it" Remus smirks "And it helps us now because you don't have to remember a new name for me. Problem solved!"

"Except he should not be talking about us often to the Light Sides - Morality, Logic, and Creativity- anyway. The point is for them to think he has run away from us. He can use being worried about running away as an excuse to not talk about us." Janus argued. "Virgil, you should also not sneak back here too often or else they may get suspicious when you don't answer after they knock. Just come back to help with the shadows and report what you have learned."

"Not seeing you guy's ugly mugs every day is going to be the worst part" Virgil murmurs, trying to play it as a joke.

"Have you ever hit your face with a mug? That would make you ugly. Especially the burns from the hot coffee inside!" Remus holds up a steaming mug, ready to swing towards his face when Janus stops his hand.

"We will miss you too Virgil. But we are doing this to stop some of the chaos going on over on the Light Side and get a handle on all these shadows" Janus sighs. "Time for you to move into the Light Side"

Virgil pulls in some shadows so he can hug both Janus and Remus with his two human and four spider arms. If tears were shed in that hug, no one mentions it.

\----

The first night in his new room was nerve-wracking for Virgil.

_When should I go down to introduce myself? Would they care if I don't? Do they even know I am here?_ Virgil's mind is in a negative feedback loop. He tries to breathe through the panic attack while clutching his snake and octopus stuffed animals, Remus's and Janus's final moving gifts.

Even his room felt different now that it was connected to the Light Side. He still has shadows moving around in there, but the number of them were much less than he was used to. And they seemed to be more of the vague -bad-feeling type shadows - small and relatively harmless unless in a pack - rather than the solidified-bad-thought type - which were the bigger, meaner, and harder to fight and process.

They also seemed to be sneaking in from the closet door which was not something he had thought about when a shortcut to the Dark Side was agreed upon. Virgil made a note to bring that up next time he visited the Dark Sides. Ignoring how the shadows were getting into his room, he was enjoying the hiatus from the bigger ones. It was the first time in a long time that the shadows under his eyes had receded back to right below his eyes. He looked more like an emo version of Thomas instead of his normal more-nightmarish image, especially since he hadn't had to conjure his spider arms today. The lack of shadow pressure, while relieving, caused Virgil to worry about the affects of the thoughts and feelings that the Light Sides must normally dealt with.

What do the Light Sides even process? Was he even compatible with those thoughts? Would they turn to shadows if he tried to help with them? Would he even need to help, considering his plan is to scare Thomas straight? And on and on it went, questions rapidly swirling through his head.

_I am already regretting this_ runs through Virgil's head before he falls asleep from shear exhaustion hours later.

\----

When Virgil woke, he glanced at the clock to realize that it was the next night. He feels the low buzz of anxiety that always happens when Thomas forgets something he thinks is important, which must have been what woke him. Most times this happens Anxiety makes sure it was not something Janus made Thomas forget. If not, he normally asks Janus to help track down what was forgotten then scream it at Thomas until he remembers. Without Janus here though, Virgil doesn’t know how to fix the issue. He decides to try and ignore the feeling by exploring the new house.

He made his way to the bedroom door and listened for any sign of movement on the other side. When none was heard, he poked his head out. It looks like the other Sides were in their rooms, probably for the night. Virgil curiously inspected the layout of the Light Side, noting it was basically the same as the Dark Side without Remus's graffiti, Janus's cleaning supplies - always around because of the constant messes - , and piles of scraps that Virgil had not gotten to yet for his crafts. Same couch, same chairs, but the TV here looked like it was functional instead of just a decoration (why use a normal TV when you can just sneak into Janus's room and get much better quality and choices).

With that in mind, Virgil made his way to where the kitchen should be. Stomach rumbling, he cautiously opened the refrigerator, waiting for something to jump out. It seemed like this Creativity must not store strange things in random places, because the only thing in the fridge was food. That was promising.

He had seen some bread on the counter, so he grabbed a jar of open jam and looked in the cabinets for some peanut butter. After making two PB&J sandwiches - with extra jelly because it smelled really good! - he put everything back, grabbed a cup of water and sat down at the kitchen table to eat.

_Okay time to plan how to introduce myself to Thomas. Guess whatever he has forgotten can be the excuse I need to find him._ Virgil hums, finishing off his first sandwich. _Now how am I supposed let Thomas know I am here. These guys all seem to be able to just appear to him at will. Maybe I just need to think hard about talking to -_ Virgil must have blinked, because he now is not in the kitchen. He is in a bedroom of some sort. Trying to NOT PANIC and swallow the last of the first sandwich in his mouth (if only he had his water!) _,_ Virgil looks around the room for any clues to where he is. His eyes stop on the bed seeing someone sleeping--

"Thomas?!?" He squawks around the mouthful of food, the end result being a garbled sound. He quickly finishes swallowing.

Thomas opens jolts at the noise and quickly turns over to see someone looking like him in all black standing by his bed. He yells and jolts back from the figure. "Who are you? What do you want?"

_OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT! What do I do? I don't know what to say... I did not expect to see him so soon. I was just testing it out for crying out loud!_ Pulse skyrocketing from both his and Thomas' fear, Virgil shouts out the only thing that comes to mind

" **What are you forgetting?** " Virgil scowls since he did not plan to use his Tempus Tongue right away, but that tends to be the first power he uses when his anxiety is up. And with Thomas also being freaked out, he should have realized that this would happen.

From Thomas' perspective, the black-clad figure - who looks just like him if he wore emo clothes - had loomed over him for a bit, screamed in a demonic voice at him, and scowled as Thomas did not have an answer. It takes a second for the question to register in his fear-and-sleep-addled brain, and he starts panicking

"I don't know?!? What is going on? Who are you? Why are you here? How -" 

" **I'm your anxiety, Thomas. And I am here to tell you to get used to seeing more from me for now on** " Virgil interrupts, going with the flow " **This seemed to be as good of a time as any, considering you have forgotten something** "

"I have anxiety?" Thomas yells

" **Of course you do. You already knew that, Thomas"**

"I mean I knew I had anxiety but I didn't know I had an anxiety side!"

" **Well you do, so get used to it"**

"And what do you mean I forgot something? What have I forgotten?"

Virgil pauses a beat. He still does not know what Thomas has forgotten but he can't make it seem like he isn't confident. _You can't scare anyone if you look freaked out and don't know what you are talking about! Come on Virgil, think!_

" **It's something. But hey, since you forgot it must not be that important, right?"** He pauses " **Or is it something very important to you? Is it something that will ruin your day? Your week? Your year?"**

"Just tell me what it is!" Thomas yells

"I am not your memories. That is not my job. I came here to have a chat, and now I am done. Hope you enjoy the rest of your night. See you soon, Thomas"

"Hey! That's fair! You can't just leave like that! And what do you mean soon?"

" **I don't know, what do I mean?** " Virgil smirks. He takes that to be his - awesome - exit line and desperately thinks about the Light Side kitchen. _Oh god if I can't do this and just end up standing here like an idiot I don't know what I'll -_ Virgil blinks and he is standing in the in the kitchen, his last sandwich still on the table with his cup. He shakily collapses on the chair and tries to control his breathing.

_Well, not how I wanted that to go. But it did work. And now I don't have to worry about it anymore_ Virgil thought, knowing full well he was going to obsessively panic over the entire encounter for the next couple days. He grabs his sandwich and brings it up to his room, already too stressed that the conversation with Thomas may have woken some of the other Sides. "One thing at a time" Virgil mumbles around the rest of his sandwich.

\------

Virgil woke to yelling coming from outside his room. He quickly moved to the door and was relieved to realize it must be deeper in the house, and not the other Sides standing outside his door. He poked his head out to hear more of the conversation.

"For the last time Pocket Protector, I did not steal your Crofters!" This was yelled dramatically and very loudly. Virgil rolls his eyes. _It must be Creativity, with his flair for the dramatic._

"Are you suggesting that Patton ate my Crofters then lied about it?" a calm voice at a much lower volume retorts. _Hmm, that sounds like Logic. But does that mean that Morality's name is Patton?_

"Now come on guys, no shouting this early in the morning! And lying is wrong, Roman." This voice was definitely the chipper Morality, Virgil mused.

"But I am NOT LYING Patton! I am being FALSELY ACCUSED!" Creativity - Roman? - shouts. Virgil smirks, practically seeing the creative side put a hand to is head, posing dramatically during that line. _It makes you wonder what the hell they are talking about. Crofters? Must be a brand name. But of what?_ Virgil's stomach drops. _Oh shit, could it be that jelly or peanut butter I had last night?!?_

"I believe in you Roman! But if I didn’t take it and you didn't take it, who did?" Patton sooths

"There is the possibility that our new roommate may have finally come out of his room to steal food." Logic comments, causing Virgil to flinch at the description. _It's not like the food isn't for everyone in the Light Side, but yeah call it stealing_ Virgil fumes.

"Yes! And have you seen his door? It is all creepy; not like ours. He must be the villain that stole your Crofters!" Roman cheers. Virgil scowls at that, and takes a quick look at his door. It is painted black, unlike Roman's painted white door. He cranes his neck out to see Patton's and Logic's doors and confirms the are also white. _Maybe it is black because we used shadows to move it here_ Virgil guesses. _But still, Roman seems to be jumping to a lot of conclusions!_

"It is wrong to eat someone's food without permission." Morality agrees "But it was probably by accident. He may not have known it was yours! It is not like it has your name on it - "

"You mean like the label you can see attached to the jar that clearly says Logan" Logic - or Logan apparently - interrupts. _Jar? Must be the jelly_ Virgil swallows nervously, then scowls _And how is having a name I don't know on a jar supposed to let me know if it is somebody's? Who has things that is just yours in the communal space? How would that even work? Remus would just eat anything available even if it had a stupid label, and Janus would ignore the label because he thinks we should all share. How is it they are nicer with their food than these Light Sides?_

"Well we will have to talk to him when he comes out. We can tell him that taking food that is clearly someone else's is wrong. I am sure he will apologize!" Patton responds

"He probably looked for something labeled to eat, like the villain he is!" proclaims Roman

_So I can either go down there and try to clear up this misunderstanding, or …_ Virgil pulls his head back into his room, got on his bed, put on some headphones, and zoned out listening to music. His only interruption was Thomas's shouts when he realized that he had not saved his work last night before turning off the computer, putting him behind schedule. Virgil sighs as the buzzing feeling finally goes away, and gets lost in the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to think of things that would cause tension between Virgil and the other Sides. I was going through the videos and got to the Crofter's musical when it hit me that Virgil has no idea how fanatical Logan is about his jam. And that would be exactly how to start off on the wrong foot...


	4. Second Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets Patton and Roman (kinda). Roman remembers something significant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a different version of the intro if it had happened in 2019. As this is in 2017, I had to make do.
> 
> It's a day early, so happy Friday everyone!

After the overheard discussion, Virgil did not even try to make contact with the Light Sides. For the next two weeks, he would pop in to bug Thomas but avoid seeing the others. He started to enjoy the role, getting comfortable in needling Thomas. He was normally yelled at to leave after a few minutes, but that is all he really needed. Virgil would use his normal voice now instead of his Tempus Tongue. Thomas does not comment on the voice change, so Virgil assumes Thomas thinks he is remembering it wrong.

If anyone had been paying attention, they would have noticed that Thomas was not forgetting to lock his car or turn off the - still suspicious - stove as often as he had before he found out about Anxiety. Not that Virgil thinks any of the Light Sides are paying attention to that. He would love to go and ask Janus and Remus about what they think, but had promised to stay away for at least a month unless there were emergencies.

So far, there haven't been any of those. Virgil has been able to handle any shadows that make it into his room with ease. He is used to fighting way more than what is sneaking into his room; he hasn't even had to conjure his spider arms to handle them. There is still enough that he has some dark circles under his eyes but it is faded; barely even there.

Since it does not take long to take care of the shadows, Virgil uses his free time to sit with his back to his bedroom door listening for the other Sides. Now that they knew there was someone in his room, Patton will sometimes leave food at the door. Virgil was grateful for this; it made it so he didn't have to go into the apparent minefield that is the kitchen to make himself meals too often. When he does have to sneak down there for food, he can only bring back a hodge-podge of random foodstuffs because Roman and Logan have decided to label SO MANY THINGS as theirs. _Like that would stop me if I wanted to take their stuff_ Virgil fumes, eating his peanut butter and tuna sandwich. The flavor doesn't even phase him - after Remus's six month stint of cooking for everyone (he wanted to "experiment with flavors"), anything remotely edible is good enough for him.

Over the next couple days Virgil would also listen in on any conversation he could while still being in his room. Roman was the easiest to eavesdrop on since he had no indoor voice in his repertoire of volumes. However, listening to him go off excitedly on his adventures in the Imagination would cause Virgil to miss Remus. Those two are more similar than Virgil first thought.

Patton was the second easiest to eavesdrop on, since he normally would yell when happy or excited which was a pretty constant state for the Side. Virgil noticed that Patton seemed to be "happier" the more the others were not; like when Deceit would lie more and repeat Virgil's and Remus's lies back at them until they both calmed down enough to talk about whatever was bothering them. Another nostalgic pang went through Virgil.

Logan was the hardest to overhear as he was the only one to actually maintain inside-voice volume. He definitely likes making arbitrary rules that everyone needs to follow, but since he is the only one trying to keep Thomas on track Virgil is starting to understand why. Trying to corral the other two sides back into reality sounds about as hard as, well, trying to deal with Virgil and Remus when some particularly intrusive thoughts make their way into the light of day (Virgil running away panicking from the thoughts while Remus chases conjuring up other scary things to distract Thomas . Deceit LOVES when days like this happen). Logan and Deceit could swap ideas on how to reason with the other sides when they are being unreasonable…

Virgil thumps his head against the bedroom door after he hears the other sides bid each other good night and doors slam closed. He has to admit it; he is definitely projecting similarities with Janus and Remus onto the other Sides - that are most likely not really there - because he is desperately homesick and lonely. He wants to know how the others are doing in the Dark Side. Have the shadows slowed down? Have they noticed the help he has given Thomas yet? Do they even miss him?

_Woah, starting to spiral Virgil. You need to do something else._ His stomach growls - Patton did not leave any food today - so he decides to distract himself with eating. Virgil quietly moves into the kitchen, not turning on any lights. Living in the Dark Side with the shadows obscuring the light makes your night vision better. He slowly opens the cabinets to see what his selection is. 'No more tuna apparently. What else is edible with peanut butter? Or I can just have plain peanut butter tonight' Virgil sighs, grabbing the bread and the peanut butter container.

A click then a blinding light hits Virgil, causing him to jump around to face the kitchen doorway and rapidly blink his eyes. He makes out someone moving from the light switch into the kitchen.

"Oh sorry kiddo, I didn't think anyone was in here!" Patton apologizes as he walks to the fridge "I was just coming in to get some water before going to bed." He does a double-take after glancing at Virgil, who is holding his bread bag and peanut butter container close to his chest.

"Oh my gosh, you're our new roomie! I'm Patton and it is so nice to meet you!" Patton beams, vibrating with excitement. "I was starting to get worried because we haven't seen you since your door came in. What's your name? What side are you?" Patton pauses to take a breath, then stares expectantly at Virgil.

Virgil feels more tension rise from being put on the spot. _He has called me Paranoia before, but does he recognize me? Or is he just setting this up to accuse me of lying?_ Virgil finally gets out his name, but at a much higher volume than anticipated.

"ANXIETY"

"O-oh, ok." Patton seems to pause then recover "Well don't worry Anxiety, I am sure we can all get along fine!!"

_Looks like he doesn't recognize me_. Some of the tension is released from Virgil with that observation.

"Speaking of getting along, why don't we go introduce you to the others? They have gone to their rooms but they are most likely not asleep yet. We could have a 'Welcome Roomate' sleepover! With blankets and movies and popcorn…" Patton says excitedly, moving close to Virgil.

The volume and Patton approaching is too much for Virgil's fight or flight reflex. _RUN_ shouts through his brain as he makes a break for it through the doorway.

"Hey what is all the ruckus Patton? Aren't you normally in your room this la- ooph!" Roman falls back a bit after Virgil accidentally clips his shoulder trying to get through the doorway at the same time Roman does.

"Hey! Who are you? Watch where you are going, you hit me! Get back here!" Roman tries to grab for this dark figure rushing past, but Virgil is too fast and sprints to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"What was that Patton?" Roman glares in the direction that Virgil ran.

"That was our new roommate! He is Anxiety; I did not get his name. He was in here in the dark when I came in." Patton looked to where the new Side had disappeared to, perplexed.

"Well our new roommate just ran into me without apologizing. Did you confront him on his stealing of food?" Roman huffed, brushing off the shoulder that was hit.

"He ran out before I could ask him about the food…" Patton sighed "I think talking about a sleepover - wait I think he had more food in his hands when he ran by. Was he taking more food?"

_Anxiety… Why is that name so familiar?_ Roman thought "Well he is certainly not making a good impression. He is checking off all the villain boxes" Patton frowns "Now Roman-"

"And with that I must be off to get my beauty sleep!" Roman rushes out of the room to avoid another lecture from Patton. However once he is in his room he starts to pace.

"I know I have heard of an Anxiety Side before …" he mutters "I must be from Remus… but what did he say?"

Roman doesn't know if Patton and Logan have put it together, but Roman and Remus share the Imagination in Thomas. Roman does his best to keep any of Remus's influences from being seen by Thomas, but that does mean running into Remus from time to time. And it doesn't seem princely to try to hurt your brother, so Roman will sometimes chat with Remus. Not that these conversations ever last long; Roman tries to get Remus to change his ways and his brother has no interest in becoming "a goody two shoes like all you Light Sides". But something in one of those conversations had to do with Anxiety…

_*Sometime in Middle School*_

_When Roman spotted Remus, he got prepared to do some half-hearted sparring before being able to chat with his brother. However, as soon as Remus saw his face he burst out laughing. "Oh man, Anxiety really got you good today huh?"_

_Roman tries to keep a stoic expression on his face, ignoring the bruises on his face "I took a bit of a beating today when Thomas flubbed some lines during opening night" He pauses "What do you mean Anxiety got me?"_

_Remus leans against a rock and smirks at Roman "I mean once Thomas saw his crush in the crowd, Anxiety took over causing you to get your ass kicked. That looks like it hurt. What type of blunt object would you say it felt like you were being hit with when you got that bruise?" Remus stares at the black eye harder "My guess is a severed arm."_

_"A severed ar- No! What?!?" Roman tries to get that mental image out of his mind "And you must be mistaken; the voice Thomas heard when he froze was definitely Paranoia." That side is hard to forget; his face always shrouded in shadows, with four nightmare-inducing spider arms from his back and a terrifying voice that brought shivers down the spines of anyone that heard it._

_"Eh, paranoia, anxiety, isn't it all the same?" Remus smiles and turns to walk away "It's not Paranoia if they are really out to get you~"_

"Remus said Paranoia is Anxiety!" Roman cheered, then immediately paled. "Which means that this Anxiety fellow is actually the Dark Side Paranoia. And he is trying to influence Thomas up here?!?" He went back to pacing.

"Paranoid is definitely not something that Thomas should be! That will hurt him! And who knows what that type of influence will do to Patton and Logan!" He stops his pacing and stares at himself in his full length mirror. "I need to protect all of them from Paranoia. Kick him back into the Dark Sides before Thomas realizes who he has been talking to!" Resolve hardens his expression and straightens his posture. "I'll make sure Thomas hates the side so much he will force it out!" With this - heroic - path decided, Roman vows to pay more attention to his new roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roman just wants to protect his friends guys! Nothing can go wrong! Right! Right?


	5. Taking on Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets to be in a video, and he visits the Dark Sides for some feedback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of how I handled the episode! translating them into Virgil's perspective is the hardest part...

After the disaster with Patton and Roman, Virgil decided to focus on Thomas and ignore the other sides. He tends to do visit when Thomas's anxiety get low. 'Got to keep him on his toes' Virgil smirks before focusing on Thomas. _It seems that one of those times is now. Here we go!_

He pops up on the staircase while Thomas is in front of the couch. "Hey"

"What the Heck?!?" Thomas jumps, making Virgil smile smugly. "Oh, I’m sorry, was I not wanted at this exact second?"

When Thomas turns to the camera, Virgil's smile freezes. 'Wait this is a vlog?!? When was this set up?' Virgil tries to look relaxed and greets the camera. 'Don't sweat it, just do what you normally do.'

And for a whole minute, it worked. But Thomas then pulls up another side.

"Prince Dude" Thomas yells, and a Side rises up at the call.

Which, in reality, is exactly what Virgil wants to happen - he can't scare the Sides straight if they aren't here - but considering he stumbled into this vlog by accident he has nothing prepared. It takes Virgil a second to realize who it is but he relaxes when he recognizes Roman. Out of all the sides, he seems the easiest to exaggerate emotions. Virgil is hoping a few jabs at the "Prince" and he will act mortally wounded in the bit for attention. Hopefully that will be enough to show Thomas that he is a tough side and therefore can't be ignored.

"Hey there Princey!" Roman having another nickname other than Creativity is just too extra, making it an easy opening to exploit. And listening to Thomas try to have Roman "get rid of my anxiety *side look to Virgil*" is kinda funny if he doesn’t think about it too much. _And I really shouldn't think about it too much or I am going to freak!_

"Oh okay, I can't stand that guy" Roman says as an aside to Thomas.

Virgil gets a little non-pulsed by Roman's response. They have only met once and already Roman is going to make Thomas wary of him? _Does he recognize me as Paranoia?_ Virgil thinks on that. _Roman seems like he would dramatically unveil me as Paranoia to Thomas, and he is not doing that. So maybe he just doesn't like me as Anxiety. That actually makes my life easier._

Virgil expects Thomas to call up Logan and Patton to help get rid of him, so he taunts Thomas about not being strong enough to speed things up. _Get the team together so you can see how scary I am!_

However, Thomas again goes off the previous vlog's theme and calls in a non-Side, and Roman disappears! What is going on?!? Virgil hangs back to try to regroup to this new format. If he remembers right the person chatting with Thomas is a friend of his - Lilly- , so that kinda makes sense to ask a friend for help. He starts listening to their conversation which seems to be Lilly and Thomas complaining about having anxiety.

"Look it’s my job. A little blood pumping is good for the old circulatory system." Virgil defends. _Especially since that blood pumping has allowed Thomas to escape fights and defend himself if the escape didn't work._

"Okay, we’re not talking about a little, dude." Lilly snaps.

"Well, actually Lilly, that is why I brought myself here. To see if maybe you knew some ways that I could bring him down." Thomas looks hopefully at her

Virgil scoffs at Thomas thinking he could "bring him down". _You have WAY to many shadows in the Dark Side for me to be knocked out for long!_

"Well, destroying anxiety can be really tough, but bringing it down can be easy through a few different ways" Lilly informs Thomas, then mentions wanting to do a "Montage Time".

Virgil sighs _At least Lilly realizes that teaching Thomas to destroy me is a no-go._ With the destroying option - who even put that on the table?!? - out of the way , he is more willing to play Lilly's Montage Time Game. Not that he is told what the heck this is supposed to be.

A flash occurs and now it is just Virgil standing over Lilly watching TV. Virgil gets confused for a bit - where is Thomas so I can tell him about his anxiety? - before he realizes that they expect him to act like Lilly's anxiety. But he is not her anxiety! How the Hell is he supposed to know what she should be paying attention to? Essentially this whole thing is set up for him to fail; if he could actually find what is bothering Lilly and bring it to her attention then she might not just ignore him. But at this point he is going in blind -

_"Gee, Lilly, I wonder what your friends are saying about you right now. What could they possibl-"_

_Lilly turns the TV louder_

\- and it is not going to be effective on her. He can keep trying -

_"You’re reading a book right now? When you’ve got all this other stuff to do?"_

_"This book is so good. Honestly, it’s nice to just take a break and enjoy some reading. It’s a beautiful day." Lilly counters_

-but it is not going to be the same as when he can bring up real issue for Thomas. They are portraying his job as more -

_"Let’s go over all the things you did wrong today."_

_"I did everything I could possibly have done today the best I could have done them." Lilly calmly replies_

-of a playground bully rather than someone -

_"all the things you gotta do tomorrow…"_

_"Well, there’s no need to worry about tomorrow because right now I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing, and that’s getting some rest" Lilly states._

-who is trying to address things before they go wrong. Virgil knows that these techniques may be useful when he is not really caring about his work, but they are not going to cut it now that Thomas is creating so many shadows. Virgil can't lose sight that the end game is to help Thomas face the shadows he is generating, but he has to admit that breaking Thomas down right now will not help in the long run. So with each situation, Virgil lets Lilly distract him and 'win' the confrontation. He tried to maintain his frustrated veneer as he sees Thomas perk up at all of Lilly's victories. He internally laughs at Lilly's " I mean yeah, they definitely helped me, but everyone’s different, and anxiety can be a constant struggle."

"That's right" Virgil sneaks into their conversation. _Thomas has no idea what is headed his way later_.

After telling Virgil to "shut up, ya nasty!", Lilly left and Virgil and Thomas went both back in the living room. Ready to end this crazy video he is in, Virgil intentionally gives Thomas an opening to try the new techniques.

"Whatever. That was Lilly. You don’t have what it takes." And like a naïve idiot Thomas immediately latches onto it.

_Thomas is way too trusting_ Virgil thinks as he gets ready for some calming feeling to numb his power. Except, instead of a numbing feeling like he was expecting, Virgil gets a blast of anxiety with each statement Thomas says. _Yeah, because you can't learn things like this in a five minute montage, Thomas; I could have told you that!_ He has a suspicion that this is like when Thomas first told a bully that he did not scare him. It actually made Thomas more scared of the bully the first time, but once it started working the fear faded. _Oh well, I can worry if these techniques will get better the more Thomas uses them later._

Virgil struggles to manage the extra anxiety while still looking weakened by the techniques. Apparently he can give Roman's acting a run for its money, because Thomas seems pleased. He gratefully takes his exit when Thomas tells him goodbye - sarcastic of course but what does Anxiety expect, respect? - and he teleports out.

Virgil's head is whirling; He doesn't even know how good or bad he did; just that he is glad that it is over. He quickly goes to his room and falls into bed. He doesn't remember hitting the mattress.

\----

After his nap, Virgil listens to see if there is any interesting activity in the common room. He can hear Patton and Logan talking, but it seems that Roman has also taken to his room. Reassured that Roman isn't going to try to "get rid of anxiety" - thanks Thomas for that unforgettable comment - Virgil decides to go see Janus and Remus.

The trip did not take long through his closet door and in no time at all Virgil is standing in the Dark Side common room. As usual the room is trashed, which comforts him more than he expected.

_At least some things never change_ Virgil smiles as he makes goes toward the noise in the kitchen.

It doesn't even surprise him when he sees smoke billowing out of the microwave and Janus chasing Remus around the kitchen.

"I told you to NOT stay out of here!" Janus rages. "But I wanted to see what happens when you microwave a bowl of slugs!" a completely soaked Remus yells back as he dodges Janus's six arms. He stops as soon as he sees Virgil. "Hey Vergil! How's it - ooph" Janus tackles Remus to the ground before turning to Virgil.

"Hello Virgil, how AREN'T you?" It is hard to make out Janus's question over the screeching of Remus, who is bending in all sorts of impossible and vaguely disturbing ways trying to get out of Janus's hold. However, Janus is used to his tricks and has a firm hold on Remus with all 6 arms, making escape impossible.

Virgil thinks about all the answers he could give - homesick, lonely, tired, anxious - and decides on "Did you see the new vlog?"

"We did! I never knew you to be a pussy, giving up so fast!" Remus yells from the floor "I always thought you were a spider! "

Janus frowns down at Remus and increases his hold until the other side stops struggling. "What I think Remus is trying to say is that we are NOT surprised those techniques worked on you."

"Because they didn't" Virgil scoffs "You have no idea; every time Thomas used one of those techniques, I was hit with MORE anxiety. I am pretty sure that is the opposite of what was supposed to happen."

"Then why did you act like it was effective?" Janus asks.

"Well, if I freak out Thomas too much, then he may continue trying to get rid of me instead of listening to me." Virgil explains.

"Oh yeah, I have scared you enough times to know there is no reasoning with you once you reach terrified; it makes sense Thomas would be the same" Remus agrees.

Janus unfurls one of his arms to rub his chin, thinking. "True and, correct me if I am wrong Virgil, before this vlog you normally DO get a lot of time with Thomas when you see him. I have seen a few of your encounters and it isn’t that long before Thomas tells you to go away."

"Oooooh, don’t need much time to get things done? You need to learn about edging." Remus leers. Virgil smacks Remus on the head.

"You are right. But I have also been keeping it short on my end as well. I have been avoiding the other sides until I thought I had made an impression on Thomas. Considering he dedicated a vlog about taking me on, I think I have succeeded."

Janus grins "Well done, Virgil" Virgil can't help but beam at that. Remus is able to wiggle out of Janus's hold to give Virgil a light noogie. "Kicking ass and taking names up there!" Now Virgil's shoulders and hair are wet; he laughs and tries to get away.

They wrestled and joked for a significant amount of time, even getting Janus caught in the middle. It was what Virgil needed after not touching and barely talking to anyone up in the Light Side. He could feel the tension leave his body as he relaxed with his family. Unfortunately, they were interrupted by pack of shadows rushing into the room. Remus and Virgil took some time getting rid of them, but that was more showing off moves than any real threat from the shadows. After the kitchen is clear again, Virgil turns toward the other two "How have the shadows been while I was gone?"

"It seems to be slowly declining. We got a rush when you first showed yourself to Thomas. But that started petering off. If the trend keeps going then we should be making headway in another month or two"

"When you say petering, do you mean like you are not getting as many smaller shadows? Because some have been sneaking into my room." Virgil confesses.

"What?" Remus starts and focuses on Virgil. "How?"

"I think they are finding their way through my closet door. However, there are not very many and I can easily take care of them" Virgil rushes to explain.

"Actually, I was talking about not seeing as many fully formed thoughts; maybe one or two less a week. The smaller shadows have increased, but the things we need to lock up have decreased" Janus admits. "I had not thought of shadows finding your door here and trying to go through. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Yeah, I haven't even had to use my spider arms" Virgil pauses" and since I can't help down here, it makes me feel like I did not leave you guys to do all the work."

"Never!" Remus pulls him into a hug. "We miss you but it sounds like you are making progress up there. You are helping plenty!" Comforted by the words, Virgil ignores why Remus would be so wet so he can also enjoy the hug.

"Remus is NOT right. Though we should NOT keep an eye on those shadows sneaking into your room. You might need to only take short trips down here so that they DO escape to Thomas." Virgil grumbles about this, but ultimately agrees with Janus's logic.

"Which means you should probably head up there soon." Janus reluctantly says and goes over to hug Virgil too "I am glad you came to visit, and let us know if you need us to do anything to help you out with Thomas."

"I will" Virgil promises. After a minute of the hug, Virgil finally breaks. "Remus, why are your clothes wet?"

"I took a bath." 

That did not answer Virgil's question. "Why did you not take a bath naked?"

Remus pulls back to look Virgil in the eye with a serious expression. "You don't take a bath in your best suit, Virgil"

Virgil looks over at Janus, unsure how to respond. "Apparently someone made a birthday suit joke to Thomas and Remus has run with it for the last week. Just DO ask him to dress up and you will be fine" Janus calmly replies to the question in Virgil's eyes.

"Okay…"It isn't worth the argument, especially since he has to head back up to the Light Side. _One more minute of hugging and then I will go_. Virgil goes back to squeezing the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went into this thinking that Remus had a bad rap in the DWIT video. As I was writing I noticed that he was the most fun to add into a scene.


	6. Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil talks to Logan and gets his first taste of a multi-Side video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It really hit me that if Virgil still liked Janus in the new years resolution video, he would have intentionally been fucking with him the whole song. Thoughts?

His room did have a couple shadows that must have snuck in when he was gone. They were all small shadows and therefore easily dispatched.

 _I kinda hate that Janus was right about this._ Virgil had hoped to be able relay back to the others that there were no shadows in his room so that he would be able to stay longer. _Maybe if I put a hard-to-undo lock on the inside of my bedroom door so they can't leave the room?_

Virgil makes a note to make a list of all the things he could to do to keep them from the Light Side and Thomas to see if any would sway Janus. That can be left for tomorrow though. He is tired from his visit and needs to rest.

 _Not like I have much planned for tomorrow_ Virgil thinks as his head hits the pillow.

\-----

The Christmas holidays pass in a blur for Virgil. He still found food outside door from time to time, but that was the extent of his interactions with the other sides. The sound of the festivities that happened in the common room that he had not been invited to were both hurtful and grating. Virgil had to wear his headphones for a significant amount of the Christmas week to tune out Roman singing holiday tunes at the top of his lungs.

 _They probably think that if they ignore me I will just go away,_ Virgil sneers. He took out some of his frustrations on Thomas. Not that Thomas needed much help from him - it was the holidays with family after all. Drama always comes up in the holidays and Virgil made a point to be a regular visitor for Thomas. He had even stopped actively avoiding the other Sides when doing his trips, only to realize that the others were avoiding him. From what he could tell, they wanted Thomas to use his calming techniques to get rid of Virgil, then they would talk to him after.

Thomas had gotten progressively better at the techniques, to the point that they did not actively increase his anxiety. It is still not enough to do anything else to Virgil. This allowed Virgil to control when he leaves any of their encounters; and he would make sure he got his point across each time before leaving. Near the end of the holidays, Thomas seemed to accept that Virgil would leave if he could articulate his point, making Virgil's time spent with Thomas much easier.

Virgil was able to make another trip down to see Janus and Remus on Christmas since all the other sides had been distracted celebrating with Thomas. He brought his list of ideas how to fortify his room, and they discussed what they could do. They spent the day on it, lounging on whatever could hold their weight - Remus had 'redecorated'.

"The lock on your door WOULDN'T be a good precaution, and we COULDN'T try making both of your doors thicker" summarizes Janus "But when can we get up there to do it?"

"We can go now" replies Virgil getting up "The others are all out looking at Thomas's gifts and hanging out with him so I have the house to myself"

"Then let's go!" Remus yells running in the direction of the closet door. "I have the perfect lock in mind!"

"You know I have to be able to unlock it when I want to get out?" Virgil is nervous about any "perfect" idea of Remus's.

"Don't be so worried Virgil! It's name is HAL, how bad can it be?" Remus smirks and Janus laughs over Virgil's "Janus tell him no!"

"No Remus. We need one Virgil can open quickly - we DON'T want the others to think he is showing paranoia." That sobered Virgil and Remus up a little, making the rest of the trip a quiet one. Virgil sighs in relief to see that no shadows are waiting; he did not want Janus and Remus to know the number appearing in his room had gone up a little again because that might cause them to ban trips.

Remus created the lock, and all three helping to pad the doors with shadow energy. It did not take much time, which was a good thing; Virgil heard the other sides start talking in the common room a few minutes after they were done. With that Remus and Janus hugged Virgil goodbye and headed back to their rooms.

\-----

It was during one of his night food runs that he had another encounter with a Light Side. Virgil had made a pile of food he was going to squirrel back to his room and was checking for name labels on them when -

"That combination of foodstuffs cannot make for a healthy diet." Virgil jumped and swung around to see Logan standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?" Virgil says, poised to grab his food and run. He had not expected Logan to be the one to be up; he was the one that could be counted on to go into his room at the same time every night unless they were having a movie night in the common room.

"I normally would be, except I needed to plan for the video tomorrow and I let time slip away from me. I was going to grab a glass of water and retire when I found you here. " Logan calmly replied. "You aren't planning to eat all of that in one sitting, are you? That would be bad for your digestion"

"What, no!" Virgil whisper-yells "Not that it is any of your business!"

"Then what are you doing with all that food? Is any of it mine?" Logan starts to glare "I have mine clearly labeled and if you are taking it - "

"None of these foods have any stupid names on them" Virgil protests "I don't want your food."

"Falsehood. You clearly have eaten my labeled Crofters before - " Logan seems like he is going to go on a rant about that ONE TIME, so Virgil interrupts.

"That was one time! I was just hungry and ate a PB&J sandwich. I am sorry that I ate your jam!" Virgil says, coiling one arm around his foodstuffs and getting prepared to run if Logan gets angrier.

There is a pause as Logan considers Virgil. "It is true that I have not seen any of my jam, or other food, missing since then. I accept your apology" Logan relaxes and is back to a more neutral tone and posture.

"Thanks… so are we done?" Virgil tightens his arm so that he now can pick up his stuff.

"I believe that leaves my previous questions about your diet and bingeing habits - " Logan starts, only to get cut off by Virgil.

"If you don't want me to wake up Thomas by freaking out about the long term affects of my diet, then I think we should just head to bed."

Logan blinks "Oh yes I forgot, you are Anxiety." He seems to be considering Virgil as Virgil gets closer to the doorframe with his food. "I see your point in not waking up Thomas, especially if you are already aware of the negative effects. Good night then." Logan heads to the cabinet for a glass. It takes a second for Virgil to realize that this conversation will end civilly and not by him cutting and running from the conversation. Virgil replies "Good night to you, too" and heads to his room.

 _Logan also called me Anxiety and not Paranoia. He doesn't remember either._ The anxious side made a mental note to discuss this turn of events with Janus the next time he visited. Virgil goes into his room and closes the door. 

\-------

Virgil was on high alert the next day to find out when the vlog with Thomas was going to be. _I need a better way to find out about these stupid vlogs_ he gripes as he eavesdrops on the others moving around outside his room.

Suddenly, he hears Logan tell the others to not get into too much trouble while he is gone. _He must have gone to see Thomas. Let's see what they are up to._ Virgil appears laying down at the top of the stairs where no one on the first floor should be able to see him. It is perfect for overhearing Thomas when he is doing a video, but it would really suck if Thomas was on the second floor. Thankfully, Virgil's guess was right and he can hear Logan and Thomas talking downstairs.

Since he is not part of any discussion on the vlogs, he wants to get an idea what he is getting into before he just appears in front of Thomas. _Is this one of the individual talk videos or are they actually going to have more than one Side?_ He listens for a bit. _Oh crap, sounds like one of the individual ones. That isn't what I want. Should I crash the video or just wait until the next one?_ Virgil still hasn't gone up against any Side yet, but Logan was civil to him yesterday which is better than the others…

Patton makes Virgil's choice for him as he pops up and starts talking to Thomas over Logan's objections. _Sounds like Logan really wanted to have a video to himself. Seems like he may have some insecurities_ Virgil muses, happy to listen to the two sides bicker. He had to stifle a snicker when Patton "inadvertently" calls up Roman. _I am sure Roman was listening for any possible opening. Which reminds me, I need to refresh my ability to listen in on Thomas. I have gotten used to just reacting to his shadows, but Patton, Roman, and Logan all seem proactive in their jobs_. He grimaces, because that will take some work; he really got used to always being able to use Janus's TV if he wanted to check on Thomas.

He breaks out of his musing to hear all the Sides talking over one another and feels Thomas's anxiety rising. _Guess that is MY cue_ he smirks as transports to the bottom of the stairs. 

"Well isn't this nice" Virgil crosses his arms. Patton, Roman, and Logan all stop talking to look at him.

"Oh good, my anxiety. Right on time." Thomas seems resigned by this news. Roman cuts in quickly, "What are you doing back here?"

That statement causes Virgil to smirk before answering "All these emotions and thoughts in complete turmoil? How could I not show up at this party?"

"Unbelievable. This was totally supposed to be my video." At least Logan did not seem to be upset by Virgil in particular. However, he was also the one with the biggest known weakness so Virgil went on the attack. _Sorry Logan._

"Get over it. You're the least popular character, and you know it." Virgil had expected the pissed off look from Logan, but not the laughter and lack of defense from EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM. _Oh shit, not the reaction I was expecting! Where is the family unity here? I thought that the others would defend him and the jab wouldn't be that bad. Quick change the topic!_ Virgil rapidly reviews the conversation he had heard while upstairs.

"This whole thing just amuses me, because you're gonna waste all this time picking out goals for the new year, what you need to start doing, or stop doing, and in a month, probably less, it's all gonna be for nothing. You're gonna stop trying and go right back to before. It's all meaningless." Which, while the part about it being meaningless is taking it too far, is actually a completely accurate account of all the past new years resolutions from Thomas. They had become a joke among the Dark Sides, with bets on how long Thomas would be able to keep them before failing. But apparently Thomas would prefer to ignore that fact to play the "nuh-uh/yuh-huh" game with Virgil until Roman steps in.

Not surprisingly, Roman tries to defend Thomas. What is surprising is that Logan and Patton fess up to the awful resolution keeping. _I was not expecting that, but I will take it._ Virgil relaxes some until Thomas decides to SING HIS NEW RESOLUTIONS AT THEM !?! - Virgil has to take a few seconds to process that…

Okay, so Thomas proceeds to sing about completely unrealistic promises - not going to bed late, not being shy at dating, not riffing, going to the gym- and Virgil is sure that Thomas already knows he can't keep these currently. Not only that, but the other Sides have to admit it as well. Each time the other Sides point out that Thomas is lying, Virgil is happy to sit back and let them drive the song. He is also a little giddy about how much this must be pissing off Janus to have to handle all these lies.

 _Okay, my first goal is to get Thomas to have realistic resolutions._ Virgil internally snickers _And my second goal is to see how many times I can get Thomas to lie or say the word lie_. He focuses back into the song when he hears Roman exasperatedly call out another lie. _Guess we get to see how well I can sing!_

"~ Let's face the facts and come to terms it's time to realize. These goals are only merely hope we quickly leave behind. They're lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeeees!~" Virgil smothers a snicker - adding five mentions of lies on the board, Janus has got to be paying attention now! - and decides to speak the next jab. "Give it up. Resolutions are nothing more than empty promises to yourself. Shouldn't even try."

Virgil hasn’t found a way to hint about making reasonable goals, but it seems that Thomas is already ahead of him.

"Okay, maybe thinking big like that is not the way to go, but resolutions don't have to be big. They can be reasonable."

Virgil watches in astonishment when actual doable goals start to be sung about : cook a few meals, straighten his drawers, improve his credit? Why did Thomas not start with these? Did it only take someone to tell him he couldn't make ANY goals for him to get more realistic? Patton, Logan, and Roman are loving it and encouraging Thomas so Virgil decides to stay his course of outright denying Thomas can do anything just to make this stick. _Who knows? Maybe then Thomas will actually PLAN for these goals if I keep denying him._

"~Don't kid yourself, you know your year can't be that sublime~"

"~You may be right, but I'll prove you wrong. We'll both find out in time if they're lies lies lies lies lieeeeeeeees~" _What are we at now? Thirteen plus five? And are the others harmonizing? Geez_

"~They could be lies lies lies lies lieeeeeeeeees.~" _Oh man in the twenties!_

"~I won't let them be lies lies lies lies lieeeeeeeeeees.~" _I wonder if Janus hates me now…_

"~I'm doing fine~" Thomas finishes with a flourish. Virgil squints at Thomas. _Not sure if that one counts…_

The song ends and Virgil decides to take his leave before he makes Janus so mad he appears just to beat the shit out of Virgil, uncaring if Thomas is there.

"You sicken me. You can't always rely on a catchy tune to solve your problems." _Which, you know, you can't, Thomas. Why did that just happen? Stop Virgil, you can process this later._ Virgil ignores Roman disagreeing with him when he hears Thomas tell him to leave.

"So long, Anxiety."

Virgil groans while sinking out. "Ugh, it's gonna be stuck in my head all day." _Unless_ _Janus_ _does decide to come up and kill me..._

\-----

Two sides are on a blanket nest in front of a TV. One is sitting hunched over, head in hands and groaning while the other is rolling around hysterically laughing. "God fucking damn it" Janus moans.

Remus tries to get his breath back "Best … Song … EVER!" he pants before another fit of laughter hits him.

"I have the absolute BEST headache right now" Janus complains. Remus calms down enough to respond "You know Virgil did his on purpose, right."

Janus pulls his head up enough to glare at Remus. "No, I am NOT aware. Because I am an IDIOT. Virgil is NOT an asshole right now."

Remus shrugs "I would have done the same thing. Or tried for more. Love you!~" He tries to hug Janus, who pushes him off, groans, then collapses on the bed.

"I do NOT need a nap right now."

Remus snickers. "Do you want your headache tea?"

"NO, please..."

" Okay, I'll go get some for you." Remus leaves the room, humming the melody.

Janus sighs then chuckles "That was NOT pretty funny…" he says, now that no one can hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story has two acts in it; before accepting anxiety and after accepting anxiety. I have the first act mostly done so I will start posting it. So expect more frequent updates!


	7. Disney Shows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil works on his anxiety abilities, and joins Roman for a vlog. He also encounters the other sides in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another video, another fight to only see Virgil's perspective. At least he seems to have fun this video!

A week passes with not much changed. Virgil is still getting over the shock of singing Thomas's problems. Before the vlog, Virgil would have said that the technique would be completely useless. Now though, he is riding a high on being able to CHANGE THOMAS'S MIND. If it takes him singing every sentence to Thomas, Virgil is ready to start doing vocal exercises.

He had also been working on sensing Thomas anytime. He is getting better, but still needs work. Currently he can tell Thomas is doing SOMETHING in his living room, but not what…

A shriek pierces Virgil's concentration.

"DISNEY!"

It takes a second for Virgil to process that the source of the noise was Roman. He waits for his ears to stop ringing and pokes his head out of his room.

"No, Patton. Thomas wanted to do a solo video today. We shouldn't crash his vlog, unlike SOME over-excitable people." Logan is sternly saying to Patton.

"I guess…" Patton sighs "In that case, want to watch a Disney movie with me?"

At this point, Virgil is now curious about what type of vlog Thomas is doing. _Something to do with Disney...maybe his favorite movie?_ he muses as he tries to listen in on Thomas and Roman. He catches the word 'atrocious' being used, and decides to use that as his introduction.

"Did someone say 'atrocious'?" Virgil asks as he appears at the base of the stairs.

"Are you kidding me?" Roman rages." We have expelled you from the last TWO videos! Do you know how rude it is to interrupt a vlog?"

Virgil just stares at Roman, who is LITERALLY doing the same thing. Seeing Thomas's side-eye, Virgil is pretty sure that Thomas also noted that.

"Well, Anxiety, I gotta admit, I don't know why you are here." Thomas comments

_Where to start? You are now talking to me instead of yelling, so I have to keep that up. And who knows where this vlog is going with Roman here - probably of the rails - , so I need to try to make sure it is something usable for you. There is also my long term plan to get you to listen to me..._ Virgil shrugs "Simple. I, too, am a Disney fan."

The otherwise frozen Thomas's eyebrows raise, and Roman burst out laughing. Virgil looks between them, confused by the reactions. "What? Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Disney movies are the embodiment of goodness and purity, something you would know nothing about! " Roman grandly states

"You must not be watching the same movies then, 'cause the movies I know have MUCH more sinister undertones." Virgil turns to appeal to Thomas. "Come on, Thomas, you must sense it. I'm just making sure you're alert to all of the messages in those films, whether they were intentional or not." Virgil pauses. _Or if you aren't I can easily book a Disney movie marathon for you and Remus_.

Thomas starts to smile. "Actually, this is kind of intriguing… So you think every movie has a darker meaning or a misleading message?" he asks over Roman's "What?!?".

"Oh yeah." Virgil replies which is apparently the last straw for poor old Roman. He starts going off on a rant about Virgil besmirching Disney, and how that crossed the line. _Wow, so it is that easy to push Roman's buttons, huh? He is NOT allowed to the movie marathon with Remus; someone would die._

"Well, how 'bout this? I will throw out some Disney movies and you two tell me what I'm supposed to learn from each movie." Thomas intervenes. Virgil considers the offer. It would do Thomas some good to realize that not all these fairy tales are as cutesy as they first seem. He debates whether to bring up that most are based on grimm's fairy tales and there is a reason that collection is one of Remus's favorite books. _Nah, let's see where this is going first. I can always bring it up later._

Roman and Virgil agree, and Thomas starts throwing out movies. _This is going to be too easy:_

Cinderella - " Just literally wait around your entire life, subjecting yourself to the cruelty of your ungrateful, ignorant family members, until some magical fairy comes along to save you. Don't take action yourself. Not to mention, men can't memorize the face of a woman they've been dancing around with for hours, they have to rely on the shoe. Ergo... men are idiots."

Snow White - "The bigger message is to just run away from your problems and become the housekeeper for seven men. Not to mention, a prince comes out of nowhere and plants a kiss on a seemingly sleeping girl? I guess consent isn't really that important."

Roman protests Virgil attacking the princes, making Virgil smirk. _This is going to be a long day for you Roman._

Frozen - " And don't trust random princes. I can get behind that." _When you line them up like that I have to knock them down_ _,_ _Roman_ Virgil thinks over Roman's "I swear…".

_Let's see if these two could handle watching Frozen with Remus._ Virgil decides to test the waters with some real dark ideas. "Also, when Elsa passes away, Olaf's gonna die too, 'cause the magic will be gone. So just prolong the inevitable?"

Both Thomas and Roman jump back shouting on that idea, so obviously that is a no to the whole Remus-movie-marathon idea. Thomas moves on to lighten the mood.

Peter Pan -

"Also, it's totally fine to believe a random stranger when they tell you to jump out the window after they've broken into your house. But I would guess that's how your whole being would die." _Or we can talk about the EXTREMELY racist portrayal of Native Americans_. _And don't get me started on all the conspiracy theories I have on Peter Pan killing the lost boys when they are too old…_

Aladdin -

"They can get what they want by lying and deceiving their way right into the castle and getting the princess." Virgil has to reiterate this one twice to Thomas because Roman can't stop making excuses for Aladdin. _It all worked out in the end, ha! I bet Thomas's moral side would love to hear Roman say that._

Fox and the Hound -

"Friendship will be immediately be terminated by that society, and the two must learn their place in the world."

"Wow."

It is now Virgil's turn to be confused. "That is LITERALLY what happened at the end of that movie."

Beauty and the Beast! -

"Okay, I know what you're gonna say, you're gonna say--" Roman protests

"Stockholm Syndrome," Both Virgil and Roman say it at the same time. Roman tries to rally.

"BUT, it is MORE than just a prisoner falling in love with her kidnapper! It is about a love that transcends outward appearance. Even a beastly, hairy, ANIMAL-- you're right, that doesn't sound much better. But COME ON, can you really look down so harshly on these movies?"

"I still like them, there's just some darker messages that we don't first see." _Or ignore and bottle up inside your head until they are literal shadows I have to deal with. You know, tomayto, tomahto._

Roman then takes over asking Virgil about movies (Bambi - man is dangerous, Pocahontas - WHITE man is dangerous, Sleeping Beauty - consent again). Virgil is now thoroughly enjoying watching Roman get wound up with each answer.

Apparently Thomas noticed as well so he retakes his position as the prompter. "The Little Mermaid?"

"Don't just sign a contract without having your mer-lawyer look over all the fine print and stipulations. That one's just common sense." Virgil easily answers, waiting for the innocent interpretation from Roman, only to be taken aback by the response.

"Or learn to write, or use sign language. There's more than one way to tell the prince you're the girl that saved him." Roman seems to have cracked out of his fantasy land and points out some valid arguments. _Good to know that you can break through his denial, and that he does seem to have some common sense in there._ Virgil muses.

Thomas is also surprised by this turn of events and questions the frustrated creative side on his use of sarcasm. Roman protests that the princes always have it hard in the movies, and they could use some help, and Virgil snickers. _Of course it all boils down to making it easier on the princes._

"Well then, how about we just concede that Disney movies have a LOT of different, interesting messages within them." Apparently Thomas is ready to end the movie analysis. But his comment makes Virgil confused.

"Duh, that's what I've been saying. I never said Princey was wrong." Virgil points out. Of course a movie can have multiple meanings; are they trying to pretend otherwise?

"You didn't?" Virgil sighs at Roman's question. _Apparently at least one of them was trying to pretend otherwise._

"No." Virgil corrects.

Roman shifts from foot to foot, seeming uncomfortable "Well, then I suppose I shall concede a few points to you." Virgil is now done. _Was it that hard to admit I have good ideas, Roman?_ He starts to sink down while still quipping with Roman.

\-----

Virgil decides that he has met his limit of social interactions and relaxes in his room for the rest of the day. A little punch drunk on how well the last video seemed to go, he decides to actually go out into the common room tomorrow when the others are there. _They have all met me now, and I have had civil interactions with both Roman and Logan._ Virgil winces _As long as Logan isn't holding a grudge for that least popular character comment._ He decides to listen to music and ignore that thought.

The next day, Virgil procrastinates some by taking care of the shadows in his room first. He now has to deal with equal parts small shadows and normal sized ones, but he thinks that the quantity hasn't increased over the last week. _If I keep having this many of them and they keep growing I may even have to use my spider arms_ Virgil muses.

Virgil's stomach rumbles. He looks over to his clock and realizes he missed breakfast. _Guess I can go grab a brunch. It can count as my promise to go out of my room and I won't need to eat from my stash._ Virgil can hear some talking outside his door, so the other are up. _It is too early for them to have lunch so hopefully they will be in the common room and we only need to exchange greetings._ That perked him up a bit, so he heads toward the kitchen.

As he expected, the other sides were hanging out in the common room. Logan is studying some sort of paper in a recliner with other papers spread around him. Patton is cheering on Roman, who is either re-enacting some sort of battle, or having a seizure. Since he does not think Patton would cheer for the latter, he assumes the former. _They look busy, so I should just greet them when I am heading back_ Virgil reasons, like a coward. He swiftly but quietly moves through the back of the common room, hoping not to be seen. By the sudden silence from Roman, he did not succeed. However, Virgil was already at the kitchen so he ducks through the doorway.

Nerves have made his hunger go away and his hand shake, but Virgil resolutely walks to the cabinets. _I just need to stuff some food in me and I can leave._ He reasons with himself. He finds some soup in the back of the cabinet and quickly puts it in a bowl and then into the microwave. The drone of the microwave loud enough to hide the words in the lowered conversation in the other room, but quiet enough not to hide the fact the conversation is going on.

Virgil lets out a relieved breath when the finish ding breaks the silence in the kitchen. He grabs the bowl and brings it to the table, grabbing a spoon on the way. He is taking his first bites when Roman marches into the kitchen.

"What are you doing in here?" Virgil looks at Roman, looks down at the bowl, then raises his eyebrows back at Roman. His first reaction is to lie since the answer is so obvious, but he really does want to be able to have some other point of social interaction in the Light Side other than talking to Thomas. "Eating brunch." Virgil replies and starts eating faster, just in case.

Roman comes over and puts his hands on the table, looming over Virgil. "Too good to eat with the rest of us?" Virgil's eyes widen at that "Are you inviting me?" he replied skeptically.

That was apparently not the answer Roman was expecting because he pulls back into a standing position scoffing. "What? No! Why would I? You always try to bring Thomas down; you should go back to where you were before you came here!" He recovered enough to shout the last part. The noise must have gotten the attention of Patton and Logan, because they come into the kitchen.

_I would if I could, if it wouldn't worsen things with Thomas you jerk!_ Virgil scowls. "What, no 'why can't we all just get along' bullshit? I thought that is what your Disney movies teach you?" he fires back. He is almost done with his soup so he keeps shoveling food into his mouth. _So a no-go on a civil conversation. Oh, well at least I didn’t have to eat another sandwich._

"Disney movies teach heroes to fight villains, and you are a villain!" Roman rages.

"Now Roman, it is not nice to call someone a villain" Patton worriedly says, then he turns a little frown on Virgil "Even if he is using bad language." Logan is observing the exchange, but does not seem inclined to join it.

_Two versus one, huh? Not going to win up against that._ Virgil thinks as he gets up to wash his bowl and spoon. Patton makes a surprised noise, but turns his focus to Roman who is recapping the most recent vlog to the others - badly.

"I did not say that Aladdin was evil" Virgil interrupts Roman "I just said that he lied and deceived his way into the heart of the princess."

"Oh, so you are saying those aren’t bad things now?" snips Roman.

Virgil puts on an obviously fake smile "No, but apparently you are since you say he is the hero of the story." Roman lets out a strangled yell and starts walking toward Virgil, who tenses.

"Okay, how about we all calm down? "Patton gets in front of Roman to stop him but frowns at Virgil. "There is no reason to rile each other up. We can all go relax on the couch and watch a movie?"

"No thanks." Virgil responds before anyone else can say something. "I am going back to my room." And with that, he makes a dash for his room, half expecting Roman to come after him. He slams his door then collapses against it. "Oh yeah, that went GREAT. 10 out of 10, would do again" Virgil mutters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am pretty sure Virgil would love all the conspiracy theories against Peter Pan!
> 
> Also, here comes the mean Roman... Spoiler he is not going to do too much, but one incident is mentioned in an upcoming video. :)


	8. VIRGIL KILLED THOMAS...with good advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets more comfortable with leaving his room, and suffers through another video. Oh, he might also go off on the other sides...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with the chapter title if it isn't obvious!

Virgil still considers the exchange between him and Roman to have been a disaster, but it broke through his old routine. Virgil now regularly eats his meals in the kitchen, though never at the same time as the other Sides.

Logan will exchange hellos with him just as he does the other sides but he never extends the conversation further. It seems like Logan has accepted that Virgil will be around now but sees no reason for that to affect his routine. Virgil is too grateful for the calm exchange to test the waters.

Roman will alternate between pointedly ignoring Virgil and glaring at him until he leaves. However, Virgil found out the very important fact that if he doesn’t talk first, Roman will refuse to start a conversation. Normally the glares happen when other are in the room as well, like he is expecting Virgil to try something. Virgil can handle the hostile glares if he knows that Roman will do it at a distance and it will not actually escalate into an argument. It actually becomes a little bit of a game for Virgil to see how far out of his way Roman will either go to ignore him or glare him down. His favorite time was when Roman acted like an empty corner was interesting for at least ten minutes so he did not have to acknowledge Virgil.

Patton is actually the most nerve-wracking; he does not know what to make of Virgil and the internal conflict is extremely obvious. Most of the time Patton will not check to see who came in a room and will greet Virgil enthusiastically only to freeze when he hears Virgil's quite response. The tension in the air will thicken until Virgil makes a break for it. Other times Patton will come in and start cooking when Virgil is in the kitchen and will seem perfectly comfortable being in the same room as Virgil. Sometimes, when Patton is finished cooking, he will turn to Virgil like he is about to offer some, only to stop at the last minute. Virgil takes pity on him during those times and acts like he had not seen it.

Being able to leave his room regularly is something Virgil is grateful for, as the number of shadows has gone up again. His room is starting to get a little colder when the shadows are there, showing that they are starting to number enough to affect things around them. Virgil is now vigilant on using the lock on his door, and even used a little power to add a lock on the outside hidden on the knob. That way he can lock them in when he is eating. Patton, Roman, and Logan won't look for it and will just assume Virgil is locked in his room when they try the knob. Not that any of them have ever knocked on his door. However, they do pass his door walking through the halls and Virgil is worried that if he had an obvious lock on his door, Patton would give him more worried looks, Logan will start asking questions to figure out why it is there, and Roman may try to lock him in.

One of the reasons for the increase in shadows was definitely the spot Thomas got on a Disney show. The show was close to airing, and it was really getting to Thomas. Virgil lost sleep trying to process most of the anxiety before it reached Thomas, but he was only partially successful. Thomas tried to help some on his end with continuing to improve on those stress relieving exercises. However, that was like bailing out the Titanic with a teacup. Somehow they were getting through it. Virgil was actually really proud of Thomas and how he handled the situation, though Virgil would be the first to admit not wanting to go through that again.

Virgil was hanging in the kitchen putting back his dishes when he noticed that Thomas was starting a vlog. He moved into the common room where the other Sides were hanging out right when Thomas mentioned getting to be in a Disney show and saw Roman blip out of existence. _Oh shit, not again!_ Virgil quickly followed suit, missing the worried look that passed between Logan and Patton. 

He appeared just as Thomas's anxiety spiked from having Roman scream "WHAT" in Thomas's face. _For someone who does not want me around you sure do give me a lot of work_ Virgil sneers internally, but sticks to something less combative externally.

"You were there... Princey. We're both factors of his personality."

Patton must have left right after Virgil because he pops up and exclaims "Anxiety, leave him alone. He gets excited. It's okay to express your feelings." Virgil makes a face. _Even if you express those feelings by screaming in Thomas's face, Patton?_

Thomas asks why they are all here and Roman can barely contain his giggles. "Well you know why I'm here I love Disney"

"So, do I but I'm not like that." Virgil says, not wanting to be put in the same crazy fan category as Roman. Pattons' excuse - because Virgil is pretty sure he is up here to watch him - was to support Thomas…and eat his pizza.

Thomas tries to start talking about how he got on the Disney show when Logan pops up to hash out the details of the video. "Wait! How are you going to title this video?"

_Is this really the time to figure this out?_ Virgil thinks. Apparently Thomas is of the same mind because he tries to move on, only to be questioned on why he had not started this vlog like his old STORYTIME videos. Virgil thinks it isn't a big deal, but Logan and Roman are saying Thomas is making a mistake, so Virgil decides to add a general "You make wrong choices." into the criticism. Thomas reacts to that statement more than the others, so Virgil calls it a win.

Logan - _Wow, there is no stopping him today_ \- wants Thomas to do a clickbait title to the video. Roman's " I KEPT DISNEY CHANNEL STARS FROM STARVING" was quickly overshadowed by Logan's "I ALMOST DIED ON A DISNEY CHANNEL SET". Virgil goes with the flow, poses and gives his own version:

" THE DARK SIDE OF DISNEY" Thomas points out that was the title of the last video. _Yeah, well I am not the best on-the-spot person, Thomas. Do you really want to add more pressure on me coming up with a good one? You aren't going to use these anyway_. Virgil sighs.

Virgil starts at Patton screaming his clickbait title while his mouth is full of pizza. _Oh yeah, we are TOTALLY helping today…_

However, Logan and Roman got their "STORYTIME!" shout from Thomas when he tries to start again, so maybe that makes it worth it for them. Virgil listens to Thomas describes how he was doing so many things over the last year then goes on to talk about how much Disney shows meant to him as a kid and how it felt to be on one as an adult, and Roman can't seem to stop squealing about it. Virgil tries to tune him out, hoping Roman hyperventilates from it soon.

Virgil only interjects once in the rest of Thomas's story - of course Thomas would be nervous about doing the show! - which was more than he can say about the others. _Are we actually here to help Thomas, or fuck with him?_ Virgil starts to wonder, watching the others keep jumping in. He sighs in relief when Thomas concludes his story.

"I can't believe I get to check that off the bucket list. 'Being in a Disney show'." Virgil gets ready to sink out, thinking that would conclude the vlog, but Roman's next comment causes him to freeze.

"Next step: Becoming a Disney Prince!" Roman cheers as he sinks out. Virgil can't help but stare at where Roman had been. _I thought we were getting away from unrealistic expectations?!? How does that help Thomas?_ He looks at the other two, waiting for them to correct this.

Patton sinks out with "Making your kids Disney stars!" causing Virgil to recoil. _Okay, one, that is only a little more realistic than Roman's. And, two, does he have any idea how toxic the child-actor environment is? Why would he want to put Thomas's kids in that environment?_ Virgil turns to look at Logan, who doesn't seem to notice. _Please either correct Patton's and Roman's goals or at least give a reasonable one yourself. You are logic, how can you not?_

Virgil then found out the answer to that question is "easily" as Logan sinks out with a "Majoring in Disney Theory!" Virgil could cry at this point, because what the hell is going on?!? But he can't leave Thomas with this as his only advice. It is going to really hurt his scary-side image but he has got to give Thomas something! Virgil quickly reviews some of Thomas's fears, and latches onto Thomas's fear of inadequacy in his work. Now how to make that into a goal...

"Using your platform to positively affect your audience the same way Disney did with you." Virgil sees Thomas's surprise at his answer and goes on the defensive. "What? I know your limits, that's all I was saying. Stop looking at me like that." He quickly sinks out.

\----

Virgil appears back in the common room with the other sides. He can't keep it in anymore and bursts out "What the hell was that about?" The other sides freeze then slowly turn towards Virgil.

"I'm sorry Anxiety, do you have something you would like to discuss?" Logan asks, recovering first.

"Hell yeah I do! Were you guys pranking Thomas at the end?" Virgil retorts, not responding to Patton's quiet "Language..."

"I assure you that I was not 'pranking' anyone with my contributions" Logan stiffens and stares hard at Virgil.

"Really? Then what would you call your advice to him at the end?" Virgil counters. Logan blinks. "A goal to add to his bucket list" he replies earning a scoff from Virgil.

"So a goal you want Thomas to put on his bucket list is to major in something that hasn't even been invented yet?" Virgil is incensed at this point, turning his glare to Roman.

"And what was that sh-" a quick look at Patton "bull-crap was that about him 'turning into a Disney Prince'?" He keeps going before Roman's answer gives him a headache.

"The only one here that had a remotely realistic idea was Patton!" Virgil points at Patton, causing the other to brighten up and start to smile "And don't get me started on what I thought of his idea!" Virgil finishes, glaring at him. Patton drops his smile and his shoulders slump. He would feel bad about that later, Virgil was sure. But what did Patton expect?

"How dare you accuse us of not having good goals for Thomas!" Roman roars, protectively moving between Virgil and Patton. Logan does the same, glaring at Virgil "And what was your goal, that you contest was better than ours?" The air should have frozen from the amount of ice packed in that question.

Virgil doesn't even falter, too far gone. Stress, confusion, and anger have all merged to create a force that cannot be stopped. "Guess you'll never know, because you left me alone with Thomas after giving him your stupid ideas!" he starts to sneer when he notices the other sides pale at that. "But I can ASSURE you, Thomas liked mine better than yours. He said he HOPES he can do mine!" He turns around, done with the conversation and runs to his room. He hears Roman yell behind him, but no footsteps sound off behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Okay, Virgil will talk to the other Sides and tell them how he does not appreciate their input on goals  
> Virgil: I'm gonna go ape shit!  
> Me: What? That doesn't help!  
> Virgil: I'm gonna freak them out then run away!  
> Me: But, why?!??  
> Virgil: lol!
> 
>   
> Honestly guys, I had a whole other conversation planned. But it did not match up with Virgil's personality, so here we are...
> 
> I would say I am sorry, but I am blaming Virgil for this one! :)


	9. Respite and Changing Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil runs off to the Dark Side. There may be good advice. There may be karaoke. There may be diabolical plans. 
> 
> It's the Dark Side. I don't know what you want from me tbh... Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it isn't obvious in the chapter, I have been listening to a lot of the "Death of a Bachelor" CD lately. Still love that album. If you haven't listened to it I recommend it!
> 
> Also, you just got to love the Dark Sides!

Things became more stilted between Virgil and the others after the confrontation in the common room. Logan does not exchange hellos anymore, Roman has increased his glaring, and Patton rarely would stay in the same room as him. Virgil could only take it for so long before he breaks and goes to visit Janus and Remus.

He found them fighting some shadows so he joins in, chatting about anything and everything. Virgil is happy to note that Janus was not lying when he said that the full-thought shadows have decreased and was not just placating Virgil.

They settle into the common room after Remus conjures a - disturbingly, how can a color be this disturbing to the eyes?, neon green - couch. Janus brings tea in and they all relax. Suddenly Janus reaches over and smacks Virgil on the head hard. "That is NOT for the new years resolution video. I DID forget." He growls, glaring. Remus and Virgil both burst into laughter.

"Ah man, I almost forgot about that!" Virgil says, rubbing the hurt spot on his head. "Hey, Thomas started it with lying so much. I just kept it going." He quickly dodges Janus's next swing. "How bad was it?"

"He was more of a wounded worm on a hook than a snake" Remus laughs "He had a headache for two days!" Now Remus is the one dodging Janus, who continues attacking for another minute before they both settle back on the couch.

"It was NOT a bad headache. Please DO do that again." Janus admits.

Virgil leans over one-arm hugs Janus. "Sorry about that, I was just trying to have some fun." He pauses "Speaking of fun, did you see the shit-show that was the last vlog?!?" Janus and Remus both quietly nod, surprised by Virgil's vehemence, who starts ranting.

"What were the others thinking? I followed Roman when I saw he was going to interrupt ANOTHER vlog for Thomas. I expected him to disrupt the flow, but Patton and Logan?" Virgil is now off the couch pacing in front of the wide-eyed dark sides.

"And when they were giving 'goals' to Thomas! None of them were good ones! Roman's and Logan's were impossible and yes" Virgil stops to point a finger at Remus, who looked ready to interrupt. "I DO know all the failed child-star statistics. You burned those into my memory" Remus settles back at this and gives Virgil a thumbs-up. "So even Patton's was awful! What are they even doing?" he yells as he flops back down on the couch.

Janus waits a second to see if Virgil is done with his rant before he cautiously speaks. "From what I saw it looked like the Light Sides were NOT meaning the video to be more about hanging out with Thomas than an actual advice session."

"So they waste their time with Thomas? That is shittier than a swimming pool full of cow diarrhea." Remus comments.

Janus looks at the other two sides, surprised at their confused expressions. "Well, they spend a great deal of time with Thomas. Sometimes they go hang out with him and don't give him any advice. My guess is that they see it as more of a gathering of friends than doing their job. Which is all well and good except when Thomas wants advice and they don't give any because they are too busy having fun. It is why we wanted you to go up there, Virgil."

"Yeah I know. And the last vlog - " Virgil begins only to be interrupted by Janus, "In the last vlog, Thomas didn't ask them for any advice, so maybe they were thinking it was a hangout session?" he frowns "Though those goals were ridiculous and we definitely don't want Thomas trying any of them. I am glad you gave some good advice after the jokers left."

Remus and Janus watch as Virgil looks down with a soft "oh". They both share a look, knowing what a guilty Virgil looks like.

"Did something happen after the vlog?" Remus asks Virgil, leaning on him.

Virgil is quiet for a bit then softly admits "I may have yelled at the other sides once the video was complete. About how they weren't doing their jobs."

"And they aren't, in general" Janus agrees, then adds slowly "But this video might not have been the best example to use"

"Don't worry Virgil, you can just say sorry and give them a bouquet of fish heads and they will have to forgive you?" Remus quickly adds.

Virgil slowly faces Remus "Why fish - "

Remus doesn’t even let Virgil finish his question "Because I would forgive you if you gave me a bouquet of fish heads. Who can resist their smell?"

Janus is now looking concerned at Virgil. "This shouldn't be a big deal since it is just a misunderstanding. Are they not being nice up there?"

Dad-mode has been fully activated, and Virgil quickly tries to diffuse the situation. "No! No, it is fine. I am just a little embarrassed that I overreacted. That's all" He doesn't want Janus and Remus to worry about the Light Sides now ignoring him. It's not like they can help down here anyway. He just needs to suck it up.

"Oh, and how is it hanging out with them?" Janus asks

"Not to bad. I probably spend the most time with Patton. Logan is pretty much emotionless so that makes it easy to talk to him. And Roman is fun to fuck with!" Virgil responds, being careful with his words. The last thing he wants is for Janus to catch him in a lie.

"Yeah he is! I saw you almost made him cry with my theory about Olaf" Remus high fives Virgil.

"I would rather hang out with you two though" Virgil admits, remembering how desperately he missed them when up there. He quickly adds "Janus, I've been meaning to ask, what did you do to their memories? None of them remember me as Paranoia; they all just call me Anxiety." It is both an important question and a distraction from the previous topic.

"I did not do anything to their memory of Paranoia" Janus replied, letting the previous subject to be dropped. "I did not think it necessary, and it seems I was NOT right."

"What do you mean?"

"Well think about it, my dark, twitchy compadre" Remus puts an arm around Virgil's shoulders. "What did you normally look like when they saw you? Did you look like your small, quiet, emo self? Or like Thomas dunked his face in black tar, grew four spider arms, and started talking in a fucked up voice?" He squeezes his arm around Virgil when he protests. "Don't worry, your OUR creepy, fucked up spider-man!"

This draws a laugh from Virgil, who looks to Janus for confirmation.

"He is NOT right. So as long as you DO use your powers to excess, they most likely WILL see resemblance between you and their idea of Paranoia. A little black under the eyes IS enough for them to draw a connection. Because they are SMART PEOPLE."

"Good to know. So I should probably not use my voice up there."

"NO, that is probably NOT a good idea." Janus confirms.

With that out of the way, Virgil is ready to do something other than talk about him and the Light Sides. "So is there anything fun that we haven't done in a while?"

"I would say get a song stuck in Thomas's head, but all the songs he has listened to recently are boring!!" Remus pulls a pose very similar to his twin when feeling persecuted.

"We could always sing one of your songs, Virgil" suggests Janus, with an evil smile. Virgil raises an eyebrow, but he also can't contain his grin. "So you want us to sing a song that Thomas probably doesn't even remember hearing?"

"I know the perfect one!" Remus cries, conjuring a CD case and a Karaoke setup. He grabs a microphone as the song starts to play. Virgil laughs while grabbing the other two microphones and tosses one to Janus. "Let's get this party started!"

They all take a breath and start singing as loud as they can.

"~

All, right. All, right.

All, right. All, right. It's a hell of a feeling though! It's a hell of a feeling though!

All, right. All, right. It's a hell of a feeling though! It's a hell of a feeling though! 

~"

\----

They ended up singing all the songs on the CD, which must have been confusing as hell for Thomas. Virgil knows that Thomas has not heard the "crazy = genius" song before, be he will definitely remember it solely based on how much effort Remus took in singing it. And Virgil will vividly remember it from now on because he and Janus had to actively stop Remus from setting himself on fire during EVERY bridge. "It said that I won't burn!" was Remus's complaint every time.

After there were no more songs to sing, they ate an early dinner. It wasn't until Janus checked up on Thomas did they realize that he was about to do a vlog. Virgil can't believe he had forgotten that Thomas was preparing for a video soon. He did not think that he had heard what the topic of this new video was supposed to be. _Hopefully he is going to try for another solo video._

They made it to Janus's room in time to see the beginning. Virgil's stomach dropped when he heard that Thomas was going to be soul-searching. Had he really fucked up enough that he is going to miss an advice video? _Maybe I can sprint to my room in enough time to join._ Panic must have been evident on his face because Janus grabbed Virgil's arm.

"There's SOMETHING you can do now. Just get comfy and then we can see what the damage is." Remus takes the possibility of leaving off the table by side-tackling Virgil to the bed and then sitting on him. Janus came over and sat beside the two and Remus and Janus focus on the vlog. After couple minutes of breathing deeply Virgil is able to calm down and focus as well.

He laughs when the theme of the video becomes clear, relief coursing through his body. "Thomas is actually addressing the Logic/Morality shouting matches? Has Hell frozen over?"

"And he is really cracking the whip at them." Remus marvels "This could only be better if he was dressed up as a dominatrix!"

"I DO think that leather is his style, Remus" comes from Janus. Virgil is allowed to wiggle out from under Remus to sit between the two. They all settled into a enthralled silence for the length of the video .

"Wow, he drove that entire video, and did not get distracted once." considering the last vlog, this is miraculous to Virgil.

"Maybe not having my dear old brother there helped" Remus leans into Virgil, smiling. "But I would bet that you are making a good impact on Thomas"

"Remus is right. You have consistently been the voice of common sense up there. Thomas used some of that to handle this issue, which has NOT been left ignored for far too long" Janus leans into Virgil from the other side.

During the video, a plan has been growing in Janus's mind. Instead of just scaring Thomas straight and then having Virgil come back down here, maybe it would be possible to bring all of them up to the Light Side. He truly believed that Virgil's interactions with Thomas is at least partially to credit for the amount of common sense that was shown in the video. If one of the Dark Sides seems to have a good influence on Thomas, then having all of them eventually be able to actively participate should cause the good influence to compound. The first step would be for Virgil to stay up there permanently then they can slowly start to introduce Remus and Janus to Thomas.

He would have to keep his end goal close to his chest, though. The plan will take a long time to complete and Remus is likely to blab to he brother accidentally at some point. The plan also requires some major upheaval that will freak Virgil out. However, Virgil staying up there should not be too stressful on the anxious side. He has already said he gets along okay with the Light Sides; surely that will continue to improve. Having the other sides as friends should keep Virgil calm until Janus and Remus can get up there.

With this plan in mind, Janus casually glances at Virgil. "In fact, I think you should make sure to stay up there as much as possible, so your common sense present at the forefront of Thomas's mind. And so there is no chance of missing another video."

All the warmth that Virgil was feeling from their praises evaporates. "What?!? But what about visiting?" Virgil exclaims.

"Only until Thomas is able to consistently keep control of the other sides, and is not being dragged all over the place by them" Janus lies. "It should not take too long considering the progress between the last video and this video."

Virgil seems to have calmed down some with that explanation. "Then I can visit after that?"

"If he is able to keep the other sides in line, then that would complete our original goal" Janus reminds Virgil. "You can come back down here after. If you want to stay up there to keep helping Thomas and visit regularly, that could be worked out too _." I just need to plant the seed so that it has time to grow. Hopefully this will buy enough time that Virgil will like being up there_. Janus smiles.

"It would be nice to have you back sooner. I'm all for it!" Remus hugs Virgil.

"But then I won't be able to talk to you two at all while I am up there" Virgil points out, trying his best to hide how much having no contact with Remus and Janus at all scares him _. That will leave me with the silent treatment up there._ Virgil holds in a shudder.

"Oh, maybe I can help!" Remus claps his hands together. "I can try to create a set of boxes that will allow us to pass notes through" His eyes are becoming unfocused as he thinks through that idea.

"Good Idea Remus" Janus praises. "We can bring one of the boxes to your room once Remus makes it. That way we can be in more frequent communication as well!"

Virgil looks between his two friends. Virgil thinks this is an awful idea, but neither Remus not Janus seem to see any issues with this plan. Remus is excited on creating the letter boxes, and Janus seems happy with the whole situation _. If this helps make it so I can come back here sooner, then I guess this is a good idea_ Virgil tries to convince himself. He intentionally relaxes his stressed out stance and puts on a happy face for his friends.

"Now that we have that all settled, I realized that you have been here practically all day" Janus points out "Surely the Light Sides will notice if you don't show up for a whole day?"

Virgil curses his new pattern of coming out of his room at least once a day. He shrugs and tries to look casual. "...Maybe?"

"Then you should probably head up and show your face before bed." Janus gives Virgil a big hug. "And look for us to drop a box next to your closet door. We will try to get it to you as soon as possible. That way we can keep in regular communication."

Remus comes over and squeezes Virgil until the anxious side laughs and returns the favor.

"And Virgil" Janus waits until Virgil looks back at him, needing to convey his seriousness "I know this is a change for you, and it is a lot to ask. If it becomes too much for you we can always go back to the drawing board."

Virgil can feel the words to allow him to move back here rise up his throat, but he swallows it back down and instead just nods. _There is a good reason we started doing this. That hasn't changed. The new change will make Janus and Remus happy, and hopefully won't be too long_ he reasons _I can at least do this for them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Janus may be forgetting something... But what is it? Hmm...


	10. Valentines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Letters arrive! 
> 
> And here comes the Valentine's Episode!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The letters were fun. And I still struggle with Virgil's perspective of the videos.

The box showed up inside his closet door a week later. A week of Virgil going back to avoiding the other sides and silence on all sides. After Janus explained it, the last video does make more sense, which means that Virgil really put his foot in his mouth. Even Remus thinks he should apologize! Virgil has been trying to come up with a way to approach the others to apologize, but has so far lost his courage when in the same room with them. And he doesn't think shouting it from another room and running away is going to cut it.

Currently Virgil is ignoring that problem to inspect the new box. It looks like a shoe box decorated with dripping black paint on the lid. He opens it up to see it already had two letters in it. The first one is on neatly folded paper.

_Virgil,_

_Sorry for the delay. It took me three days to make sure the box would not somehow be sentient. Remus was adamant that it would need to be able to think in order to send the letters. After I showed him some horror movies with computers, he agreed to do a more program-like function._

_In order to send a letter, put it in the box, and close the lid for five seconds. You will also need the lid to be closed to receive letters. Remus and I tried this out before we sent the box, but make sure to send a letter soon so we will know it works up there._

_Other than that, nothing much has changed around here since last week. I realized once you left that I forgot to ask about the shadows in your room. Have they continued to increase?_

_Looking forward to hearing from you,_

_Janus_

Virgil was really hoping that Janus would continue to forget about the shadows in his room. He does not know if Janus can tell lies from paper, so he will have to be careful with his wording. Virgil is sure that the fact he now has to regularly use his spider arms to handle the influx of shadows would worry Janus, and might cause him to call off the whole thing. As much as Virgil would want that option, he has committed to seeing this new plan through.

The other letter is stained and folded to look like a realistic heart. There is some srak red spots on it that Virgil hopes is not real blood. He had not even thought of Remus being able to make disturbing origami out of the letters. _Unfortunately he is artistic enough to come up with all kinds of designs…_

_Hey Virgil!_

_I got the boxes working! I wanted to make it alive so it would be like a pet, but Janus yelled at me until I changed it._

_Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Are you going to exchange valentines with anyone up there? I have a good one to use if so. You can even take credit :_

_Rat guts are red,_

_Bruises are blue,_

_I would chop off your head_

_If I wasn't in love with you!_

_Make sure to send a letter soon!_

_Remus_

A laugh explodes out of Virgil at the concept of giving that poem to anyone up here. _Let's see, Patton would probably faint. Logan might argue about the accuracy of the colors. And Roman…_ w _ell he would probably guess where I got this from and try to fight me._ _Oh well, 2 out of 3 isn't bad._

Allowing Roman to ruin his good mood was not something Virgil wanted to do. Instead he finds his notebook and pulls out two pieces of paper. He begins to write on the first paper:

_Janus,_

_Thanks for the instructions! Surprising no one Remus forgot to mention them. Also, nice catch with the sentient box thing. Sleeping in my room knowing there is something else that is alive is not something I want to do!_

_The shadows are easily manageable, nothing to worry about. I am kind of wishing some bigger ones come this way or else I will get out of practice with my shadow arms!_

_I am adding the date that I wrote this letter so we can see how long it takes to move from this side to your side._

_Hoping you see this,_

_Virgil_

Then he starts on the second paper:

_Hey Remus,_

_PLEASE EITHER GET APPROVAL FROM MYSELF OR JANUS FOR ANY PET YOU WANT TO GET ME!_

_This box is awesome though. Good Job!_

_I don't think that I will be handing out Valentines this year, considering I don't know these guys that well. But I appreciate the effort for me!_

_Kick some shadow ass for me,_

_Virgil_

Virgil writes the correct name on each paper, puts both in the box, and waits five seconds as instructed. He then waits another thirty as the worries of this not working ride him. Right now Janus and Remus are his comfort, so he needs this to work. He finally peaks into the box then laughs to see no letters inside. Tension drains from him, and he makes room for the box on his desk, right next to his notebook. The letters get gently straightened and placed in his top drawer.

He then relaxes to some music until he senses Thomas getting set up for a video. _Makes sense he would want to make one, considering he doesn't have a significant other this year._ Virgil keeps sensing Thomas as he starts the video, and laughs when the first lines are essentially calling for him to appear. He pops up after Thomas explained that "approaching people is difficult."

"That's an understatement" Virgil responds.

Thomas recoils from the anxious side, and laments that Virgil arriving means he won't approach anyone this year. Which... is something that Virgil can get on board with, honestly. Meeting new people IS hard. _Now where is Roman to talk about being princely and saving someone in distress?_ Virgil points toward Roman's normal corner, only to be surprised by Patton popping up.

"Now, don't say that! It's still possible." Morality says to Thomas.

"Morality, don't lie to him." Virgil argues. Because who are they going to find the day before Valentine's Day? Thomas sides with Virgil and reiterates that meeting people is hard. _Is this really Thomas and myself against Patton?_

In defiance of his last thought, both Logan and Roman appear in their spots. They have seemingly made a team to help Thomas get a date, joining with Patton. Virgil does notice that none of them have acknowledged that he is here. _Playing it like that then? All right. Good to know._

Thomas then decides to bring in an internal-Valerie in order to allow the others to show him how to get a date. Considering that Valerie is not even a real person, this is giving Virgil some creepy vibes. He chimes in when Thomas asks how they would go about getting a date with Valerie. Virgil protests this idea because the figure ISN'T actually Valerie, just a figment that they can influence. _This is not going to be realistic..._

"Now, Anxiety, if you don't wanna participate, you can just sit this one out." Morality says this in a paternal voice. Virgil blinks at Patton, taken aback at the passive aggression from the supposed Dad-side. _Game on Patton, game on._ Virgil does collect himself to answer before Thomas can assume he agreed to sit out.

"That's... not exactly how I work…"

Logan decides to go first. Virgil wishes that he could have imagined how bad Logan was going to be on his turn, but he did not have the imagination to come up with the robotic, descriptive, and creepy argument that Valerie should date him. _You change the tone a little and add a creepy hug at the end and you have something Remus would be proud of!_

Luckily no one else agrees with Logan's method, so he tries again. It is …. Better? With less creepy words, but ends it with "therefore you will be my date". Logan tries to justify that this was perfectly acceptable, " And then you continue to... talk-talk-talk until eventual marriage and/or copulation. That's the process."

"Yeah, if your life is a Sims game." Virgil counters. But of course that is a challenge to Logan, who proceeds to have Valerie and himself talk in that language in Sims! _Either Logan is really that clueless or he has a petty sense of humor that I can appreciate_.

While Thomas stops the Sims demonstration, Virgil takes over Valerie's reactions. _And I got to say that is the creepiest sentence I have said in a while._ It takes more work than he was expecting, given how easily Logan did it.

"If you went about tryin' get a date that way, it would look like this" Virgil gestures for Logan to start his questioning. Of course Valerie makes it to three questions before she ducks and runs out of the situation at the "therefore you will be my date". Virgil considers himself a better person for not going the "fight" route and having Valerie punch Logan. _Would have been funny though…_

Virgil gestures to Logan's corner and looks at Thomas. "Just saying."

Roman then jumps in to serenade Valerie with a poem, that Logan delightfully informs the class "is about an older man and an unfaithful girl, lying to preserve their relationship", which stops that serenade. _Ha_. Logan proposes another sonnet, and Morality jumps in to say to speak from the heart.

Virgil chuckles, "Come on, if you do that, you could get all tongue tied... Jumbled... Confused." Virgil has been there so many times with Thomas that the idea is laughable… or at least to him because Patton decides to prove himself with a written note.

Thomas, Roman, Logan and Virgil watch in awe as Patton reads WRITTEN NOTES that are so stuttering and disjointed Thomas finally can't take it and jumps to stop it. Patton then GOES TO HUG VALERIE after that, and Virgil joins in with Thomas and Logan stopping that. _I get that the emotions side would be a little short on personal space, but dear lord he is going to get Thomas arrested._

Seemingly unfazed, Patton gives a badly drawn picture to Valerie as a present. Roman points out that it could be mistaken as a gift from a friend, and Virgil starts to smile.

"Or worse…" Virgil mumurs and takes control of Valerie again, struggling to do it a second time. _I am just going to have to take a long hot shower after this, because I feel dirty from controlling someone. And why is this so hard?_

Valerie takes the picture " Wow, this is horrible. I never realized how stupid and untalented you are."

 _Hmm, that was a LITTLE meaner than I planned, but all's fair in war._ Virgil rationalizes as Patton comments on being "hopelessly crushed". _NOW you have a reason for wanting me to not participate!_

Roman then goes with the grand gesture approach - by killing a dragon … witch?... for Valerie - and then proceeds to speak - what Virgil assumes are sweet nothings - IN SPANISH. _First, this is all over the place. Second, and more importantly, Thomas doesn't know Spanish! I know I listen to music that Thomas doesn't, but that is not as detailed as talking fluently in a language Thomas doesn't know. Can we all do that?_

Logan and Thomas also realize that Thomas does not, in fact, know Spanish. The only explanation Roman has is "Look, this is what you gotta do" and Virgil can't take it anymore.

"There is no way he could do any of that! Besides, weddings are nothing but outdated, expensive pageantry." Virgil continues over Romans yell. "Plus, the diamond industry is incredibly unethical."

Morality seems confused by that so Logan "helpfully" starts explaining blood diamonds and has to be stopped by Thomas. _I swear he is either thick as a rock or enjoys fucking with people._

And this seems to be the end of the other Sides advice. Which frustrates Virgil to no end. How can they be missing the obvious here? Virgil tries to reiterate that this is not a good idea when Thomas snaps that hey already know his point of view. Considering the others just some time going over their - bad - points of view, Virgil gets mad and ignores the not-subtle bid to quiet him.

Someone has to bring it up; this is like the new years resolution all over again. "Look, all I'm saying is this just a waste of time! Psyching yourself out over cheap tactics that have never been useful to you before, I mean, seriously, Thomas! In any past relationship you've ever been in, haven't they always developed when you least expected them to?"

The other four in the room seem to be shocked by this and start discussing that idea. Which, again, is pretty obvious once you review his past relationships. _Stop trying to use quick-fixes and start trying to find out what works for you! It will save me a lot of work that way_ Virgil internally fumes.

Thomas did incorporate some of the other Sides' ideas - be honest, speak from the heart, and give romantic gestures - into Virgil's outlook, which is not awful. Virgil doesn't necessarily care about the details if the foundation is good. _Or at least the anxiety of the details are way lower than if the entire plan is_ _not_ _garbage._

Thomas asks about if there are other loves he can celebrate on Valentine's instead, since he won't have a date. Patton jumps in with "Love for your family", followed closely by Logan adds "love for your work" . Virgil pitches in with "low-stake platonic love" because less stressful love is the best type of love. Roman finishes it off with "Self-love", which is also not a bad option. That is, until -

"And as for self-love; you guys, the different aspects of my personality, I suggest you all say "I love you" to each other." Thomas looks expectantly at the Sides.

Virgil stares back blankly. _Considering everyone here was ignoring me for the past month, I don't think this is a good idea._ Guilt starts to coil in his stomach. _And considering that I overreacted and still need to apologize for yelling at them before, everyone is going to be faking it here._

Surprisingly, the others go along with it with no complaints. Virgil catches on when they say a generic I love you to the group, not naming any names. Patton is enthusiastic in his declaration, effusing about how they all complete him and wanting to give them all butterfly kisses _. I guess he can say that to the others and ignore me. Maybe I should sink out while they aren't looking._

Virgil prepares to do just that when Logan tries his hand, transfixing Virgil with it's car-wreck glory. To start off, Logan can't pronounce "love" in any normal way during his turn, and has a hilariously hard time coming up with a good thing to say about the other Sides. After , inconsequential and unimportant are thrown out, Virgil is starting to wonder if Logan either truly doesn't like Roman and Patton, or if he is actually including Virgil in the sentiment. The strangled yet painful sentiment that the other sides are "good?" seems to be Logan's final try.

Roman proudly proclaims that he is more handsome than the others because he doesn’t wear glasses. A chuckle escapes Virgil because that is even worse than Logan's start, and Roman seems to have forgotten that he is still here. Predictable as always, Roman challenges Virgil for laughing but is taken aback by Virgil's "Aw, you think I'm hot." in response. Patton comes to Roman's rescue and gets Roman to - reluctantly grumble while making a face - say he loves the others.

It wasn't until the others turn to Virgil, that he realizes his time to sneak out is gone. He freezes, but the others just wait him out.

"I don't know how you expect me to say it. You all took turns. You are all looking at me..." _You all couldn't care less if I actually cared about you, since you really don't care about me. I am almost tempted to say it just to get out of this situation, but I don't want to get Janus's attention from that lie since he is probably watching this. And since I told him I was getting along with these guys, that will probably cause him to start asking questions._

He tries to brush off actually saying the words.

"Can it just be like, an understood thing?"

That seems to work as Patton and Roman joke about him saying it.

" I hate everything about this." Virgil mutters as he sinks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't write it in, but I seriously thought about Virgil washing his eyes with soap after the horrors of Romance he saw this episode. Poor anxious Dark Side. :)
> 
> He should have given Valerie Remus's Valentine's Poem. Would have solved everything!
> 
> But seriously, could you imagine Janus and Remus watching Virgil say that poem to Valerie? Comedy gold, I tell you!


	11. Apologies and Adoptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil apologizes and Patton has a change of heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was surprised, looking back on previous episodes, how cold Patton seemed to be. Then there was a drastic change. I hope this explains it!

Guilt is a key motivator, Virgil realizes. It is early morning and he is sitting in the kitchen, waiting for any of the other Sides to come in. He is internally debating whether it would be better for all of them to come in at the same time so he will only have to so one big apology, or if three small ones would be better. Either way, Virgil knows he can't put this off any more.

Patton came in first, skidding to a stop when he saw Virgil at the table. Tension rose, not making this easier on Virgil. He takes a fortifying breath and begins.

"I did not mean to be so harsh on you after the Disney video. I still don't like the resolutions you guys gave, but there are very few resolutions that I would like. It also doesn't excuse how I overreacted. I am sorry. Also I did not think your drawing was awful."

His speech was a little rushed since he just wanted to get it all out there and not worry anymore about how to word it. Virgil had kept his eyes on Patton the whole time he was talking, watching as the wariness changed first to shock, then confusion, and finally landed on an expression he couldn't identify. It didn't look like anger or disgust but it definitely wasn't happiness or acceptance. As the seconds passed without a response from Patton, Virgil grew more certain that this was an awful idea. _Should have waited until they were all here, so I only have to do this once. Oh god, I have to do this at least one more time…_

This is too much for Virgil, and he gets up. "Right. I am going to go -"

Patton puts a hand on his arm when Virgil starts to pass the other Side. "Thank you for that." Patton quietly says then smiles. "Do you want to join us for breakfast?"

"Oh, uh, no thanks. I've already eaten" Virgil wasn't expecting an invitation. "I am just, uh, going to head to my room." He leaves the kitchen to see both Logan and Roman heading towards it. Still caught off guard from Patton's acceptance of the apology, Virgil just jumps into it with the others.

"I overreacted after the Disney video. I still don't like your goals but I was very harsh about it. I am sorry!"

Roman's face is shocked until hears Patton moving around in the kitchen. "Did Patton tell you to apologize? Are you doing this to win him over to the dark side?"

"The apology does lose its authenticity if the person giving it was coerced." Logan comments.

"No, that's not - I did talk to Patton - but - " Virgil stutters. Roman snorts then heads into the kitchen. "I've heard enough. Come on Logan."

"Indeed" Logan follows Roman into the kitchen, not looking at Virgil.

 _One out of three isn't bad. Oh wait, that is a failing grade. Shit_ Virgil rubs a shaking hand over his face _. At least I got it done_. Virgil makes his way back to his room.

Virgil checks the box, unsurprised but still unhappy that there are not letters _. You don't know how long it takes to get to them_ , he reasons with himself. _Anyway, I am sure they have a lot to do since I am up here, not helping._

Virgil spent they day listening to music, until he was startled by a knock on his door. He looks curiously at the closet door, since he can't think of a reason that Janus or Remus would knock. Then whirls around to stare at his bedroom door when he hears someone call from behind it.

"Hey kiddo! I just wanted to know if you wanted to come and eat dinner with us? I didn't see you eat lunch." Patton calls through the door.

Virgil starts goes to open the door before he freezes and frantically look around his room. He had already gotten rid of the formed shadows before breakfast, but his room still held darkness that he was sure the other sides' rooms did not. What he saw as a pretty bright room would definitely make Patton see him as a Dark Side.

"Um, no thanks. I have food here for dinner." He calls out. He wasn't ready to deal with the Roman and Logan considering their reactions to his apology.

"Well, okay kiddo. But feel free to come down if you change your mind." Patton says from the other side. Virgil listens to Patton leave. 

\----

The next morning, Virgil goes down at his normal early time. He can usually get his breakfast done and make it back to his room before anyone else gets up. He had not gotten much sleep last night, still keyed up from the events that day, so he did not register that the kitchen lights were already on when he walked in. He did take note when Patton called out a greeting by the stove.

"Hey kiddo. I am making pancakes. Do you want some?" Patton smiles over at Virgil.

"U-uh. Sure…" Virgil murmurs. Patton's smile gets even brighter. "Great! Can you get out plates and stuff for both of us? I don't think Roman or Logan are up yet." Virgil is in the process of hesitantly following that directive when he freezes at Patton's next question.

"By the way kiddo, I don't think I got your name when we first met?" Panic goes through Virgil, causing him to freeze. He did not know if the other Sides Paranoia's real name. It is possible since Remus talks to Roman and he isn't known to have a filter. If he tells them his real name, would they connect the dots, or still only see him as Anxiety _? I don't have a name on hand, and I am awful at sudden decisions. I'm going to give a bad name and be stuck with it forever, like an idiot!!_ Virgil's mind whirls, and he is unable to speak through the panic. 

Patton glances over to see Anxiety standing frozen next to the table. Realizing that the anxious side must be panicking, he rushes to soothe him. "It's okay kiddo. No problem if you are too shy. You can be Anxiety until you want to tell me." Patton sighs as Anxiety unfreezes and sends a shaky smile in his direction before going back to setting the table.

A pang goes through Patton's chest, seeing all these stress reactions. He assumed the other side avoided them because he did not like and/or want to interact with them. He hadn't thought that it could be fear and shyness that was causing the distance. An oversight on his part, considering the other side is the embodiment of Thomas's anxiety. It was just, when Anxiety stole Logan's jelly at first and then never seemed to acknowledge it, then riled up Roman, it worried Patton. He did not want those values being translated to Thomas. So he kept his distance and an eye on the new side.

It wasn't until Anxiety's apology that he started to see that the sharpness of the other's personality may just be a defense mechanism. The way Anxiety seemed so worried over the apology made Patton realize he had not given him a chance. He had also found out that Anxiety had also apologized to Roman and Logan, and even apologized to Logan for taking his jelly before the resolution video! He guesses that he is used to Roman who would make a big production out of his apologies, or Logan who would make sure everyone had the facts of his apology. It had not crossed his mind that Anxiety would not tell all the sides that he had apologized, but looking at Anxiety quietly sitting at the table and staring at his hands, it makes sense. It seems like he had misjudged Anxiety.

Patton is resolved to make it up to him, but he does remember how Anxiety reacted that first interaction when a sleepover was mentioned. If Patton doesn’t take it slow, he is sure the other would just hole up in his room. He is hopeful that he can become friends with Anxiety, then be able to get him to open up to Logan and Roman. The first step is to start having meals with Anxiety, so they can chat. He realized after the invite last night that Anxiety might be, well, anxious to sit at the table with all three of them. So he got up early to try to eat breakfast with the other side.

 _Step one accomplished,_ Patton congratulated himself. But already Anxiety seems ready to bolt from the talking. _I guess this will be a quiet breakfast._

Virgil is surprised but thankful when Patton stops the questions after his name and they eat the rest of the meal in silence. He is still not sure about what is going on, but it is nice to eat with someone for company. Not as nice as dodging arms and thrown objects as Janus tries to capture Remus before he explodes something in the microwave again, and the laughter that is always in the air no matter how exasperated Janus is. Still nice, though.

Virgil starts when he hears noise start to come from the rest of the house. He brings his dishes over to the sink and starts to frantically clean them when Patton puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry about the dishes, Anxiety. I'll do them once the others finish eating. You can head out!" Virgil relaxes some and gives Patton a quick smile and a "Thanks" over his shoulder as he leaves the kitchen. He is able to get to his room without seeing Roman or Logan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Virgil. One out of three is a horrible number. But Padre Patton is going to try his best to help!


	12. Recapturing Motivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil hasn't heard from the Dark Sides, and Logan summons him for the Losing Motivation vlog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It always seemed weird that Virgil had one eye shadow longer than the other in the video.

Two weeks have gone by since Virgil sent his letters, and there is still no reply. Virgil sent a simple "Are you there?" note through the box, seeing if the other letters were lost. Not knowing whether they got the letters and are not replying or if the letters were lost is starting to eat at the anxious side.

On the other hand, at least he does not have to talk about the increase in shadows in his room. They are now enough to give him a good workout. No full-thought shadows that need Janus to hide, but they are becoming more aggressive than before. One caught him right below his eye, and it was starting to color. He did not notice the coloring until he got rid of his spider arms and the shadows under his eyes retreated.

 _Luckily it doesn’t seem to be swelling._ Virgil either needed to have his eye shadows grow until the bruise leaves or pull out his makeup bag. _To cover this up, I am going to need some decent shadows, which may affect my voice_ Virgil realized as he poked at the growing bruise. _Time to get out the makeup bag._

He was in the process of evening the black around the affected eye _\- Once I do that one I will know how much I need to blacken the other eye_ \- when something pulls at him, reminding him of Logan for some reason. He blinks and he is standing in his normal place by the stairs? Virgil quickly looks around and sees Logan and Patton dressed up - though Logan is much more serious about his Sherlock costume - and Thomas in his normal spot for a vlog.

 _Was I so busy with the shadows that I didn't hear Thomas set up this vlog?!? And how did I get here? Did Logan call me?_ Virgil tries to recover from his surprise, by complaining about his summons. Logan insults his makeup, so Virgil returns the favor on his new outfit. _Game on Logan._

"Can I help you?" Virgil asks, wanting this over with.

"Yeah, do you have any quarters?" Patton asks. Virgil really hopes he wasn't suddenly summoned and insulted for some quarters…

Logan at least gets to the point and accuses Virgil of being the reason for Thomas's procrastination. Apparently Thomas said he was anxious on how the video will turn out, leading to Virgil _. How is that different than any other video he does?_ Virgil does a quick check during Logan's rant, and Thomas feels okay. His anxiety is at normal levels for when he tries to make videos, and that hasn't stopped him before.

 _Logan really is getting into his detective character_ Virgil muses as Logan accuses him. He decides to humor the logical side for a bit and adds that he does love to avoid things.

"Can’t be a bad video if you never make one." Virgil taps his temple because why not use a meme? _This is all pretty ridiculous already._

Thomas cuts in to ask if there is a way to get around his "anxiety". _Trust me Thomas this is not your problem right now. I actually think you were doing pretty well today._ Virgil sighs as Logan tells Thomas to have confidence. Then Morality pitches in with allowing mistakes.

"And when in doubt, remember that everything we do is all pointless anyway." Virgil decides to add in his two cents, because when has nihilism ever hurt anyone? Thomas does not seem thrilled with his contribution, not that the other Sides notice. Logan and Patton are congratulating themselves on a job well done while Virgil just waits. He knows he is not the problem, which means that this is not over-

"Well, actually, I don’t know, I mean… Sure, there’s nothing for me to be scared of, but I don’t know, I’m still not feeling it…" Thomas says. _And there it is._

Logan gets very defensive at this, firmly pointing out that Virgil has to be the antagonist.

" I’m not ALWAYS the bad guy…" slips out of Virgil before he can catch it. Patton yells his support of Virgil which was not something that the anxious Side expected. _Patton supporting me in front of Thomas? How hard was that knock to the face?_

Virgil looks over to see Logan's reaction to Patton's support, but the logical Side is too busy trying to puzzle out who the new culprit would be. He asks Patton for things you need to make a video which he should have known was a bad idea. After watching Patton's suggestions start to go off the rails - a job application? - Virgil steps in.

"Can I take a stab?" Virgil asks, and was not prepared for Logan to scream "WHO GAVE HIM A KNIFE?!" 

"An idea! He needs an idea." Virgil says, and gets an affirmation from Logan. He decides to continue." And in order to do that, he needs to be creative. You’re looking for his fanciful side". _Boy, it feels good to give Roman some hell._

Roman appears with a grand "You called?" that Virgil denies. _He must have been listening in the whole time to hear that. I don't know how to summon people or whatever they did to me._ Logan goes into a dramatic - for him - accusation on Roman, who tries to deflect it to Virgil.

"They already ruled me out, Sir Sing-a-Lot." Virgil smiles smugly.

"Ha! I like that nickname, and I’m gonna use it now!" Roman retorts, causing the smile to drop from Virgil's face. _Damn I should have realized he would like another nickname._

Virgil watches Logan talk about how Roman procrastinates and Roman agree to not be as picky on ideas he brings to the table. However that does not seemed to have gotten Thomas motivated so the accusation is put on Patton. _If I had known that this is what I was going to be doing when I was called, I would have brought some popcorn. I am calling it now that Logan is also going to be involved because apparently everyone is at fault today, and I am LOVING it._

Logan and Patton discuss what Patton normally does to get passionate about a video, leading to Patton admitting that he needs help avoiding procrastination which normally comes from the plans Logan makes.

 _I FUCKING CALLED IT!_ Virgil tries to keep a straight face when everyone turns to Logan, who is starting to freak out.

"But I, I’ve been helping figure this out. I’m the cause of this. But I'm also the solution to a problem I have caused and will inevitably resolve. Am I in a paradoxical loop where I endlessly generate a problem and try to solve it like a snake devouring its own tail in order to satiate its hunger?!?!" Logan's anxiety is so high that Virgil can start to feel it himself.

"That was dark, even for me!" Virgil interrupts, trying to stop the other side from hyperventilating. Luckily Thomas is there to calm Logan down. He starts listing things that he can do next time to be more productive, like go to a library or make a schedule. _Holy shit, are we going to get something productive out of this?_

Now that he thinks about it, this reminds him of the new years resolution vlog. Even though it got ridiculous with the singing, Virgil was able to steer Thomas to a better solution. It seems like Logan took the steering wheel in this video, but Virgil can't complain with the results. _If they can keep doing this, then I can go back home!_

Virgil focuses back into what Thomas is saying to hear about these new ideas to dampen his "nervousness" at creating videos. He gives in to the impulse and points out it won't make it all go away, only to be shushed down by Thomas. _Still not liking not being listened to like the others, but again if they can pick up their own slack I won't be needed._

More plans to improve for the next video are made, and Roman jumps in to try to add good news.

"And look this video made itself!" he exclaims. Virgil can't let that go.

"And as usual, you are completely unnecessary." _Maybe that will cause him to back off more than the nickname did._ Roman supports that idea when he declares "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO SIR SING-ALONG THAT WAY! " Virgil sinks out so he doesn't respond _. He is so fucking extra…._

\----

The next morning Patton reveals while making breakfast that Thomas now knows Logan's name . He pauses and turns to Virgil. "That is Logic's name - "

"I know all your names." Virgil interrupts. Patton seems surprised by this. "Oh so they introduced themselves?"

"No, but I have overheard you guys talking to each other. You know, when you were ignoring me along with Roman and Logan" Virgil replies. He knows his response is a little petty, but he was up late taking care of the rest of the shadows and his normal speech filters are not working.

Patton's face falls and he turns back to making breakfast. Virgil sighs and tries to fix his screw-up. "Hey Patton it is not that big of a deal -"

"So I was right! Patton, you ARE cooking earlier! I was wondering why you did not eat with us - " Roman strides into the room, only to stop in his tracks when he sees Virgil sitting at the table.

"What are you doing here?" Roman demands, facing Virgil.

"He is having breakfast with me." Patton says, still cooking. "You are more than welcome to join us!"

"Why would I want to eat with Gloomy McGloom-face over there? He will ruin my appetite!" Roman proclaims.

Virgil gets up from the table and heads to the kitchen doorway. "That's okay Patton. I can tell when I am not wanted."

"That is right, you are not wanted at all! So maybe you should just leave altogether!" Roman yells at his retreating form.

"ROMAN!" Patton yells. Spinning around to confront the creative side. "That was mean! I like having breakfast with Anxiety!"

"But why, when you can have breakfast with us? Is Anxiety influencing you?" Roman questions.

"No, he is not. I can still have breakfast with Anxiety and hang out while you and Logan have breakfast later." Patton firmly states. "You are free to join me for my earlier breakfast ONLY if you are going to be nice!" Patton stares hard at Roman crossing his arms.

Roman spins around and heads back to his room, throwing over his shoulder. "I don't need to be infected by Anxiety's gloominess, and you shouldn't want to either!"

He slams his bedroom door and paces his room until his normal breakfast time. He decides to act like nothing happened earlier, and is grateful that Patton does the same. Patton apparently waited until Logan and Roman were up to eat since his early breakfast partner left.

 _He'll see how fun it is to eat with us again._ Roman thought _. I will just make our lunches and dinners fun so that he will stop trying to interact with Paranoia. Then Paranoia will be left out and go running back to the Dark Sides_.

With that plan in mind, Roman starts telling amazing tales of his adventures in the Imagination, and is relieved to see Patton's eyes light up at them. 

_Soon everything will be back to normal_ He vows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I like all the Sides. But Roman and Virgil are in for a rough ride, let me tell you!


	13. Questions and Solutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is getting a little overwhelmed, but is trying his best. And Roman freaks the fuck out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Boy! Here we go! Slowly falling into chaos!

Virgil almost didn’t go down to breakfast at his normal time in fear that Roman would show up again. But he dragged himself to the kitchen in the off chance that Roman would not be there. _I can always leave as soon as he shows up._ Virgil soothes himself. The worry turned up to be unfounded since Patton arrived at his normal time and Roman did not make an appearance at all. _Looks like we are all ignoring what happened yesterday_ he muses. But hey, if it means not having to deal with hostile Sides when he is barely awake, he can ignore with the best of them.

Patton did confirm for him that Logan had summoned him in the last video. It seemed to surprise the moral side that Virgil did not know the Sides could do that to each other. A pointed question on when he would have been able to use it before, since Virgil wasn't able to talk to Thomas before, stopped any questions Patton had on the subject. It seemed Patton did not like to talk about anything to do with the other Side of Thomas. And while that worried Virgil about how much Patton could like him if he is from that side, it is a good way to make him stop asking questions.

Virgil still hasn't seen a response from Janus and Remus, causing him to send off another "Are you there number two?" letter. _If I don't hear from them after a month, I will just visit them like before_ he reasons. _They can't be mad with the visit if the box fails to work._

To get his mind off of worrying about the letters, Virgil sits down on his bed and closes his eyes. He has been meaning to experiment with his abilities after struggling to keep up in the Valentines video. The unexpected summoning did remind him of his resolution. He wanted to first start with something he knows which is controlling anxiety before he will move onto controlling figments of Thomas's imagination and summoning other Sides. _The others seem so proactive with their jobs, does that mean that I can do that instead of always being reactionary?_

Breathing out slowly, Virgil sensed for Thomas and found him easily. He then looked deeper and saw Thomas's current level of anxiety. _So far so good. Now can I actively affect his current level without using shadows?_ If Virgil could do that, he could help Thomas in front of the Light Sides, without giving any clues that he is Paranoia. Or, the side they thought was Paranoia that was actually him _._

 _I can brood on that later, now let's see what I can do with Thomas's anxiety._ Virgil refocuses and contemplates how he can get rid of what he is seeing. At first he tried pushing it out through sheer force of will but the anxiety did not move _. Well, it didn’t move AWAY_ Virgil thinks as he watches the feeling seeming to move closer the more he tried pushing it _. Can I absorb it like I do the shadows? Re-filter it?_ Virgil reached for the anxiety and -

 _Oh shit! This stuff is potent_! He feels like he is drowning under the wave of anxiety that rushed to meet him _. I did NOT mean to take all of it!_ Virgil tries to push some back into Thomas, but he can’t push, can't move, can't think, can't BREATHE!!!

"The first step is to breathe" Janus tells Virgil as he hands over a cup of tea. "You can worry about the rest later, unless you forget to breathe. So breathe in while saying supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, then breathe out saying it again."

Virgil makes a face. "Why that word?" Janus smiles and rubs his head. "Because I know you are going to say it as fast as you can and it is the only one long enough."

As the memory finishes, Virgil takes its advice. _In - supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and out - supercalifragilisticexpialidocious..._ At first his lungs burn from wanting to move faster, but he eventually settles into calm breaths. He pulls himself out of the fetal position he does not remember getting into, and takes stock. The anxiety is gone, and it did not go back to Thomas. _I must have processed it._ He shudders. _So next step is to figure out how to only take a little at a time, because that was nightmare-inducing._

Virgil's stomach starts to growl and he realizes that absorbing all that anxiety has made him HUNGRY. The lack of noise from the other sides outside his room leads to Virgil poking his head out and looking around. He re-senses Thomas, and notices that he is now talking to the other sides. _Another vlog? I definitely need some food before then._ He continues to sense Thomas and hears him say it is going to be a Q&A. _Or I can have a relaxing meal while the others don't do anything important._

He is finishing up a protein bar and checking out the selection in the fridge when something yanks at him. Unlike Logan's summoning this pull was not a request, and flooded his senses with Thomas. Virgil feels the pull stop in time to be standing with Thomas and the other Sides. _Is THAT what Thomas summoning me feels like? Holy shit! How do these guys do this every video?_

Thomas shows no reaction to Virgil's surprise and calmly reads off a phone "Are you the same for everyone?". When Virgil asks what is going on, Thomas calmly replies that there is a Q&A question for Virgil. Thomas's lack of reaction to Virgil joining concerns him. _It seems like taking all that anxiety has had an affect on him._

"Just answer it, so we can move on." Roman gritted through his teeth at Virgil. _What crawled up his ass and died?_

Virgil denies that he is the same for everyone, and Thomas comments on his being heightened. Expecting to be kicked out now that he has answered the question, Virgil is surprised when Thomas says he should stay. He is pretty sure the only reason he is not kicked out is because of the little stunt from before. _But hey,_ m _ight as well take advantage of the mess I made!_

The next question is for Patton, enraging Roman. _Oh, he wants the spotlight. So it was probably only a little personal before._

Patton is asked for his favorite Dad Joke, and he tells a few. Each time the pun seems to mentally hurt Logan, culminating in the logical side trying to leave and getting hit with one more dad joke. Virgil watches as the logical side has a screaming mental break while Thomas moves on to give Roman a question. _Having your calm, logical side screaming in a corner would normally cause Thomas to worry. I am so fucking glad that when I tried my test he did not have a serious video planned!_

Roman then gets a question, that he grandly answers. Then Thomas moves on to group questions: name a song title about how you are feeling - _I am not okay(I promise) -_ , what pokemon are you - _haunter -_ , what content would you make on youtube - _I would make a bunch of videos about conspiracies and cryptids_ \- ,and what primary element are you - _water-_.

Roman did throw in a jab about Virgil being water - "you're a wet blanket" - and Logan accidentally made an air-head pun trying to insult Patton - who LOVED the pun- , but nothing surprising was revealed in these questions. _Nothing you can't find out about the others by eavesdropping in on their conversations. Oh wait, that sounds really creepy…_

Next Logan and Thomas spent a significant time failing to stop Patton from saying adultery instead of adulthood, causing Logan to make an "more like a Dolt" pun. This pisses off the logical side and caused the moral side to start squealing. _I am pretty sure Patton is just fucking with Logan right now. And I got to say it is fun to watch!_

Thomas is asking more group questions, but Virgil is more concerned with the lack of anxiety in Thomas. He needs to find a way to get it back to normal, and he doesn't think he can do the opposite of what he did in his bedroom without the other Sides catching on. Virgil is pretty sure blatantly giving Thomas anxiety in front of the other Sides is not considered acceptable behavior. 

Just when Virgil is wondering about doing some sort of jump-scare, Thomas asks what they do to relax. Virgil perks up at this. _I might have a way to get some anxiety back into Thomas the old fashioned way._ He smiles and waits his turn.

"I usually go and sit on a surface that isn't meant to be sat on. Because when tomorrow comes, I will be faced with even more challenges. And I am too overwhelmed to be worrying about what 'is' and 'is not' a chair." _Or at least that is what Janus tries to tell me when I am hyperventilating about how much furniture Remus has wrecked. And would you look at that -_

"Anxiety, I WAS feelin' good today, man." _\- it worked like a charm!_

They move through Thomas's most embarrassing incident, to favorite bands. They are hitting a flow and Virgil is relaxing into it, now that Thomas is acting more normal. That is, until Thomas asks for Virgil to compliment all of them. Virgil quickly replays the question in his head and finds the loophole. _It never says that I can ONLY compliment them. Only that there needs to be a compliment!_

He starts with Patton, and compliments his ability to fuck with Logan. Then adds that he is a clueless moron otherwise. _There, a real compliment but still not too nice._

He decides to use a similar tactic with Logan, complimenting his realistic outlook, but still calling him clueless most of the time. His compliment to Roman is not great, even he has to admit.

"Prince. I gotta say...you do impress me." He waits until Roman looks confused "...By being a clueless moron ALL the time."

Virgil turns to Thomas, but surprisingly he does not want one. Virgil smirks _If you are going to ask me to do something I don't want to do, you better believe I am looking for a loophole!_

Logic gets a chance to explain why he would want to be Data over Spock, and it surprises no one when the answer is about getting rid of feelings. Thomas then turns to the other three sides and asks for their names. Patton and Roman both say theirs, but are drowned out by Logan's phone. He puts it on silent in time for Virgil to say his name. _Thanks for that, Logan._

"I'm... not gonna tell you my real name. Because I don't have to."

Thomas moves on, and Virgil is thrilled that his gambit worked. He was not sure what he would have done if Thomas had pressed. _I still don't know if anyone knew "Paranoia's" real name from before…_

It is actually nice the feeling of answering questions with the others, Virgil muses. He is starting to see why sometimes the other Sides just hang out with Thomas like Janus explained. _This definitely puts the Disney show vlog in perspective._

At one point, Roman did try to claim all Disney videos were his favorite and vowed (threatened?) to sing the entire anthology. Thankfully, when he started to sing Someday my Prince Will Come, Patton pulled the rug out from under him by changing it to All Star, much to Virgil's enjoyment. Roman left in a huff after that, which was fine with Virgil.

Logic got the next question; what was the biggest mistake you've made? Morality jumps in to call out Logan for misusing infinitesimal to mean something really big instead of something really small. And with that, Logan also left ranting about how up is down and black is white.

"Well, we are starting to lose our interviewees." Thomas points out, but Virgil is still feeling the most relaxed he has felt not in the Dark Side. He tells Thomas he is game, only to be asked what other Side would he kiss. _Mother fucking, son of a bitch! What type of question is that?!? I should have known I would jinx myself…_ All the previous relaxation is now gone, and he sinks out leaving Patton as the last Side standing.

\----

Roman paces his room, terrified and infuriated by what had just happened.

"Thomas SUMMONED Paranoia! And he let him stay! So did the others!" Roman rants "He is already eating with Patton, who STILL hasn't rejoined us for breakfast. Now Thomas is inviting him to join us in videos?!?"

Roman stops in from of his mirror and looks himself in the eye. "It seems that I can't keep everyone safe from that villain by being passive." He takes a breath "I need to actively go after him now; he has gotten too close to everyone else as it is. Starting at tomorrow's breakfast. "

\----

Virgil blearily stumbled into the kitchen the next morning. The side effects from that anxiety stunt yesterday are hitting at full force. He had gone to bed early and yet still felt like he had pulled an all-nighter. And his muscles are sore from shaking during his panic attack. Virgil resolves to hold off on practicing that skill again until he feels more human.

It did not even register that multiple voices were coming from the kitchen until Virgil walked through the kitchen doorway. In front of him was Patton making breakfast, and Roman dancing while setting the table. Alarm bells sound in his head, but Virgil's reactions are too slow to back out before Roman spots him.

"If it isn’t Sleepy Emo. Didn’t catch enough Z's because you were planning ways for Thomas to loose his?" Virgil is too out of it to see the glare Patton shoots at Roman, and only registers silence from the normally nice Side. He does muster up enough brain cells for a retort.

"Nah, I let you have all the beauty sleep, considering you need it."

"You DARE question MY beauty! I'll have you know I am practically perfect, whether or not I sleep!" Roman grandly gestures to himself, letting the other Sides bask in his glory. "Unlike some, I do not intentionally make myself look like they are on the verge of death with their pale makeup."

"Ah Roman, I don't think Patton's makeup looks THAT bad." Virgil slyly retorts as he sits down at the table.

"I was talking about you- "

"And it is impressive you UN-intentionally make yourself look like you are on the verge of death."

"Now kiddos, let's be nice. We wouldn't want our breakfast to go bad." Patton scolds as he brings over a large pile of scrambled eggs and toast. "I am glad you could join us, Roman."

"Well I thought it would be good for you to have some WANTED company in the morning." Roman jostles Virgil's chair as he goes to sit in an empty seat.

"Roman, what did I just say -"

"Patton these eggs are delicious! Did you add extra spices to them?" Roman interrupts beaming at Patton, whose stern visage crumbles in the face of such praise. He starts to animatedly describe the recipe he used, missing Roman turning to smirk at Virgil.

For his part, Virgil is bewildered by Roman's new aggression. _Was he really that upset about my compliment?_ Virgil would be damned before he gave Roman an apology now, though.

As the meal continued, Roman would out barbs at Virgil, who tried to give as good as he got. If Patton got upset, Roman would just praise or distract the happy side and then go back to attacking Virgil. Finally, Virgil had eaten all his food, and made a break for his room. Dread fills him at Roman's parting words.

"See you tomorrow morning, Anxiety!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the Roman and Virgil dynamic is gonna get worse before it gets better...
> 
> I did have to edit out a slip-up of Roman calling Virgil by name at the end. Good catch Rainstorm67!


	14. Crank up the Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shadows continue to come, but Virgil does get letters!
> 
> Roman is showing up to breakfasts now, and things escalate.
> 
> Virgil is not happy going into the AM I ORIGINAL video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title of the chapter indicates, this is going to be the start of Virgil's spiral to ducking out. So trigger warning for everyone starting with this chapter.

And see him he did; Roman was now a permanent guest at breakfast. Sometimes he would distract Patton from talking to Virgil at all, others he would throw out words like "villain" and "unwanted" until Patton would scold him. Virgil did not want to lose his social time with Patton, so he put up with the annoyance that was Roman. Some days it was fun to verbally spar with the dramatic Side, but on others the taunts Roman used hit hard. Those were normally days that contained long sessions clearing out shadows in his room. He did not like those days, but they were also slowly increasing.

He now wears his hoodie almost constantly. It keeps him warm in his room, which has been made slightly chilly by all the shadows. It also hides any stray bruise that he may acquire fighting with the shadows. Virgil has been able to block or dodge any face attacks, so the hoodie is enough to hide his injuries from the Light Sides.

Virgil has contemplated sealing off the closet door to stop the shadows from getting through. However, that normally takes a lot of energy, and is much harder to unseal than seal. It would effectively cut off Virgil from the Dark Side. _And what if they want to visit me up here? The barricaded door will be a dead giveaway that something is up._ _Also, these shadows aren’t THAT bad. I've definitely had worse._

A month after he sent his letters to the Dark Side, Virgil got good and bad news. The good news is that he found new letters in the box when he checked. However, he had been looking forward to heading back over and visiting with Janus and Remus. Maybe have a meal that did not contain someone who hates him.

Virgil opens Janus's clean and neatly folded letter first, noting a date 2 weeks in the past written on the front. His suspicions are confirmed when he opens the letter.

_Virgil,_

_Smart thinking to check the travel time of these letters. We were starting to get worried you did not see the box when your letters arrived. Based on the date, there is a two week travel time. When Remus tested the boxes with me, that was not the case. Remus is postulating that you being in the Light Side is attributing to the delay. He is looking for a way to speed it up, but if the smoke and curses coming out of his room are any indication, it may be a while._

_Until we can make it faster, keep up the good work! The shadows are still decreasing here, so I hope the same is true for you._

_We will be watching for any new vlogs and are looking forward to seeing you in them. Keep up the pressure!_

_Glad to receive your letters,_

_Janus_

Virgil opened the penis shaped letter to see what Remus had to say.

_Hey Virgil,_

_I am so sorry the boxes take so long to send letters! Something about the damn Light Side transition seems to be affecting it, because it takes only a few hours when I try with boxes in the Dark Side. I will find a way to make them faster, I promise. Until then, just hang on like that long drip of snot out your nose._

_I do want to try sending other things through the boxes sometime. Like food, and animals, and blood to see how the two week delay affects them. Can we go through the boxes? What do you think?_

_Also, that dummy person thing that Thomas used in the Valentines video has made me inspired! Do you think I can get one of those into the box to send to you?_

_Kicking shadow ass for you,_

_Remus_

Virgil hastily brought out paper to start his letters. _Hopefully Janus can hold off Remus until he gets my letter back saying not to send live animals through the damn box._ He shudders, envisioning opening the box one day and either a dead animal is there or a feral and pissed off animal attacks him.

_Hey Remus,_

_I am sad that the travel takes so long, but don't beat yourself up about it. It is like the Light Side to fuck up our fun, right?_

_THE ONLY THING I WANT TO SEE IN MY BOX IS PAPER! NOTHING ELSE!_

_But I would not mind a few drawings from you if you have some laying around. It will liven up my room._

_Dealing with the Light Sides for you,_

_Virgil_

Virgil hopes the permission to send over drawings will be enough to stop Remus from deciding to experiment with his box. He grabs another sheet and starts his letter to Janus.

_Janus,_

_It has been a month since I sent my letter, and two weeks from the date on yours, so I think the two week travel time is confirmed. At least it is consistent! I was starting to worry that they got lost in the abyss. You should have received two short letters asking if you are there. I did send those when I hadn't heard from you._

_Since your letter, there have been two vlogs. In one I was summoned by Logan. I was wondering if you could share information on that talent. Can we do it too, and are there other things that the Light Sides can do that I should be aware of?_

_Things are fine here. I use my spider arms now when fighting the shadows so I don't get rusty. :)_

_Please don't let Remus send anything other than paper through the box!_

_Glad the box is not broken,_

_Virgil_

Virgil put the letters in the box, and headed down for breakfast rubbing his shoulder. He had received a bruise on his shoulder yesterday that was still sore. He didn't know if Patton, Roman, or Logan had any first aid supplies lying around the commons area, but he was going to check tonight. With Remus in the house, Janus always had some sort of medical supplies in every room. Virgil could really go for some Advil and a real ice pack, but he could make an ice pack instead out of towels and ice from the fridge if he had to. Virgil distractedly walked into the kitchen, almost running into Patton who put an arm on the bruised shoulder to stop him. Pain spiked through him, and without thinking Virgil smacked Patton's hand away. Roman yelled and pushed Virgil away from Patton.

"What do you think you are doing?!?"

Virgil scrambled to find an answer that did not point out his injury. "I don't like to be touched. Sorry" He mumbled.

"That's okay kiddo. I shouldn't have startled you like that" If Patton's forgiveness was supposed to make Virgil feel better, his sad and rejected expression took away any respite the forgiveness offered. Virgil left then, as Roman explained why it was NOT Patton's fault and how VIOLENT that made the other Side.

As with the fight with the three sides before, this event changed the routine. Touching was now apparently on the table for Roman to exploit during breakfast. He always made sure to do it while Patton wasn't looking, but a bump here and a poke there were now constants at breakfast. The worst was when Roman would accidently poke a bruise and Virgil would have to not yell out. He did not want to explain to Patton why a small poke hurt so much, forcing him to keep quiet. Roman took Virgil's silence as some sort of challenge and would escalate up to spitting yogurt at Virgil.

Roman had been looking through the fridge, when he pulled out a yogurt cup and went to the silverware drawer. Virgil had watched him, more out of making sure he did not get bumped again than anything else. When Roman turned around with a straw for the yogurt, Virgil became confused. Up until the moment Roman stuck the straw in the yogurt, picked it up, aimed it at Virgil and blew out the yogurt.

There was a stunned moment of silence between the three sides before Patton broke it. "What are you doing Roman?!?"

If Virgil had been hoping for guilt or remorse from Roman, he was thoroughly disappointed. The energetic side calmly turned to Patton. "It is a fun new thing to do that I saw Thomas's friends do. It is called yogurt-ing."

Faced with the certainty in Roman's voice, Virgil could hear Patton's anger changed to confusion. "That may be, but I am sure you are supposed to ask the other person first! You should say sorry to Anxiety."

Roman turned to Virgil and with the fakest smile Virgil had ever seen, proclaimed "I am sorry, Anxiety! Next time I will ask you."

Virgil turned to Patton, who seems to be expecting VIRGIL to do something next. _Wait, that is all? Am I supposed to accept that?!? He did it on purpose and he isn't really sorry! He's lying!_ Virgil continued to stare at Patton, waiting for him to realize this. Patton in turn seemed to be waiting for Virgil to say something, and went as far as to point to Roman.

He finally turned to Roman, and the fake smile was still on his face. Except a glint had appeared in his eyes because he knew Virgil knew he lied. Virgil got up and left the kitchen, hearing Patton complain to Roman about his actions and Roman defending that he had apologized.

He stopped going to the breakfasts after that, knowing that things were escalating and that Patton was an ineffectual deterrent . He would go down and eat his food when the others were in their rooms, which meant at odd hours.

It was a few days after the yogurt incident that Virgil sensed Thomas setting up a vlog. _Finally, let's get this over with_ he thought, waiting for an opening. It did not take long at all.

Thomas immediately goes into trying to copy the "Draw my Life" idea, so Virgil rises up and challenges him on it. He shoots down the idea, knowing the amount of change and risk of viewers it would cause. _You don't just change like that without a plan, Thomas. And maybe not even then!_

Thomas complains about Virgil not being chill and Virgil restrains a sigh _. So I am not chill if I don't go along with a dumb idea?_ He sneers a response.

"Sometimes I just gotta be me…an." _If that is what it takes to stop you from doing something dumb!_

Thomas groans again."I wanna be mad, but you're right, the idea is not original." Virgil points out that they can go hide in bed - _Or just not make quick decisions, why is no one else up here to talk this out? -_ when Roman comes up yelling against the bed idea. Still upset about the yogurt incident, Virgil tries a jab.

"Oh good... Prince Underarms-stink."

Both Thomas and Roman do not seemed upset about the insult, rather surprised about how uninventive it is. Virgil defends that HE is not creativity, which unfortunately puts the spotlight back on Roman, who admits that the Draw My Life was his idea. _Wait, he thought that was a good idea?_

However, instead of arguing for the idea, Roman instead tries to get full creative control from Thomas. It does not escape Virgil that Roman did not even try to defend the last idea. _Almost like he did not like it either._ Roman is now guilting Thomas into letting him have control, and Virgil tries to be the voice of caution.

"No, he is talking about full-on 'daydream mode', La La Land." _Come on Thomas, his best idea was a Draw My Life copy. Don't let him take full control!_

But apparently the key word to Thomas was Brainstorm, which Roman promises he will do. Thomas agrees and Virgil braces for the fight to stay and help Thomas _. I won't let you have full control and no voice of dissent_. Roman surprises him, though, when he calls in Logan and Patton instead of kicking Virgil out. 

It is nice to see Logan freak out once he realizes that Roman has full control. _See, I am not the only one!_ Patton has to get his pants - _why did Patton not have his pants on?!?_ \- but is supportive of Roman. Virgil adds his dislike of this to Logan's but it does nothing. Roman overrules all objections, and asks for ideas that are purely original. Virgil buckles in for the ride that is to come.

It starts out like all these get-togethers seem to; Patton's first idea is hot knives so he can make a knife pun. Logan tries to point out how rare complete originality is, only to be shushed down by Roman and Thomas. Virgil is surprised when Logan looks to him once that happens, but he rolls his eyes in sympathy. _It seems like Logan and I are going to be knocking down Roman's ideas. Maybe the both of us pulling back will stop Roman from going off the rails._

Roman then pulls them into a scene where they make a Kids React episode. Virgil is unsurprised by this, but does pause at the video that is being shown. It is of one person with a yogurt and a straw blowing the yogurt into someone else's mouth. _Couldn't resist showing this off, huh Roman? Not that it makes what you did any better, since it is obvious you did it to piss me off._ Virgil keeps all that in and only questions "Is this why Princey spit yogurt at me yesterday?"

Patton actually cuts the scene off and points out this has already been done. Logan hops on pointing out Thomas has already done videos like this. Thomas tries to take the sting out by pointing out he did like the changing format. Virgil then turns to Thomas to get him to stop this, but Roman moves the group to the next idea. It's the premise of The Office, and gets shot down pretty quickly. Roman then does a cut-away, making Virgil suspect that what the real reason for the idea. _He is not taking this seriously…_

Roman then describes Epic Rap Battles of History, and challenges Logan to a battle. Virgil waits for Logan to point out this has been done before, but apparently Logan had been preparing for a rap battle with Roman one day and looks stoked for it. So Virgil waits until Logan does his -pretty impressive - lyrics before pointing out then un-originality of the premise.

Roman seems upset that this has already been done before when Patton tries to cheer him up.

"Oh, come on. I mean, you lost, but that was still fun to watch!"

Virgil interjects "If it's not original, haven't we all lost?"

Logan agrees with it not being original, leading Roman to put him on the spot for a good idea. Virgil was hoping Logan had one, only to watch him change back into the detective outfit from the motivation video. Roman jumps all over that being a copy of Sherlock, causing Logan to change back. _I guess it was silly to think that Logan already had an idea, because he would have told Roman it. We are going to be here a while…_

Patton then asks Thomas about what he likes, surprising Virgil. _That is actually a good way to figure this out because he is going to have to love it. Or else the anxiety of making it will cause him to quit. Now it needs to be something not already obvious -_

Thomas comments video games, and they get pulled into a scene of Patton doing a -

"Let's Plays" Virgil informs the group. Roman seems dispirited, so Virgil offers for them to stop - _You tried, you failed, let's go to sleep_ \- but that was shut down.

Even so, Roman is definitely running out of ideas, as the next two are teenage mutant ninja turtles ripoffs and Musical.ly. In desparation, Roman describes Vine, which hits a little too close to Thomas's anxieties. Virgil interrupts.

"Princey, you are done. Give it up." and gets a half-hearted nickname in response _. He is done, when is he going to admit that pure originality is not only impossible but not what Thomas should do_?

"If I can't think of an original idea, what would you think of me? I can't... let you down." The desperation in Roman's words causes Virgil to look over at the other Side. _Am I not the only one with insecurities?_ It doesn’t erase what a jerk Roman is, but it does make Virgil realize the pressure put on Roman while he has control. _If I had full control for more than a minute we would all be panicking and hiding in Thomas's room._

Thomas tries to sooth Roman, pointing out that the creative side can never let him down. That surprises a "No?" out of Virgil, because of course all of them can let Thomas down. But Thomas denies this, at least for Roman _. Would you say the same for me, Thomas? Have I never let you down?_ Virgil bites the inside of his mouth to not ask those questions. It would show how much he wants Thomas's approval, but he also does not think he will like the answer he gets…

Virgil tunes back in to hear Patton talking about doing something not original in your own unique way, which doesn't sound so bad. However, that was not what they started with, so Virgil jumps in to be the devils' advocate. _If they can't defend it, Thomas is not going to be able to either._

"But if it's not original, it's a copy."

"An imperfect copy. And the imperfections are what would make the content unique. We can learn and be inspired by others to create our own content." Thomas replies. Virgil admits the lower stakes of creating unique takes on non-original ideas would be less stress.

Even Logan gets on board with the idea, and Virgil has to pry. "Oh, so you're on board with them now?"

"Well, I've always had my doubts on creating something entirely original, but I'm no defeatist." Logan responds. The look Logan gave at the work "defeatist" felt like a jab at Virgil. Virgil takes the hit, surprised at the jab from the logical Side. Roman also takes a jab, with a look at Virgil while saying "Thanks, everyone. Well, almost everyone."

Virgil sinks out, before Patton and Thomas have a chance to dog-pile on the insults. _I just want to fucking go to bed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil needs a hug you guys. And a vacation.


	15. Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton has a chat with Virgil, a truce is made, and an audition happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patton is going to fix things!

Virgil is able to avoid the other sides for a week and a half before Patton corners him. Virgil had come down to eat long after he heard the others go to their rooms for the night. He had finished his meal and was finishing cleaning his dishes when he hears someone behind him. Virgil was surprised to see Patton when he turned around, expecting it to be Logan getting water again. Patton, however, did not share his surprise.

"Hey Anxiety. How are you?" The words were spoken quietly, almost timidly. That alone changes Virgil's reaction from leaving to at least answering. Not that he was going to give a real answer - _I got two bruises from yesterday's fighting with the shadows and I am DIY-ing my first aid, Roman seems ready to fight me, I miss hanging out with you, who knows what Logan thinks of me since we ignore each other, Thomas probably thinks I let him down, and I desperately want to see Janus and Remus but that can't happen -_ so he tries one that will at least soothe the normally happy Side.

"I am doing fine, Patton. Can I help you with something?" Virgil is relieved to see the smile he gets in return.

"Well, I have been kinda missing our breakfasts together, you stopped showing up -"

"Roman spat yogurt at me." Virgil interrupts.

"He did, and that was not right. He did apologize though!"

"Patton, he did not mean it. You know he did not mean it."

"Now, kiddo. You don't know that for sure." Patton protests. _No, but I know a way to find out._ Janus never would allow an apology like that to stand. If any of the Dark Sides were ever fighting, Janus would make sure that any apologies said were meant. Sometimes that mean the apologies were not all that great - _I apologize that I hurt your feelings -_ but at least it was honest. Not that he could call Janus here to clear up the issue...

"Does it matter if I know it FOR SURE? You were there, did it look like he was sorry?"

"Just because he didn't look completely sorry, doesn't mean he wasn't" Patton says weakly. "What if he promises to not throw anything at you? Would you come back to breakfast?"

 _Not enough._ "How about he promises not to touch me at all? And that includes throwing things at me."

"I don't think he will start touching you!" _He already has, you just haven't noticed._

"It is either that or I am not having breakfast with him."

Patton shrugs. "Okay. No reason for him to not to promise that! I can ask him at breakfast tomorrow and then we can have lunch together!"

Considering that the extra fighting with the shadows is has been causing him to sleep in, Virgil would actually prefer a later meal.

"But what about Logan?" Virgil asks. He doesn't know Logan's feelings on him sharing a meal.

"Normally both Roman and Logan grab quick lunches because they are always working on something. I am sure Logan won't mind when he does eat. And I will have more company for the meal! Both of them have been working on that audition Thomas has coming up so I normally put plates in front of their doors." Patton is bouncing a little at the prospect. Virgil perks up at the idea that it will be just him and Patton.

"Sure, that works."

"Yay!" Patton steps forward like he is going to hug Virgil and Virgil tenses. One of the bruises he has is on his ribs and he does not want anyone squeezing it. Patton must have noticed because he sheepishly stops.

"Sorry, Anxiety. I forgot you don't like touching. Hey, want to watch a movie with me? We could have a movie marathon!" Virgil is tempted, because it would allow him to linger in the warmer common room instead of his room. In the end he decided to see how tomorrow's lunch goes first.

"Not tonight, Patton. How about a rain check?"

"Sure thing, kiddo! Have a good night!" Patton calls as he prances out of the kitchen. Virgil shakes his head, smiling, and goes to his room.

\----

Patton hums while making breakfast, eager to start the day out. He finally talked to Anxiety last night, and he agreed to eat with him again! After the yogurt incident, he had let Anxiety have his space thinking that was what the nervous Side wanted. But after a week of him not returning for breakfast, Patton started to become worried. It took another few days to pin down when Anxiety left his room to be able to "accidentally" run into him.

The fact that he had to wait up until early morning to see Anxiety go eat worried him. _That can't be good for his sleep!_ However, those food trips to avoid the other sides should now be over, because he is going to eat lunch with them! Patton did not miss Virgil's interested glance when he mentioned that the others are usually too busy to eat lunch, which probably means that he will prefer lunches to breakfasts with Roman. _So we went back a step. That is okay! We can start moving forward again! I just need to get Roman to promise to stop bugging Anxiety!_

With his usual impeccable timing, Roman walked through the door at that thought. "Good morning Patton! How was your night?"

"It was good! I ran into Anxiety and was able to talk to him!" Roman stopped moving toward the table and instead faces Patton.

"Oh? Was he skulking about after we went to bed?" Roman tried to feign nonchalance for the question. Patton still frowned at the wording.

"He was having dinner when I walked into the kitchen. We talked and he agreed to come back for breakfasts!"

"Is that good news - "

"But first, you have to promise not to touch or throw things at him again." Patton interrupted. Roman is shocked. Did Paranoia tattle to Patton about him poking the other Side?

"Did he say I was touching him?"

"No! But he really did not like the yogurt incident. And you know he has said before he doesn't like touching." Patton replies. Roman calms down at knowing that Patton is not aware of how often he would use the "not liking touching" against Paranoia _. Sneaky of him to try to get the promise under the guise of the yogurt incident!_

"Why should I be the only one to promise that? What if he decides to throw something at me?" Roman doesn't really want to promise, or else he will have to come up with another way to drive Anxiety away. _This way was working so well! He stopped coming to breakfasts and avoided everyone!_

Patton frowned over at Roman. "I mean, if you need the reassurance from Anxiety, you can always ask him to promise as well. But you were the one that spat food on him. He hasn't done that to you, has he?"

"No." Roman admits, then sighs. "Fine, I promise not to touch or throw things at Anxiety…"

"Great! I will let him know. Hopefully he will be back around for breakfasts tomorrow!" Roman did not want Patton to be alone with Paranoia, so he quickly offered to come along with Patton when he talks to "Anxiety". Patton brushes him off.

"Nah, that is okay kiddo! You are busy now anyways, right? Thomas has that big audition soon!" Patton smiles at Roman. "So exciting!"

Roman caught the excitement from Patton and spent the rest of the breakfast detailing how he was going to get Thomas the part.

\----

It was just Virgil and Patton for lunch when he came down. Patton assured him that Roman had promised to not throw or touch him again, so he can rejoin them for breakfast. Virgil countered with sticking to lunches for now, and was happy to not get any pushback on that. Virgil was also busy with the upcoming audition, and didn't know he would have time for two meals with Patton in his already busy schedule.

The day of the audition arrived, and Virgil had to spend extra time in the morning managing Thomas's anxiety. _Make sure you have everything you need to get to the audition and to let you in_. Virgil projected to Thomas multiple times _. You won't have a shot if you can't even get on stage!_

Once Thomas arrived at the audition, Virgil went down to eat lunch with Patton. They were chatting when buzzing started roaring through Virgil's head _. What could possibly be forgotten right now_ -

"The lines!!" Virgil yells out loud, startling Patton. Patton looks strangely at Virgil, who explains.

"Thomas just forgot the lines to the audition." Virgil quickly senses where Thomas is, and winces when he realizes that he is was just called up. "Roman is about to take a hell of a beating."

"Language!" Patton gets up and cleans off his plate before putting his dishes in the sink. "Oh dear, I will go check on him!"

"Do you want me to come?" The offer is out before Virgil thinks on it. He doesn’t really want to help Roman, but he also has an inkling on how bad Thomas's ego is about to be hit. Thomas had been psyched up for this all week!

"No, that might not be a good idea." Patton says slowly. "I'm not sure why you made Thomas forget his lines, but Roman is not going to be happy about that right now."

Suddenly, a wave of anxiety hit Virgil, and all he can do is breathe through it. _Looks like Thomas just realized what he forgot._ It wasn't until after he had ridden the wave through the entire audition and he looked up to an empty kitchen that he realized he had not protested the accusation.

 _I can't make Thomas forget things, I can just warn him when the anxiety from forgetting starts._ Virgil protests. A thought hits him and he freezes. _I didn't tell him to remember the lines._

 _That is normally Roman's and Logan's job, to remember lines! I didn’t think I was needed to do that!_ But apparently he was, or else Roman wouldn't be hurt. _I messed up and someone got hurt…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought I wrote in the forgetting thing just for Virgil to meet Thomas, didn't you? Mwhahaha
> 
> Also, Virgil just seemed upset in the next video, even before the debate, so I had to figure out a reason why.


	16. Negative Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The negative thinking video happens, and Virgil is not okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Sanders Sides episode written out. I have a love/hate relationship with them.

Virgil is in his room, where he has holed up since the audition. He periodically checked up on Thomas, since he knew Roman was going to be out of commission for the near future. _I gotta make sure I don't forget anything else important… and let Thomas down more._

He flinches at the thought. Thomas had said that Roman could never let him down. Surely that applies to all his Sides? _Yeah, let's go ask him if I have ever let him down. I didn't ask when he brought it up because I knew the answer would not be good._

Virgil senses for Thomas again, half-tempted to actually go ask; then the answer would at least be known! But he senses Thomas calling for Logan, and he starts to pay attention. _What does he want Logan for?_

The reason becomes obvious when Thomas starts mentioning the audition. When he hears Thomas ask how he did objectively, he ports to his normal spot by the stairs.

"You screwed up." Thomas jumps and yells and Virgil decides to speed things along. "Anxiety what are you doing here? Yes, this is exactly what you do every time I pop up, let's just skip that part, we get it. You don't want me here, but I'm here and this is what I do." _I am not going to fail at my job again._

Thomas weakly protests that this is all Virgil does, but Virgil doesn’t want to hear it. He points the conversation back to the main point. "You did a bad job, Sanders!" _Accept it, so it will burn in your memory what NOT to do next time!_

Logan, who had been watching the byplay quietly, interrupted. "Where specifically did he do a 'bad job'?"

Virgil stares at Logan. _Where have you been?!?Do you not pay attention during auditions? I thought you helped take care of things for it…_

Virgil pointed out that Thomas forgot the lyrics to the song, and Logan tries to make Thomas feel better by giving a VERY specific example in a MOVIE that the character forgot their lines and it made it in the final cut. _And how many takes of forgetting his line are on the cutting room floor?_

"That is an extremely specific and random fact to call upon for the sake of feeling secure." Virgil points out, but Thomas is happy to use that one data point to show he didn't do awful. _Come on Logan, are you not going to point out the confirmation bias going on here? No? Fine… there are other problems with that example._ So Virgil points out to Thomas that movies have the benefit of multiple takes and theater does not. _Come on, you already know this. Face the facts so we can stop this from happening again!_

Thomas yells at Logan to say something in response, and Virgil is pleasantly surprised by Logan admitting it is a fair point. Logan then asks why Roman and Patton are not here to give their input. Virgil keeps his head down while Thomas tries to summon the two, and Roman and Patton yell up how Roman is hurt and Patton is taking care of him _. Hurt because I fucked up. I should have known to check that. This is my fault…_ Virgil shakes his head and tries to focus back on the conversation.

Logan had to break it to Thomas that he did not do well at the audition. Virgil decides to echo the sentiment. "Yeah, it was a train wreck."

Logan snaps at Virgil that that was "very emotionally charged.", throwing Virgil for a loop. _I thought we were all on the same page, so we can move on to how to stop this from happening…_ Virgil defends his comment at a more effective way of saying the same thing as Logan, not understanding why Logan is upset with him.

"Ah, I see the issue, Thomas. I now realize there is only one persona here holding sway over your feelings, and they fall quite heavily on the negative end of the spectrum. If you allow your thinking to be influenced too much by negative emotions, then it will lead to cognitive distortions."

Virgil fumes while Logan explains cognitive distortion to Thomas. _Just because something has emotion in it does not make it wrong!_ The whiplash he got from Logan first agreeing, then accusing him is messing with him. _What happened? I am just trying to get to the next steps! Logan pinned me as the villain before. Does he agree with Roman, that I am unwanted?_

"Therefore, I must do what I can to guide you towards a more accurate outlook." Logan concluded, and Virgil snaps."Of course when it comes down to it, you take Princey's side."

"I'm not taking his side, did I say I was taking his side?" Logan counters. "Quite honestly, I find both you and Princey to be a little too... extra." This causes Virgil to sputter while the other two comment on Logan's use of a vocab word. _How an I too extra?!? We have barely even talked, and I am normally the one with a realistic option for Thomas!_

"I cannot make you feel better with positive or comforting words, but I can work to bring a clearer vision of the entire situation that this corner of the room is obscuring." Logan tells Thomas indicating Virgil's corner, earning a glare from Virgil _. I want to help, why is he acting like I am trying to mess with Thomas?!?_

"I would write an angsty sonnet illustrating my contempt for you if I actually cared enough about what you were saying right now." Even before Virgil finishes his comment, he knows that he is being petty and irrational. _I need to calm down. I have already fucked up once today, I don't want to lose Thomas listening to me too._

Thomas asks Logan what he proposes to do, ignoring Virgil's comment, and Logan proposes a debate. _Fine, I can handle that -_

Logan snaps his fingers and Virgil feels a pull like when he is summoned. He appears on a stage behind a podium, in a triangle with Logan , who is also behind a podium, and Thomas, who is behind a table. _Where the fuck are we?!?_ Virgil is hit with the spotlight shining on Logan and himself; the light feels like absorbing shadows, but with a different tone. Instead of processing the insecurities and dark thoughts, the light is making him feel more focused. Like he can see better the shape of any problem. _This must be the light thoughts and feelings that Roman, Logan, and Patton deal with. I wonder if this feeling is specific to the lights that Logan deals with, or if all of them feel like this_?

The head rush from the new focus from the light puts Virgil off balance. He is able to hear Thomas ask him for his name, which is not going to happen. He leans forward and tells him no, and proceeds to complain about the setup of the debate. _One side chooses the rules without any feedback from the other person? And we are not even going to talk about the audition? That is not fair at all!_ Not that Thomas or Logan are listening to him.

Anxiety starts to rise as he sees Thomas ignore him. _He was listening before! Why not now?_ He does focus to hear Thomas talk about texting someone who he liked that "made me feel itty-bitty butterflies in my tummy and sunshine in my heart." Virgil groans while Thomas continues "At one point in the conversation, they suddenly stopped replying to me; my question to you is, do they hate me?" _Seems like you are already biased to one answer, so let's give it to you._ "Definitely."

"Interesting, Would you care to elaborate?" Virgil looks over at Thomas, confused. _The question is already biased towards that being the answer, do you really want the worst case scenario spelled out for you?_

"I mean why else would they not reply to you; people use their phones for everything these days. Do you honestly believe there's any chance that this person didn't see your text? You were probably just annoying them the whole time, and they were replying just to be nice and then that got boring."

Thomas turns to Logan for his answer, and Virgil listens with half an ear as Logan talks about jumping to conclusions. Logan and lists various reasons for the other person to stop texting Thomas - "How MUCH they hate you." Virgil has to add to the list - and how Thomas shouldn't draw conclusions from limited data. Logan ends with neither a yes or a no, only a claim of needing more data.

 _But sometimes you don't need every data point to know they don't like you. I don't need know much about Roman, but he definitely hates me_. Virgil gulps as his anxiety rises some more _. And he is going to be furious if Patton tells him I made Thomas forget his lines, even though I didn't!!_

"My argument was more convincing" Virgil says to get under Logan's skin and to distract himself from his thoughts. Annoying Logan was successful based on the look on Logan's face when he screams "Falsehood!", but Virgil can’t seem to calm down his anxiety.

Thomas starts with Logan on the next question about if he didn't finish everything on his task list on the weekend; was the weekend a waste? _Depends on what you forgot. Was it important? Did you let someone down? Did someone get hurt because you weren't paying attention? Are you never going to be forgiven for it?_

Logan responds to Thomas's question with a vague "No, not necessarily." and Virgil jumps in to point out that it wasn't a straight answer _. This is the second time he hasn't just said yes or no!_ Logan tries to regain Thomas's attention, but Virgil keeps talking, causing them to talk over each other.

"Well are you going to answer a question honestly? Like are you going to do that? Because I'm waiting for you to give an honest straight up answer—" After that, even Virgil isn't sure the actual words to his argument, the anxiety riding him hard. _Fuck! Why am I so anxious? I am trying to process everything so Thomas won't feel it, but it is not working like normal._ Virgil feels the spotlight like a weight on his shoulders, causing him to come to a realization. _Maybe the light is making me focus on my anxiety, so I can't get rid of it? Shit, so I just have to ride this out until I can leave the stupid light?_

He knows at this point that he is not really debating, or playing fair, with Logan anymore. Emotions are riding him hard, and he has to admit that he does do those cognitive distortions when he is this far gone. It makes it all the more critical to get out of this as soon as possible. Thomas asks if they can bring order to the debate, and Virgil jumps in before Logan can.

"The plain answer to that question, Thomas, is that you did not follow through with that plan. Therefore, yes, it was a waste. See, Logan. I even used your reasoning to come to that conclusion." _When I get out of here, I am NOT going to be happy with my answers to Thomas. I can tell that much now. But first I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!_

"Okay. That was your turn, now it's my turn. Thomas, did you complete all that you set out to do? No. But you're leaving out a lot of the things that you did get done. This act of ignoring the positives is called "mental filtering" and it is not healthy. Give yourself credit for the things that were accomplished." _On one hand, that is a good point Logan. But on the other hand-_

"This is unfair. You're rooting against me, and you're the moderator." Virgil hopes that an appeal to bias in the debate may sway Thomas or Logan to end this.

"Aw... What's the matter, Anxiety? Are you worried that your silver tongue will land you in the second place?" _Fuckin' show you silver tongue!_ Virgil hisses at Logan, which seems to unsettle the logical side.

"I'm sorry did he just hiss at me?"

"I do that when I start reaching my limit with stupid questions." _No one is listening! Got to get out of here! Thomas will - Wait, Thomas! I can make Thomas want to get out of here!_ Virgil focuses on the Host, who is asking him to bear with him a little longer. _I don't think I can…_

"Anxiety, this morning, I went to go get a coffee and the barista was extremely charming."

"Ugh, charming…" Virgil does not want Thomas to have a panic attack - _I have more than enough anxiety in me to cause that!_ \- so he tries to add just enough to make Thomas feel antsy. _It is like trying to pour out a teaspoon of water from a full five gallon bucket!_

"Things were going really well; there was some witty banter, and then at the inevitable 'Enjoy your coffee', I replied with 'You too'. Did I - "

"- You blew it and you're a moron" Virgil must have succeeded, because Thomas accepts his answer and tries to move on. _Yes! Let's go!_

Nothing can be that easy, though. Logan stops Thomas and goes on to describe magnifying issues. _Okay first of all, completely true. Second, this is extremely similar to the confirmation bias you tried to give Thomas earlier, so you can't judge!_ Under the lights and with Logan's explanation, Thomas seems to calm down and listen to the logical Side. _Shit!_

Virgil then tries to accuse Logan of ignoring the facts - _like I am having a meltdown here! -_ but only gets a "chill pill" in return. It is getting hard to look calm, and he has to keep biting the inside of his mouth to not start yelling.

Thomas asks ANOTHER QUESTION, but says it is the last one. _Let's get this over with!_ The question seems to be about a recent video not doing as well as past videos, and what it means. Virgil's shadows under his eyes desperately want to grow, but he knows that if it does Thomas and Logan will have questions. _Questions I can't answer without being hated. Well, hated more, because they have to hate me to keep me here!_ He tries for a quick answer.

"Well now you can't argue with numbers. It could very well be... Time to panic and/or cry." _Just like I am about to._

Logan calls this preposterous, and goes on to describe this a over-generalizing. Virgil is struggling to focus on what he is saying, so he injects 'Your mom' insults into Logan's speech. He is able to focus a bit when Logan screams "Falsehood" at him for the last one, but Virgil is running out of time.

"Ugh. You know what? I've had enough of this; none of this makes any difference, you know why? Because I'm right and you're wrong, that is why." _Look, Logan moved us all here. That should be like when I pop in on Thomas. I just need to really visualize us back in Thomas's living room, and use some shadow power to get us there._

"Here, I'm ready to give my closing statement. This is stupid. He's stupid. I'm out. Scenario over."

Virgil snaps his fingers, focuses on standing in Thomas's living room, and WILLS them to get there. After a second, relief rushes through him. Logan's light is not on him anymore and he can focus on things other than his anxiety! He is able to process it like normal and calm down. _I can finally think clearly!_

Logan seems upset that Virgil took them out of the debate, not that Virgil cares too much. He is interested in what the hell that place was and if all sides have one. He can't remember having a space in Thomas's mind that was his other than his room. But that question is for later.

"Was it really getting us anywhere?" _I was either about to have a major panic attack in front of you or start morphing into my Paranoia look._

"Actually... I think maybe it did." Thomas counters. Virgil stares at him in astonishment. He is having a hard time remembering much other than anxiety overpowering him, but he is sure that he is not proud of his side of the debate.

Thomas starts identifying cognitive distortions in his view of the audition, as Logan watches on proudly. Virgil takes a long look at Thomas and sees that he looks more confident and able to deal with the failure in a more healthy way _. I just want to help. I want to help you. I want to help Janus and Remus. I even want to help Patton and Logan. I don't want to hurt anyone, even Roman. But I am not doing any of that right now._

"And Anxiety" Logan calls, pulling Virgil from his thoughts.

"Save your insults. I'm just going to deck out." He starts to sink down when Logan interrupts.

"Actually, um, I was going to tell you that was a good debate today."

Virgil pulls up. "What" _This has to be a setup for an insult._ "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you did a good job."

"How? I was barely trying. I hissed at you." _I was over my head and not able to cope._

"Yes, I must admit, that as a fairly uncommon debate tactic. But despite you clearly not enjoying taking part, you still participated, you offered your points, and you even reasoned in your own way, and all that is commendable."

"I gotta say, I don't really know how to react to you complimenting me. I kind of thought you didn't like me. Especially after last time when you called me a defeatist." _And considering we have been successfully able to avoid each other in the common areas for over a month._

"Well, you are wrong about a lot of things, but I don't necessarily mind your company, the other two can bring in a whole lot of sunshine and that can be unbearable, and I can't imagine having a debate with either one of them." Virgil winces, thinking about how off the rails the debate would have gotten with the other two. _Maybe even more than that stunt I just pulled?_ It makes him feel better until he realizes that Logan thinks that was his best debating. _Nope, shelving that anxiety until I am out of this group therapy._

"I guess I just kind of assumed that- " Virgil started and Logan interrupts with "You jumped to a conclusion."

Thomas whispers how this was just what they talked about to the camera, causing Virgil to smile a little. _He is really not that subtle._ He goes back to acknowledging Logan's point. "Touché. Thanks."

Thomas now seems to be incredibly pleased with himself. "Glad to see you guys working some things out." Virgil knows that while this was a start in actually getting to know Logan, they still have too many things unknown to call it worked out. _He still will hate me for being a Dark Side._

"We didn't work anything out." snaps Virgil as he sinks out. He rises in his room, and looks around blankly for a moment before falling back on his bed. "Did anyone get the license plate of that acid-trip-of-a-bus that hit me?" he mutters at the ceiling.

There is no response from his stuffed animals, so Virgil guesses that means no.

\----

"He's as stubborn as ever." Logan mutters while sinking out. He arrives in his room, and sits down at his desk. Attributing emotions to himself is not something he normally likes to do, but he has to admit he feels almost giddy from Thomas listening and learning today.

He also has to admit that the entire endeavor went much smoother than he would have predicted. Anxiety really did try to reason for a while, especially at the beginning. He did note that when Anxiety did not think he or Thomas was watching, the other Side would look worried, almost panicked. He also thought he saw Anxiety looking furtively around at the beginning, and was not able to figure out why. Logan kept waiting for it to affect Thomas, but except for one small exception on question three, Thomas did not seem to have any bad effects.

That made the logical side curious. Was the light in his dream space magnifying the little worries in Anxiety to seem much bigger? Was that how Anxiety was feeling, or is it only and external change? Does Anxiety actually hold some of the feeling back from Thomas? Logan realized that he really hasn’t talked to the new Side, so he has no basis to build a hypothesis from. He had tolerated the new Side when he arrived, but saw no reason to get to know him after accusing Logan of not doing his job. He had expected Anxiety to be the negative version of Patton, with no ability to reason. But looking back on some of the arguments Anxiety has made in the vlogs, Logan has to admit that he may have jumped to a conclusion as well.

The main question that is plaguing him now, is how did Anxiety pull them out of his mindscape? From what he could gather from Patton, Roman, and himself, only the person's whose mindscape you are in, or Thomas, can pull people in or out. That is how it becomes claimed by a Side; they have control. Yet Logan did not feel his control of the space change when Anxiety pulled them out. He does not know what that means, but he is going to get to know Anxiety to try to solve the questions he now has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting to give Logan a POV. 
> 
> Light Side three has entered the game!


	17. New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is back, Logan is showing up to lunches, and Virgil gets used to a new routine. Also, new letters!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New doesn't mean better...

Roman stayed in his room to heal for about a week, though Virgil was sure the last two days were to plan some sort of grand entrance and to milk Patton taking care of him. Virgil can't say that he did not enjoy being able to freely roam the common space without Roman showing up.

Patton would still come out and have lunch with Virgil every day, which was nice. Logan had also joined the lunches, and seemed surprised at first to see Virgil there. However, after that surprise Logan did not give any sign of wanting Virgil to leave. In fact, Virgil sometimes felt like Logan was watching him like an experiment. Like he was mentally taking notes on Virgil's answers and reactions. It was a little unnerving, but did not seem hostile. And it was not like Patton ever pushed for answers if it made Virgil uncomfortable. It did make Virgil wary of asking too many questions himself, from fear of what the logical Side would be able to read between the lines.

Virgil hoped that the observation was because Logan was curious about him now that they had "debated", and not looking for a way to get rid of Virgil. _Just because it doesn't feel hostile, doesn't mean he wants you to stay..._

The tradeoff from having to watch what he is saying is watching Patton break Logan with puns. Virgil still hasn't figured out why the logical side hates puns so, which adds to the fun of observing it. Patton's goal seems to be to get Logan to say puns too, like the Q&A vlog, but Virgil has no idea how that is supposed to happen with his current actions.

Logan is talking about the misconceptions on the bird flu that were generated by an arrogant populace - Virgil is not sure how they got on this topic - and concludes with "- really most the 'facts' used to cause a media panic were unfounded." It is soothing to hear Logan to talk about topics like these, which help rationalize away different anxieties. He is not sure if the logical Side is doing it on purpose, but Virgil is grateful nonetheless.

"So what you are saying is - " Patton starts, and Virgil glances at the side, seeing the big grin on his face. Logan also knows what is about to happen and starts the threats.

"Patton, you only talk like that when you are about to make an obnoxious pun. Cease right now!"

"- that the people who made a big deal about the Bird Flu were _bird brained_?" Patton finishes with a flourish, undeterred by Logan's yell of outrage. Virgil doesn't know if he smiles because of the bad pun, or the reaction from Logan, but he ducks his head so the others don't see.

"That is all the nonsense I can take for today. I will be in my room if anyone wants to have any _intelligent_ discourse." Logan gets up and puts his in the dishwasher before storming off. The exit was marred by the chipper "Bye Logan, have fun with your thinking stuff!" that followed him out.

Virgil looks at Patton, who is happily finishing his lunch. He had been wanting to get Patton alone for a while to ask the next questions. He casually goes over to put his dishes in the dishwasher before turning back to Patton.

"Speaking of Logan's room, have you ever been to his mindscape?" Virgil watches Patton closely, because even though he doesn't think the happy side will lie to him he wants to make sure that he isn't hiding anything either.

"Oh yeah, tons of times! He likes to drag Thomas there when trying to get him to remember things. He mostly keeps it as a library or a study or lab. The debate design for the video was new. Why do you ask?" Patton seems completely relaxed when explaining, showing no signs of subterfuge. _So you can change what is in the mindscape. Good to know._

Virgil shrugs, trying to look like this is an idle conversation. "First time I have been in one. No big deal."

"First time in one? What about your own? Don't you have one?" Patton asks, alarm starting to ring in his voice.

Virgil realizes two things quickly. The first is that he is supposed to have a mindscape, and the second is that he needs to bluff his way out of the hole he just dug himself into. "What? Of course I have one. Sorry, I meant first time I have been _pulled into_ one." He scoffs "You don't pull yourself into your own mindscape!" _Please be right, please be right, please be right…_

"Oh that makes sense! Well, we tend to use our mindscapes a lot with Thomas, so you will see Roan's and mine at some point." Patton is back to happily eating his food. Virgil sighs in relief and excuses himself.

Virgil wasn't given much time to think about the mindscape information, as three things happened at the same time. Roman finally left his room, Thomas had got the part from the failed audition, and he got his letters from Janus and Remus. Virgil found out the first two things together, as Roman's grand return running around the common areas singing about how Thomas - and by extension Roman - got the part!

Virgil had been getting ready to head down for lunch, having fought off the shadows currently in his room, but changed his mind with Roman running around yelling. With the change in plans, he decided to tidy up his room. He had grabbed some string and made a rough clothes-line for the towels he used for ice packs. Virgil still hadn't found a first aid kit anywhere, so he was still improvising. After hanging the towels to dry, he straightened his bed. _And now cleaning is done; that used up what, all of ten minutes?_

Virgil idly goes over to check the box - he had been checking the box in the morning once a month had passed - and it is completely full of papers! After quickly looking at the top few, realizes that they are drawings from Remus. Virgil quickly digs through to the papers until he finds one folded in the form of a very disturbing fish - _blobfish, right? How did he even fold the paper to look like that… -_ and one clearly labeled with his name.

_Virgil,_

_As I am sure you noticed, Remus has been over the moon with the idea of drawing you things. I made him promise to only send them with the letters, or he would fill your entire room with paper. Good luck sorting through the myriad themes. I did try to pull out the most disturbing ones, but, well, it's Remus._

_Summoning can be done for any side when you are in the Light Side or out with Thomas. I believe it is because they wanted to push us away that we are not able summon people to, or get summoned out of, the Dark Side. The exception being, I believe that Thomas may still be able to summon us from wherever, as we are a part of him._

_It won't surprise you to know that Roman can conjure things like Remus. I am not sure what Logan's and Patton's abilities are, but I am sure they have some. I also think I have seen them shapeshift as well, but nothing compared to me. Logan shifted once to look like one of Thomas's teachers, but he kept his clothes and mannerisms. Other than that I do not know._

_Remus and I saw the three vlogs since your last letter. It was heartening to see Thomas call you himself for the Q &A. And it was also good to see you pulling back on Roman's unoriginal ideas._

_Keep up the good work!_

_Janus_

Virgil unfolded the blobfish to see what Remus had to say.

_Hey Virgil!_

_Still no luck with making the letters go faster. But I did try some of my other experiments on the second pair of boxes. It is probably good I did not send an animal through to your box. Let's just say that the hour delay between the boxes was more than enough time to fuck them up. Bad._

_I got to say it was hilarious watching Logan turn against himself! He inspired me with his talk of snakes, so Janus's room has the snakes eating themselves now._

_Good work tamping down my brother's bad ideas! And you didn't even have to hit him with a blunt object to do it! Keep up the good work so we can hang out soon!_

_Might send a blunt object through the box,_

_Remus_

After reading both the letters, Virgil couldn't keep it back anymore; he bursts into tears. _I miss them! I want to go home! They are not going to like the last vlog, because I did horrible!_ He is not sure what to write that won't hint at how much he wants to be down there with them, so he sticks to just the topics they brought up, and a question about the mindscapes.

_Janus,_

_I think Remus is going to try to put a blunt object to send to me, can you stop him? And thanks for trying to filter the drawings._

_Logan took me to what he said was his mindscape. It seems like all the Sides up here have them. Do we also have mindscapes? Or is it a Light Side thing? It also had some Light that really messed with me; like it amplified my anxiety?_

_Thanks for the info, I will keep a lookout for what Logan and Patton can do._

_Keeping working,_

_Virgil_

_Hey Remus,_

_NOTHING THAT IS NOT PAPER IN THE BOX! Especially after what you said about the animals…That includes blunt objects!_

_I really like the drawings, and am going to put them on my walls._

_Thanks for the feedback! I hope you like the newer vlogs as well._

_Hoping you listen about the blunt object thing,_

_Virgil_

Virgil sends the letters and spends the rest of the day finding places to put Remus's drawings on the wall.

\-----

Pain explodes in Virgil's chest, waking him up from a dead sleep. He instinctively conjures his spider arms and lashes out. One hits a shadow looming over him, knocking it across the room. It recovers from the throw and attacks Virgil again.

Now awake and in full "fight" mode, Virgil gets rid of the shadow relatively easily. He glances around to see if any other shadows are in his room. He sits down and takes stock, first verifying that it is early morning. The shadow got a solid hit in while he was asleep, and Virgil knows he will have another bruise to the collection.

What is really bothering him, though, is that shadow attacking him at night. Even in the Dark Side, the shadows don't get into the common room at night. And he always double-checks his room before going to sleep in the case one is hiding and will attack him while he is vulnerable. Which only leaves the shadow sneaking in his room after he checked. _So the shadows can sneak up on me at any time?_

Virgil doesn't even try to go back to sleep after that thought.

\----

Virgil can blame his sleep deprived-ness for forgetting that Roman was now out of his room, and that the creative Side had not seen Virgil at lunch before. In his daze, Virgil went down to the kitchen at the normal time, greeted Patton and Logan, and started when Roman's shout echoes the room.

"WHAT are YOU doing here?" Roman is standing in the doorway, glaring at Virgil. _Ah, shit he is back around._ Virgil glares back, but before he can retort, Logan surprises him by joining the conversation.

"Considering you are looking at Anxiety, I am going to assume that you are talking to him." Logan looks over at Virgil, then turns to Roman again. "Currently he is masticating."

"He's WHAT?!?" Roman's voice has lost none of the volume, and added a lot of befuddlement.

Logan sighs "He's chewing, Roman. It is a common occurrence when partaking in a meal."

"Hey Roman, want some lunch?" Patton interjects, patting the empty seat next to him. Roman looks conflicted, but moves to take the seat. Virgil braces himself for a bump as he passes, but none happens. _Oh yeah, he had to promise not to touch me_ Virgil remembers.

The rest of the meal goes pretty well, considering it is easy to ignore glaring when sleep deprived. Virgil takes it as a good sign for coming to lunches.

And with that decision a new routine emerged. Virgil is paranoid at being attacked in his sleep, so he wakes up periodically to search the room. He continues to go to lunches, and Roman has incorporated his breakfast tactics into the later meal. He will ignore Virgil to talk with the other two, and try to keep Patton and Logan from talking with him as well. However, Roman is keeping his promise to not touch, so the meal time is not bad.

Virgil also continues to work at getting better with Thomas's anxiety. He is now able to easily sense how anxious Thomas is; Virgil is now able to decode what Thomas is feeling before the shadows arrive. He uses this to his advantage and routinely pops up on Thomas to proactively warn about an upcoming issue before Thomas starts to panic. Virgil doesn't think that Thomas is grateful for the change; he never seems to want to have him there for long, even if his heads-up does prevent things from happening. _I am being proactive like the others AND keeping his anxiety lower this way. So why does he still act like my goal is to get him to freak out?_

Virgil chooses to ignore those thoughts, hugging his snake and octopus stuffed animals and trying to focus on the good _. I am getting better at my control, and lunches aren't awful. Things aren't so bad. I just need to get used to my new sleeping arrangement and it will all be good._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to draw out when each video aired to figure out when Virgil will be getting letters. It was fun trying to find out how far behind the Dark Sides would be from what Virgil was going through. Of course, that is not good for poor Virgil...
> 
> Also if you don't know what a blobfish looks like, it is the deflated putty-looking fish. It creeps me out, is all I am saying.


	18. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Virgil learn new things. Some better than others.

Every night or so, a shadow would appear and attack Virgil. The new sleep schedule stopped them from taking him unawares, so it then became the norm. Virgil got used to being in a constant sleep deprived state. _At least I don't have to use makeup or shadows for my dark eyes._ A side effect of his proactive training with Thomas's anxiety is that Virgil is able to keep the shadows he is holding from showing on his face. However, if he does try to use some, it is much harder to control the amount that shows up. Virgil knows he should be worried about the shadows reaching over his cheekbones if he lets them show on his face, but he can't muster ups the worry.

Apparently anxious Virgil and sleep deprived Virgil react the same, because none of the other Sides seemed to notice the change. He had expected Patton to worry, Logan to ask more pointed questions, and Roman to gloat. But none of that happened _. I guess it would be asking too much for them to notice, considering how little we actually hang out_ Virgil had to admit to himself.

Virgil was sitting watching the others chatting over lunch trying not to feel too hurt that he wasn't included in the discussion _\- I don’t even think Roman tried all that hard today_ \- when he sensed Thomas start a video. He perked up when Thomas talked about another year of "doing … whatever the heck I am doing.", and senses a spike of anxiety. _Yeah, Thomas definitely is none too please with that._

He glances up to see if Patton, Roman, or Logan have noticed the vlog only to find Roman and Logan staring where Patton used to be. Virgil senses Patton trying to tell Thomas he is feeling great, and rushes to get up there as well. _T_ _homas, just trying to describe what he is doing caused anxiety; that is not feeling great…_

When Virgil rises, he notices that Logan and Roman also did the same with the same skeptical look for Thomas.

"I'm not alone on this one? Nice." Virgil comments, happy to point out that he is not the only one to notice a problem. Thomas's sarcastic response about him being happy to see Anxiety working together with Logan and Roman hurts. _So I am not supposed to have the same opinions as the others? No one else gets called out like this._

Patton voices confusion so Virgil steps up. He asks if Thomas is where he wants to be, - after having to rephrase because Logan's literal bullshit! - knowing full well the answer to that question is no. Both Roman and Logan chime in - one more reluctantly than the other - to voice the same concern.

Thomas tries to deflect with Patton's support. _Going back to your tried and true way of dealing with things, Thomas? Ignore it until you can't; which normally ends with having not chance to fix anything before what you were ignoring bites you in the ass?_

Having both Logan and Roman on his side makes it easier to corner Thomas so he can focus on the issues - _how little time you have left … how do you stack up…all for the betterment of THEIR futures_ \- even if Patton is fighting hard against it.

In fact, Virgil had to admit he was more of a wingman to Logan's and Roman's arguments. He was a little shocked at how easily the others brushed off all of Patton's suggestions, but when the suggestions included staying up to 5 am and eating **like fucking Remus** ** _-_** _spaghetti and chocolate syrup, really?_ -it is hard to disagree. Even when Logan pulled way to far in the opposite direction _\- he made Thomas look like The Man. How is that even possible?_ \- they compromised on a good middle ground without Virgil having to drive it there.

Thomas also pointed out that they need to not disregard Patton all the time because he has contributed amazing ideas before. _And I didn't have to do anything for him to see this. He's learning, or maybe he has already graduated. The same goes with the others..._

Virgil is pulled from those thoughts when he hears Patton mention Mindscape. _Thomas is getting his own mindscape? I mean it makes sense because it IS his mind._ Virgil tries to sense all that Roman and Patton do to create the place, and gets a vague sense of them syncing Thomas to an area. He ties to focus more on that syncing, only to get blinded as he is pulled into the new space. _Mother fucker! So much light!_

Roman and Patton quickly tone down on the light and actually give the space some decoration for everyone. He was happy that he got a space too, even if it was blank. _Again, they don't know anything about you, how were they supposed to decorate it?_

Virgil wanted to take more time to explore this new place; even though there was light here, it did not affect him like Logan's mindscape light did. _Maybe it is because a neutral ground?_ Unfortunately, Patton decides to try to talk about issues, so Virgil sinks out with a "Happy Birthday" to Thomas.

He appears back at the lunch table with the Roman and Logan.

"Well I am glad we were able to work together to help Thomas find some direction." Roman said. Virgil looks at him, surprised that Roman would be glad to do anything with him. Then he notices that Roman is facing Logan, and is pointedly turned away from Virgil. _Of course_ he sighs, slouching back into his chair.

"Yes, the compromise that we ultimately settled on is quite satisfactory, Roman" Logan agreed. He then turned to Virgil and started to say something _\- Is he going to acknowledge that Virgil helped_? - when Patton appeared squealing.

"I told him my name! I told Thomas my name! And he liked it" cheered the happy side, bouncing in place.

"Well that is wonderful!" Roman praises, reaching over to hug Patton. "Now we don't have to call you Morality and can address you by your magnificent name!"

"Yes, it is easier for us that Thomas now knows all our names. That way we don't have to be on guard when talking in front of him -" Logan comments, only to stop when Anxiety gets up and marches out of the room.

"Logan! He doesn't know ALL our names!" Patton protests, trying to go after the dark Side only for Roman not to let him out of his hug.

"Of course he doesn't know all the Sides's names. But he knows all the names that we know. Since we do not know Anxiety's name, we cannot accidentally say it in front of him" Logan defends himself, but still frowns at the doorway Anxiety left by.

"Yeah, Patton! If Anxiety is upset, it is because he missed Logan's point." Roman was more than ready to back up Logan, since his comments made Anxiety leave the room. "Anxiety is more than capable of telling Thomas and us what his name is."

"I guess so…" Patton is still not happy that Anxiety left like that, but there is no reason that he can't tell them his name…

"Great! Now let's finish our lunches!" Roman uses the hug he still has on Patton to drag him back to his seat. When he lets go, Patton stays there and starts eating. Logan is doing the same from his seat.

 _Exactly how lunches should look_ Roman thinks as he sits down and starts on his plate.

\----

Virgil slams his door closed, absently checking the room for shadows even as he slumps back on the door. "Yeah, Thomas knows ALL our names." he laughs bitterly "Maybe Logan should have just said what he thought; Thomas knows the names of all the Sides that matter."

With no shadows conveniently appearing so he can take out his frustrations on them, Virgil decides to distract himself with the new information he had gotten on mindscapes. Rubbing his definitely NOT tear-stained face, he makes his way to his bed.

"So a mindscape is somewhere that is 'synced' with the Side?" Virgil asks aloud, staring at his ceiling. "That means all I have to do to have a one is to sync an area of Thomas's mind to me. Easy" He rubs his face, not even sure where to start. _But it is either thinking of this or thinking of -_

"Okay! So maybe see if I can sense somewhere that already feels like me?" Virgil was committed to this distraction, damn it! He closes his eyes and senses.

First, he keeps coming back to sensing Thomas and his anxiety, as that has been the only thing he has ever tried to sense, but slowly he is able to pull away from Thomas. Virgil is not expecting to find anything other than an area that is closer to him than the others. Then he can start to figure out how to make it his. What he was not expecting was to get drawn to an area that already feels like him.

"I already have a mindscape?!? Why didn't Janus and Remus tell me?" he squawks, opening his eyes in surprise. "I haven't gotten Janus's response to the topic, so maybe you can't use them in the Dark Side?" Virgil closes his eyes again and re-finds his mindscape. He then wills himself to the area, and feels the temperature drop to FREEZING.

Virgil opens his eyes to see full-thought shadows approaching him, ready to attack. He jumps to avoid the first blows, but one of the shadows gets him in the leg. _I ALWAYS IGNORE MY PROBLEMS UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE_ shouts through his head. Virgil desperately pulls toward his room, and is giddy with relief when he lands on his bed.

His relief does not last long as a thought occurs to him _. What if I pulled those shadows here?_ But a scan of his room shows that to be an unfounded worry.

"Okay, time to take stock" Virgil mutters. "My mindscape has shadows. Not that surprising actually, but all of the ones I saw were full-thought shadows. None of the small shadows. And the one that hit me seemed familiar…" He ponders this for a bit, feeling something akin to the buzz when Thomas forgets something starting up in his head. Meaning he forgot something.

"Why did it feel so familiar?" He repeats _. It is like I have seen it before_ \- He freezes. He had seen it before. It was one of the full-thought shadows that Janus kicked into his portal the last time he was down there.

"Wait" Virgil urgently sits up, feeling the buzzing go away. " Does that mean that Janus kicks the shadows into MY mindscape?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Virgil has a mindscape! He can do so many fun activities in it... 
> 
> Also, Logan fucked up. 
> 
> Virgil will get past all of this, but it is going to be a rough few chapters as this careens toward the accepting anxiety video.


	19. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is just holding on, and then comes the letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with fake Thomas's past. They don't apply (or I have no idea if they apply) to the real Thomas in any way. They weren't meant to.
> 
> It was hard writing how to get Virgil to the point of ducking out, when all I wanted was for one of the Sides to figure it out and help him...

After more time than Virgil wants to admit screaming supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and squeezing his two stuffed animals with all his strength, Virgil finally calms down enough to think.

"Okay, so the fucking CREEPY BAD-THOUGHT BASEMENT that Janus holds the shadows in is actually my mindscape. Maybe they don’t know?" Virgil is still curled around the stuffed animals, muttering into them. "Maybe there is a good reason for this…"

_Janus is firmly hugging Virgil, rocking him back and forth. "Virgil, listen to me. Sometimes we have to let things go."_

_"But what about - "_

_"No." Janus interrupts. "You can keep worrying all you want, but it is obvious we don't have all the information. Right now you need to wait until you get this information before you freak out Thomas."_

_"What if the new information confirms everything I am worried about? What if that priest really did hurt our friend? He could have! John was there during the time that priest was hurting the other kids!"_

_"Then we deal with it, and him, at that time." The grimness in Janus's voice strangely grounds him. "But if we freak out now, we may put Thomas at risk of not being able to help his friend later. So wait until we hear from him before we take action."_

_"I don't know if I can." Virgil whimpers, holding Janus with all six arms._

_"You need to for Thomas's sake." Janus counters, then tightens his hold. "But don't worry, you are not alone. We can do this together, right Remus?"_

_Another set of arms tightens around Virgil. "Yeah, like my pansy-ass brother would say, 'We're all in this together'. "_

"Okay, so I wait until I hear back from Janus. He can tell me what the fuck is going on, and maybe it will all make sense." Virgil looks at the Tim Burton calendar hanging over the Letter Box and does some math. "I have a little over a week before I get a response from Janus." He takes a deep breath. "I can't think about this until then."

And with that resolution done, Virgil puts on his headphones, stares at the closet door, and starts his first sentry stint of the night.

\-----

Virgil went down to lunch just like normal the next day. Honestly , in between his sleep deprivation and NOT THINGKING ABOUT IT, he feels almost pleasantly numb. _You just got to make it to the next letter._ He thinks, ignoring the other sides as he shovels food in his mouth. _Just got to survive until then, and that means eating._

He feels Logan staring at him harder than usual, but the logical Side does not start up a conversation. _Just making sure I realize that I am not a Side that matters._ He doesn't start any conversations - as usual - but does talk to Patton. _It seems even Roman can' t keep him from talking to me._

"Hey Anxiety! How are you?" Virgil looks a little harder at the happy Side, because that almost sounded worried.

"I'm fine Patton. You?" Virgil replied. Patton beams at him and proceeds to talk about plans for Thomas, complete with puns much to the annoyance of Logan.

The lunch proceeds like most of their lunches after that, and Virgil settles into the rhythm _\- monotony_ \- of it.

\----

Virgil can honestly say that he does not remember much in those nine days between finding out that his mindscape is the jail for all shadows and Janus's response letter. He just remembers opening the box and seeing a bunch of new drawings from Remus, signaling that somewhere in there are two new letters.

Virgil desperately digs and finds a paper folded in half with his name written neatly on it. He opens the letter to read:

_Virgil,_

_I triple-checked what Remus put in, and was able to pull out a knife, a rock, and a bust of Thomas Jefferson. I do not think you will be getting a blunt object, but let me know if the little shit snuck one in._

_Mindscapes are Light Side things. Remus, you, and myself do not have one. If any of them ask to see yours, deflect and find some cover story about why you don't want them there. Maybe it will affect them adversely like the light in Logic's affected you?_

_Let me know what you find out about Patton and Logan. It seems like you have a handle on Roman when he goes off the rails, but I hated to see you struggle with Logan. Was that because of the Light that you were talking about? I assume so but please let me know if not._

_Unfortunately, Logan held too much sway in the last video. It was very lucky that Thomas got that role even when flubbing his lines. He did not mention any way of PREVENTING that mess from happening again. I hope you can get Thomas thinking long term rather than these short-term 'am I in trouble RIGHT NOW' idea. Keep up the pressure!_

_Proud of you,_

_Janus_

Virgil stares at the letter. _Janus can lie. He HAS to know that the place he sends the shadows is to a mindscape. And if he knows that, he knows it's mine. He even says to not let the others try to go to it! It feels like me! HE KNOWS IT IS MY mindscape!_

But why the lie? Janus has told Virgil more unpleasant realities than his area of the mind is a jail of shadows. In fact, it is not surprising for Janus to slowly introduce a similar topic to Virgil until it is not scary at all. The fact he did not do that with the mindscape is a stark difference. _HE KNOWS! HE HAS TO! He knows the place in Thomas's mind that is most synced to me is only good to let shadows rot!_

Virgil numbly opens the - what Virgil assumes is a realistic digestive tract. _He has to be using his conjuring for this! It feels Squishy! Come on!_ \- and read Remus's letter:

_Hey Virgil,_

_You told Janus about the blunt object thing, didn't you? Because he took away all my perfect blunt objects for you! Sorry, but you will have to find something up there to beat my brother with by yourself._

_I am really happy you like my drawings._

_Are you okay? I know Janus wants you up there the whole time, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something is going on with you. Don't worry, I haven't said anything to Janus, because we both know he would beat the shit out of all the Light Sides if it meant making you feel better. But you seemed distant in the last letter and I worry._

_Hope you are okay,_

_Remus_

_And now you are worrying Remus. That is never a good thing; You are fucking up again!_ Virgil takes a deep breath. _What are you going to do?_

He gets up and paces around his room. _First thing is to lay out the facts…_ "Janus is lying to me. He knows that place is mine; he has to! Is that why he sent me up here? Because I have a mindscape like the Light Sides? Or is that another lie?" scrapping his fingers through his hair helps ground him some, but it does not give him answers to the questions.

 _Or maybe he sent you up here because he doesn't want you with them anymore. He doesn't want a light side with them._ Virgil curls his arms around himself, increasing his pacing. _Maybe he that is why he stopped the visits. So he doesn't have to look at the person whose mindscape he uses for shadows._

Dizziness is starting to set in from both the pacing in a circle and his increased breathing _. Okay, stop. One thing at a time. Do you call Janus out on his lie or not_? "he has the ability to lock off places from Thomas. Could he block me off from my mindscape if he knows I know about it? Would he?" The first question's answer is easy _; Yes_. The second question used to be an easy answer, before Janus lied to him _._

 _Do you WANT to be locked out of your_ mindscape? That thought causes Virgil to pause and consider. Right now his mindscape is a dark frozen Hell with all of Thomas's bad thoughts crowding it. But - "It's MY mindscape" He argues to himself "I could change it. If I could get rid of all the full shadows…"

 _So the first thing is to not let Janus know that you know about the_ mindscape _. Next, does Remus also know and/or do you tell him?_ If he was going to be lying to Janus then - "Remus would tell Janus whether he is in on the lie or not; he would confront Janus if he did not know, and he would snitch to Janus if he did. So I have to act like normal with Remus as well."

 _Write the letters, then worry about the shadows in the mindscape._ Now with a plan Virgil pulls out two pieces of paper. _Get the tough one out of the way…_

_Janus,_

_Nothing got through, thanks! Remus suspects I snitched on him, so be ready for him to try harder!_

_That is a good deflection. If they have more questions I can go into detail how Logan's mindscape light fucked me up to scare them off. Speaking of, the light in Logan's room forced me to focus on my anxiety. To want to analyze every detail of it. Which of course made me get a shit-ton more anxiety. You and Remus be wary of lights if you go to one of the Light Sides mindscapes; it may adversely affect you too._

_In the latest video, the other sides and Thomas did an okay job working though his problem. I only had to steer a little bit; maybe Thomas almost good enough to be left alone with the Light Sides?_

_Missing you,_

_Virgil_

And that is what was tearing Virgil up inside. He misses Janus and Remus, even if they are lying to him. If he had to choose between having his mindscape and being able to go back to the Dark Side, he would start packing immediately. But Janus doesn't want him in the Dark Side; he was the one to push for Virgil to not go back down. And if that is the case, then why not look into his mindscape?

 _First, Remus's letter._ Virgil grabs the other piece of paper and starts writing.

_Hey Remus,_

_I can neither confirm nor deny forwarding that information to Janus. :)_

_I have a ton of your drawings all over the wall, they remind me of home. How are things down there? Are the shadows lessening still?_

_Sorry for making you worry! I am doing fine. Just miss hanging out with you guys. Thomas and the other sides are getting better at handling problems so maybe I can visit soon!_

_Hoping for the best,_

_Virgil_

Virgil slowly folded the letters, addressed them, put them in the box, and closed the lid. _No going back now._ Feeling completely drained, Virgil decides to start his nap/wake/nap cycle for the night. _Because even though my mindscape is filled with shadows, some still find me here..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil needs, like, a lot of hugs right now. 
> 
> Remus is catching on, but will he figure it out in time?
> 
> Also, I figured out how many chapters this story is going to be. I just have to write them...


	20. Making some Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has a plan, and survives another video

The next morning, Virgil was ready to focus on his new mindscape. He wants to go back there and check it out, but there are a few large problems in the form of all the full shadows. So he is back to pacing his room, trying to find a way around them.

"I can't fight them all on my own" he mutters as he takes a turn. "Some of those took both me and Remus to grab them and chuck into the - my- mindscape. But what else can I do to get rid of them?" _You could absorb them_. He pauses, fully considering that thought. He had bad setbacks when he tried to absorb any full shadows in the Dark Side, but he has gotten much better with handling anxiety based on his training with the anxiety in Thomas. "It's worth a try. Go in, grab absorb one of the shadows, then pop back here to process the bad thought. Easy"

Virgil ignores how that last statement was filled with sarcasm, and pulls out his spider arms. He then concentrates on his mindscape and appears there much faster than last time. _Just like visiting Thomas, you just got to practice._

He scans the area, dodges the first shadow attacking. When a second shadow comes close to land a blow, Virgil grabs on and PULLS - DO I HAVE TOO MUCH ANXIETY? IS THIS NORMAL? - the shadow into him. _REALLY? THAT is the one that is going to be the test case?!? FUCK!_ Virgil quickly appears back in his room, knees giving out on him as the weight of the worry pulls him down.

He grabs his stuffed animals and breathes slowly, letting his surroundings fade to focus on not hyperventilating. _This is just as bad as that time you took all of Thomas's anxiety. And you survived that, so you will also survive this._

When his surroundings came back into focus, Virgil looked at the clock by his bed. _Almost lunch time_ he muses. _So it took a couple hours to go through one of those shadows. Great. How many of them were in there?_ Virgil glances at his mirror and does a double-take. His entire face is covered in shadows, with his eyes glowing purple. Listening, he can even hear some of his Tempus Tongue in his BREATHING. " **I might have overdone it for the test."** He speaks aloud before he thinks about it.

Virgil slaps a hand over his mouth and quickly senses for Thomas. _His anxiety levels are a little heightened, but he is nowhere close to a panic attack._ Virgil focuses a little harder. _And it seems his anxiety is coming from not seeing his friends as much. Not from the idea of having too much anxiety._ A relieved breath escapes, followed by a smile. _What just happened didn't affect Thomas. You kept it from him._

Virgil pulls in on his external shadows, returning his form to normal. " **Now it** is time to go eat." He mutters, felling the last of the Tempus Tongue leave his voice.

Lunch was routine, not that Virgil paid it much attention. He was distracted by the rush of actually handling a full shadow by himself, and the implications of that. If the other Sides noticed, they did not comment.

Virgil leaves lunch as soon as he could without getting questioned by Patton or Logan. Back in his room, he decides to start putting up Remus's new drawings. At least the ones that are not disturbing. "For Christ's sake Remus, the top half of a blobfish and the bottom half a man? And it is a sex scene? How did this get by Janus?"

While keeping his hands busy with putting up pictures, he starts to form a plan. "I can take care of the full shadows. So I can go into my mindscape and clean it out." Already feeling exhaustion from before lunch, he decides not to chance it, and only take out one a day. "There were, what, like 20 in there? It shouldn't take too long."

With that plan in mind, Virgil steps back and looks at the collage of pictures on his wall. "Now I just have to find a lighter to burn the fish-man drawing…"

\----

For the next three weeks, Virgil enacted his plan. Grabbing a full shadow in the morning, processing - surviving- the bad thought, going to lunch with the Light Sides, and then starting his nap/get rid of shadows/nap in the afternoon. The days that only being sleep deprived seem like a pleasant dream with having the exhaustion from processing added on top. _But you are doing it for Thomas, getting rid of his worries. When you have your mindscape, you can help Thomas solve problems in it like Logan did._

He even went online to find better coping techniques, including a new breathing routine to help with the surges of anxiety he is subjecting himself to.

He also keeps tabs on Thomas and his anxiety, and is happy to see that Thomas is none the wiser on Virgil's actions. He is a little worried with how the anxiety for his friends is continuing to grow within Thomas. _Seems like too many changes are causing Thomas to forget what keeps him happy_ Virgil muses. _This has got to be affecting Patton as well._

But when Virgil watches Patton during lunches he can't see a difference in the happy side. He keeps monitoring, just in case.

Based on the worries Virgil senses in Thomas, it does not surprise him when he finds Patton, Roman, and Logan all talking to Thomas for a vlog. Quickly listening in, Virgil can see that they are talking about making MORE CHANGES in Thomas's life and not getting to the bottom of why Patton might be extra emotional right now. _Back to ignoring problems, Thomas? You know better than that._

Virgil quickly goes to jump in, to the groans of the Roman, Logan, and Thomas. _Not sure whether it is the sleep depravation, or the emotional exhaustion, or the bruises, but that did not hurt as much as it normally does._

"What up, Anxiety!" Patton is his usual bubbly self, waving at Virgil. Virgil gives a look to Patton, the only one who seems to care.

"Just here to say I am on your side." Virgil wants Patton to know. It doesn't seem like the emotional side is going to fight to be heard, _and you really just want to pick a fight._ Patton keeps up a non-confrontational front - _he was JUST talking about being off balance but doesn't know what he is arguing now?_ \- and Thomas tries to claim they are all on the same side.

"Really? I find that hard to believe. You wonder why all these changes are throwing you off? It's the lessening of steady constants in your life." Virgil tries to be as succinct as he can to get this moving, only to have both Logan and Thomas keep acting like there is not a problem. He tires again, but this time pulls too far on the other side to see if that will get Thomas closer to the middle.

"We have a bubble. The bubble is nice here. And anything you need to do you can get done in your familiar bubble." _Come on Thomas start talking about the issue instead of ignoring everything!_

To be fair, Roman's "that is not how dream chasing works!" is a valid point, but the "I do not like you" tacked on the end makes any guilt Virgil feels from pulling too hard against him evaporate.

"I don't get it! Last time you were on my case about whether here was where I needed to be!" Thomas accuses Virgil _. Interesting point. Maybe that is because there is a whole goddamn scale between always stagnant and always changing, but you only see it as a binary number._

Virgil tries to point that out, but Thomas keeps interrupting. He realizes that he is not going to be able to keep Thomas's attention by trying to argue from Patton's view, and goes for the anxiety that he has seen grow over the last few weeks.

"Your friends! You're always away from your... friends." Patton seems to agree, but Thomas seems confused that Virgil would bring them up. _Why wouldn't I care about your friends? Do you think I can't care or something?_

Virgil points out that his friends provide constancy and comfort, which Thomas FINALLY admit that there may be something to what Virgil and Patton were saying. _Thank god, that was way harder than it should have been. Now we can start the conversation of coming to a compromise-_ Until Roman and Logan try to get Thomas to ditch his friends - _Why is that even on the table_ \- causing Virgil to have to defend keeping in touch with them. _I forgot how stubborn those two are. You pull one way and they will immediately yank hard in the other direction._ Patton is no help, but considering that he was willing to drop the subject before Virgil came in, that comes as no surprise.

Roman then gives Thomas the idea to have the Sides shift into his friends so he can bring "his friends" everywhere he goes. Virgil starts having flashbacks to the creepiness of puppeteering Valerie in the Valentines Day vlog. He is then surprised when it gets WORSE and the others turn into Thomas's friends instead of just making a version of them. _None of us are his friends._ Even Patton participates, but it seemed more he wanted to crack puns than he actually agrees with what is going on.

Virgil points to Valerie-Roman and talks to Thomas, "You have got to stop her." Roman is leading them down a rabbit hole that they are going to get stuck in if Thomas doesn't take control of the conversation. Roman seems offended by this and Logan corrects Virgil's pronouns. _Yes that is the important part of you guys IMPERSONATING THOMAS'S FRIENDS SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO TALK TO THEM._

Thomas then interprets "stop her" to mean "Change Virgil into Talyn" because that is exactly what he does. The loss of control of his form shakes Virgil's control of his spider arms and his eye shadows. Luckily leaving the eye shadows a little darker just makes it look like heavier makeup, and he can focus on controlling his arms. Something that would really help with that would be -

"Change me back, NOW!" _I haven't shifted like this before! I don't know how to shift without using shadows, and that normally means spider arms out and shadow face. I can't show them that!_ However, everyone else just wants to comment on how "adorable" Talyn-Virgil looks, and doesn't listen to his complaints about not liking this.

The conversation then goes completely off the rails with Patton walking around to the others' spots, and getting into a pun war with Logan. Tired of all this, Virgil turns to Thomas, focuses on his friend-anxiety, and uses some of Virgil's anxiety to amplify it. _Get it together Thomas!_

"Something is just... not... right about this." Thomas informs the others, causing Virgil to roll his eyes. _Is it the fact we are essentially wearing the skin of your friends, or that you FORCED me to wear the skin of your friends? Or maybe that we are doing this because you don't want to admit you will miss your friends if you left them?_

Logan comes to the rescue to point out … none of these things. Instead Virgil watches in amazement as Logan postulate they did not have the right friend-skin/Side combination. As he is failing on the use of "lit" in a sentence, Virgil bursts out with a "You got to be kidding!"

That was a mistake, because it focused Logan's ire and attention on Virgil, who got force swapped into Joan's skin. His eye shadow slips a little more, and he yells at them to stop changing him. Not that any of them listen. _Because have they even listened at all since you were up here? Other than to yell at you? Patton's given up and helping and even though he supposedly likes you he is not stopping them from doing something that you don’t like. What a friend._ These thoughts were not helping with his anxiety.

Thomas actually brings up that them switching around is not helping, and Virgil jumps on it.

"Of course, it's not, Thomas, because that's not what you need. Do I act like Joan? No." Patton, whether intentionally or unintentionally, tries to distract them again but Virgil ignores the interruption. "See, it doesn't feel right because we are not actually your friends."

This time Logan steps in to try to disagree, but proves Virgil's point when Thomas admits Logan wearing Talyn's skin is not actually Talyn. "There's no use, Thomas. Nothing beats the real thing." Virgil thinks about asking Thomas how he would feel if his friends dressed someone up like him and were more happy hanging with the new person than him, but Thomas surprises Virgil by taking what he said seriously.

That doesn't mean that Thomas is happy about it. "Well then, what do you want me to do? I know you want me to just stay at home, but change is inevitable! And, I know change is a part of life and my friends have their own lives, but they've always been there - "

Roman interrupts with singing for funsies, and Virgil loses Thomas's attention. _This is exactly what Janus pointed out. Thomas wants advice but Patton is too busy punning, Logan is too busy insulting the others, and Roman is too busy singing to give Thomas advice! I am trying but he doesn't want mine because I am the one saying it!_ Virgil holds back tears and tries to keep his composure. _I am so fucking tired…_

Roman accidentally gets them back on track by telling Thomas to embrace change, which causes Thomas's anxiety to surge and some caution come out.

"I'm trying to, but I don't know if I can!"

Virgil jumps on this, "Not without your friends, Thomas." Only to have Roman change him again! _Even Remus knows better than to change someone else without permission! Why is this okay?_ Virgil quickly regains control of his anxiety and shadows. _Is it bad I am starting to figure out how to do this because no one listens to me?_ He tries yelling into the void again.

"I don't have to look like anyone to make sense." Virgil turns to Thomas while saying it, just wanting him to LISTEN.

Logan seems to finally catch on, because he starts pointing out that the Sides will never be the exact same as Thomas's friends. He even changes Virgil AGAIN, but Virgil mumbles his complaint this time since Logan did it to prove the point that Virgil has been making this whole time. _Literally said the same thing minutes ago, but since Anxiety said it no one cares._

And yet, Thomas responds to him this time with an "I know". Virgil would feel happy about Thomas hearing him, but he thinks this is just another way for him to not have to respond to Logan's points. Thomas confirms this when he starts complaining about all this changing is what he wanted to avoid. _Okay, two things. One, who started this changing? Because it sure as hell wasn't me. Two, that did not address Logan's point about us not being your friends at all. On a side note, I am pretty sure I can do this shape shifting myself now that I have had so many examples of it._

However, Logan now has a point to make, and he continues to focus Thomas on different types of changes and how some you have to accept but others you can control. Virgil sits back and watches - even though Roman changes his back to Talyn for no real reason! - as Logan gets Thomas to see that his friends having different lives is uncontrollable, but that doesn't mean you can't control how much you still talk to them. _Finally, some common sense._

When Thomas mentions that the resolution calms him down, Virgil jumps in because he really can't take it anymore.

"Great. Well, can you use a little bit of that control to change me back now?" Relief flows through him when he is changed back to his normal self. More surprisingly Thomas apologizes to him about it. _Which part? Where you changed me without my consent, or where you refused to listen to anything I said until someone else pointed out the same issues? Because I am pretty sure you mean the former but not the latter._ But he decides to give Thomas some slack because he knows that fight will not end well for him.

"Whatever. I'll let it slide because I do feel better." It shouldn't have surprised him that Thomas took that as permission to ask for his name. He stares at Thomas. _You got to be fucking kidding. Why do you want it? So you can use 'Anxiety's' real name as you yell?_

Virgil builds up suspense as he braces for the change. "My name is …"

"Talyn" As he shifts back into the friend skin he was in the most. It must have looked okay because everyone groaned instead of screamed.

"Wait, is it Talyn?" _God bless Patton._ Virgil turns back to his form. "No! You take turns changing me into different friends today and expect me to open up to all of you? Fat chance!" Though thinking back on it, he does have to make a clarification. He points to Patton. "Except you, Patton. You didn't do that―you're cool." _You did nothing in helping solve the issue, but at least you know what consent is._

Virgil is happy when Thomas makes a rule to not change anyone who doesn't want to be changed. Virgil still isn't sure why this is not a given, but at least it is there now. He gratefully sinks out.


	21. Point of No Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is struggling, and remembers something he really shouldn't
> 
> And the Dark Sides are worried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Virgil sits on his bed with his head in his hands. He'd cry, but he tried so hard in the video not to, that he is having a hard time letting go now. "Well, that was an unmitigated disaster…" But Virgil had to be honest. That was an unmitigated disaster FOR HIM. Thomas was able to work through the issue with the help of Logan. Virgil had been ignored and humiliated the entire time.

He had essentially cleaned up his mindscape over the last couple weeks, but what use is it if Thomas will never listen to him. _He is never going to come to you_ r mindscape _if he doesn’t like you._

But he doesn't know what to do then! He just wants to help, but it is becoming clearer to him that he is not. _No one cares, not Thomas, not the Light Sides, not Janus and Remus._ Virgil pushes back against that last thought. "Patton likes me, and Janus, and Remus" he mutters.

Oh yeah, that is why when you come up to help Patton, he immediately starts working against you. And Janus could be lying. He's lied to you before. And Remus… he may be working with Janus to keep things from you. He may like you, but that doesn’t mean he really cares. Who would he choose, you or Janus?

"That's not fair" Virgil protests "I don't know who I would choose if I had to between Janus and Remus." _Okay fine. Remus may care. But that is still one out of six; not a good percentage there_.

"So, even if everyone hates me, now what? That doesn't tell me what to do next _." When were you most effective with Thomas_? "When I talked to him _?" Really? How did that go today? No, try again._

Virgil thinks a bit then guesses "When I directly affected his anxiety _?" It is the only time he actually reacted to you without a motive_. "He apologized _!" And immediately asked for your name. Was that a coincidence?_ Virgil wanted to say no, but he can't refute that chain of events.

 _Sounds like you are better off a reflex than an actual Side._ Virgil laughs at that thought. "Well yeah. Not going to argue that, but I can't just turn into a reflex. So the point it moot." _Didn't Janus talk about this once?_ That sounds familiar, but he can't remember the conversation. So that doesn't really help him.

To distract himself from the question and lack of memory, he puts on his headphones and zones out to music. It helps calm him down but also still lets him watch the closet door for any shadows.

\----

Over the next two weeks, Virgil still tries to find that memory of reflexes. Otherwise, his routine is still the same; handle a full shadow in his mindscape, eat lunch with the others, and nap/wake-and-fight-shadows/nap. He is not sure why he even bothers with his mindscape anymore - _Thomas will never want to go see it_ \- but it is a part of his routine now, and he can't handle any changes.

He thinks again about sealing the closet door so that he can at least sleep, but everything in him revolts from sealing off his only way of getting to Janus and Remus. _And what if they want to visit? No, not doing it._

It isn't until he opens his box and sees more drawings that he realizes he was hoping to hear something good from Janus and Remus. _Something, anything real._

He quickly finds the two letters in the box and opens the neatly halved paper.

_Virgil,_

_That is good to know about Logan's mindscape. I assume the light in the other Side's mindscapes might affect you differently, but be wary. Different does not always mean better._

_The last video had some … interesting turn of events. I admit that they did better, but I don't know leaving Thomas alone with them is a good idea. Let’s wait a few more exchanges before discussing that again._

_Other than being pulled into the drama of the other Sides how are you?_

_Can't wait to hear from you,_

_Janus_

Virgil slowly opened the very intricate knife origami on the other letter and read.

_Hey Virgil,_

_You Snitch! You know what snitches get? Normally a plea deal in a government cover-up of their sources, but still!_

_I am glad you like my drawings! I try to send as many as I can, but Janus burns some of them. He doesn't understand art!_

_I miss you too! I talked to Janus about visiting, but he really wants you up there because of all the good you have done. And he doesn't think us three hanging out up there would be a good idea. What does he think will happen? That I will scream random things at Morality until he cries, punch my brother in the dick, and rearrange Logan's books in an order that he can't understand? Because that has only happened, like, eight times. And that is not in the double-digits, so it doesn’t really count._

_We'll work something out,_

_Remus_

Virgil stared at the two letters, piecing all the information together. _You told Janus that Thomas was getting good enough to visit and he denied you. He also told Remus that they can't visit you here. Which, okay, probably a good idea for everyone's sanity, but that means you won't see them._ Virgil's grip on the letters is so strong it is causing wrinkles in the paper. He consciously loosens it and smoothes the letters out.

Virgil can't continue pretending anymore that everything is fine. But he also doesn't want to disappoint both Janus and Remus that he is failing. You _'ve fucked up so much already, can you really handle their disgust?_ So he carefully stores the letters in the drawer and starts going through Remus's drawings.

\----

Another week goes by with no change to his routine. He still hasn't sent a letter to Janus or Remus, and he is pretty sure he is not going to ever send one. It hurts too much and he just can't anymore. His mindscape is now empty, but the hollowness of it freaks Virgil out. He decorated it to look like Thomas's living room, all the while knowing that no one will ever see it.

There had been a vlog about cartoons, but Virgil can't remember much of it. Only that he had been labeled the bad guy, and that he got yelled at by Thomas again, even though he did not say anything he already knew. _Always the ignored bad guy…_

He had essentially stopped participating in any conversations at lunch a while ago, but lately he can't even bother to exchange pleasantries with Patton. Virgil can muster a hello for each Side; he assumes Logan prefers this, Patton is giving him space, and Roman is thrilled that he is not participating. Even the jabs from Roman about being unwanted are only adding to a wound that hurts so much the extra pain is negligent. _You know you are unwanted. By everyone. And those who like you - Patton and Remus - have too big of hearts to dislike anyone. For one you are a charity project , and the other you are a familiar face. Nothing more._

Virgil has to admit that it is hard to argue with his thoughts in a vacuum. _Is this why Thomas wants to talk with his Sides, because facing his thoughts alone are too much?_

It was on one of those late nights staring at the closet door that he finally remembers what Janus had said.

_"But what is the difference between a Side and an emotion?" Virgil pressed Janus. "I mean, why don't we have a Wrath side, or a Sleep Side? Why only us six?"_

_Janus turned around from washing the dishes to face Virgil. "Well, there are two reasons. The first is that we are not just one emotion. Each Side contains important and multiple aspects of Thomas's personality. If you were just Anxiety, then anytime another Side felt anxious they would turn into you."_

_Janus comes over and sits on the chair next to Virgil. "And second, each side is working above Thomas's subconscious level. If a Side were to revert to only being a subconscious reflex by Thomas, then they would not be a Side anymore. So things like Sleep, while important , only works on Thomas's subconscious and will not be a Side."_

_"Wait, wait, wait!" Virgil protests. "So if a Side let themselves become a part of Thomas's subconscious reflexes, then they could disappear?!?" Janus interrupts the freak out that Virgil was starting._

_"Well, maybe. It would depend on the Side. If the other Sides remember the Side, they can pull them back to the conscious. It would only be a Side who no one remember that could fall to this. And Thomas doesn't have a Side like that. All the Light Sides would help each other, and we would definitely not let each other be forgotten."_

"Only a Side no one cares about could fade." Virgil murmurs. _Sounds like someone you know. Dark, gloomy, has eye shadow… Look in the mirror!_ Virgil wants to argue, but who would really try to find him if he disappeared? _Janus would help Remus not be worried, and Patton is easily distracted. Thomas and Logan don't care. Roman is eager for you to leave, and Janus doesn’t want to be around you._

With that ringing endorsement, Virgil starts to plan.

\-----

The day that Janus and Remus should get letters from Virgil arrives. Remus paints spiders all over the common room walls, periodically checking the box. Virgil normally sends the letters in the morning, so Remus is surprised when Janus calls him over for lunch and the letters have not appeared.

 _Maybe he got distracted..._ He tries to brush it off, but even Janus seems quiet during the meal. _It is not like the other sides killed him and ate his body! It would have affected Thomas._ He pauses on that thought. "Can Sides cannibalize each other?"

"Luckily I did NOT finish my meal before that question was asked." Janus sardonically replies, bringing his empty plate to the sink. "And, as we cannot kill each other, I do not know what would happen to the pieces of Side the other Side ingests. Probably NOT cause the cannibal major indigestion." He throws a stern look over at Remus, who is only able to give a small smile in return.

"Now what brought on this bout of cannibalism, Mr. Dahlmer?" Janus softens his tone. Remus tries to joke back "Dahlmer? That guy did not have a sense of humor. I am more of a Edward Gein myself."

"Hmm, that may NOT be true, but it still doesn’t answer my question." Remus looks down at his now-empty plate and mutters. "It's a distraction…"

"What ranks higher than Side-on-Side cannibalism?" Now Janus sounds intrigued as well as worried, which he should be. Cannibalism is normally the big guns to shock Thomas. It is not used lightly.

"Virgil did not write us letters." Remus says it in a monotone, stiffly still in his chair. "Something is wrong and Virgil isn't telling us. Thomas can actually get rid of his Anxious Side if he puts enough effort into it. He could get rid of all of us - "

"Okay, time to break of that monologue!" Janus swiftly goes over to Remus and drags him into the trashed common room. "Now, Virgil does NOT normally have the letter sent by now, but that does not mean something delayed him. Maybe he is just spending some time with the other Sides and is planning on sending it later?

"Virgil doesn't trust the other Sides." Remus states that fact firmly, and is surprised when Janus seems confused by that. "Why would you say that?"

Remus thought it was obvious, because it had been what started him worrying. "Virgil likes hearing his name from people he trusts. It helps ground him when his anxiety attacks. That and touching. But he has consistently refused to give them his name." Remus freezes as the implications of this hits him. "So he has no grounding up there? No one to call him back when he panics? The others must not hug him either if he has not given them his name… He's alone!" _Virgil needs grounding as much or more that I need to be able to express the worst thoughts I get. If he doesn't have it, he could get buried under an anxiety attack and we won't know for two weeks! This not having him visit was an awful idea!_

Remus turns and starts moving to Virgil's closet door, only to have Janus's hand grab his arm. "That is NOT an astute point, Remus. But us charging up there and potentially ruining any goodwill towards Virgil would not be good either. " Remus swings around to yell at Janus that THEY NEEDED TO GO SEE VIRGIL when he is stopped by the deeply troubled look on Janus's face.

"And if he needs us before then?" Remus still challenges.

"We can keep an eye out for the videos and watch Virgil closely. While he was annoyed in the last Cartoon vlog, he did not seem overly upset. " Janus counters. "But I do NOT see your point about the name… Maybe it would NOT be a good idea for us to give him a visit?" Remus beams and starts again for the closet, only to be pulled back again.

"Remember Remus, if we act like Virgil needs to be checked on, especially if he thinks he is doing well, then that is a sure-fire way to completely destroy his confidence. All his letters say things are going well, to the point he thinks Thomas is getting self-sufficient in driving the conversations. We can't pull that rug out from under Virgil." Remus calms down, because that is a good point. Self-worth is Virgil's weak spot; it takes him a month to gain some but a minute to lose the same amount. So they need a reason to visit Virgil. Something that would make sense to want to be face to face…

"Manifest Day is near!" Remus yells, relief that he remembered the holiday and that it is close. Janus's eyes widen at the revelation, and a grin blooms on his face.

"INcorrect, Remus! That is the perfect excuse. So how about this, we send Virgil letters today and tell him about us visiting Manifest Day. That way, if he is nervous but unwilling to tell us, he has something positive to focus on." Remus is still worried that Manifest Day is still a little over a month away, but if that is the earliest they can do it…

"I'll draw him some more comforting drawings too." Remus vows, and gets to work writing his letter to Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


	22. Ducking out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil ducks out and the Dark Sides watch the start of Accepting Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're here!!

Virgil didn't want to leave Thomas with anxiety until he fully integrated with the subconscious, so he kept up cleaning out the mindscape in case it had an adverse affect when he ducked out. He also continued to monitor Thomas's anxiety; the plan was to take all of his anxiety, make sure his mindscape is clean, and start to duck into the subconscious.

Virgil keeps fighting, the shadows, the animosity/awkwardness from the Light Sides, the silence from the Dark Sides, and the wariness from Thomas, for another week when a new thought freezes the anxious Side. _Remus's Manifest Day gift isn't made yet._

Manifest Day is something the Dark Sides celebrate instead of the holidays that the Light Sides share with Thomas. It started out as a time to trade presents without thinking of being excluded by Thomas on Christmas. So sometime in June/July was decided upon. Remus found out that National Parent's Day happened the 4th Sunday of every July, so that day was officially considered Manifest Day.

On that day, Virgil, Janus, and Remus would trade gifts, have a big meal, and do things that you would normally do at Christmas. Except Thomas didn't know about this day, so it was not hurtful when he did not show up.

Virgil had already made Janus's gift - a black cape with a gold chain and yellow lining, since he normally gets cold and likes drama - before he came to the Light Side. But he needed the Imagination to get Remus's gift.

 _What does it matter, you plan to go to the subconscious before Manifest Day._ "But he won't have his gift. And that will hurt him." Virgil is aware that that logic makes no sense, but it is the only driving force in his mind right now.

With that - _flawed_ \- logic going through his head, he waits until lunch time the next day. Roman never misses lunches, probably because he is worried that Virgil will corrupt Patton and Logan. Which means his room will be open for Virgil to sneak into the Imagination. Virgil knows both Remus and Roman have access to that part of Thomas's mind in their room.

Virgil sneaks over to Roman's room and tries the door once he verifies he hears Roman's voice in the kitchen below. It opens easily, because what type of Side locks their door?

Once in Roman's room, Virgil quickly looks around for another door. There is a very fancy door to either the Imagination or to Roman's closet. Virgil rushes over and tries the knob.

He hit the jackpot when he realizes that it was indeed the door to the Imagination. Virgil steps fully into the space and starts imagining the book he wants. "It has a T-rex being lowered into the pit form Star wars" The book starts to solidify in his hands. _Why does it matter, like he is ever going to get it -_ "I refuse to not give Remus a gift on Manifest Day!" Virgil shouts over his thoughts, and feels a book fall into his hands. He looks down to see the cover "Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions - What if? - Randall Munroe creator of xkcd". He sags in relief that it worked; he had only tried conjuring things on Remus's side of the Imagination, and hoped it worked the same on Roman's side.

With that task accomplished, he only needs to get back to his room. He quickly leaves the Imagination, and listens at Roman's door for noise. When he hears none, Virgil opens the door, runs out, then closes the door behind him. As he is walking away, he hears someone call out to him from the stairs.

"Hey ! What are you doing near my room?" Roman yells.

"I have to walk by it to get anywhere, Princey" Virgil replies, hiding the book behind his back.

Roman storms up close to Virgil looming over him. "Well maybe you shouldn't. Why not just stay in your room? Or better yet leave here?" When Virgil slowly backs away from him but doesn't respond, Roman continues.

"Lunch was awesome today because nobody was UNWANTED. " he sneers. Virgil just keeps backing up until he hits his door. He knows he won't see Roman again, now that he has Remus's gift, and he is unsure of what he wants his last words to be to the bully.

Virgil finally decides on, "You really look out for Thomas, don't you?"

"Yes, which is why I defend him against bad influences like SOME Sides I know" Roman puffs out his chest and sneers at Virgil. But Virgil doesn't engage in a fight and instead nods.

"Good, someone should be consciously protecting him." And with that, Virgil goes into his room.

He had Remus's book, he can handle Thomas's anxiety now, and he is calmed that someone will be checking for dangers for Thomas - _Even if it is Roman_ \- so there is no reason not to start ducking out now.

Virgil puts the book neatly on top of Janus's folded cape. He could start the process now, or…

Virgil goes over to his bed, grabs his stuffed animals, and falls asleep for one more night.

\----

The next day, Virgil slowly pulls himself off the bed. He goes to the closet door and pushes half his shadow energy into sealing the door from the inside, then goes to his bedroom door and does the same with the other half of his energy.

He moves back to his bed, grabs his snake and octopus stuffed animals - _I never even named them_ \- senses Thomas's anxiety, and PULLS harder than he has before. Not only getting Thomas's anxiety, but also catching the subconscious force that creates it. He takes a giant breath in as the wave of feelings crashes over his head and the subconscious drags him down.

\----

Remus is pacing in Janus's room, occasionally glancing at the TV. Janus had heard there was going to be a vlog today, and they had been taking turns watching for it to begin. Remus has already changed Janus's walls twice in his watches, much to Janus's annoyance. He didn't tell Janus that the mural he settled on - a bloody trench battle during World War One - had been severely beautified from the version in is head. _I can't believe Thomas actually listened to Dan Carlin's documentary; so much material!_

Virgil should have gotten their letter about Manifest Day invite already, and Remus is itching to see him happier on the vlog because of it. _Or at least happy. He needs to be okay._

Janus is making dinner when Remus sees Thomas come on the screen, and Remus can tell that something is really wrong. "JANUS!"

Remus can't take he eyes off the screen even when he hears Janus come in with the smell of grilled cheese. "Has it NOT finally started? That is good - "

"Thomas is drugged. And by the looks of it, it's the good stuff" Remus states, still staring at Thomas now chatting with Logic.

"WHAT?!?" Janus rushes over to watch the screen as well. "What is going on?"

"Do you think he took enough to overdose? Or maybe he mixed medications and caused a chemical reaction…" Remus murmurs.

"Where is Virgil, he would have stopped this." Janus counters. Then narrows his eyes when Logic calls up Morality and Creativity. When Morality calls him out on not calling Virgil, both Logic and Creativity blow him off saying they don't need him.

 _Virgil said things were good up there? How did it swing so fast?_ Janus has had enough of this. Remus was right, there is something going on and instead of going to check he held them back…

"Remus, shrink the TV to a phone." Janus commands. Remus looks at Janus curiously, even while stepping closer to the TV.

"We are going to go see Virgil and I want to know what EXACTLY is going on up there instead of a vague sense." Remus hands him the new screen and they take off to Virgil's room, with the volume loud enough that both Sides can hear the entire conversation.

Listening to the other sides slam Virgil only causes Janus and Remus to increase their speed, making it to the door in record time. They reach the door when the Light Sides fail to summon Virgil which, as far as Janus knew, had never happened before. _At least not on the videos, though I am now doubting any further information I have gotten from Virgil..._

"Remus, you need to try to scare the other Sides so that Thomas tries to summon Virgil. If anyone can do it, Thomas can." Janus says, getting a nod from the chaotic Side.

When they reach the door, they stare in astonishment. Not only is there an intimidating lock on the faded-looking door, a large pack of shadows is attacking it. _How long has this been going on? Why did I not think to check?_ Janus just wants to hug Virgil first, then find out what else has been missed -

"I DON'T FEAR DEATH!" Remus screams while attacking the shadows, only to be echoed by Thomas on the screen. That would never get by Virgil, who sees death as serious business and a source of most of his anxiety. The scream snaps Janus out of his worrying.

Janus steps forward and tries to force open the door while Remus finishes off the shadows. It isn't until Remus comes over to help that they can finally get into the room to see -

Virgil slack on his bed, overflowing with shadow power. The shadows on his face are dripping off, and his spider arms are the length of the room. However, that is not what captures their attention. It is that Virgil, sprawled out on the bed has dust coming off him. But the dust is parts of Virgil, drifting away. _DYING_

"VIRGIL!!" both Janus and Remus scream, rushing to grab the fading Side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dark Sides to the rescue!!
> 
> And of course Remus was the reason for the death comment. You can't convince me otherwise!


	23. Virgil's "Room"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the Accepting Anxiety videos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, Virgil's downhill spiral will stop!

"Princey’s never liked Anxiety, that’s his problem!" Thomas comments, and lets memories of Roman being mean to Anxiety roll through his head. The cocoon of numb he is in is pleasant, and he doesn't know why the others are worried -

 _Virgil…_ Thomas frowns as the memories keep playing, feeling something rush through him and causing him to tense for a second. However, the feeling passes, and the numbness floods back in.

 _That was weird, wonder why I thought that. What is it?_ he thinks while watching Roman complain about the memories. He knows he should probably look into it -

 _Take your pants off!_ Thomas starts unzipping his pants. _Or I can do that._

"Took my pants off!"

\----

After Janus and Remus try to shake Virgil awake to no avail, Janus uses all his power to summon Virgil, hoping that he can pull on the anxious Side more than the others. He uses Virgil's name - not Anxiety- , and thinks of all the things that encompass Virgil - caution, sly humor, shyness, selflessness - to will him here.

When they hear a groan from Virgil, Janus nearly collapses with relief.

"Thanks for the distraction, Remus. I did not realize he would hear us." Janus shakily thanks him while watching Virgil slowly come to.

When Virgil opens his eyes with a "what…" Remus lunges forward and hugs Virgil with all his might.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHAT HAPPENED? I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU!" Remus cries on Virgil's shoulder. Alarm and confusion war on Virgil's face, but he quickly returns the hug.

Janus is about to lay into Virgil as well, when he hears the Light Sides tell Thomas to take them to Anxiety's room. _Fuck them if they come in here now. I have a few things to say to them as well._

But Thomas and the others rise up in a room that is not this one. In fact, Janus has never seen a place in Thomas's mind decorated like the one on the screen.

"Virgil." Virgil stops trying to ask questions to the blubbering Remus, and quickly focuses on Janus. He knows that tone of voice. When he sees he has Virgil's attention, Janus continues.

"I am not sure what is going on here. And be very sure that **we will talk about it**. - " Virgil flinches, not looking forward to that conversation _but considering you were not going to be looking forward to ANYTHING, this is an improvement_ " - We have a bigger problem right now. Thomas and the Light Sides are in 'your room' which apparently isn't here."

Janus turns the screen over to face Virgil. "Do you know where this is?"

Virgil relaxes some when he realizes that the others are not going to be popping up here right now. He focuses on the room and relaxes a little more after recognizing the décor. "Yeah, that's my mindscape."

" **What?!? How do you** \- Not important" Janus yells then interrupts himself. "Virgil, if they are where I think they are then this is **very dangerous** for Thomas."

"It shouldn't be so bad unless you guys threw a lot of shadows in today. Though the general shadows in there may still affect the other Sides like Logan's room..." Virgil starts to pull in his spider arms until they are gone and reduced his eye shadows. _Gotta go get Thomas and the others before they get hurt. Janus and Remus can't do it; Thomas doesn't know them_.

When he had been summoned by Janus, he had lost his hold on Thomas's subconscious anxiety, and the loss of that pull down allowed him to surface to consciousness. He is still fuzzy from getting pulled out from under all that anxiety, feeling like he has gasped a breath after staying to long underwater.

Janus stares at him for a second in shock, then shakes his head and grabs Virgil's empty shoulder. "Go handle the other Sides. Remus and I are going to be **right here watching in case you need help**."

" **NOOO!** " Remus yells from Virgil's other shoulder, not letting go. Janus starts pulling Remus off. "Yes, but we can watch him on the screen and will stay with him once this is taken care of. If the other Sides stay in that room too long, then Thomas may get hurt. By the way, they are calling that place your room, so you should do the same.

Janus grabs Remus in a hug and nods to Virgil, who sinks into his mindscape. _This is going to suck when your feelings come back online; Remus crying like that is going to be a vivid nightmare for sure. Guess you fucked up again-_ Virgil stops that thought as he appears in his mindscape, leaving it for later.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!" He yells, and is not surprised by the screams he gets in response. _Nothing like group fear…_

"Anxiety? Oh, my goodness. I'm so happy to see you. That's weird." Thomas's confused face really does not help Virgil feel good about his statement. Virgil starts to point out that they all screamed when he came in only for Thomas to freak out about his clothes and hair. _Good to feel loved._

Thomas comments that he had not felt Virgil's presence at all. Virgil tries to think of the best way to word this…  
  
"Yeah, I know. It's because I've decided to duck out." _Better than telling him you tried to essentially kill yourself!_ Virgil expected Thomas to be a little confused by this, but the Light Sides also seem to not understand what he is saying. He tries again.

"I removed myself from the equation. I quit. Decided it wasn't worth it anymore." When prompted by Thomas as to why, short and concise seems like the best choice. "Well, it didn't seem like I was wanted. You all made that pretty clear anytime I showed up."

Patton starts to protest, so Virgil acknowledges that Patton has been nice. _Unable to back you up, but supportive in a soft way._ It is not surprising when Roman tries to defend himself by insulting Virgil - _To be honest, tensing up because something bad is coming is a pretty apt description of what they do, so I can't fault Roman for the comparison._

What is surprising is that when Virgil tries to leave, both Logan and Thomas protest along with Patton. Patton protesting makes sense, Logan and Thomas protesting does not.

"Alright, I can't say it isn't nice to hear you all groveling, but... I actually think you were right to not want me around. I've always aimed to protect you, but lately... It feels like I've been keeping you from doing anything." _Fucked up helping Janus and Remus, fucked up helping Thomas, got someone hurt…_

"If your only goal is to protect, then why do you act like the embodiment of a dark and stormy night all the time?" an exasperated Roman yells. Thomas tries to stop him, but Roman keeps ranting about how creepy Virgil is.

Thomas should have been able to easily stop Roman from ranting, but he seems to be struggling with it now. Virgil looks over and sees shadows under Roman's eyes. A quick look around shows that both Patton and Logan also have some, to a lesser degree. _This is not going to go well. They have no idea how to handle the shadows. This needs to be wrapped up ASAP!_

"Putting on a dark persona is the best way to get anyone's guard up... But all this reflecting and working on your issues with us has gotten me to think that... I overdo it." Virgil braces for the agreements, since that is what they normally say. But Patton is falling under the influence of the shadows, emotionally fraying at the seems and crying that he has a lot feelings.

Virgil looks to Logan, as he seems to be the least affected by the shadows. Instead of agreeing with Virgil, Logan talks about how Thomas needs at least a little anxiety to still have his fight or flight reflex. When Virgil tries to interrupt, the now twitchy Logan keeps going over all interruptions and explains the optimal levels of anxiety for a human.

"Okay, up here is where you want to be. The optimum degree of constructive tension. Yes, too much anxiety pushes us to this side of the curve and performance is hindered, which is less than ideal, but without you at all, Thomas is not just on this more relaxed, laid-back side of the graph which is also not ideal when you're trying to get things done. He's all the way down here." Logan pulls out a graph to even visually show it to Virgil. _The Yerkes–Dodson curve, huh?_

"So, with me, aren't you just always on the other side of that... curve thing?" Virgil comments, but it is obvious that even Logan is starting to struggle here.

Thomas takes the question instead. "There's ways that I can work on that, Anxiety, but I'd rather work on it WITH you than without you at all." He then goes on " just need to make you feel listened to. You're like- like a really important alarm clock. Sure, the noise can be sudden and a little unpleasant sometimes, but it's important for me to recognize the concern, register it, and carry on, changing my actions, if necessary."

Logan, Patton and Thomas all continue to bring up examples of him helping - victory after achieving, studying for tests, motivation - and then Roman - ROMAN?!? - adds his contribution.

"Anxiety, you're... what pushes Thomas to rehearse and rehearse before performances. You are that nervousness that he feels right before going on stage, but just as he does so... you ease up, and... you let his excitement and passion for performance take over. I think that's as good a sign as any that... you're willing to work as a team... and that you make us... better. "

Virgil is blown away. They weren't listening before, and now ALL of them think he is important. That he is NOT screwing up. That they WANT him around. _Are you - am I - going to listen and give this another try? Because I know my only choices now are either continuing to talk to Thomas or go back to the Dark Side. Remus and Janus made that clear in my room._

Virgil doesn't have much time to ponder this as Roman, Patton and Logan start yelling, clearly freaking out. Virgil turns to Thomas.

"These guys have all been in this corner of your mind for too long... It's corrupting them. All their main functions are starting to work to drive you far over to the other end of that curve. " Virgil braces and does what he did in Logan's mindscape, grab the other Sides and Thomas. He talks Thomas through a breathing exercise while he takes a breath himself and PULLS them to Thomas's common room.

"That was a really risky thing you guys did." Virgil tells them, because now that he seems to be coming fully back online, _Holy Fuck, that was a horrible idea! What if they had gotten there and Janus had just tossed a full shadow in? There wasn't anything formed in there and the ambient shadows took them all for a ride!_

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if you were with us from the start... you'd have kept us from doing that in the first place." Thomas points out, and considering he was still listing all the things that could have gone wrong in his head - _What if Janus and Remus couldn't wake me?!?_ \- he had to agree.

Roman seems astonished that Virgil would save him, and Virgil guiltily brushes it off mumbling about fight or flight. _It's the least I could after the audition…_

Both Logan and Patton praise him, making him scoff and look down some more.

Virgil's attention is caught with Patton calling standing near his spider curtains "The Great Spider Threat of 2017". Virgil flinches a little at this, not surprised but sad that Patton seems to fear spiders. _No, nope. Saving THAT for if I survive whatever punishment Janus is going to dole out._

"You all went through that for me…" Virgil still can't believe it. That they cared. _I think I may have fucked up with my decision to go to the subconscious… even if Janus and Remus weren't in the picture._ While they brush off finding him, he decides to give them another example of how he helps, to show he is listening.

"Another thing... I lower all expectations for social gatherings. So, if you do actually go out... anything remotely good, will be pleasantly surprising." The others laugh and joke about this, and Virgil relaxes. _Maybe I just need to trust them_ he debates. _Doing this in half measures is like me, but not very sincere. I just have to take the leap, and tell them my name. Trust them to not freak out..._

Virgil interrupts Thomas before he can finish the outro, but immediately gets anxious about it.

"You've kinda made me want to open up to you, but big surprise, I'm really anxious about it." Patton gets it first, then Roman. Logan tries to let him off the hook, to be shut down by Patton. Thomas wants to know if this is a trick, which is fair, but not helping with his anxiety! _Just do it!_

Virgil stutters a little more, then makes them promise to not laugh - _If I don't do it now I don't think I ever will. DO IT -_ before he finally gets it out.

"My name... My name is Virgil! Okay. It's like a band-aid. You just gotta rip it off." He quickly scans the faces of the others, not liking the confusion on Logan's and Patton's, the smirk on Roman's. _Okay, no yelling about it, but too much. I don’t like the reactions; I need to put some distance. Maybe a nickname?_

The other Sides seem to come around and give their approval, but Virgil's mind is already made up.

"You can call me Virge." It comes out weird because he has never actually been called that before, but his name does not generate many nicknames. 

Virgil is thinking that this is over with and gets ready to sink out when Roman DROPS THE FUCKING BALL when talking to Virgil." Yeah, and you are nothing compared to the others."

Thomas immediately jumps on this to ask questions, and the others, LIKE FUCKING COWARDS, sink out and leave Virgil with Thomas. _It is kinda comforting that they are still pulling shit like this with Thomas…But really? No explanation on what is going_ _on?_

"Look, I know I'm the one that's causing you to be suspicious, but honestly, table that question for another day." Virgil argues, knowing that trying to introduce Janus and Remus to Thomas now will not be a good look for them. _Nothing like being introduced as you shake and yell at the Side Thomas just went through a lot to find…_

"Honestly, thank you for all of the good stuff that you DO provide... You can be a good guy." Thomas thanks Virgil.

Virgil sinks out, knowing that those words are going to be imprinted in his memory. _He knows I can be a good guy..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VIRGIL'S BACK!!
> 
> Too bad he is about to get killed for doing that to the Dark Sides. :)


	24. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and the Dark Sides talk

Virgil tries to sink into his room, only to end up on the wrong side of his bedroom door. _What the - oh, the seal._ He quickly looks around, but the Light Sides are all chatting downstairs.

He taps oh his bedroom and whisper-yells "Guys, it's Virgil, you need to unseal the door. I can't sink into it right now…"

He hears a scuffle on the other side of the door, then silence. _I really don't want to be found locked out of my own room-_ the door jerks open, and an arm reaches out and yanks him in. When he catches his balance, he looks up to see Janus and Remus both livid and seething.

"Now, how about you tell us what the **fuck is going on?** " Janus snarls.

Before Virgil can answer, Remus has attached himself to Virgil. Janus also grabs the anxious side in a hug. _Oh man, I fucked up so bad_ Virgil can't process anymore and bursts into tears. "I'm sorry! I thought I was helping. Sorry…" He babbles while holding onto Janus and Remus.

They all just sit there and absorb the warmth of the others, until Virgil stops crying. He looks over at the other two and asks "What do you want to know first?"

"Are you hurt? Are you okay? Safe?" Janus asks, with an agreement voiced by Remus. _So the hard questions first? Damn._ Virgil steels himself and responds. "What do you mean by hurt? I have bruises from fighting the shadows, and I did just try to fade to the subconscious, so I am pretty sure that does not count as good mentally." He takes a breath "And by okay and safe, no one up here has physically hurt me."

"How many bruises?" Remus demands. Virgil takes stock of his body. "No more than when we get shadow blitzes. "

"Virgil" Janus starts "There have not been any blitzes in the Dark Side, so why do you have bruises like there were?"

"… Because I am not getting a lot of sleep since they keep trying to attack me at night…" Virgil mumbles, hoping the others really don't hear what he is saying. _Now that they are here I am starting to realize how much I spiraled out of control…_ If the tightening of his hugs are any indication, both Remus and Janus heard him.

"Virgil, can you tell us what happened? From when you came up here?" The question from Janus was expected, but the soft tone of it, the lack of anger, the caring, was what broke Virgil.

He told them about how he created a faux paus by eating labeled food his first night, leading to the other Sides being wary of him. How he avoided the Light Sides after that. How hard it was to get Thomas to listen. How Patton offered the first olive branch, only to have Roman push him out. How he forgot to be vigilant and Roman got hurt. How the shadows kept increasing, eventually interrupting his sleep. How he thought he was getting somewhere with Logan, only to be told that Thomas knows all the Sides names. How he found his mindscape. How he couldn't talk with Janus and Remus without disappointing them, so he stopped writing and reading the letters. How everything just started to break apart, and he tried to keep it together. How he just wanted to HELP. How that lead to his decision to duck out. How he fucked up…everything.

By the end of it, they all just hugged and cried for a while, burned out but unwilling to let each other go for even a second.

"First things first. Virgil, Remus and I love you. We want you around no matter what anyone else thinks about you. And if you pull a stunt like that again, we are going to drag you back only to kill you ourselves."

"Yeah! I will wring your neck myself, then probably eat your body if there is any left."

Virgil lets out a watery laugh at this. He should have known that they would not hate him. _I got too caught up in my spiral and became paranoid..._

"We are going to talk about all of this." Janus promised. "But it sounds like you need sleep and hugs more than anything else. So that is what we are going to do."

Janus went over and sealed the closet door so no shadows could get through, while Virgil and Remus moved over to the bed. They move the pillows and blankets around to make it easier to fit three people on it. Janus then joins them and they all fall asleep holding each other.

\-----

The next morning, Virgil wakes groggy. _Got to check for shadows!_ He looks around and is surprised to not see anything trying to sneak into his room. That was when he registers Janus and Remus sleeping.

The events of yesterday crash into him. _They are going to hate me! I didn't talk to them and almost sent Thomas into the my mindscape without any help!_

"I CAN'T hear your panicking from over here." Janus mutters as he gets up to stretch. "Okay, Let's talk about this. Remus, get up!" Remus rolls over and groans, throwing a pillow over his head. A muffled "five more hours" is heard from under the pillow, and Virgil stifles a laugh.

"That's fine. I am only going to help explain things to Virgil but if you would rather sleep-" Remus throws off the pillow and jumps off the bed. "I'm up, I'm up! Let's do this!"

"Hey guys, I am not sure how soundproof my door is. It is a little early for the others to be up, but we might want to keep it down…" Virgil complains, casting a quick look at the bedroom door.

"Good point. Remus keep it down and conjure up some chairs for us."

Virgil goes over and pulls his desk chair closer to the other two and sits down. He doesn't know what Janus needs to explain, but it will give him time to think on how to apologize again. He looks over at Janus settling into his chair - an ergonomic chair shaped like a throne because Remus knows he is not the only one who is extra - and tries to ignore Remus constantly toppling off his exercise ball of a chair.

"Okay, so first things first. I need to make a confession. When I sent you up here permanently, I actually planned to move us all up here." Janus ignores the dual whisper-yells of "what" and continues.

"Thomas was acting better with you up here, and it stands to reason that he would work even better if you had us to help even the playing field. It seemed that you would get outnumbered by the other sides even if you were making a good point. So I thought that letting you get comfortable up here would be a good way of easing you into the idea of staying up here."

"Why not just tell me?!?" 

"I see that I should have now, and I am sorry. At the time, I believed that hiding the big change on the horizon would lower your anxiety. It works normally - "

"But not all the time! Remember the surprise party?" Virgil still twitches at the memory of the two trying to surprise him with a slumber party. Remus still refuses to fix the scratches on the common room ceiling that Virgil had gouged because he says they are art.

Janus sighs at Virgil's point. "You are right. I was too focused on the big picture. I also forgot a key aspect of your personality." He glares at Virgil. "And that is your isolating and self-sacrificing tendencies."

"Yeah that was dumb! Spider boy over here would take a punch to the face if he thought it would stop Thomas from stubbing his toe." Remus chimes in. He turns to Virgil and sobers. "I figured something was wrong when you wouldn't tell them your name, but I didn't push to come check on you. I'm sorry. I should have not worried about the consequences and just barged up here as soon as I figured that you may need us."

Gratitude and worry fight for dominance over Remus's statement. "You have nothing to be sorry for! I was the one out of control. Though please do consider at least some consequences. I don't know what would have happened if you two burst in and started yelling at me in front of Thomas"

Virgil turns to Janus. "And I should have spoken more openly with you guys; told you that I was struggling. I thought I had it under control until it became too much and it was too late."

Janus leans over and musses Virgil's hair with a smile, then sobers. "I think I should also tell both of you more about the mindscape from yesterday. It is not Virgil's mindscape, not really."

"What do you mean? " chorus Remus and Virgil.

"It is actually the Dark Side mindscape. All three of us can use get to it and manipulate it like the others do their mindscapes. However, the others only need the Side's consent to then be able to go to the mindscape. We cannot bring anyone else to ours, only Thomas can. That also makes it so anything in there does not affect the Light Sides or Thomas unless they are also in there, making it the ideal space to hold the full shadows until we can deal with the issues with Thomas."

"Oh, that makes sense. So it isn't that I can't control the mindscape, just that we all share it…" Virgil mutters, feeling heat on his cheeks. _Well that could have easily been solved if I had just told Janus that I knew about it._

"But there were no full shadows when Thomas was down there? Did they run from him or the Light Sides?" Remus asks, then leans over to Virgil to stage whisper. "I would run if I was a shadow and saw Roman's face."

"We all have the same face - " Virgil stops, knowing this is a useless argument. Janus was smarter by ignoring the side comment completely. "I believe that Virgil has an answer for that. He mentioned it would be fine if we didn't throw shadows in yesterday."

Virgil flinches under that stare and clears his throat. "Yeah, I, uh, had been cleaning out the full shadows from the room by ,uh, absorbing them?"

Janus and Remus stare incredulously at him, so he rushes to explain more. "Well I have been getting way better at dealing with Thomas's anxiety and now I can absorb a full shadow and get through its effects in a couple hours now! It doesn't affect Thomas when I do it, I promise!"

"...So you have been working through Thomas biggest anxieties, by yourself, by having panic attacks that last 'a couple hours' with no one to help if things go bad?" As dry as the Sahara, Janus's voice made it clear what he thought of that. Virgil can only nod.

Janus sighs. "Virgil ignoring the deeply disturbing situation you just described - "

"SO MANY FUCKING IDEAS FROM THAT!" the whisper-shout comes from Remus.

"- that is only a defensive measure. If Thomas still has that issue lurking, it will reform and your work getting rid of it will be in vain. It is why I put them in the mindscape until we can work it out with Thomas instead of just chipping away at them when we can. It is easier to control them when they are locked up than have them reform and surprise us."

"That is some terminator shit! Also does that mean we are going to get an influx of full shadows now? " Remus asks, bouncing up and down on his exercise ball.

"Maybe. It depends on if Thomas still has the issue. Some may be gone, but at least a few of them will definitely reappear."

"Well that is fucking depressing." Virgil mutters, slumping down on his chair.

"Aw don't be sad Virgil! It sounds like you have become hella strong up here. Do you think that we would also get stronger and better able to handle Thomas's shadows if we hang out up here, closer to Thomas?" Remus says eagerly, spinning to look at Janus still bouncing.

"I believe so. It makes sense that if Virgil being up here helps Thomas, then Virgil will also get a benefit." Janus replies. "I have noticed that sensing Thomas is much easier and clearer up here than in the Dark Side. So I want to keep going forward with my plan of eventually get us all up here. We can still go down and deal with any shadows, but also be able to benefit from the advantages up here."

"Hell yeah! Then we can all be Super Sayian!" Remus tries to jump up, accidentally hits the exercise ball and gets bounced a few feet forward.

"I mean, I would love to have you guys up here, especially when the talks with Thomas go kinda crazy. And you know I want to live with you guys again, but how are we going to do that?" Virgil is still not sure Thomas is ready to meet ANY new sides, much less ones as … unique as Janus and Remus. He loves all their quirks, but can admit that they would be jarring if introduced suddenly. Especially Remus, who is just rolling around on the floor now.

"Didn't you mention you have lunch with the Light Sides?" Virgil stares at Janus. _Please tell me he isn’t thinking of all of us just going down there._ "...Yeah?"

"So you go down there and have lunch, since it is lunch time. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with them as well. Remus and I will try to think of a plan, and also look into making the closet door strong enough that we don’t have to seal it to keep shadows out. Remus and I are going to be up here constantly so we need it working. Getting up here permanently is not going to be something we can do overnight, so we have time to think about it."

"Okay, will you guys be good in here?" Virgil doesn't really want to leave them after missing them for so long, but Janus made a good point of needing to talk to Patton, Roman, and Logan.

"Bitch! YOU are the one that we need to ask that of! It sounded like the Light Sides treated you like SHIT up here."

"Vulgarity aside, Remus does have a point. If the other Sides keep treating you badly, you can always stay in here with us until we can go out there with you."

"No, they put in way more effort and caring than before to come get me, so I want to take the chance to get to know them better. They aren't bad people." Virgil says, missing the significant look between Janus and Remus at the "more caring" comment.

"Then head out and start the bridge building. But know that we are only a summon away." Janus and Remus give him a hug, then move so they won't be visible when Virgil opens the door.

Virgil slips out and softly closes the door. _That honestly went way better than expected. I was pretty convinced that Janus would tie me up and ground me for the near future. Now on to lunch..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They care for Virgil, so he is going to be okay!
> 
> And see, Janus did have a reason for not wanting Virgil to go to his mindspace! He just sucks at communication!
> 
> Now on to see the Light Sides!


	25. Time for Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Light Sides talk to Virgil

Virgil hears Logan, Patton, and Roman arguing about something right as he enters the kitchen. The conversation stops as the other Sides spot him. _Well that is not obvious at all -_

"Virgil! Oh my gosh, we were just going to go to your room to make sure you were okay! I am so glad you are okay!" Patton hugs Virgil, then realizes and backs away. "Oh, sorry. I forgot you don't like touching."

Virgil is not sure whether to correct Patton that hugs are okay or just keep going with the flow for now. _How about I keep it quiet until all my bruises heal. Remus and Janus have both been squeezing me so some time when someone is not touching me would be good._

"May I ask why you don't like touching, Virgil?" Logan interjects. " I was not there for that conversation." Virgil freezes, not sure how to respond. Logan sees the reaction and backs off "Only if you want discuss it, of course."

"Uh, maybe not now" Virgil mumbles. He tries to think of a different topic of conversation, but is rescued by Roman of all Sides.

"Well, it seems our Grim Shady has come down for some food! Let us partake in the meal!" Roman dramatically gestures to the table with four made spots.

Virgil takes the diversion and sits down in his normal seat. The others do their normal chatting during the meal. _Are we just going to pretend that my almost killing myself never happened?_

Virgil gets up to go clean his plate when he is done with his meal, thinking that they were done with the socializing. _Roman did refrain from insulting me while I was here, but it feels like nothing has changed -_

"Hey Virgil kiddo, can we chat with you?"

Virgil tenses up and looks over his shoulder at the table. All the Sides are sitting and watching him. _Great, I fucking jinxed it._ "Uh, sure..." He finishes his dishes, then slowly moves to sit back in his seat. The other Sides seem to be having a silent debate on who should talk first, based on their eye contact. _This would be amusing if I weren't so worried about what they wanted to say!_

Logan must have won - or lost? Who knows - because he clears his throat and goes first.

"The past experience with Thomas was very enlightening. Before you ' ducked out', as you called it, we were not aware any of us could completely numb our influence on Thomas" _It really is not that simple Logan. Please don't try what I did!_ Virgil opens his mouth to respond, but Logan continues on.

"We went over the negative affects that what you did had on Thomas, but I think it best if we also discuss the negative affects it seems to have had on you." Logan pulls out a notebook and reviews a page _. Did he take notes?!?_

"Over the last month before you fully ducked out, your attention span in our lunches dropped significantly, which I am assuming is detrimental to your function. The amount of insults you would send Roman's way, a sign of good word association and general common sense" Roman sputters in the background, but surprisingly does not interrupt "decreased by fifty percent. Your overall interactions with the group including greetings, insults, and answering questions had dropped by seventy percent, with greetings being the least affected interaction. Looking up information on anxiety, I believe this was a sign of you feeling isolated, which again is not a good thing."

Surprise is coursing through Virgil; he had been unaware of Logan taking such detailed notes, much less caring enough to look up information on anxiety. Logan puts away the notebook and looks Virgil in the eyes.

"I gathered this information, but had not come to a conclusion how best to handle the situation when you locked yourself in your room. I believe now I should have raised the concern to the others and we could have all discussed the issue. I am sorry if my not saying anything may have contributed to your feelings of isolation. As you know, I am … uneasy with emotional situations and wanted to not come off as accusing if you truly wanted to be left alone."

Patton jumps in, not able to keep quiet for any longer. "Oh kiddo! I also wanted to give you space, which was really hard! If I had realized how quiet you have become since Logan started observing, I would have said something. No kiddo of mine should be lonely!"

As happy as that makes Virgil feel to know that Patton also noticed, he is still uneasy of being considered his son. _Patton is that enthusiastic step dad. It's nice to be cared about, but still awkward when I already have a real Dad. And Janus will cut a bitch if someone tries to take his spot._

Roman then clears his throat, looking much more subdued than the others. "Virgil, when you first came here I have to admit I did not like it, like you. I -uh- jumped to a conclusion that you must be all bad and said some things - " _Did some things_ is hanging in the air between the two. Unspoken but still being highlighted. "- that were not very good. I apologize for trying to not include you in our lunches, adding to that isolation Logan mentioned. I humbly request you accept my apology, and promise that moving forward I will get to know the real you and not make any snap decisions."

"A-apology accepted." Virgil makes eye contact with each Side in turn. "From all of you." _I am not sure getting to know the real me will stop Roman from thinking I am the bad guy…_ he fidgets a little in his seat. _That is definitely not a now problem._

"I - uh - probably should have said something to you guys before I ducked out. I didn't realize how much it would affect Thomas and how that would in turn affect you. I'm sorry." _They are making this easy by thinking ducked out means sit in your room and not be felt..._

"Yes, well, in a way to make sure you feel included in the group, we have discussed having a weekly - "

"Movie night! With popcorn and blankets and fun!" Patton interrupts then is quick to add "It is not a sleepover, not unless you want to. And you can sit wherever you want, so you don't have to worry about touching. We even were going to start with Black Cauldron."

The plea in Patton's eyes is too much for Virgil, so he gives in. "Okay, when are you planning on having it?"

"We were going to ask if you wanted to do it tonight, but Specs over there thought that might be too soon for you. So we were hoping tomorrow night?" Roman informed him.

Virgil sends a quick grateful look over to Logan. He would prefer to have a little more time with Janus and Remus before having to leave them for a movie. "Sure, tomorrow sounds good."

"Uhm, I do have a question, though. When you guys came to find me, you went to my mindscape instead of to my actual room, but Roman told Thomas that I might be in my ROOM. So why the mindscape?"

"That is simple. Thomas sees the mindscapes as our rooms instead of the areas attached to the Light Side. If I remember correctly, you also called it your room." Logan pushes his glasses up and focuses in on Virgil, causing Virgil to think fast.

"Well, yeah. I thought I heard Thomas say something about Virgil's room before I showed myself, so I went with that terminology." Virgil is happy to see Logan accept that answer, and also happy that it seems like Thomas won't be barging into his real room which now contains Janus and Remus. He continues to the next point he wants to address "But Thomas really shouldn't go in there when I am not around. It did not take long for you guys to start to freak in there, and I don't want to know what would happen if it started affecting Thomas like that."

"Normally Thomas does not go into mindscapes unless he is invited because he is a gentleman, and only forces it in the case of emergencies." Roman is making a heroic pose while explaining, clearly insinuating the emergency was some heroic act. Patton giggles at the pose, but puts on a stern face when addressing Virgil.

"Yeah, and you locking yourself in your room is definitely an emergency kiddo! And if we think you try to lock yourself away again, we will go find you and shower you with love until you come back out!" Virgil isn't sure if this is a promise or a threat, but it is effective nonetheless. _I can't make them think of going into the dark mindscape, especially if we start filling it back up with shadows!_ "I hear you loud and clear, Patton. Can I go now?"

After agreements and goodbyes are said, Virgil goes to his room and quickly slips in. He finds looking at him entering, with metal scattered all around them and a bunch of papers - is it an unbound book? - in Janus's hands.

"Oh thank god you are back!" Janus yells, causing Virgil to look at his bedroom door fearfully, afraid the other Sides may have heard. Janus noticed the gesture and waves a hand dismissively.

"Don't worry about the door. That was the first thing we fixed. It is completely soundproof, and when someone touches the knob outside it causes a chime to sound, giving those in the room a chance to be quiet and hide. That was the **only** good thing we were able to do." Janus says that last one while glaring at Remus.

"In that case, what are you doing now?" Virgil asks, eyeing the pieces of metal.

"We are outfitting your door with armor that should stop all shadows!" Remus says excitedly.

"That is what we wanted to do, but Remus decided to make the armor come in a ton of pieces and an instruction manual that will put Ikea's to shame."

"Everyone loves IKEA furniture!" Remus shouts, glaring at Janus.

"Assembling IKEA furniture has broken up so many homes. It is breaking up this one! I am going to lose a son when I beat him to death with this instruction manual because he is making me do this!" Janus starts to advance on Remus, both hands holding the instruction manual, when Virgil jumps between them while laughing.

"Come on guys, it is quality time together. If we get frustrated we open the door and fight some of the shadows. How hard can it actually be? "

\----

Eight hours later, the final piece is put into place. The closet door has been wide open since hour four in the hopes more shadows would come by and get sacrificed to their frustrations. Ten fistfights were broken up, six corner time-outs were issued, three apologies that lead into new fights were given, and all three Sides were tired but content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Virgil, they do care!
> 
> Please guys. IKEA instruction manuals, not even once. :)


	26. Grounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dark Sides celebrate Manifest Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about a nice holiday to celebrate? Have some fun? Let's give everybody a break for a bit.

The next day, Remus and Janus went to get essential things to bring up to Virgil's room. Virgil used the solitude to quickly pull our and read the letters in his box. He also hid his Manifest Day presents where Janus and Remus wouldn't find them. Now that he knows he is going to give them the gifts, he wants it to be a surprise. He then spent the day finding space for Janus's blankets and Remus's paint supplies, with a break to eat lunch with the Light Sides.

The lunch was much nicer than previous ones. Virgil actively involved himself in the conversations, and enjoyed sharing friendly barbs with Roman. Patton's enthusiasm was always fun to watch, and Logan's calm recital of fun facts was soothing. The movie night went similarly; Virgil still a little away from the others, but enjoying the heckling Roman gave every movie. It had surprised Virgil at first - he thought Roman LOVED all Disney movies - but he soon got into it as well, having fun yelling at the screen and getting into arguments on if a scene was realistic.

A new routine was established; Virgil would wake up with Janus and Remus camping out in his room. They would all go down to the Dark Side, have breakfast, and take care of any shadows. Virgil would then head back up for lunch, then hang out in his room. Most of the times Janus and/or Remus would be bringing things that they want to have in their Light Side Base Camp - according to Remus - and they would then work on getting their powers up to Virgil's level. The training will take some time because Virgil has over six month head start, and his crash course in clearing out the Dark Mindscape.

In the evenings, Virgil would alternate between hanging out in his room and hanging out in the common room. Both Janus and Remus encouraged him to hang out with the other sides for different reasons. Remus wants to see if they can find any other differences between the Dark Sides and Light Sides powers. Janus wants to know more about each Side, so they can figure out the best way to be introduced to everyone.

At night the Dark Sides all hunker down on Janus's blankets spread out in three nests around the room. Virgil still has trouble getting consistent sleep, still waking up to look at the closet door for shadows. But it is getting better with each night he wakes to hear Remus's snore and see Janus under his heat lamp. It also helped that Remus had painted his walls and ceiling the second night he was here, creating interlocked spider webs that would periodically have words written in them. The most common words were 'Terrific', 'Humble', and 'Radiant' with 'Some Side' painted right above Virgil's bed to make it the first thing he sees when he wakes up. Sometimes he would just lay there and stare at it as the fears faded away.

A hobby that he has taken up again, after being threatened by Janus to STOP PACING THE ROOM WHEN IT IS QUIET TIME, is his sewing. One day Janus and Remus had brought up some black and purple scraps and told him to make something for himself, or as Remus said, "It's called god damn self-care bitch!" He started creating another sweater for himself, making it more colorful than his current all-black one. He had forgotten how relaxed and grounded sewing made him. _I forgot a lot of important things up here_ he mused.

With that routine, July 23rd came faster than Virgil expected. It started the way it always starts. All Virgil's air leaves his lungs as a heavy weight drops on him.

"Get up sucker! It is party time!!" Remus screams in Virgil's ear. Fight reflexes kick in, and Virgil launches Remus across the room with his spider arms. However, this was exactly what that son of a bitch wanted, as he landed on Janus to scream in his ear as well.

Virgil stretches and starts moving to the blanket he had wrapped around the Manifest Day presents and thrown under the bed, all the while dodging the flying projectiles from the other two in the room.

After he safely makes it to the closet door, Virgil slams it open and takes off running. "All the presents will be mine! My precious-es!"

He uses his spider arms when the shouts and curses get closer, and he is able to land on the couch before Janus air-tackles him. "One at a time like normal, you heathen!"

The other two go to get their gifts from their rooms, and Virgil starts the coffee. He makes it extra dark, just to be an ass to Janus. Remus is only allowed caffeine on special occasions, and can get a little… excitable when on it. _And since I can run away at lunch, might as well make Remus's day!_

He brings in three cups and sits in a triangle with the other two. "Okay, right or left first?" Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Remus chug his coffee. _Glad I cooled it before handing it to him. Here we go..._

"Right first, right first!" Remus chants, throwing a bag and a letter at Janus. Virgil sets the wrapped "What if?" book next to Remus, then grabs a heavy box from Janus. They all start to open their gifts.

"This letter does NOT say you will stop using the microwave for a whole year! And my favorite tea!" Janus squeals, looking at the letter in awe. Virgil chuckles because he knows where Janus is coming from. _So many microwaves sacrificed to the Chaos God!_

Remus is quickly reading through the first chapter in the book. "I LOVE IT! Did you read the first one, about the earth stopping spinning - "

"No, but when I read the first one online, about a baseball going 90% the speed of light, I couldn't sleep for two straight days. You can only tell me what is in that book in EMERGENCIES!"

"Oh what DOESN'T happen when you throw a baseball - "

"An atomic explosion Janus, a fucking atomic explosion!"

"Are you saying there is MORE ONLINE?!? BEST GIFT EVER!"

"You HAVE gotten my gift, Remus. How can you say - "

Virgil ignores the bickering that starts up and pulls out the HEAVY blanket inside. Not sure what exactly to do with it - though it is a very pretty purple/black pattern - he drapes it over himself and blinks in shock. The blanket's weight feels like a hug, pressing into his shoulders and grounding him. "I love it Janus, thank you" he says as he nestles in deeper and smiles at the snakey Side.

"I am glad, Virgil. I thought it might be something you would like. Now Left present!" Janus throws a book at Remus's head and takes the blanket-wrapped gift from Virgil.

Virgil also had his wrapped present thrown at his head, so he catches it and opens it. Inside is a -

"The Welcome to Night Vale book?!? And you bought the Undertale soundtrack and gifted it to my account! Thank you, Remus -

"I GOT WEAPONS!!!" Remus screams holding up a book on how to craft weaponry. Since Remus likes to make his conjuring as realistic as possible, the knowledge in that book is priceless to him.

"Now whose present ISN'T the best" hisses Janus, still looking down at the black and yellow cape Virgil sewn for him.

Virgil starts to get anxious at the quiet, and rushes to explain. "You get cold a lot, and yellow and black are your favorite colors. If you don't like it I can make you something- "

"I love it, Virgil! Thank you." Janus stands up, puts on the cape, and does the epic cape turn. The move would have been super intimidating, if he wasn't still wearing his yellow pajamas underneath. _He definitely can rival Princey on style; he almost pulled that off in pajamas!_

Virgil spent the rest of the morning eating the breakfast that Janus cooked, getting yelled at for the amount of caffeine he gave Remus as the creative Side slowly unraveled at the seams, and reading his new book under his new weighted blanket. _I almost missed having this time with them…_

It was with a heavy heart that he left to go to lunch with the Light Sides. Well, he did wish he could hang with them longer, but Remus was getting to his manic stage so he was a little glad too. _I might have gone too far with the coffee…_ Even so, he knew he wouldn't take his family any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously that "What if?" book would be perfect for Remus. Almost all the questions have crazy consequences... 
> 
> I had fun thinking about what each Side would give the other.


	27. Ramifications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus goes to talk to Roman, Roman goes to talk to Logan, and a breakup happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to your regularly scheduled drama

Remus waited until Virgil went to sleep. It had only been recently that Virgil slept through the night, making sneaking out earlier impossible. He waited a few more minutes before exiting the bedroom door and quietly closing it. He moves over to what had to be his brother's room - if the crown on the door was not a good enough sign, the giant ROMAN nameplate gave it away. _Compensating for something, bro? Insecure much?_

He opens the door and looks for the passage to Imagination. Being Roman's twin, he has always had a connection with his brother, and knows that Roman is in the Imagination. Roman is probably making a NICE dream for Thomas right after one of his Sides tried to commit SUICIDE -

Remus cuts off that thought and walks through the very intricate doorframe at the back of Roman's room. As the Imagination opened up before him, Remus can feel a smile slip across his face. Time to have a nice chat with his brother.

\----

Roman is finishing the final touches to the dream Thomas will have tonight, when a shiver goes through him. He looks around and sees nothing wrong which only means one thing -

"Hello, brother dear!" Remus steps out into the clearing. Roman frantically finishes the dream and sends it to Thomas, confused when Remus doesn't even try to change it. What could he want?

"Remus, what are you up to?" Roman watches nervously as Remus circles him. Normally, Remus is a force of chaos and impulse, but today he seems unusually focused. Like he is stalking Roman…

"Oh, bro. I just wanted to CHAT." The smile on Remus's face does nothing to alleviate Roman's concerns. "How about that? No fighting, just talking."

 _This has to be a trap!_ Remus rarely doesn't attack with SOMETHING, and calling a truce before even one swing is unheard of. _What is going on here?_

"If you are willing to discuss our differences without violence, then someone as princely as I must do so as well." Roman added some flair to his response but still watched his brother closely. Close enough to see the anger that flashed over his face before the crazed smile returned. _That is NOT a good sign. Remus CONTROLLING himself?_

"Oh, is that what you are? Princely? Never done anything you would call DASTARDLY? " Remus gets a little closer in his circling, but still does not attack.

 _Something I have done that is dastardly? What could that mean -_ Roman freezes thinking about his apology to Virgil. _Did he somehow hear about me bullying Virgil?_

"For the things I have done that were not princely, I have apologized and vowed to make amends." He firmly states, not liking that it does little to stop Remus's movements. The laughter following the statement causes a shiver to go down his spine.

"Oh, are you going to make amends? I am curious bro. What amends do you make on a LIFE?" On the last word, the anger Roman saw before bleeds through, and Remus's eyes glow green.

"Wait, a life? What do you mean? Yes, I bullied Virgil, and he had holed himself up in his mindscape. I am not proud of what I did and apologized. He accepted. How is a life involved?"

"Oh my god, you ARE that STUPID!" The manic is showing in Remus's voice as he starts to laugh. "He just HOLED up in his mindscape! THAT'S all it takes for Thomas to NOT FEEL A SIDE! Why didn't I think of that?"

The laughter is making Roman uncomfortable, so he steps away from his brother, only to have those GREEN eyes fasten on him. "Maybe because that is a load of BULLSHIT!!" The echo of the last word makes its way across the Imagination, causing a silence that suffocates.

"What do you mean? He said he ducked out, and then he was in his mindscape when we went looking for him. He was there!" Roman counters, starting to feel something welling up in him. _Now that I think about it, when have they ever been able to remove their presence from Thomas while in their mindscapes?_

The laugh Remus unleashes had lost sanity long ago. "WAS he? Did you see him when you got there? Or did he APPEAR?" When Remus stopped laughing and leveled Roman with a severe stare, he kinda wished for the insanity back. _He is so angry!_

"Let me cut to the chase here, dear BROTHER. Based on the way you acted to Virgil, I bet you remembered some of our old conversations. And you used those as an EXCUSE to hurt him. That - " Roman is shocked when he sees tears form in Remus's eyes, only to be dashed away angrily. "-will be one of my biggest regrets. That I may have contributed to you guys pushing him AWAY."

Remus stops, stops talking, stops moving, stops breathing. Roman is starting to get worried about the desolate look on his brothers face - _WHAT IS GOING ON? I DON'T UNDERSTAND?!?_ \- when Remus refocuses those glowing eyes on Roman.

"But that doesn't get you off the hook here. You want to only think of me as only intrusive thoughts, dear brother? Then I will give you one. The only way for a Side to become THAT silent is if they are losing themselves to the Subconscious, and that is tantamount to KILLING YOURSELF. So while Virgil may have forgiven you guys, I promise you it is NOT FORGOTTEN."

Roman stares incredulously as Remus throws a smoke bomb and leaves. Without fighting… like he promised. But was it better?

"What the HELL did he mean about the subconscious, and killing yourself? That can't be right, can it?" Roman starts to panic, the way Virgil seems confused when he kept rephrasing what he did prominent in his mind.

"Did Virgil commit SUICIDE and we didn't NOTICE? Did he think we KNEW and only talked about him being in his ROOM?" He can barely comprehend that idea, what would have to happen to make a Side even TRY? But pieces of the puzzle of Virgil do fit better with that information. _He wanted someone to be CONSIOUSLY protecting Thomas. Why, if he was expecting to be there to do it?_

"God Damn it Remus" He grits out. At least he has confirmation that Virgil is the Paranoia from Thomas's early years. However, now trying to reconcile the terror that was Paranoia with the desperate-to-help-Thomas Side that was Virgil, Roman feels like there is a disconnect - something he is missing. It is almost like _I don't have the full picture and could have hurt Virgil until he thought of SUICIDE -_

"STOP" he commands his thoughts. He cannot handle that thought right now. He needs to be able to talk to someone about this. I can’t be Patton. _As soon as he says suicide Patton is going to off the rails which leaves_ -

"Logan. I will talk to Logan tomorrow and he can go through all the dry reasons why we CAN'T commit suicide! Or travel to the subconscious or whatever Remus was insinuating." Roman mutters as he gets back to his room. He settles down in his bed, acting like he is going to get some sleep. But he knows that is unlikely after what Remus said.

"Dammit Bro…"

\----

Remus quickly grips Virgil's doorknob and opens the door as fast as he can. He wants the chime that goes off to be as short as possible. _Please don't wake up Virgil!_

As he get back into the room, he sees Janus covering Virgil's ears. Remus slowly relaxes at the sight. _So I fooled one Side. Good odds considering nothing gets past Snake-Dad. Well, except for - Nope! Not going down that road again tonight._

"Have a productive conversation?" Janus asks, still covering Virgil's ears. Remus grins.

"Productive? No. I am now convinced that my dumbass brother actually thinks you can sit in your room and block Thomas out." He can't help the anger that infuses the last part of the statement. _Why is my brother so GODDAMN STUPID?_ He shrugs.

"So I instilled a little DOUBT in that STUPID IDEA in him. Who knows what it will do, but I can't trust any of the Light Sides if they think what happened to Thomas could be caused by a Side IGNORING HIM REALLY HARD! "

"Then we are in agreement. There might be something worth redeeming in the Light Sides, but I have lost all faith in trusting them with Virgil." Janus murmurs. "Don't worry, we are going to be introduced to Thomas whether these Light Sides like it or not! We just need to find the right time, and make sure they don't hurt Virgil until we are up there to help him."

Remus smiles, relieved that he and Janus are on the same page. "In that case, we should probably go to sleep. If Virgil wakes up before us, he is going to have questions. Good Night, Snake Dad!"

"Good Night, Chaotic Child."

And with that both Sides went to their beds, to sleep the rest of the night away.

\----

Roman is knocking on Logan's door at Stupid-O-Clock in the morning, because he did not sleep. He would feel bad about it, but he is pretty sure Logan just holes up in his room in the early mornings for the peace and quiet.

Logan immediately opens the door, confirming his suspicions. _Damn Nerd, could have been helping me get rid of Anxiety -_

Roman stops that thought, and rushes into Logan's room, much to the exacerbation of the logical Side.

"Roman, I did not think you were awake this early. Is there something I can help you with - "

"What happens if a Side goes to the subconscious?!?" Roman yells. He has spent too much time by himself to find a subtle way to phrase that question. And subtlety tends to confuse Logan, so there is no reason to use it on him.

Logan blinks, seeming confused. "Well, all Sides are a part of Thomas's consciousness. It is what allows us to help make decisions. If one was pulled into the subconscious, they would most likely merge with it, losing their individuality. But this is all hypothetical - "

"Wait, so you are saying that we CAN die?!?" That was NOT the answer Roman had wanted to hear. It added validation to Remus's accusations, and the consequences of that are not something he wants to contemplate.

Logan stared at Roman for a second, nothing showing on his face, then calmly asks "Roman, is there a reason you are asking how we kill ourselves? Should I get Patton - "

"What?!? No! I'm not trying to kill myself! It's just" Roman slumps onto Logan's bed and gives the stoic Side with a defeated stare. "My brother visited me last night - "

"Last night, but Thomas slept well last night - "

"That's the thing! He said he only wanted to chat, then he went off on how staying in your room doesn't cause the same reaction as what Thomas had when Virgil was gone -"

"Really, even for them? It would seem strange that you, Patton, or I could have the same affect, considering how much time we spend in our mindscapes. But I have seen Virgil do something unusual in a mindscape, so I did not think much of him being able to do other things. Also, if that were the case, why did he now just say so?"

"That's the thing, I think he did!" Roman jumps up to start pacing, and Logan frowned.

"I do not remember Virgil saying anything of the sort - "

"When he kept using all those synonyms for 'ducking out'! Those all could be euphemisms for killing himself, and maybe he did not want Thomas to know? Or maybe because we were on camera at the time?"

"That… is one conclusion. Whether it is the correct one or not, we will need to look further into. But I have a query, Roman. Why did your brother come to you about this?"

Roman stopped pacing, not having thought of that. "He seemed really mad. Maybe getting rid of Thomas's anxiety did something in the Dark Side? Maybe it affected him adversely, being the Dark Side Creativity?"

"You would think the opposite. Without anxiety, Thomas may feel freer to contemplate the intrusive thoughts your brother tends to create." Logan goes over to his bookcase and looks to be searching for a specific book "I will have to look into this further…"

"But what about Virgil? What if he DID almost kill himself and all we did was tell him to not stay in his room as much? What if that causes him to try again - "

"While I am still not convinced that is the right conclusion, we can continue be proactive in including Virgil in our evenings and meals. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say. But Roman, I do not think we should go to Patton with this conclusion until we have shown it to be true. He will not react well - "

"Yeah, I am of the same mind. He would freak out and try to have one of us with Virgil every second of the day, and that would definitely drive Virgil away from talking to us. So, we just keep doing what we are doing, and also keep an eye on Virgil?" Roman is relieved that Logan doesn't see any immediate danger with Virgil, and he also likes that he will not be the only one to be observing Virgil.

"That is all we can do for now." Logan pulls out a book on psychology, and puts it on his desk. "One more thing before you go, was there anything else your brother said that could be important?"

Roman racks his brain, going over the conversation again. He doesn't want to tell Logan about Virgil being the Side they used to call Paranoia, because that would lead to questions on when he knew that and how he reacted to it. Other than that -

"I mean, he did say that even though Virgil has forgiven us, 'it' will not be forgotten. It's why I said that he was really pissed."

"Then we may see some more activity from the Dark Sides, as you call them. Whatever happened, it caused some sort of effect over there. We will need to be vigilant."

Roman walks to the door, and throws over his shoulder "Thanks Logan. I am glad I went to you with this."

After the door closes, Logan sits down and pulls out the notebook with his observations of Virgil and starts to write.

\----

Things are going well for a while, then though Thomas breaks up with his boyfriend. Virgil gets hit with random bouts out anxiety, but he knows that Roman and Patton are the most affected. He tries to help by making some lunches so Patton does not need to, but that seems inadequate. He isn't the best cook, braving the stove to make simple things like grilled cheese and soup.

Janus and Virgil also spend time in keeping Remus's ideas in what to do with their ex away from Thomas. While not COMPLETELY crazy ideas, in Virgil's opinion, he knows Thomas would not like to hear them right now _. And all of them are illegal if we get caught, so we need to hide the gas can from Remus for a while_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody messes with Janus and Remus's anxious Side! And yeah, they are still upset about it.
> 
> And now Roman and Logan are a little more clued in!


	28. Fitting In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas dyes his hair and the Fitting In video happens

Remus's hysterical laughter wakes Virgil up, causing him to groan. He had been trying to sleep in today since they had agreed that this morning was going to be a lazy day. But Remus doesn't stop laughing.

Virgil throws off his weighted blanket and sits up, "WHAT?" then he freezes at the chaotic Side sporting BRIGHT PURPLE hair. "What happened to your hair?"

"My hair, what happened to OUR hair, dear Virgil!" Remus pulls Virgil over to the full length mirror, watching Virgil gawk at his own hair. "Looks like Thomas is feeling a little edgy today. I love it!"

"WHAT THE FUCK! HE WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO GET A HAIRCUT!" Virgil shouts, still in shock at the dye in his hair.

Janus groans from his nest of blankets. "This has better NOT be good…"

"~Our hair matches Virgil's new sweater~" Remus sings dancing around the room. Virgil had completed his sweater last week, and the others had been trying to get him to wear it out with Thomas. Janus stumbles over to the mirror, squints at his hair, then calls to Remus "DON'T make me a hat!"

"Thomas and I are going to have a TALK about this!" Virgil seethes as Janus tries on a variety of hats before settling on a bowler hat. Remus now wore a black top hat with a red band holding a purple feather - this had been a reject from Janus - and is singing "Friends on the Other Side".

"Well it looks like you will NOT have the chance, he is already NOT in front of the camera talking to Logic."

"What? But I am in my pajamas!" Virgil quickly senses Thomas and sees Janus is right, and frantically gets dressed. Janus has pulled out the phone TV to better see how the hair looks on all the Sides.

"DON'T hurry! Everyone else is already up there! And Roman is NOT telling Thomas to dye it like a rainbow!" Virgil's clothes-muffled "HE WHAT?!?" is overpowered by Remus's squeal "Yes please! ~You can dye, with all the colors OF THE WIND!~"

Virgil just barely gets his black sweater on- no way he is putting on his purple one before talking to Thomas about THIS fiasco - before he feels Thomas's summons and hears Thomas ask what Virgil thinks about the hair in a really condescending way. _What is with the baby talk?_

Virgil's growl and snarl-face he makes at Thomas is both for the LAST MINUTE dye decision AND the way the question was asked. Feeling petty, he allows Thomas's anxiety to rise a little, while Patton and Roman are yelling about his hair.

"Hey dude... that's, I don't know why I said that... what do yo— what do you have to say?" _Damn right._ Virgil thinks, glad the extra anxiety works. _Try that again and I am going to start hissing at you._

"Look, you know me by now, you know I'm gonna have some concerns." At Thomas's prodding, he continues "It's just, you don't know what people are thinking—or saying—about it." _They could hate it or not take you seriously._ From Logan's disgruntled face, he is also thinking the same thing.

However, Patton has the ace in his back pocket by getting Logan to leave the hair alone because it makes Thomas happy and "isn't good mental health an important reason?"

 _Check and Mate, Logan._ Not surprisingly, Roman is also over the moon with the change _. And if I get over the sudden change of it - which I am NOT - I can't say I dislike it. It IS purple… But what can I say that about the repercussions of making changes like this without first thinking through the consequences?_ But everyone else is happy about it, so he tries to think of something nice to say.

"And, I guess there is sort of a… uh… dark edginess to it, like… one of those…. Crayola crayon… Halloween packs _." Yikes, that was not my best._ After being laughed at for that imagery by Roman and smacked with emotions from Patton, Virgil tries again to convey his opinion.

"Well, all I'm saying is... Thomas, in your past it's been far easier to just blend in. When you make yourself stand out like this, yeah, it CAN be good, but a lot of times... it can be... not so good." _Yeah, like how I am not sure what any of you would do If you saw me in my full shadow get-up._

Logan comments on Virgil's approach to his point as being odd even though Logan agrees with the premise, confusing the anxious Side _. I don't yell all the time, and so far no one has said anything stupid to fight with. How stressed was I in those last couple videos before I ducked out?!?_ He tries to remember, but exhaustion has pretty much made the last month or two before the incident be very blurry and hard to recollect.

Virgil catches Thomas arguing that standing out can be fun, and has to interject.

"Speak for yourself. Being the odd one out was my whole presence here, and it was not fun."

"AH HA! That is the crux of this issue. Virgil is a little too familiar with rejection and has had his fill." Roman jumps in. Virgil is surprised by Roman's deduction, even though he instinctively rejects it. Apparently he is not the only one as Logan compliments Roman, which almost gave Virgil whiplash when he turns his head to look at the logical Side. Luckily for the fabric of the universe, Logan points out how unusual it is for Roman to be this clever. _Oh thank god, reality still makes sense._

Patton interrupts the fight that was likely to happen by yelling "Tonks", leading to Thomas explaining Harry Potter to Virgil. _What the hell? Does he think I live under a rock? Those books and movies had some scary moments for Thomas, so he dragged me into that series._

"Yeah, I know what Harry Potter is." Virgil interrupts Thomas, hoping he will get to his point _. Is he going to sort us into houses?_ Virgil guesses, dread filling him. He does not like any of the sorting quizzes, as they put pressure on the individual to conform to a stereotype. Then, just to throw him for a loop, Patton starts going on about Aragog.

"Aragog. A ginormous spider in the Harry Potter universe. He's bold, he's terrifying, and no matter where we all fit in... we are all his prey. He must be stopped." _I thought he was joking about the spider curtains?!? Patton really hates spiders? Well fuck, I'm never showing them my spider arms. What would happen if he saw them? Would he stop talking to me again?_

Virgil distantly hears the other argue about sorting them into the houses, but he focuses on breathing for a second _. That is not a now-problem. Think of that later!_

Virgil focuses in on Roman and Logan bickering, and tries to get idea what is going on. "So, what's the plan here?"

His original idea bad been correct, and Thomas wants them sorted. _Let me guess we are going to be sorted based on a stereotype that then puts social pressure on the students to conform to that stereotype. Fun. And I can guess what the sorting will be -_

Before he can even get out that sorting seems to be the opposite of fitting in - _it seems more like dividing the group than unifying it_ , Roman does the obvious choices. Roman as Gryffindor, Patton as Hufflepuff, Logan and Ravenclaw, and Virgil as Slytherin. Not only that, the others start to sink out after this! Virgil gets ready to yell at them all to get back here, but is beat to the punch by Thomas, who does it for him.

 _Maybe Roman had a non-stereotypical reason to put me in Slytherin?_ Virgil decides to play dumb to let Roman explain himself. "Why am I a Slytherin? What are the qualifications?"

"Well, you're the... you're the dark and sinister one." _Ah, there it is. Oh well, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt!._

Thomas then surprises Virgil again by yelling at Roman for that description of the Sytherin house. When Roman also defends that the other houses were already represented - _See, divisive rather than unifying!_ \- Thomas continues his yelling to point out that is NOT how to sort.

Logan must have decided the tension was getting too high, because he brings out a Crofter's jam and starts praising it with Roman. _What the hell is with Logan and that damn jam?!?_ Logan then asks for a rundown on what the houses represent. Virgil should have known that Logan would want black and white definitions for the houses. _Here come the stereotypes… it's going to be fun knocking them down._

Virgil can't help taking a jab at Roman when Gryffindor is described as "the Brave ones". He leans over to Logan and stage whispers "And this is the one Roman thinks he's in?" Logan's mouth twitches, but he does not react otherwise, and Roman just confirms that it is. _At least I got a reaction from Logan, even if it was small._

Roman explains Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw with no resistance from either Patton or Logan, and Virgil gets ready to argue his.

Thomas decides to take over the Sytherin description after Roman's gaffe.

"And then there is Slytherin who, yes get a rep in the books for being the bad guys, but, they're mainly known for being ambitious, cunning, strong leaders." _Is it bad that that stereotype would probably fit Janus? Either way -_

"But that's … that's not me."

Even Roman agrees to this, prompting Patton to lament on how the sorting was almost perfect. _First of all, I don't think it was. Secondly, ouch, that kinds hurt..._

"Oh. Sorry to ruin that for you." Virgil says, expecting it to be brushed off. Logan's protest that he hadn't was a surprise, but not as much as Patton's.

"If you keep talking bad about yourself, I am going to physically fight you!"

Thomas jumps in. "No, no, that is the opposite of helpful, Patton."

" Nobody talks about my child like that." Patton mutters then does the "I'm watching you" gesture at Virgil. _What the fuck just happened? Patton, PATTON, just tried to fight me? I am gonna have to ask about THAT later…_

Virgil focuses on Thomas talking "They are right though, Anxiety. I mean, this is why I think this is a good exercise. Maybe this will help me to look at my aspects from different angles. Maybe it's not so simple." _Still not used to calling me Virgil? I'll let it slide since you kicked ass stopping Roman before. And of course it is not that simple, Thomas. That is why stereotypes are seen as offensive or jokes!_

Logan steps up and points out that Roman sounds more Slytherin. When Roman denies this, Logan adds in a good point, making Virgil smile.

"Oh, so you don't think you're a strong leader? You don't think you're cunning?" _HA! Go Logan!_

Roman doesn't even get into those points "I'm not evil!" _I see you are thinking in black and white today._ Virgil has to ask "Says who?" but Thomas ruins his fun by declaring that Sytherins being evil was not going to be used to sort anymore.

In what Virgil is pretty sure is just petty retaliation on Logan, Roman put Patton in Ravenclaw. His reasoning that Patton does use puns is shaky but not bad. _Because House Sorting is bullshit!_

"You call those witty?" Logan snips, and Virgil just waits, knowing that Patton does not like his puns to be questioned.

"Well, you call those glasses?" _Ah, right on time._

"I mean yes, I'm not sure if you're implying something's—"

"Well, I don't think they'll pick up they don't have a cell phone! ZING!" _And now Logan is walking away. He should have known better. RIP logical Side._

Patton then declares Logan to be in Gryffindor be cause he is his hero. _Some aloe after that burn? Logan doesn't seem to appreciate it..._

"Yeah. Patton may have a point. I mean, Hermione was a Gryffindor and she was the smartest of them all. Gryffindors are also known to have short tempers, which I think could apply to both of you." Thomas comments pointing to Roman and Logan.

"OH, SHUT UP!" and " FALSEHOOD!" are yelled simultaneously

"Ah, I did not miss that." Virgil says, and has some fun taking jabs at Logan's defense that he is not Gryffindor. Logan then points out that leaves Virgil with Hufflepuff. 

Virgil is about to complain, but hears Thomas speak "I mean you don't all have to be in different houses" and decides to keep going. _It seems to be sinking in that this is pushing at least one of us into a house that doesn’t make sense. So let's see if we can get Thomas to NOT want the sorting._

Then Roman strikes fear into his heart with a joke about Virgil working hard, "Working hard to make Thomas parano-VIGILANT. Paranovigilant. D'you like that? I just made that word up just now! I'm basically Shakespeare! " _Was he worried about calling me paranoid because he knows, or because Thomas gave him the evil eye when he started saying it? Does he know?_ Virgil is hazarding to not knowing or else wouldn't Roman still be fighting him? _Let's hope so…_

Virgil gets another threat to fight Patton for calling himself self-deprecating instead of modest, which is actually starting to turn fun. _And it is not like he could take me. Even if he tries, I can just pull out my spider arms and he will run away and never want to see me again… damn it, now I made myself depressed._

Patton gives him his out from being a Hufflepuff by calling them impartial. It doesn’t take long to move on to the next combination; Roman as Hufflepuff, Patton as Gryffindor, Logan as Slytherin, and Virgil as Ravenclaw.

Virgil is happy to notice that everyone is finding things that both match and don't match each person in each House. _Maybe they are starting to get it?_

They don't even do the last combination and Virgil is kinda sad about it. _I would have loved to hear the justification for Patton being Slytherin!_

All the others choose a house they want to be in (each being Roman's first guess), and not which one may define them best. While Virgil had hoped they would drop the Houses completely, this isn't a bad compromise. They all then turned to him for his house. _Let's see if I can try one last time to point out that sorting isn't needed._

So Virgil goes through all the houses and points out how they aren't him.

Gryffindoor - "One thing I feel I'm not is reckless."

Hufflepuff - "I'm not impartial, and frankly, not very friendly."

Ravenclaw - "I'm a problem identifier, but not a problem solver."

And now for the softball thrown to Thomas

Slytherin - "And then there is what everyone expects me to be... but I don't feel like an ambitious, cunning, leader. I feel more like a play it safe evasive worrier... so what does this mean? I went into this hoping it would make better sense of it all, but now I'm even more confused than ever."

"So, you don't quite fit into any of the houses perfectly, big deal! You know who could have been in Slytherin OR Gryffindor? Harry freaking Potter." Thomas protests, with the others seconding him. Virgil pushes a little more.

"But I don't fit, that's the thing." And again all the others point out examples of merging two stereotypes.

" I think I'm getting it guys. It's just I wish that I was a little bit more simple to understand." _DOWN WITH SOCIETY STEREOTYPES AND THEIR DEVICIVENESS!!_

Thomas takes the last to be a reason to be okay with standing out, which isn't what Virgil was going for, but he is pretty sure it is what he is getting from this therapy session.

"Then I'm not picking a house. I don't need to belong to a specific Hogwarts house... in order to belong with you guys." _Because that's the damn point. You accept me without needing a label._ He blinks after that thought. It was true, or at least on the fast track to becoming completely true. _They really are trying. Am I?_

He does appreciate Patton's and Roman's support of not choosing. _And Logan being pissed he did not think about not choosing a house is fun too!_

Roman then decides to transform his outfit into a much more detailed - _extra_ \- version. Virgil stares incredulously at Roman. _We are changing out styles? But I only just finished my sweater. I wasn't planning on wearing it yet. Did Janus and Remus have anything to do with this?!? Maybe it will just be Roman-_

But of course Logan can't be outdone and changes his style as well. Patton doesn't even let Logan get through with his list of what he changed before the happy Side changes as well. It would have been funny if it didn't put Virgil on the spot.

 _"_ Oh, my goodness, do I have to? I mean, like, so many changes- I just told you my name." _Shit, to change or not to change?_

Even through his panicking, Virgil already knows he is going to show off his sweater. _I will never live it down if I don't, and it would be nice to do something with this group. Together. But I am going to have to confess about the damn hair..._

"I actually, agh, I actually had this idea, but, like, it's a little out there. So, um…" _Like a bandaid, just rip it off!_

"Well, alright, but um, before I do I should probably confess that uh…" Virgil visualizes his purple sweater and makes it appear on him. "I actually really dig the purple."

The other Sides are supportive of the new sweater, making Virgil internally happy. _Maybe I can tell them I hand made it? Nah, too soon._ The others drop out after the compliments leaving Virgil with Thomas, who then also compliments the change as well.

"Pfft. Thanks. Now I feel as big of a weirdo as the rest of these guys."

"That's good, you fit right in!"

"Ah, I saw what you did there, a nice, little 'bring it around full circle.' That was cute."Virgil applauds Thomas's trick and sinks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Janus can add to his hat for an outfit? :)
> 
> I don't see Virgil liking stereotypes, just like Janus doesn't like Society's expectations in the courtroom scene.


	29. Between Fitting in and Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dark Sides give their reaction to the last video. Virgil talks to Logan and Patton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked the title name, but it is really just between the Fitting In and Moving On episodes...

"Did you bastards have anything to do with the changing of clothes?!?" Virgil yells when he enters his room.

"I absolutely DID" Janus smirks. Remus pipes up as well. "I didn't say anything to anyone, but you forget the EXTRA one is my twin. Maybe it is twin powers? He thinks what I think? " A maniacal look comes in his eyes. "I'm gonna make him think about frogs having sex! Then exploding!"

Virgil watches as Remus scrunches his eyes closed then turns to Janus. "I wouldn't put it past you two…"

"And that doubt is NOT justified in most cases, just not this one." Janus purrs, pouring on the villain aura.

"Look at you being evil with a boulder hat. It really pulls off the look." Virgil mutters, sarcasm dripping.

"You are right. I do NOT need something else to complete this look. I WON'T come back to that later." Janus feigns indifference, but Virgil is pretty sure that Janus is now going to make an outfit that uses that hat.

"Though that vlog was just DREADFUL to watch, with you being sorted into a stereotype…" Janus slyly murmurs.

"That was ALMOST better than finding out if you don’t really have bones you can suck your own dick!" Remus adds, apparently done with trying to fuck with his brother. "You see, the trick is you got to bend the elbow around the ankle like this-"

"STOP" comes from the other two Sides simultaneously.

"It must have been AMAZING watching the other poor innocent Sides be led into the 'Societal trap of conforming to stereotypes'."

"Okay, I know what you are doing, but that was a good impression of me. " Virgil has to admit he was impressed by Janus's body language through the quote. "Don't act like you guys would have liked it any better! And yeah, it was annoying at that level, but I might have made a convert at the end. Did you see how pissed Logan was? I bet he is going to fight back next time." Virgil tries to keep the smugness out of his voice but he does not think he succeeds when Janus raises an eyebrow.

"That may NOT be true. Well, should we go clean up the Dark Side or - "

"Wait, did you guys see Roman stutter on paranoid? Do you think that was because he knows who I am? Do you think he is going to tell? Are the others going to - "

"Relax, Charlotte's Dweeb. Thomas sent him a pretty good stink-eye when he was talking. Like an ate all the beans in the grocery store, then given laxatives because you have too much beans in your stomach, which then leads to - "

"What Remus is trying to say is it seems like a pretty big coincidence, given he is not trying to hit you with that sword of his." Janus jumps in.

"Would that sword cut through your spider arms?" Remus mutters.

"You know it wouldn't. You have hit me with random sharp objects before, and I am sure ONE of them was a sword…"

"But what if it did? Would you bleed red or black? Would the severed part twitch as it lies on the grou-"

" **Okay! Dark Side. We are going there. Now. And no talking until we get there.** " Janus thunders. Virgil is grateful for the interruption; he wasn't sure if he wanted to hide under his blankets or punch Remus in the face for that.

And with that the three Sides - mostly quietly - headed out do clean up the shadows

\----

A couple days later, Virgil was finishing lunch when he realizes he is alone with Patton. Both Logan and Roman had rushed through lunch that day for various reasons, so it had been a pretty low key meal.

Virgil keeps waiting to hear Patton talk about the breakup, and the emotions he still seems to be going through. He hasn't seen Patton lose his smile but his eyes seem sad, and that is worrying Virgil. He hopes that Patton is not handling it on his own, well aware that makes him a hypocrite. _Just because I am a hypocrite doesn't mean that repression is not good._

Virgil thought about how to gently broach the subject he wants to talk about. And decided to take a round-about way to get there by starting with the threats in the last video.

"Hey Patton?"

"Yeah Kiddo?"

"Why did you say in the last vlog that you would fight me?"

Patton looks over his shoulder and smiles, but continues to wash the dishes. "Because I will. Why? Are you talking bad about yourself?"

"No, but that seems to be an EXTREME reaction to me saying bad things. Is it all bad things, or only ones that aren't true?" The last sentence caused Patton to turn around and cross his arms.

"There is no true bad things about you!" Patton sternly says. Virgil watches Patton for a bit, waiting for the end of that joke to be said. When none comes, Virgil becomes worried. _That is completely unrealistic._

"Patton. There are bad things about everyone that are true. Ignoring or repressing it is not good." _It ultimately comes and bites you in the ass later. Or kicks me in the face in the form of a full shadow._

"Talking bad about yourself is what caused you to hide away. If you don’t believe the bad things and stop saying them then it is not a problem!" Patton's voice grows a little louder on this. _That does NOT sound like a good coping strategy. And this is from someone who almost killed themselves._ Virgil winces, hearing that there are still some wounds in Patton from his stupid decision. _I got to clear this up._

"Patton, the reason I hid away from you guys is because of bad traits I have in my personality." Virgil holds up a hand, stopping whatever Patton was about to say. "And yeah, eventually I may be able to get rid of those traits, but I can't fix them if I ignore them completely. "

"Well, I guess so…" Patton still looks uneasy with even that compromise. "But you should always know I am here to help you out kiddo! You don't have to do it alone." 

While the offer comforts Virgil, _\- He means it. He cares_ \- heis starting to get a little worried about Patton. Is this how he normally deals with problems, either ignore them are force them into a "good" box? Was there something that Virgil can do to make Patton see that not-good does not always mean bad? _What can I do to help him?_ He wracks his brain for something, when an idea hit him.

"Hey Patton, I have a deal for you. You stop saying you will fight me when I say bad things about myself, and I will try to talk to you about them." Patton looks eager to agree, so Virgil slips in the important caveat "BUT you ALSO have to talk to someone if you feel bad. It doesn't have to be me, but someone. Deal?"

"Of course kiddo! I can do that! But really, Virgil, you don't have to worry about me!" Patton smile dimed a little with the last part, but is still on his face. Virgil takes it as a good sign, albeit a shaky one.

"Thanks Patton! That makes me feel better. See you tonight at movie night?"

"Of course! See you then!" follows Virgil out as he heads to his room

\----

Janus pauses in reading "The Selfish Gene", to look around Virgil's room. Something had just got his attention, but he doesn't know what. It felt like when Remus or Virgil tell a lie to him, but neither is around right now. Remus is painting on the Dark Side walls and Virgil is eating lunch. _I wonder what that was about? I'll have to look into it later._ He thinks as he gets back into his book.

\----

Two movie nights later, Virgil and Logan are the only ones who make it through the movie awake. Both Patton and Roman are snoring on one side of the couch, covered with blankets. Logan is sitting on the side of the couch closest to Virgil's chair.

Once the credits start to play, Virgil gets up and stretches. Logan closes the book he was reading during the movie - something to do with psychology for some reason - and looks at Virgil.

"Virgil, I was wondering if we could have a discussion?"

Virgil freezes, since this is definitely not normal. But the calm radiating off of Logan sooths him enough that he sits back down. "Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"I have a question about mindscapes, actually." Virgil tenses at this - _Does he want to see mine again? We have rounded up some full shadows so that would be a bad idea!! -_ but he tries to play it cool. "Okay, what about them?"

"When you were in my mindscape, you pulled yourself, Thomas, and me out of it even though I did not want to go. Is this something you have done before?"

Virgil relaxes when he realizes his mindscape is not the topic of conversation, but he is still confused by the question. "Uh, no. Your mindscape was the only mindscape other than my own that I have gone in. Are you saying that you can't pull Roman out of his mindscape?" _Is that why he was miffed after it happened? He wasn't_ _mad_ _that Anxiety did it, but that he didn't know I could do that?_ That would actually make sense

"I cannot pull either Roman or Patton out of their mindscapes unless they are ready to go. Only Thomas and the owner of the mindscape can bring people in or kick people out of their mindscape, and I had assumed the same is true for you and your mindscape. But you then showed the capability of pulling both Thomas and myself out of my mindscape. That leads to the question if this is something you can do with any mindscape. Can you tell me what you did in order to override my control?"

Virgil shrugs. "I just really wanted to get out of there, so I grabbed you two and thought really hard to get us back to the living room. It is no different than when I helped get you guys out of my mindscape." Virgil then pauses as a thought hits him. Is the reason that it is not different because the Dark mindscape is not technically his? _Was I just hacking into the Dark mindscape, just like I apparently did in Logan's?_

Luckily, Logan is focused on something else Virgil had admitted. "I thought I saw you look uncomfortable during the debate. Was the debate that difficult, to make you want to leave so early?"

That one stung Virgil's pride, so he snapped back without thinking. "No, it was because of your stupid spotlight not leaving me alone!"

Surprise flashes across Logan's face, then turns into curiosity."The spotlight on the stage was causing you problems? How so?"

"It was making me focus on my anxiety, which made it really hard to keep up with what you and Thomas were saying." Logan hums, processing that information. Virgil takes this opportunity to ask a question of his own. "Do Patton and Roman have a similar spotlight in their room?"

"Roman does because he loves to make it a stage. But it does have a slightly different feel than mine. Patton has a glow in his mindscape instead of a spotlight, and that also has a slightly different feel. I cannot tell you much more than that, since theirs seem to have emotional elements to them and I am not good at deciphering them." _Not looking forward to that!_ Virgil winces while Logan continues. "So, the feeling of focusing on your anxiety went away once out of the spotlight?"

Virgil takes a second to think about it. "…Well I also got out of your mindscape at the same time, so it could have been your room and not the spotlight in particular causing the problem."

"That is a good point, Virgil. Would you be amenable to coming to my mindscape to test - "

"Not really, Logan. It was not a fun experience. Maybe later." Virgil shut that down, because he did NOT have good memories of that entire vlog. But he didn't want to completely disappoint Logan so he left it open for the future. "Now, is there anything else?"

"One more thing. Do you know of any other abilities you may have in your mindscape? Like going invisible or the like?"

"Uh, no? Why?" It seemed an odd power to ask for. _Was it hard to see me with the shadows around or something?_

"It was more of a question of general abilities, but if you knew of a way to hide from Patton's preposterous puns I would greatly appreciate that knowledge."

Virgil laughs, earning a small smile from the logical Side. _Only Logan would make himself invisible to avoid Patton telling him puns!_

"Sorry, can't help you with that. You are on your own _." And good luck_. "Is that all?"

"Yes, that would be all for now. Thank you and good night." Logan rose up from his seat and made his way to his room. Virgil waited until he heard a door close before he headed up. _That wasn't too bad. I actually got Logan to smile. Also, Janus would be interested to know that me pulling people from the mindscape is unusual._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil isn't the only one who got stronger up in the Light Sides...


	30. Warning Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of the Moving On set of videos

Virgil hadn't seen any of the Light Sides the next day, with a pot of soup warming on the stove for him at lunch. He thought that was strange, and went around to all the doors. He heard some talking going on in Roman's room, which he attributed to Patton talking to Roman about the breakup. _That makes sense; the romantic and feeling sides commiserating over it. But it has been a while… Maybe something else?_

Virgil heads back to his room to chill with music, when he feels Thomas's anxiety raise a bit. He senses Thomas in the living room starting a vlog, and catches some of the words.

"When you're feeling sad, you're feeling sad." _That is just begging for someone to take a jab at that, Thomas._ Virgil appears in the living room ready.

"I'll take Redundant Statements for 400-- Wait. Am I the first one to show up? That's not good." It wasn't until he was up that he realizes the others aren't there yet. _I know they are up, so what gives?_

Virgil tries to get an idea from Thomas about what is going on, only to get into a confusing back and forth that ends with the illuminating statement of "I feel bad". Virgil isn't sure what Thomas wants him to do about it, though. Sensing Thomas's anxiety, he notes it is low even for a video, so he can't tell what the problem is.

"Is that okay?" Virgil is taken aback by this question, as the answer seems obvious to him.

"I mean, yeah, it's just, nothing's coming up. You're ahead of schedule. You got no complaints from me."

A _nd you are allowed to feel bad sometimes Thomas, as long as you figure out how to fix it. Which is normally not my department._ Virgil is starting to get a sinking suspicion that Patton's aversion to feeling anything not happy may have something to do with this.

"That's nice." The defeated look on Thomas's face is too much for Virgil. _Guess I am going to be cracking the whip today. I got to get him moving!_ He pours a little anxiety into Thomas to get him to focus.

"Ok, I guess I'm going to have to kick in here for a sec. Thomas! You're wasting time on this YouTube video so you better start getting into your dilemma and stop putting it off for later!"

"Ugh. I've just been... thinking."

"Thinking? About what?" _Come on, give me something to work with!_

"Guys…"

"What else is new?"

"...and Dolls."

"Oh shit!" _Well, this is what I get for asking_. "I thought we were done with this." Virgil had not had any anxiety from the breakup for a couple days, which means he is out of the loop. Virgil summons Logan, Patton, and Roman but feels pull-back on Patton and Roman. _What the hell…_

Logan rises up and sighs, so Virgil points out that he had asked for everyone to come up. Logan just rolls his eyes while explaining that the other two are preoccupied. This confuses Virgil, because what is more important than helping Thomas?

Virgil prompts Thomas to explain the issue again to Logan, who points out that he is already aware. _Then why weren't you up here first?_

"Thomas, it is time to move on. I feel like I'm-- heh, listen to me, 'feel like'-- I feel like I'm nearly out of productive things to say on the matter. I'm just-- frustrated."

"Hi, Just Frustrated, I'm Sad. I mean…" Patton pops up then seems worried about what he said. Logan continues on without acknowledging the slip-up, but Virgil caught it. _So this DOES have something to do with Patton! I thought he was talking to Roman?!?_

Logan and Patton are arguing about puns, distracting Thomas, but Virgil keeps waiting for the creative Side to pop up. _What is taking him so long?_

"I've got it! Thomas, you write down all of your thoughts and feelings in an eloquent letter and deliver it to him in a basket full of his favorite things." Roman bursts into the group, with this TRULY AWFUL idea. Thomas seems to be mildly interested in acting on it, causing Virgil to jump in.

"WHOA, whoa, whoa... what?!?"

"He's been brainstorming all day and he has yet to come up with one productive, non-creepy idea." Logan is glaring at Roman, making Virgil think the talking he heard earlier was to dissuade Roman. Roman protests, causing Logan, Patton, and Roman to go off on a tangent. Virgil thought they were past this point, and tries to get everyone back on track. _Thomas does not look good right now. Let's focus!_

"Can we all just focus on the issue with Thomas? Ugh... I can't believe I'm the one corralling you guys."

Logan summarizes for the other two, and Virgil is surprised when Patton is the one who immediately takes them off the rails. He is pretty sure that Patton is doing it on purpose, to not talk about the breakup. _That apparently hasn’t helped since it happened, so fat chance I am letting this go now._

"Why don't we just call him? You know? We can call him right now." Roman desperately asks, and Virgil immediately slams this down. Before he can get control of the conversation though, it is spinning away again.

"I'm seriously so tired of being the taskmaster here today. Can we...?"

Logan seems to break out of the chaos and joins in on herding the others. "Right. Thomas, why are you still feeling so dejected over something that transpired months ago?"

Thomas explains that he is having a hard time letting go of his feelings since the breakup, and talking with them hasn't helped. Roman comes up the the idea to recapture the past, which sounds awful to Virgil. _Getting stuck in the past does not help you move forward..._

However, Logan does a one-eighty on Virgil and starts to support Roman's idea. He changes it some from Roman's crazed rant of getting back with Thomas's ex, to taking a look at the past in order to make Thomas optimistic for the future. And of course he has scientific references to support it, but they don't lessen Virgil's worry about getting lost in the past.

"From what I can gather, Thomas is already experiencing that bittersweet longing for the past; I say, that instead of fighting him on this and creating a more distressing headspace in the process, we allow him to indulge in those memories. Perhaps that will help him to understand that circumstances can improve."

"Can they?" Virgil and Patton say in sync, confirming Virgil's suspicions. _If Patton, the ever-optimist, is_ _struggling,_ _how is this supposed to help? We are going about to go face-first into a sea of feelings, being led by the supposed unemotional one of the group. This is going to go great!_

It is three against one, though, and he doesn't want to be the reason that Thomas doesn't get better. _We have done weirder things before that_ _have_ _worked…_ "I'll be the first to admit this isn't the resolution I'd like us to settle on, but... I don't have much else to add. Whatever can work. There definitely seems to be room for improvement."

Thomas yells out an epiphany - scaring Virgil in the process - about going to Patton's room to enhance his happy feelings. Patton looks nervous as Thomas explains it.

"Still, you're at the core of a lot of my happy feelings."

"I'm at the core of a lot of your feelings." Virgil catches the difference, and looks at Logan and Roman to see if they did as well. Neither shows any sign of nervousness, so they either didn't catch it or are ignoring it. _Oh no, THAT is a giant red flag!_ The fact that Patton keeps pushing back against going to his room - _who cares if his room is a mess? My room had tons of spider webs all over the place_ \- makes Virgil try one more time as the others have already sunk out and Thomas is the only one with him.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." _I am trying to be gentle here Thomas, but you have to be picking up on the signs! Pay attention!_

"I've got a bad feeling about everything. That's why we're doing this." The desperation and resolve in Thomas's eyes makes it clear that, bar giving him a panic attack, Virgil is not going to be able to stop him.

And so off they go, into the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sounds like they have everything under control!


	31. Moving on?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive in Patton's mindspace

Once in Patton's room, Logan's assertion that it glowed was confirmed. Virgil feels a soft, light weight settle over his shoulders, like a fuzzy comforter. His anxieties for the future and even the preset become distant, leaving him feeling a little light-headed. _Maybe this wasn't an awful idea after all!_

In his spot, he finds all of Thomas's old journals and stories he created. Virgil starts reminiscing on the old journals, which leaves him in good company as the others are doing similar things in their spots. _Something about this though, is getting to me. Like the problem is just out of reach._

Logan tries to get them back to the topic at hand and Virgil knows he should be helping, but he has to show Thomas some of his old poems! The soft blanket settles more securely on his shoulders, muting his guilt. Even Roman remembers the stories.

"Ah yes, those were hectic and busy times for me! Whoa, that's about the time that you upgraded from small nuisance to giant thorn in our side! uH, ER-- uh, for real good reason!"

"Yeah, it was a busy time for me too. I mean, the stakes were high. Thomas was really starting to develop as a person then." Thomas goes on to point out that Virgil may have helped Roman get creative in those years, but Virgil is still stuck on his comment. He absently continues with the conversation, while internally wracking his brain. His mind is telling him that he is missing something important here, so he looks back over the stories.

Most of them seem to be coming from Thomas's anxious stage in school, when the shadow blitzes were a regular occurrence and Virgil almost lost his voice constantly screaming to Thomas. _AND I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN, NOT BEING HEARD BY THOMAS! I CAN'T PROTECT HIM IN THE PRESENT IF I AM FOCUSED ON THE PAST!!_

Like glass breaking, the soft distance from his anxiety is gone. Leaving him with a weight trying to smother his "bad" emotions and his anxiety- the feeling of loss, of losing someone he loved and not being able to do anything about it - rising to fight back. He can feel his eye shadows wanting to grow, so he pulls back on that at the cost of feeling his Tempus Tongue take hold of his throat. _I can't cry out!_

Virgil groans, not sure what he else he can do until he can get the damn weight off of him. Luckily, Logan hears him and ask him if he is okay. Unable to verbally answer, he shakes his head and looks pleadingly at Logan. _I need some help here or this is going to be a repeat of your room. I'll lose you guys too!_ Logan seems to connect the dots and gets Thomas's attention.

"It might not have been the best idea for you to come here. Ugh, such a foolish oversight on my part. You are a habitual worrier."

Patton and Roman both ask how that changes anything since we all knew this information, and Virgil struggles to push off the weight on him without transforming. _Still not working..._

Logan goes on to explain to the others that since Thomas is a habitual worrier, nostalgia can actually increase their anxiety. Virgil is glad to have Logan helping, now if only they can get out of the room!

"Virgil, that's not happening, right?" Thomas asks, leaving Virgil with a choice. _I can either say yes in my normal voice - if I even can at this point - and have to try to explain it all the while getting smothered, or I can deny it in my Tempus Tongue and let Logan connect the dots for Thomas._ " **NO"**

Logan once again comes to the rescue and connects the dots. "I'm going to take that as a yes. Come on. Let's go; it's time to end this experiment right--"

Then the worst happens. Thomas knocks down Logan's idea all the while telling him he is fine. _Thomas, you are not fine, I am not fine , Patton is not fine, Roman is a gullible idiot, and Logan is the only one trying to get us out of this mess we made. Listen to him!_ Virgil is having a hard time breathing under the weight now. Logan has reached the end of his temper because he yells at Thomas.

"All of this because Patton can't let go of one person?" _Oof. Okay that is not going to go well-_

"Logan, can you stop? Please?" Patton uses please, but it is obvious it is an order. Virgil can feel some of the weight on him get moved over to - he assumes - Logan, like it is trying to kick him out of the mindscape _. Did Patton just kick out Logan?!? We can't lose him!_ Logan sinks out in a huff. _He didn't even fight it!_ However, when he leaves, some more of the weight is pulled off Virgil's shoulders, allowing him to breathe. Not enough to talk normally, but enough not to worry about passing out. _Did he just pull out some of the light in here?_

 _Why didn't he just pull us out of her-_ Virgil stops his rant remembering that mindscape conversation from before. _Oh, he can't. Only I - and probably Janus and Remus - can. Which means it is up to me. Pulling all four of us out is going to be tougher than just Logan and Thomas._

Virgil is bracing himself to pull everyone out, when he hears Thomas question what just happened.

"Patton, what happened there?"

"Oh, that was nothing, Thomas. Sometimes I just get to act a little bit silly that's all - look pictures…"

"Patton, that wasn't acting silly that was something... much worse than silly." _Thank god! He finally noticed something!_ Virgil feeds some anxiety to Thomas in the hopes that it will help combat whatever is going on in this room. Thomas seems to realize that Logan leaving is not a good sign and they are avoiding actually talking about the memories they came here to see. _Good! Let's go find Logan and come up with a different plan!_

But nothing can be that easy as Roman launches into a plea for Thomas to take a chance - _That can not be good! -_ and call back his ex. _What? No!_

Thomas actually does it, and his ex picks up. The good news is Virgil now has so much anxiety he is able to throw off the weight from the room, but the bad news is he has so much anxiety his Tempus Tongue is still in effect. _Well fuck it, Thomas needs to stop!_

" **HANG UP!** "

Thomas does, and Roman starts demanding why. Patton is a mess in the corner, still holding a smile but completely useless. _I am never going to trust that smile again after this!_

Roman is now trying to convince Thomas to text his ex, pulling Virgil back into the conversation.

" **NOOOOO"** Virgil holds the word, letting the voice resonate through the mindscape to combat the effects of this room.

What seems to bring Patton back into the game is when Roman tries to convince Thomas to lie about why he called.

"Now, Roman, lying is wrong." _You have no idea the amount of lies I am willing to say to get out of this room, Patton!_ Thomas seconds this, which causes Roman to go off.

"Well then what are you going to do? Tell him that you called in an act of desperation? Because for MONTHS you've been quietly hoping that everything would go back to the way that it was before?" Thomas tries to interrupt but Roman continues. " Are you going to tell him about all the times you fantasized about him calling you? Saying that he's ready to try again? Are you going to tell him that you want him back? Because that's the truth."

Virgil is skeptical of this claim, even though Roman seems to truly believe it. The anxiety Thomas felt at the end of that relationship, at realizing they wouldn't work all fell away after they were broken up. And yeah, it took a week or so for that to happen, but surely Thomas can remember his anxiety before and his anxiety now. Even if he is still hurting, he must realize HE is okay with his decisions.

Virgil gets ready to point this out when Thomas starts explaining that he doesn't want his ex back, because that will hurt both of them and he still loves him enough to not want to hurt him. _Not exactly how I would have said it, but the final conclusion is the same._

Roman protests exasperatedly about wanting him back, and Patton responds "He does... and he doesn't." _That does not explain much Patton. Come on and get real with us here! Tell him - tell us - what is going on._ Again the explaining is left up to Thomas, who explains that trying again in a relationship that he knows won't work is both unrealistic and mean.

Just as this breakthrough was seeping into Roman and Thomas, his ex's ring tone echoes through the room. Roman is back to screaming for them to be together, and Virgil had had enough.

" **Get rid of it - get rid of the phone now!** " Thomas takes that to mean spiking his phone on the ground, which sobers up the room nicely. " **I meant like- set it down or something…** " Virgil mutters. He should feel bad about the phone, but at least he doesn't have to deal with the ex for now.

Thomas is talking about how he knows there are new and exiting things to do in the future, and more of the weight is lifted off of Virgil, he lets out a long breath, feeling the Tempus Tongue finally recede. Virgil focuses back in on Thomas when he asks the key question.

"So, why do I look back?"

Patton answers that it is easier to stay here and try to be happy. _That… is very telling. Definitely going to have a chat with Patton after this._ Roman answers with it reminds them of a time they felt worthy. _What the hell? Does everyone here have some serious issues that need to be discussed?_ Virgil vows to keep an eye on Roman as well.

As worrying as those answers are for the Sides mentioning them, Virgil can't help but feel they are not quite right. _Come on, why else would Thomas act this irrationally? He normally only does that when he is low on sleep or -_

"You're afraid. Afraid that - " Virgil thinks about how this all started with Thomas saying he can't let go of his feelings. _If he is doing that because he is afraid, then_ "- you'll never feel some of these feelings again."

The flood gates opens, and Thomas admits he is mad because he can't seem to get over thinking about the relationship. Thinking about it so much it has ruined his enjoyment of his favorite musical. Virgil realizes that Thomas just needs someone to listen as he vents his frustrations and remembers his relationship.

Then Patton jumps in derailing the conversation with puns again. Virgil is getting angry with the "happy" Side. _He needs this and you keep taking it away! Why?!?_ He glares at Patton, ready to lay in on him when Thomas starts.

"You know you don't have to do that, Patton."

"What?"

"Try to... HIDE what you're feeling with jokes. It's okay to be sad sometimes."

"I'm never sad! I'm your happy Pappy Patton! Just a fun-loving father figure figment." _Earlier you said you housed Thomas's feelings! Does that mean you don't think he should be sad?_

"Falsehood."

Virgil looks at Logan's corner, expecting to see the logical Side back. But he realizes that the person who said Logan's phrase was Thomas himself. _At least Thomas is still thinking logically._ Thomas also points out that Patton is at the core of all his feelings, not just being happy. _Which Patton warned us about before we got here..._

He then goes back to reminiscing on going out on the lake with his uncle and boyfriend, and how that was a big moment for him. How there are happy moments that he likes, but also not good moments as well. How the breakup was for the best but he still loves him.

"I know. WE know, Thomas. But, eventually... You're gonna have to move on from him." Virgil needs Thomas to know they are here for him, but he can't stay in this headspace and feel better.

Patton finally, FINALLY, steps up to the plate to talk to Thomas about the situation. He points out that moving forward and moving on are not the same, and maybe Thomas has been focused on the wrong one. He admits that the jolt between from going from his mindscape back to the present has caused him to be emotional. And how he feels guilty about still having these feelings after so long.

Virgil wished that he had seen the toll it was taking on Patton sooner. The final nail in the coffin is when Roman apologizes for not noticing. _And he was for sure not talking to Logan about feelings, so he must have been ruminating in them by himself this whole time..._

"How you're reacting for however long is completely normal - not bad, not strange, not stupid." Virgil thinks both Patton and Thomas need to hear this right now, and he hopes that it will take.

"Aww, shucks. Well, I just thought it would be EASIER to avoid all those nasty feelings altogether."

Thomas and Roman point out to Patton that repressing grief can be bad, and grief may be what they need to move forward. Virgil chimes in on needing to be self-aware of what they are feeling and it is normal.

Patton apologizes for not listening earlier, and Virgil tries to put his feelings in some sort of order that is valid but doesn't point out he was being smothered in this mindscape.

"Don't sweat it. I - I just wish I could have been more help. I've always been the one who worried about losing the people that you loved. And that happened. And... I haven't known what to do since." It is a little more general than needed, but it gets them to see what he was fighting with earlier.

They finally leave the mindscape - after Thomas refuses to burn the journals, the jerk - and Virgil gets a head rush. Instead of the way he normally is summoned where he has some control over how he arrives, Patton pulled him through the whole process, making him dizzy. _That is a new experience._ He wonders if that was what it was like for Logan when he forced him out of his mindscape.

Logan is standing in his normal corner, watching all of them rise. Virgil's initial happiness at seeing the logical Side - _You didn't leave for good! You are here!_ \- quickly turns to anger and he lays in on Logan.

"Hey - what the heck was that? Disappearing on us? Don't you dare try that stunt again."

Logan explains that he was still there within Thomas even is he is not physically with them. Remembering Thomas using Logan's catchphrase, Virgil mumbles complaints but settles down.

They fill Logan in on the solution they came up with - being mindful of the present even when looking back on the past or forward into the future - and he seems to agree that that is a good course. _Good because if we had to do that again to get a different solution, I was going to lose it!_

Logan must feel bad about being kicked out of the talk _\- even though it really helped take some light off of me_ \- because he gives Patton a cat sweater with a pocket that is big enough to hold a real cat. He then proceeds to lose it when Patton points out he is allergic to cats so he can't carry any around. Virgil watches Logan barely restrain himself from screaming at Patton. _That almost got to him as much as the puns, not that I can blame him. I didn't know Patton was allergic either… Just like_ Janus _..._

Roman solves the problem by conjuring puppies, breaking Virgil's cynicism with their adorableness.

"I... literally can't think of anything bitter or cynical to remark."

Thankfully, Roman smacks Virgil out of the blue screen he was in by declaring Thomas should play more roles, including Annie.

"Um, he can't play...okay, well there he goes. I'm gonna brace myself to work overtime REAL soon. Later." Virgil gratefully sinks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another stressful video for Virgil! It always seemed weird to me that Logan would see Virgil freaking out and then just leave.


	32. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus conjures possums, and Virgil doesn't have any chill when talking to Patton. Also something shows up in the Imagination.

Virgil should have expected it. He really should have. But like the fool he is, he naively went into his room. What he found was a ton of hissing and furry bodies crawling on the floor while Janus and Remus argued in the middle of the room.

"This is TOTALLY the same as puppies!"

"Possums are resistant to rabies and eat ticks! AND they can act dead! They are much better than puppies!"

"Even if I agree with that, why so FEW!"

"More love to go around, JANUS!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Virgil finally interrupts, trying to get into the middle of the room where the other two are without stepping on possums.

"Roman decided to NOT show off a new trick so of course Remus had to NOT do it as well!" Janus yelled, trying to dislodge a possum from hanging on his neck.

"~Anything he can do I can do better!~"

"Remus, we can't keep them all up here! And you aren't in your room enough to take care of them there. How are you going to care for them?!?" Virgil tries to be the voice of reason, since it looks like Janus is in rage-mode.

Remus pauses in his singing and thinks. When he doesn't come up with anything, Virgil asks "What is Roman going to do with the puppies?"

"Oh, probably put them in the Imagination." Remus says distractedly, then gets the point. "I need to move them all to the Imagination, huh?"

So that is what they did, carried sixty nine - because of course there are sixty nine - possums to the Imagination.

\----

Janus sits up after Remus and Virgil fall asleep to go over what he learned from the last video. _Apparently my ability to sense lies is growing_ he muses. It was a shock to feel the ping of a lie happen from Sides not in the same room as him. He had always been able to sense Thomas's lies, but had worked hard on getting that power to work on his two dark sons.

However, he felt the ping when Roman told everyone he was joking in the video. He also felt it when Virgil had said he wasn't getting anxious in Morality's mindscape. It seems that his powers have grown since hanging out on the Light Sides, and Virgil is not the only one to get a boost up here. _This could be useful…_ he muses, thinking how this could help with his and Remus's plan. _A_ v _ery useful tool to use against the other sides…_

Because, as much as Virgil is starting to like the Light Sides, they are still not really listening to him. It was clear that Virgil knew that something was wrong before they went to Morality's - Patton's - mindscape. But he had been overruled again, leading to him suffering under the light of Patton's mindscape. _I will have to ask him how it was different from Logan's mindscape, since this time he was not overloaded with Thomas's anxiety but still seemed extremely affected._

The truth is Virgil can't be left vulnerable like that again. He shouldn't have been left vulnerable this time and Janus is going to be damned if it happens while he can do something. He is going to be watching the Light Sides for any weakness that he can use to get in front of Thomas. _And listening closely..._

\----

The morning after the vlog, Virgil had a chat with Janus and Remus about the differences between the two mindscapes that he has been in.

"Logan's made me hyper-focused on my anxiety, while Patton's tried to distance me from it. And when that didn't work, it tried to make it so I couldn't do anything by weighing me down. Long story short, I would worry more about Patton's mindscape than Logan's"

"I would NOT be careful when going back to Morality's mindscape, Virgil. Remember that he had a hand in splitting a Side in two. That means he has a lot of power and has used it on a Side before." Janus warns.

"Yeah, split us right in half, like King Solomon, but if he was stupid!" Remus adds, still carrying around one possum that he wanted to keep for a while. It likes hissing at any little noise, which makes both Janus and Virgil feel some kinship. They are trying to keep Remus from naming it because they know that will be the point of no return for the critter.

"I don't know that he would do that now…" Virgil protests feeling uneasy since he can't deny what happened, but Patton doesn't seem the type now.

"And I AM saying he will. I am NOT saying that he has proven to have the power, so his room may NOT be more hostile to Dark Sides." Janus soothes.

"Yeah, that it is true…." All this talk is reminding Virgil that he plans on confronting Patton about not talking to anyone after he promised.

So he leaves for the movie night a little early and books it to Patton's room. He knocks on the door and waits.

"Hang on out there, I will be there in a jiffy!"

After a few seconds Patton opens the door and looks surprised to see Virgil. _Considering I have not knocked on any of their doors before, that is pretty understandable._

"Can we talk?"

Virgil watches Patton closely when he says that, and sees the tell-tale flinch showing Patton knows what he wants to talk about.

"Well, kiddo. It is almost movie time - " Virgil cuts him off, knowing an excuse when he sees one.

"But not yet; I came early. Can you let me in?"

Patton seems surprised by Virgil's forcefulness and moves over for him to enter the room. Virgil pounces on the chance and rushes in before Patton can change his mind.

This room reminds Virgil more of Patton than his mindscape did. There is a picture of the Light Sides framed right by the door, and there are pictures of Thomas and Roman and Logan all over the room. The bed has stuffed animals, but ones that look like they mean something to the owner rather than just being decoration. His desk has arts and crafts items haphazardly stacked on top of it.

Virgil turns to Patton after surveying the room. "Out of all the Sides to lie to me, you would not have been my first guess." he throws at Patton and watches it hit its mark. Patton winces, and falls back.

"Sorry kiddo, I thought I was helping - "

"That is what I thought when I ducked out, and you were really upset then" Virgil interrupts, not wanting to hear excuses. "Yet you think I am not going to be upset when you promised to talk to SOMEONE? It didn't even have to be me. It just was supposed to be for YOU!"

Patton rubs at the back of his neck. "Aw, you don't have to be worried about - "

"Apparently I do! Because you lied to me! How do you expect me to take my side of the promise seriously if you don't!" Virgil is getting into full rant mode now, starting to pace Patton's room. "I assume you would be upset if I ducked out again?" Not that that was an option with Remus and Janus, but he needed to get Patton to LISTEN!

Patton paled, and quickly responded "Of course I would, kiddo! But -"

"Then why do you get to take your side of the promise and break it, while expecting me to keep up my side?"

"I didn't … I thought I had it under control…" The words Patton used are so familiar that Virgil gets a flashback of the time he thought he had everything under control while planning on dying _. I can't let Patton feel the same!_

"That's not good enough! You might think you have it under control, but you are actually hurting others without knowing it!" Virgil rants "What do you think Roman and Logan would feel like if you ducked out? Because you thought you were feeling too many emotions? Huh?"

Patton grew still over Virgil's rant, realizing that there was some important information he was missing here. "Well, they would come to my mindscape and drag me out, probably yelling at me -" he hesitantly responds, only to be interrupted by the still raging Virgil.

"A lot of good that will do them, right? Too little, too late! You have got to talk to them before then, because there are some things that can't be undone once done!" At the end of that declaration, Virgil's eyes are glowing purple and Patton as a feeling that he is holding on to his temper by a thread.

 _What does he mean, too little too late? Does this mean that us finding Virgil in his mindscape wasn't enough to stop him? That it is more serious than just staying in your mindscape? Something that can't be changed?_ Patton's mind is going a mile a minute with this new information, but he knows he needs to reassure the anxious Side now.

"You are right. I broke a promise. I won't do it again. Please don't break your side!" He is pleading at the end, but with the idea that Virgil "ducking out" could have been permanent rather than temporary is making him desperate for some sort of confirmation from Virgil.

Virgil stops pacing and looks at him for a few seconds. In that time Patton could have sworn that Virgil's face was covered with black shadows except for his glowing purple eyes, but it disappears as soon as Virgil moves toward him. _Must have been my imagination…_ he thinks, still watching the advancing Side. He is not prepared for the abrupt but tight hug that Virgil gives him.

"I won't. I am trusting you to not break your side of the promise again. I don't know what I will do if you do break it again, so please… don't." The anxious Side says while embracing him. Before Patton can reciprocate the hug, Virgil is already moving towards the door.

"Remember, you need to talk to SOMEONE, even if it is not me. Just… you need to take care of yourself, Patton" Virgil mutters as he opens the door. "I am going to make popcorn for the movie. See you in the common room." And with that, the anxious Side escapes, leaving Patton with more questions than answers.

\----

After the movie night, Roman goes to visit the Imagination. He is still restless from not realizing that Patton was suffering so much, so a distraction would be helpful.

He goes from town to town, but everything seems to be fine. The Dragon Witch has not attacked anyone yet, and there has been no sign of his brother. _Geez, if you can't trust those two to be available for a fight, who can you trust?_

It is when he is trudging home that he sees a shadow move out of the corner of his eye. He swiftly turns to see a mostly transparent shadow thing leap by him _._ He knows that he did not make this animal, which leaves only one source. _Ah, so my brother is not available, but sends minions?_ He slices through the shadow. It dissipates easily enough , and Roman feels some solace in thwarting one of Remus's minions _. It looks like Logan was right, Remus is starting something in the Imagination because of the issue with Virgil_. "I will need to be the vigilant hero." Roman mutters to himself as he turns back towards his room.

"However, if he is only sending out minions as feeble as that one, I will easily be triumphant!" He crows.

As he walks away, the transparent shadow reforms and runs in the opposite direction, unharmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoiler. I wrote this with the possums being a one-off thing. But that turned out to not be the case...


	33. Christmas and Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil does secret santa with the Light Sides, and Roman and Logan chat

As Christmas nears, Virgil is not expecting anything different from last year. The others will do their thing with Thomas while he has an easy day with Janus and Remus. Apparently, he's a naïve fool.

"So, we chose Secret Santas and you are Patton's" Roman tells him after a lunch, a few weeks before Christmas. "We normally trade gifts Christmas eve so have yours ready then!"

Virgil does not know what to give Patton for a Christmas present, so he racks his brain for what he remembers of his room. _Arts and crafts - I can't do that - pictures - that is Remus's forte - and stuffed animals…_ Virgil stops on the last one. _I can make him a stuffed animal._ He thinks, already planning what materials he needs.

The day when Janus, Remus, and him are cleaning out the Dark Side, he looks around for any scraps of blue. There is of course a ton, since Janus has been staying up in Virgil's room mostly and is not cleaning as much. He also grabs some stuffing from the destroyed pillows to fill in the stuffed cat. It takes him about a week to make, all the while getting teased by Janus and Remus about being a softie.

"Just DON'T make it in the Imagination"

"But I can actually make this myself. Why would I cheat?"

"I am just saying if I am the only Side without something hand-made from you, I am going to lose it!" Remus strikes a pose, causing the possum on his shoulder to hiss in surprise.

"I think I can make you something for Manifest Day, but you have to promise to not look!"

"Only if you make something for Hissy Fit as well!"

Janus and Virgil groan in unison. Virgil thought they were doing so well keeping Remus from naming his now constant shoulder companion. _Looks like we weren't good enough to stop it. Really it was inevitable, so we can't feel too bad._

The day of the gift exchange, the Light Sides and Virgil do a Christmas video with Thomas. Virgil did not like having to sing some stupid Christmas carol, but watching Logan and Patton also passive aggressively rebel did make it entertaining. And the last line - "An emo who’s now our best friend" - does prove that Roman really has given up trying to push him out. _I mean, he was just trying to protect Thomas. I can't say I would have been any nicer in his position if I truly thought he was going to hurt Thomas…_

The highlight of the video was Thomas thanking Virgil for joining them. While that made him feel good, he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach knowing that Janus and Remus were still being ignored. _I really need to figure out some way to introduce them into the group. Guess that will be my new years resolution!_

After the video, Patton, Roman, Logan, and Virgil all met in the Light Side common room to exchange gifts. Roman went first, and gave Logan a completed story of Logan teaming up with Sherlock and solving a mystery together. Logan stared at the book in awe before he cleared throat and called it "acceptable", proving that Roman chose a really thoughtful gift. Even if Roman puffed up at having his gift only be acceptable, and not magnificent "as it so obviously is!".

Logan went next and gave Virgil a "greatest hits of classical music for anxiety" set. Virgil normally did not normally listen to classical music, but the fact that Logan specifically looked for something to help with his anxiety made him internally vow to listen to all the songs at least once.

"Wow, uh, thanks Logan. I will try this." Luckily, having Logan as his secret santa means he does not want effusive thanks, and they move on to Patton. He gives Roman a scrapbook of all the plays and awards that Thomas has won for theater. Which really is a good gift for the creative Side, if not worth the five minute soliloquy on how it is the best gift ever.

Virgil tries to slip his gift to Patton while the others are occupied, but Patton's squeal upon seeing it stops Roman's speech.

"A cat plushie! For me? It's blue!!"

Virgil scratches the back of his neck while the others look at the stuffed animal. "I thought you might like it, no big deal."

"That stuffed animal is finely made. Where did you get it?" Logan asks, peering at the plushie. Virgil feels the pressure of letting them know about his hobby. _What if they laugh?_

"Just something I had. Thought Patton would like it instead" he mutters, getting up and grabbing his gift. "Whelp, thanks for inviting me but I am going back to my room. Talk to you all tomorrow!"

Virgil escapes to his room before the others can stop him. Closing his door with a sigh. Remus is nowhere in sight, and Janus looks up from his reading.

"How'd it go?"

"It went okay, I guess. I got classical music." Virgil shows Janus the list of songs. Janus makes some impressed noises then refocuses on Virgil with a knowing look.

"Did you tell them you made the cat plushie?"

"No…"

"Did they ask?"

"Does it matter? Patton likes it so it is all good."

"Sounds like you lied about it when they asked" Janus now has one eyebrow raised watching Virgil with a smirk.

"It was too much pressure! Also none of their business. Now, let's go down and see how much destruction Remus has caused." Virgil says while hurrying to the closet door. "I need to start figuring out what to make him for Manifest Day anyways…"

Janus watches Virgil go through the door and lets out full throated chuckle. "I knew it!"

\----

Roman, Patton and Logan hang out in the common room for a while after Virgil left, but Patton is antsy to show off his cat plushie to the rest of his stuffed animals and leaves soon after. Roman is glad because now he can talk to Logan without having to worry that Patton overhears. He looks over at the logical Side reading his story and clears his throat. He waits until Logan looks up before starting.

"Remember that discussion we had about my brother? And something happening because of Virgil ducking out?"

It takes a second, but Roman sees Logan straighten up once he remembers. Logan nods so Roman continues.

"Well, there have been some shadows that are hanging around the Imagination that I believe are minions to my dear brother. I know I have not made the dark villains!"

"Is this an abnormal tactic for Remus?" Logan looks to be trying to piece together the new information into what he had already collected on the Dark Sides. _Nerd!_

"Of course! Normally Remus is a in-the-moment type of Side, making it easy to foil his diabolical plans! I wonder how long this will last. Normally he can't keep something going for more than a week, but I saw the first one around Halloween. However, it is only one or two at a time and they are no match for me!" Roman poses dramatically, waiting for praise to be rained upon him. Hearing no praise, he looks over at Logan who had only raised his eyebrows at his news. _No appreciation at all!_

"That is a significant increase in attention span. Could it be another Side is helping him?"

Roman thought about that. Working with Remus for that long must be exhausting, so he has his doubts. "I don't think so. Remus is pretty exhausting. Also I had an idea that we may have seen Virgil before he came up here - "

"You think he used to be Paranoia, meaning he used to be a Dark Side instead of a new Side." Logan stoically interrupts Roman. Roman's mouth opens and closes a few times as he can't figure out what to say to that. Logan sighs "You were not subtle with your Paranovigilant comment in the Fitting In vlog. And the worried reaction you had after catching yourself made it clear the use of paranoid was not an accident."

"Will you stop analyzing me, Microsoft Nerd? Yes! I think Virgil is Paranoia from Thomas's teenage years. But, he acts differently now, so he must have run away from the sinister Dark Sides to help Thomas instead of hurt him! I don't think that they are as tight-knit as us or else Virgil wouldn't have changed so drastically!"

"Well, that is ONE explanation" Logan mutters.

"So if they are not close, then I don't think that anyone would be helping Remus. Maybe these shadow things are a new power and he is testing it out?"

Logan looks over at the hopeful look on Roman's face. _He feels too guilty about his role in Virgil ducking out to want to think badly about him again. Which only leaves Deceit making a move after being quiet for so long. It looks like I will need to keep my possible explanations to myself until I have proof_. Logan sighs, annoyed that Roman's emotions are getting in the way of him being able to help Logan figure out what is going on _. It is again up to only me to find the real problem…_

"That is also a possibility. Please let me know if anything changes with them. In the meantime we will need to keep an eye out for anything else that may give us a clue of what is going on." Logan gets up and stretches. "And with that I am going to my room to compile all of the new information. Good Night. See you tomorrow."

Logan nods at Roman's farewell and heads to his room. _Roman does have one explanation for what is happening, but a more likely explanation would be Virgil is still in contact with the Dark Sides. He may even be relaying information to them, which could be bad if Remus can attack us… I need to find out more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot building, plot building, plot building everywhere!
> 
> And of course Remus names the possum. As soon as I thought of Hissy Fit it was all over.


	34. An Opening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Roman argue about Thomas's date, and Janus decides to make a move

The next month contained little surprise for Virgil. Patton does talk more openly about his emotions at lunch , and Virgil actively tries to be supportive of this change. Roman and he trade taunts good-naturedly, allowing Virgil to be more active in the lunch discussions.

Virgil has wanted to talk to Logan about what happened in Patton's mindscape . But when he tries to start a discussion on that, Logan seems to get a chill in his voice. His eyes also seem to harden and Virgil normally aborts the discussion before he can fully ask his question. _Maybe he is embarrassed for having been pushed out? His pride did seem to be wounded from the adventure._ So Virgil drops the subject for now.

At the next movie night, only Roman and Virgil show up. Patton said he was feeling a little down today and was going to take a self-care night, which Virgil can't argue with. As soon as Patton leaves, Logan argues that it is not officially a movie night anymore and makes his way to his room. Virgil wouldn't mind also going to hang out with Janus and Remus, but he doesn't want Roman to essentially be abandoned if he goes; the creative Side doesn't deserve that. So he settles down to heckle a movie with Roman. They choose Treasure Planet this time, and the title screen is just appearing when a buzzing starts up in his head. He senses Thomas, and notices he is out with a good-looking guy. That makes Virgil a little nervous, but doesn’t explain the buzzing. _Unless Thomas has forgotten the guy's name or something._

Roman seems to have noticed that Thomas is talking to a cute guy because he starts to yell up suggestions for Thomas. Virgil idly knocks down the more extreme suggestions - _he barely knows the guy and Roman wants him to make him a sonnet!_ \- still trying to figure out what caused the buzzing _. Maybe he promised to tell his friends when he meets someone cute? Send them a picture? Joan would like a pic -_

"JOAN!" Virgil jumps up _,_ surprising the other Side. The buzzing in his head goes away, so Thomas must have heard him and figured it out too. "We have to get to Joan's reading!"

"What? No! We are in the middle of a date with destiny! We can't change now!" Roman protests. Virgil whirls on the creative Side.

"We promised that we would go! We've talked with this guy for some time already. Thomas can get his number and head out now. He could still make it to the intermission."

"And make him think Thomas is brushing him off! No way! That is not how you romance someone, Virgil!"

"Oh, so what is Thomas going to tell Joan next time they talk? 'Hey Joan, you aren't more important than a rando I met last night'? You are hurting one good relationship for an unknown one! Thomas needs to go to the reading!" Virgil goes back to pacing, trying to keep the anxiety that is building under control. Thomas is well aware of the issue now. Making him have a panic attack will not get him to Joan's reading any faster.

But Roman refuses to let Thomas go, fighting with Virgil for another hour until Joan's reading was completely over. Virgil is well and truly angry at this point, getting right up in Roman's face.

"Well congrats, genius! You made Thomas miss seeing Joan's reading. Are you ready for the guilt-trip-slash-ego-beating Thomas is going to get next time he talks to Joan? Because you will deserve it!"

Roman is also pissed, but starts to look uneasy at the idea of getting bruised at Thomas's next interaction with Joan. "He can tell Joan something that won't make Joan mad! There problem solved, you pessimist!"

"You are going to lie to Joan over this?!? You are just being a coward!" Virgil has had enough and storms up to his room. "If you think I am going to help Thomas lie to Joan just so you can get out of the consequences of your actions, then you are cowardly AND stupid!"

Virgil slams the door, then notices Janus and Remus who are looking at him in confused amusement. Hissy hisses at the door slam.

"Roman intentionally stayed with a cute guy instead of going and supporting Joan. And THEN he wants to lie so that he doesn't get the guilt trip from Joan!" Virgil snorts as he collapses on his bed. "Well, sucks to be him because Patton is going to guilt trip him like crazy when he finds out."

"You think Roman is going to get beaten up by Joan?" Remus asks, a gleam in his eye. Virgil snorts.

"This is Joan we are talking about. He would be the first one Thomas calls if he has to bury a dead body, just as Joan would call Thomas. I brought up ego-bruising to Roman to scare him into doing the right thing, but it only pushed him further away from NOT BEING COMPLETELY BRAIN DEAD!"

"This COULDN'T be a way to introduce me to Thomas - " Janus starts, only to be interrupted by a still mad Virgil.

"But this lie is DUMB! It doesn't really help Thomas! You would be on the losing side." Virgil jumps up and heads to the closet door. "I am way too angry to relax right now. I'm gonna find some shadows and take it out on them. Be back sometime."

Janus and Remus watch as Virgil disappears into the Dark Side. "How do we even know if Thomas will call up all the Sides because of this incident?" Remus idly asks.

"With how QUIET Virgil was being and how CALM he is now? He is going to NOT ride Thomas hard on this one. Thomas is going to get the others in a desperate attempt to get relief. "

Both Sides laugh because they can tell Virgil is in full I-am-doing-this-for-your-own-good mode, which is a force to be reckoned with. He has nearly drowned Remus trying to clean the dirty Side when it was activated. To be fair, Remus was dripping with poison and trying to lick it off at the time, so Janus had been on Virgil's side.

Remus gets up and stretches. "He is right, you know. It is a dumb lie to fight for."

"Yes, but I DON'T remember how Virgil got Thomas to calm down when they were first talking." Janus smirks "Sometimes you have to NOT lose a battle to win the war."

"Well then, you better find a way to stop Morality from guilt tripping your one ally. I doubt Logan is going to back you up on this one." Remus chuckles. "I'm going to go after Virgil before he decides to take on the full shadows again. Come on Hissy!" "HSSSS!"

Janus waits a bit, then goes to Virgil's bedroom door. He cracks it open and listens for any noise. Apparently no one wanted to stay in the common areas after that fight, which is good for him. He quickly makes his way to Patton's door, and he places a hand on it and uses his power of silencing Sides to cocoon the room from Thomas. _That way Patton won't know when Thomas wants to discuss tonight, paving the way for someone else to take his place._

Janus has used this power before, on a much smaller scale. It is how he can ground Remus and Virgil when they are acting particularly bad. _Like the Great Peace Treaty of 2013, which left the Dark Side in shambles and I had to lock up Remus and Virgil in their rooms for a week…_ Though in that case, he had only needed to lock Remus's and Virgil's doors, not envelop the room so Thomas can't sense the Side in it. The extra feature takes more out of him than just shutting a Side up, but his increased power from being up here is easily able to handle it.

Janus goes back to Virgil's room and watches the vlogs, paying close attention to Patton's mannerisms. He wants to get close enough that he can stay for a bit, but still be able to be "found out" by the other Sides. _Mess up the subtle things, so someone other than Virgil can figure it out._ He continues to study until Virgil and Remus come back hours later. In the morning, he tells the others that it is cleaning day in the Dark Side, guaranteeing they will leave him alone. _Now all I have to do is sit and wait for Thomas to start a vlog._

A few hours later, Janus senses Thomas getting ready in his living room. _Showtime!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems Janus didn't learn his lesson about talking to Virgil...
> 
> Since both Janus and Remus are dramatic souls, and Virgil knows no chill, of course they label events with capital letters.


	35. Lying ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Lying be Good??? episode until they leave Roman's mindscape

_Maybe I should have taken Janus up on the cleaning_ Virgil paces in his room. _At least then I would have an outlet for some of this extra rage!_

Lunch had been an awful affair, with both Roman and Virgil not talking to each other. Glaring was completely fine, and the tension at the table could have been cut with a butter knife. Logan looked annoyed with their behavior, and no one had seen Patton. _Either still doing the self-care day or is recovering from last night._

Virgil lets a steady stream of anxiety build up in Thomas throughout the day because he had gotten a text from Joan asking what happened last night and he hasn't answered it! _At least man up to it, Thomas!_

Remus of course is watching the whole thing with a maniacal smile. He is drawing pictures that are steadily getting more disturbing, an indication that he is feeling the tension of staying in Virgil's room. However, both Sides stay away from the tyranny of Janus on a cleaning binge, so they suffer in the room together.

It is a relief when Virgil senses Thomas set up a vlog. _Finally a decision can be made. And look at that, Patton's already up there. Sucks to be Roman._ Virgil smirks and appears when Patton asks what happened last night.

He starts to explain what happened only to have Roman appear and argue with him. It is the same arguments as last night, so Roman must still be sticking to his guns.

Thomas stops them and Virgil tries again after Patton says he's confused. _I am surprised he didn't feel the emotional roller coaster that Roman and I put Thomas through last night._

"I'm sure Joan was also confused when they saw that Thomas's reserved seat was empty."

Roman tries to argue that bickering never gets them anywhere, almost getting a laugh out of Virgil. It must have irked Logan as well, because he comes up to contradict that statement.

Patton cheers that Logan is everyone's favorite character, which seems to help with Logan's mood. _Not his usual tactics, but he is the peace keeper..._

Logan starts to give a more stoic description of what happened last night - _not that that was needed; my version was fine!_ \- but gets sidetracked about Thomas watching The Office again. Virgil jumps in to tell the first important piece of information: that Thomas forgot he agreed to go to a reading for Joan.

Roman jumps in to talk about the guy that Thomas meets, trying to make it sound like an innocent mistake. Virgil cuts in to point out the second crucial piece of information: Thomas remembered and still didn't go support Joan for the second part of the reading.

One of those facts is not good but understandable. It is when you get the second fact as well that you know Thomas fucked up!

Thomas also brings up the text from Joan, asking where he was last night. He asks what he is supposed to say, making Virgil scowl. _You know what you SHOULD say, but you don't WANT TO!_ Even Logan's ability to be oblivious is not enough to stop him from quickly figuring out that Thomas wants to lie.

Virgil and Roman start to get into the "to lie or not to lie" argument, and Virgil appeals to Patton to add in his two cents. However, instead of the "Lying is wrong" spiel he normally gives, Patton gives a very good summary of Kantian ethics - _intention is all that is important, no matter the effects_.

Patton asked Thomas about the key down side to Kant's theory.

"A dilemma was presented to Kant by French philosopher Benjamin Constant. Essentially, it was: What if a known murderer came to your house, asking where your friend was, so they could kill 'em. Would you tell the truth then?" He ignored Thomas screaming about not killing Joan and continued with the answer. "Kant's response: Yeppers. You should still tell them the truth. Kant believed that you were not responsible for the actions of the murderer, and you should just keep your hands clean."

 _That - that was not normal…He got a French name right when he normally sucks at names. He also had no reaction when Thomas was freaking out, and he is supposed to be the core to Thomas's feelings. Even when he wasn't feeling good he would have SOME reaction._ Virgil looks closer at Patton, nonplused by the change in attitude. His heart sinks a little as he starts to put the clues together. _It is like someone is PLAYING Patton, someone who can shape shift, who talked about using this as a time to see Thomas…_

The final nail in the coffin comes when Logan compliments "Patton" on his knowledge.

"Well, I'm morality! I gotta know my stuff." _Patton calls himself Thomas's Dad or his feelings, but doesn't use Morality since he gave his name. Damn it Janus!_ Virgil is torn between outing Janus right now, or letting him have some time with Thomas. _He wants to be caught or else Thomas won't know about him. But I don't want to be the reason he gets kicked out._ Virgil has to clench his fists in order to not punch Janus in his smug face. He takes a breath in and lets it out, hoping it will calm him down. It is marginally successful. In the end he mutters about "impressed isn't the word I'd use" with a glare at Janus, who quickly moves the attention off Virgil.

Virgil wracks his brain on what Janus's plan could be. _He is going to play for lying, since Patton would definitely say no to that. But he must know this isn't worth Joan finding out Thomas lied, so he will probably won't not bring his A-game…_ Virgil takes a deep breath because it looks like he is going to be the only one pulling hard on not lying. _I somehow have to make Thomas not do the stupid decision of lying and my main ally is gone replaced by my best friend who will look like he is working against me when he actually might help... Great!_

When Thomas pulls back against letting his friend die rather than lying, Roman takes that opportunity to try to pull ALL the way to the other side.

"Therefore, it's okay to bend the truth whenever it's appropriate"

"And totally okay to violate the trust of your close friend." Virgil interjects, only to have Roman try again, but this time singing. _I want to say that is stupid, but we have used singing to come to a conclusion before._

"Patton, I thought you said lying was wrong." Virgil pokes at "Patton". _At least act a little like the Dad side so I can use it._ But of course Janus has a ready response.

"Well, it's all about priorities, friendo. What's more important to us? Joan's feelings... or honesty?"

The "friendo" instead of "kiddo" grates, and Virgil is pretty sure Janus is doing it to get caught by the other sides _. Good luck with that, you have oblivious robot and oblivious dreamer guessing. You have no hope of them catching on without it spelled out for them!_ At least he isn’t the only one who is going to be working hard today!

While Thomas voices his concerns about lying to Joan, Virgil continues to glare at the fake Side. Janus quickly looks around to see if anyone has seen the glare and raises he eyebrows when they don't. Virgil smirks at him, watching as realization dawns on Janus what he is dealing with. _Fucker. That is what you get for not telling me! And where is Patton?!?_

"JOAN, DON'T HATE ME!"

Thomas's scream breaks Virgil's stare and he swings first to Thomas, then to Roman's corner, where Thomas is looking. Joan - or really Roman shape shifted as Joan - is there so Thomas can practice lying. _You know what, this may be a good idea! Thomas does not like lying, so if he does it a bunch, it will make him feel worse! It is like having a silent Patton here, that we have to make upset!_

Thomas seems reluctant to lie to his "friend's" face by calling it a punishment, so Virgil jumps in to crank it up a notch. "Well, if you're considering lying to Joan, maybe you deserve to be punished."

Logan is on board because he is worried Thomas is not going to do it right - _Not really why you should be on board, but whatever_ \- and of course "Patton" is on board because he wants to be unmasked. Roman is so desperate to get out of a potential ego beating that he is on board, and in fact brings them to his mindscape. _Oh shit!_ Virgil mentally screams as he gets pulled away.

\----

Roman's mindscape is a theater, with a giant spotlight shining on the stage. It seems really bright, and Virgil does not want to get in front of it so he dives backstage. _I hope Janus remembers what I said about the light!_

Luckily for both Dark Sides, Roman is an attention hog, and keeps the light on himself and Thomas when they enter. _I never thought I would appreciate his vanity…_

Roman sets up the stage - _ha, literally_ \- on what they plan to do. Basically, Roman and Thomas act out different lies, Logan comments on if they are good, Virgil gets to run around and do EVERYTHING ELSE - _eat a dick, Roman!_ -, and Patton gets to sit in the stands and direct. They are going to try four different scenes, and Virgil couldn't be happier. _The more Thomas does, the worse he will feel. Why not five? Six? Maybe six will make him emotionally break down!_

Virgil is pretty sure that he gets all the work because Roman is still mad about the argument and is being petty. But, while doing all the work is not fun, it does keep him from being in front of the Light, so he will take it!

He sits back to watch the train-wreck that is Thomas's first chance to lie. Roman, as Joan, is dressed up to SUPPOSEDLY look like Thomas's mother. _But…Why?_ Thomas has forgotten to get her a gift. Virgil laughs when Thomas goes with the truth and admits fault and Roman proceeds to flip out. _I am pretty sure telling the truth is not lying, Thomas._

"And scene! Roman, that was a beautiful portrayal of a mother betrayed by her son!" "Patton" tries to sound enthusiastic about what he just saw, but Virgil notices him blinking a lot during it. _You don't know what the hell you just watched either? Yay!_

"Omigosh thank you, thank you so much! I was afraid I went a little too method with it?" Roman takes the compliment causing "Patton" cut him off with a "No! It was perfect." with enough pain in his voice to cause Virgil to chuckle. _Janus is going to need to get his game face on, because he is not doing too well right now!_

While the others try to psyche Thomas up to play his part correctly and lie, Virgil watches from behind the curtains. They try again, and this time Thomas is able to get out a lie, but -

"W-uh... Uh-- ooh! A homeless lady... Um... ate it."

"What?" Virgil mutters to himself. _I am starting to get anxiety that if we ever need Thomas to lie he is going to fuck it up so bad it won't matter!_ But Thomas is still going, so Virgil focuses in again.

"Uh, we exchanged information and she told me she would call me on a payphone when the gift later, um... resurfaces."

"What the fuck?!?" _Oh man, definitely starting to worry about Thomas's ability to lie..._

"And SCENE. Brilliant!" "Patton" crows, clapping. Both Thomas and Virgil are skeptical of this, but Virgil remembers that "Patton" doesn't want Thomas to do well. _This has to be painful for him, maybe even worse than it is for me!_

Logan points out that that was a lie of commission, "Patton" lists off reasons his lie was good: it bought him time , he was an altruist in it, and it spared Mom's feelings. Virgil has to step in to ask what would happen if Thomas's mom found out he had lied - _Because that lie was awful_ \- to which Logan retorts that "sort of betrayal-motivated disownment would take place." Virgil starts to freak out, but the next scene is called by "Patton". _Oh boy, what is this one going to be?_

The next scene is Thomas took off time from work to hang out with his boyfriend, and needs to lie to his boss - who is Joan dressed like a stereotypical business man with a cigar _. Why did he even shape shift if he is going to dress up every scene_? - about what he did. Thomas again comes clean first and Roman fires him for being lazy and gay. Virgil winces. _There was no reason for the boss to be a homophobe._ It seems that "Patton" and Thomas agree and tell Roman to try again without the homophobic remarks.

This time Thomas does lie about working at the Hot Topic - "Nice." - for four years.

"You know that if I miss a day of work... it's probably for a valid reason."

After the scene concludes Roman decides to yell at Virgil to fix the lights, while Logan explains how that was a character lie to Thomas. The best part is both Thomas and Roman are starting to look uncomfortable, even with "Patton" pushing them to the next scene.

This scene has Thomas knocking over a vase of great importance to his Joan-with-a-wig college buddy, who asks what happened to the vase. As Roman continues to fill in Thomas's silence with worse and worse facts about the vase, Virgil looks over at "Patton" who is not even trying to hide how much he is loving the train wreck going on. _I can't blame him for having fun at Roman's expense._

Roman finally wanders off the stage as Thomas still hasn't spoken up when "Patton" calls scene. Roman starts to complain about how Thomas didn't give him anything when Logan jumps in to explain about lies of omission.

Virgil goes to sweep up the vase, staying out of the Light as much as he can. But he is curious and reaches a hand out to the Light, wanting to know if it will affect him the same way as before. The feeling of a wide open expanse opens up for him, ready to be morphed into hopes and dreams. The wonder of the possibilities lasts only a moment before his anxiety roars up in response, screaming about _getting trapped in this great abyss of nothingness!_

He snatches his hand away and quickly goes back stage. He is sweating and his hands are shaking some, but otherwise he is okay. Virgil does make a vow to not be pulled into Roman's Light in any future get-togethers. _I would probably break after a few seconds of standing alone in that universe of blank space! I don't know how Roman does it..._

When Virgil focuses back on what is going on onstage, Thomas looks nonplused and Roman is openly groaning about the previous scene.

"Something wrong?" Virgil asks, seeing if Roman will be truthful.

Surprising Virgil, Roman is. He talks about how this is making him feel bad. However, when Thomas pushes him on it, Roman comes up with the excuse that Patton must be feeling bad. _Oh, you have no idea…_

"Patton" of course gets them back on track for the final scene, with a Joan-dressed-as-a-kid.

Roman starts it with "where do babies come from?" which gets severely vetoed by Thomas. Roman blames his acting choices on not having his sippy cup, leading to Virgil having to run around the place to find it.

"It was in the green room, what was it doing in there?" Virgil complains only for him to contemplate murder when Roman admits he moved the cup there. _No, he only needs to finish this last scene. He already helped Thomas feel bad about lying, and Thomas will not like Side-on-Side murder, especially in front of him._ He focuses on Roman's new choice of topics, which is Thomas explaining a dead hamster to a kid. _You know, maybe the babies one was actually easier..._

Thomas is truly suffering about lying, telling the kid-Joan that the hamster is gone because "He didn't feel the same way about you." _OH. MY. GOD. THOMAS!_

"Patton" has to point out to Thomas to "try not to make the child cry." _Dad-Janus to the rescue!_ He also asks for something other than a lie of commission - the first type of lie Thomas told. Virgil smirks, realizing that Janus is increasing the difficulty on Thomas.

Thomas then tries a character lie - which was essentially "You know me" said over and over to the "child"- and "Patton" stops it again to point out that he didn't believe any of it. Virgil raises his eyebrows. _You believed any of these lies told today?_ Janus catches Virgil's smirk and glares at him when the Thomas and Roman try again. I t _old you it's not easy to corral these people!_

Virgil watches in astonishment as this try ends with Thomas running off the stage crying. "And I thought a sixth try was needed to emotionally break him" he quietly mutters to himself. Seeing that, Virgil is done with this scenario, he moves over to the pulleys for the curtains and waits for any opportunity to pull them down. _And if it doesn't happen soon I am going to pull us all out of here._

"This whole night has been a fiasco. It's curtains, for sure!" Roman wails onstage. _Bingo!_

"Curtains?" he yells as he lowers them right on Roman. Roman gives up and brings them all back to Thomas's living room. _Glad THAT is finally over..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the other Sides should have noticed what was going on way sooner. Some of "Patton's" reactions in the theater should have been a major clue.
> 
> This Sanders Side episode was well done in laying clues that you could find if you knew what to look for. I tried to include as many clues from it as I could.


	36. … and its Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of Can Lying be Good? and the Dark Sides have a chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is pissed...

Once back, Roman tries to play it off as going well, only to be called out by Thomas. Virgil gets worried when Logan states that he thinks it went well, only to realize Logan has no idea how theater works. _So that doesn't count._

"Patton" tries for the "you don't want to make Joan mad at you" argument, but it is not sticking with Thomas anymore. Virgil sighs as Thomas points out he would feel bad about lying to Joan about this. _One down, two people to convince._

But again "Patton" is now making his job easy - _Probably because he did not expect to be in character this long_ \- and corners Roman and Logan on lying. Roman protests that when you lie on stage the audience knows that it is fake. Logan, who really only seemed to want Thomas to be able to lie correctly if he chose that path, follows suit.

"Virgil, buddy, uh I know you weren't too keen on it at first, but come on! Could you stand to lose the support of one of Thomas' friends?"

"Patton" turns to Virgil, and Virgil realizes that he is still hurt Janus did not tell him about this. It causes his answer to be more gruff than it needs to be. "Well yeah, Thomas' friends make me feel more at ease... But Thomas lying would make me just as uneasy. And anyone who doesn't understand that should just shut up!"

Thomas protests, and "Patton" asks if they are friends. Virgil looks Janus dead in the eyes before glancing away, hoping that Janus saw how serious he is with his response. "I'm not so sure we are."

Virgil leaves "Patton" to keep pushing Thomas, only to be rebuffed over and over. Thomas finally puts his foot down that he is NOT going to lie, and that is his final answer. At this, Janus finally breaks, or at least breaks character. Virgil knows he should be acting more shocked, but all he feels is resignation at this point. _It's Janus's show now. I can't help too much, but I still don't want to hurt him._

So he plays his part by pointing out "Patton" acting strangely until Logan tries to call out Deceit. Janus makes Logan cover his mouth, freaking out Thomas some more. Virgil can feel the anxiety in Thomas rise as this all is going down, reminding him of when Thomas was so worried he tried to find ways to get rid of his Anxious Side instead of working with it. _If Thomas tries to hurt Janus, I don't know what I will do... Even if he is an ass right now._

"What is happening?!"

"You have to give us permission first…" Roman warns Thomas. Virgil sighs because that is not nearly enough information for Thomas to make a good decision, so he jumps in.

"There are sides to everyone that they'd prefer not to know about. But you are the boss, Thomas. Any information you want to know, you can know. You just... have to be open to hearing it."

"In other words, would you like to learn something new about yourself, Thomas?"

Thomas says he doesn't know, prompting Janus to taunt him some more. That gets the reaction Janus wants, even if Virgil is worried about how this is portraying his father figure. _I don't think this will end well…_

"Fine! Tell me!"

Logan is now able to rip his hand from his mouth so he calls out Janus. "Deceit"

Janus transforms back to his normal self, and it takes everything in Virgil not to boo Janus's outfit. _He put that boulder hat with my cape! I mean, it makes sense since both his sons gave him each piece, but he really is going for over the top! And what are those gloves?!? Who am I kidding, he is the most dramatic of the Dark Sides so I should have expected this…_

Thomas is freaked out, and Roman makes a comment about Janus's snake scales. Virgil winces, since that is like picking on someone with a birthmark. _Not coming across as very_ _Princely_ _here, Roman._

"And Virgil, I adore the more intense eye shadow. It totally doesn't make you look like a raccoon."

Virgil is a little taken aback at the outright diss sent his way, but he is still pissed at Janus and is willing to play. "Nice gloves. Did you just finish washing some dishes?"

"Why didn't I know about him until now?" Thomas recovers enough to yell. Virgil has to break the bad news here "He... had you convinced you're an honest person." _Well, not really him. More like Patton wants you to be an honest person so much that he banishes Sides that might disagree and Janus takes them in. Then he hides things from you until you are able to handle it. But you know, that's close enough to what_ _I_ _said._

Logan explains to Thomas that being a completely honest person is rare, and saying that you try to be is more accurate. He also goes on to explain that Deceit's power comes from Thomas wanting to believe in the lie versus facing the truth in anything.

"What you don't know can't hurt you." Deceit summarizes.

"FALSEHOOD. Knowledge is an incomparably valuable multi-purpose tool that is instrumental in identifying and solving any problem! If you're worried about getting hurt, then seek knowledge. It is our greatest weapon and our greatest defense."

Logan seems really mad, and while Virgil wants to beat some common sense into Janus, he is not sure he wants to watch Logan and Janus fight. He sighs when Thomas changes the subject to where the real Patton is. _Yeah, I have been wondering that this whole time. It would be good to finally get an answer! Janus wouldn't have hurt him, but how did Patton not notice us up here?_

Janus tells a few more lies about Patton never existing, freaking out Thomas. The entire time, Virgil keeps his head in his hands, not wanting to contribute to any of this. Thankfully Patton rises up before it gets crazy. Virgil does note that he rises up right under Janus. _That can't be a coincidence. He has to have known Janus was there._ Not that Virgil minds too much, he is still planning much worse for Janus after this.

Once Patton is standing next to Janus, Roman yells at Deceit to leave. And, like the Drama King he is, Janus sinks out with a flourish. _So extra…_

Roman tries to guess if Patton is the real thing or if Janus tried another trick. _Not really how that works, Roman. So let's not scare Thomas anymore than Janus already has._ "Oh, my-- enough twists!"

Thomas quickly asks Patton his feelings on lying, and Patton has a similar spiel as Janus. Only, he gets the names completely wrong and Logan has to correct him. _Now THAT is familiar._ He also makes a ton of puns, which Virgil finds funny until Patton mentions eating "Plato" since he was five. _Is he talking about Play-doh?_

"That's for playing, not eating!" Virgil has to object, and is NOT happy with Patton's response of "Mama told me to never play with my food." _I swear, if Thomas goes to the hospital from eating Play-doh…_

At least the other Sides are reassured that this is the real deal, and Thomas gets soothed by Patton about believing that he was a bad person for lying.

"Also the concepts of good and bad are arguably meaningless because we can assign ANY preferred characteristics to either--" Logan tries to add in, but Virgil stops him. There have been too many issues brought up to Thomas today. It is fun to see Patton make enough Dad jokes to cause Logan to want Deceit back. _I am sure I can get him to come back up if you really want that, Logan!_

"One more question. Are there any other Sides that Deceit has hidden away from me?" Virgil freezes at Thomas's question. _Here we go…_

Patton answers in the affirmative, while Roman tells Thomas that they are the "Dark Sides". _Only called that because we live on the Dark Side. Like it is literally Dark there, so that is like saying we are the Mountain Sides because we live on a mountain._ He doesn't mind it when Janus or Remus says it, but the bad connotation it has coming out of Roman makes him fidget.

Logan decides to sink out by telling Thomas to "fracture a femur." Thinking that Remus somehow got control of Logan, Virgil questions this, only to realize that it is just Logan translating "break a leg" in an awful way. "I hate both of those equally" Virgil mutters as he finally sinks out.

\----

Virgil storms into his room.

"Why didn't you tell me?!?" He knows that sounded more hurt and sad than angry, which he had hoped to portray. But Janus must have planned this and didn't tell him!

"HSSS!"

"I'm upset Hissy, let me yell!"

"Hey! No yelling at Hissy or she won't eat your ticks!"

"I don't have any ticks, Remus! Or I better not! If you brought ticks in this room - "

"Let's NOT get back on topic people!" Janus shouts over the two yelling Sides and the hissing possum. All three went quiet, eliciting a smirk from Janus. That sets Virgil off again, his anger growing at the smile.

"You knew you were going to go up there this morning, didn't you?" Virgil hisses. _See, I can hiss too!_

Janus nods. "You made it clear you DID think it was a good idea, and I AGREED. So I went and grounded Patton until Thomas called him - "

"You grounded him? Like locking him in his room? Kinky!" Remus interrupts.

"It WASN'T very similar to grounding you guys during -"

"The Great Peace Treaty of 2013" they all chorus together, with varying levels of happiness and disgust. Remus being the source of the happiness and Virgil being the main one providing the disgust. _It lasted like five minutes, and was way more destructive than helpful. Why do we even call it that?_

"- so he was NOT perfectly safe during the whole ordeal. " That information does sooth some of Virgil's fears about what happened with Patton. He still is not over the role Janus put himself in.

"You went in as a bad guy. How is that supposed to help get Thomas to listen to you? Because I literally had to pull away all aspects of anxiety for Thomas to get over me being the 'bad guy'. THAT is why I was not on board with you coming in to tell Thomas to lie over this."

"I… HAD thought about you trying to duck out before Thomas listened." Janus admits, not looking Virgil in the eye.

"Janus probably doesn't like thinking about you ducking out!" Remus helpfully supplies. "But I have drawn pictures and thrown them into the mindscape. In case anyone wants to have another party there."

"GREAT news, Remus. So nobody is going into the mindscape anymore? Good? Perfect." Janus sighs and faces Virgil. "What's done is done. We just need to get Thomas familiar with me before we figure out how to handle the whole accepting thing - "

"If you even THINK about removing your presence from Thomas I will give him a debilitating panic attack until you come back!-"

"Virgil! I am not going to do anything of the sort! I actually don't know an alternative right now, but I am sure we can find it!" Janus puts a hand on Virgil's shoulder, who is still glaring at him.

"Both Roman and Logan were pretty chill about lying, so we might be able to get them on our side and force Thomas to listen on an important issue!" Remus adds, bounding over and tackling Virgil in a hug.

"Maybe…" Virgil is not sure that would work, but he had been surprised how easily Janus could flatter Roman, and how chill Logan was with telling a lie. That might be a viable option, which was not something he would have guessed this morning.

"We DO have to figure all this out now. So how about we all just unwind and discuss this once we are all calm." Janus sooths.

Virgil wants to keep arguing, but he knows that he has nothing else constructive to add. So he keeps arguing anyway. "You still should have given me some warning. I almost punched you in the face when I found out."

"Side-on-Side violence! I AM rubbing off on you! Here, let me try some more" Remus says, wiping his makeup all over Virgil's sweater, ignoring his protests.

"I am not sure I agree with you, Virgil. Without your reactions the other Sides wouldn't have called me out." Virgil opens his mouth to argue that it was Janus breaking character that finally pushed Logan over the edge when Janus continues. "But I DON'T promise to give you at least some warning next time."

"...Fine." Virgil mutters, knowing that is the best he is going to get. He then focuses on his other issue. "Remus, stop rubbing your makeup on me! That better be the only thing you are leaving on me! " Virgil regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, because Remus then sticks his tongue out while wiping his face, leaving makeup and saliva trails.

"HSSSS" Hissy Fit stares at Virgil from Remus's moving shoulders, obviously unhappy with the situation.

"I know Hissy, I don't like this anymore than you do! Remus stop!" But the chaotic side just laughed and kept going until Janus came over to help pry him off of Virgil, who was now hissing along with the scared possum.

\----

In the morning, Virgil realizes that since Thomas knows about Janus then maybe they can move his door over to the Light Side as well. However, when they try, Janus can't get the door to move an inch closer to the Light Side. Considering they all seem to be stronger than when they tried before, that was worrying.

It wasn't until Remus pointed out that Thomas didn't actively hate Virgil until AFTER his door was up - since he hadn't met him until then - that could mean that Thomas has a block on Deceit that they did not have to deal with for Anxiety. Janus then tries to move Remus's door and confirms he probably could get it to the Light Side.

They spent the rest of the morning arguing whether to move Remus up to the Light Side now or wait until things calm down a bit before making any more changes. 

Virgil is relieved when they settle on waiting to bring Remus up, considering the amount of anxiety he has been helping Thomas with since the vlog. _Let's try to have one video with the Light Sides that is pretty chill before we add any more anxiety stimulators for Thomas._

Virgil makes his way up to have lunch with the Light Sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda want a possum now guys...


	37. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Light Sides discuss the last video at lunch. The Dark Sides watch the Why do we get out of bed in the morning video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad title this time. Oh well, I am just going to ignore it.

Logan is sitting at the kitchen table reading a book while waiting for Virgil to arrive for lunch. Patton is putting the spaghetti he made in a big bowl and Roman is dramatically carrying the garlic bread to the table when Virgil enters.

Logan glances up at the anxious Side, and takes note that Virgil looks wary as he makes his way to the table. _Finally, the discussion can commence._

"Now that everyone is here, should we all discuss what transpired yesterday?" Logan closes his book and looks expectantly around the room. Patton looks uneasy, Virgil's look turns guarded, and Roman -

"That Dastardly Deceit kidnapped our Precious Padre! We should call him up here and give him a piece of our minds!"

\- is being dramatic. Logan sighs, feeling a headache forming. _We have to discuss it, so just ignore his theatrics._

"Now Kiddo, if we summon Deceit up here, he may be able to reach Thomas easier. So we don't want to do that." Patton's uneasiness at the prospect is enough to sober Roman. _Interesting, I may need to use that when Roman gets too "extra"_ Logan muses. He also notes the curiosity on Virgil's face.

Before the last video, Logan would be worried that Virgil was getting this information. The most likely solution to the change in the Imagination is that Remus and Virgil still were communicating and Remus was increasing his attacks because Virgil may have … tried to… _Kill himself. I am the non-emotional Side. It should not be hard to think!_

Logan shakes his head some, and continues his thinking while listening to Patton explain the Light Side gives more access to Thomas than anywhere else in Thomas's psyche.

 _I still have not gotten enough information to conclude WHY Virgil went to that extreme. Roman making snide remarks and most likely a misunderstanding with my comment about Thomas knowing names does not seem to be enough to revert to the Subconscious._ Logan again wishes he could talk to Patton about the emotional side of this topic, in case he is missing any pieces of the puzzle. But he agrees with Roman's conclusion of bringing Patton in on that knowledge will most likely do more harm than good in the long run.

 _However, I did talk to Patton about Virgil's reactions when Deceit was there, and Patton said he looked truly upset. Reviewing what transpired, it seems he was wary of Patton early and did voice concerns, albeit quietly. That does not match with him being in league with the other Dark Sides._ Logan refuses to acknowledge the relief that coursed through him when he had reached that conclusion. _It is only logical. My emotional preference for Virgil to not working against us is irrelevant._

Roman has decided to go tell a "grand" story about what he will do to Deceit if he shows up again. Patton is of course hanging on every word. Logan tunes him out after sharing an eye-roll with Virgil.

 _Also, since Deceit showed up in the vlog, it shows he is actively participating in what Thomas is doing. Though it does leave the question open of why Virgil's… ducking out caused them to change their normal methodology._ Logan wants to ask Virgil about his time as Paranoia and what made him change to be Anxiety, but his notes conclude that mentioning Virgil's Dark Side name would cause the nervous Side to run. _I will have to figure out a way to ask. If he has any information, it could be useful in Roman's searches._

Logan interrupts Roman's victory speech from banishing the fictional Deceit "so he may never darken our doorstep again!"

"Daydreams aside, I do not think that this will be the last time we see Deceit." Logan says over Roman's offended Princey noises. Patton's face falls - _too emotional, reacting to every little thing_ \- and Virgil stares hard at Logan - _not much reaction. He may have already come to the same conclusion_.

"But we banished him from the video!" Roman protests "Why would he come ba-"

"I seem to remember being banished from quite a few videos, Roman" Virgil cuts in, an edge to his voice - _He still has emotional responses to being kicked out of videos -_ as he glares at the creative Side. "Why would he be any different?"

 _Must tread carefully here._ "That is an astute point. One difference is that Deceit does not have a door up in the Light Side yet, but is still able to join in the videos. Previously, he was content to stay in the shadows hiding information from Thomas. The behavior in the last video would be almost reckless to the normally controlled Deceit." _He is similar to me in his past movements, so it was unnerving seeing Deceit take a Roman-like tactic of theatrically revealing himself_ "The question is what would have changed recently that would have caused his behaviors to change?"

Logan ignores Roman's and Patton's suggestions - _he most likely did not become "more dastardly because reasons" or "just wanted to be in a video" or else they would have seen him sooner_ \- and focused on Virgil. The anxious Side looked uneasy but did contribute an explanation.

"Maybe he saw that another door was added up here and wants to join?" Logan notes the end of that input is definitely a question rather than a statement. And Virgil averts his eyes while giving it. _He knows something about Deceit and possibly his motives but is uncomfortable stating it now. Either because of the people in the room or his prior relationships with the Dark Sides. Something to look into._

"For all those explanations, we should have seen him sooner than this video. We have been doing them for a while. What could have been a recent change that would have caused this?" Logan throws out.

Roman seems to be the first one to get the rest of what he is saying - _Deceit is most likely working with Remus_ \- and he goes quiet. Logan assumes it is to correlate that information with what he is seeing in the Imagination. Patton's eyes flicker with something, but the emotion is too fast for Logan to identify. Patton then admits he does not know. _Not surprising, considering he hasn't been told the facts._

Virgil grimaces and looks down. Then he takes a deep breath and looks at Logan, expressing the same cluelessness. _Falsehood. He is most likely aware that his … damn it, this should not be hard! … ATTEMPTED SUICIDE has changed something in the Dark Side. The probability of getting that information now is very unlikely from his behavior, though._

With his conclusions made, Logan ended the conversation.

"We should be vigilant for any other tricks that Deceit may throw at us, now that Thomas is aware of him. Now Patton, I do believe the spaghetti is getting cold."

That is enough to get Patton to start serving everyone, and the normal lunch conversations occur. _It would be relaxing if not for those puns!_ Logan sighed, stealing himself for some noodle puns.

"Can you pasta bread please, Logan?"

DAMN IT!

\----

Virgil is glad to get confirmation about the Light Side having more power to talk to Thomas than the Dark Side. _Though Logan seemed to be deep in thought for the whole conversation. Like he is working on something else._ Virgil hopes that it has something to do with Thomas's current workload and not some mistake he made regarding the Dark Sides.

Whatever it is, it may be contributing to the frequent fights Roman and Logan are having. Over the last two months since the vlog, the logical Side and creative Side have steadily escalated their normal snipping at each other to full on yelling matches. Patton could defuse the arguments in the first weeks, but has been having worse and worse luck with it.

Virgil asked Janus and Remus if they knew of a reason either would be starting fights, and they also came up blank. Remus even admitted that he recently spends most his time in the Imagination checking up on his possums than torturing his brother.

Thankfully, things come to a head when Thomas starts to make another vlog. Virgil had sensed Thomas moving things around, but could not find a reason for the video based on his anxiety level. He decided to continue monitoring unless something changed.

When Logan leaves to go up to the video, Patton and Roman both headed to their rooms so Virgil followed suit. Janus and Remus already had the popcorn and phone/TV set up on his desk, watching the vlog.

"What have I missed?" Virgil nudges Remus over and grabs some popcorn from the bowl Janus is holding. Hissy is absent "spending time with her other family, the possum one" according to Remus. _Who knew Remus would be so good at co-parenting?_

"Apparently this is NOT about motivation again." Janus mutters, watching the screen. His face lights up when Thomas tries to call his procrastination a fluke. He gets up and pulls on his gloves just as Logan protests that he will not have Thomas lying to himself. With a wink at the other Dark Sides, Janus appears in the video, with a droll "You called?". Thomas, of course, looses his shit and yells at Deceit to leave.

Remus and Virgil laugh seeing Janus throw Thomas two middle fingers as he sinks out. They proceed to throw popcorn on Janus, booing, as he shows up in the room.

"Well that is one way to make sure Thomas stops lying." Virgil nudges Janus as he sits down.

"Yeah! Another way would be to put a splinter under his nail every time he- "

"I am just vetoing that one right now, Remus. That would be a CONSTRUCTIVE way to help Thomas, THANK YOU!" Janus glares at Remus, who just shrugs and grins.

"Hey, did you hear, Janus, to the best of Logan's knowledge you do not excrete slime?" Virgil taunts, chuckling. It does not phase him that Logan interpreted Thomas accusation that Deceit is "a slimy boy" literally.

"Has he seen Janus's nose once he touches a cat? It is like a waterfall of snot, which seems close enough to slime…" Remus stage-whispers to the anxious Side, only to have a pillow hit him in the face. Janus glares at the other two Sides, who are now loudly laughing. "I LOVE you two…" he mumbles.

"Aw, we love you too, Janus" Virgil fake-enthusiastically yells at Janus, only to get a pillow to the face as well.

"Oooh, looks like Logan is a hair-puller. Kinky." Remus says, now focused back on the screen.

"WHAT?!?" both Janus and Virgil focus back on the screen only to hear Roman complaining about Logan sucking at summoning. Both smack Remus upside the head before continuing to watch.

"I do want to point out that when Logan summoned me, he did not pull my hair. And he did not like me at the time." Virgil smirks "I think he is just being a dick."

"Well he is smart enough to evade a direct lie, so NO golf clap for him." All three golf-clapped at the screen for a bit before settling back down.

"Looks like Roman is getting him back by NOT calling Logan Patton."

"And people say I'm the evil twin…"

"Yeah well Logan isn't buying it either. If this is how this video is going to go, there is going to be a lot of yelling."

"I am LOVING those two bickering children telling Thomas to sit down and be quiet" Janus seethes, after watching Thomas try to give some input only to be shot down.

"Ground them" Remus and Virgil say at the same time. They smile and high five.

Virgil is hopeful that Thomas may be able to get something out of this video, considering both Logan and Roman seem to agree that they need to explain why Thomas is doing his tasks in order for him to be more motivated to do the tasks _. And that gives me ways to make Thomas anxious if he doesn't start the tasks_. So all they have to do is keep it simple and -

"It’s all about achieving ultimate fame, riches, and living in a mansion hidden by a waterfall on the side of a mountain." Roman says, immediately causing Logan to protest and knock those goals down.

Virgil groans and puts his head in his hands. "We are going to be here all day!" He feels Thomas's anxiety spike when Logan points out fame requires Thomas to socialize. Virgil gets up and stretches. "That's my cue!"

He appears in the video right when Thomas is whimpering about the socialization. _You and me both, Thomas._ "You called?"

It does not surprise him that Logan and Roman both downplay what they are doing to get him to leave. _Like I would not be listening in to this as soon as Thomas hit the record button._ Virgil has to admit that he does not have much to contribute to this discussion - _yet_ \- so he is fine with not staying. Though he does warn them that he is listening in case he has to reappear. _If they let Patton stay, and I am coming back!_

Virgil is warmed when Thomas happily greets him as he starts to sink out. _I can't leave without saying anything, since the others are already ignoring him a lot._ He pops back up to give a "Sup, Thomas" before sinking out again. This of course leads to a wave of popcorn being thrown at him when he returns. Laughing, he settles down again.

The rest of the video… somehow went downhill from there. Logan argues that Thomas should be cautious with challenges because living is the end goal, and Roman counters that the challenges in life are what make it fulfilling even if it may put Thomas in danger.

Patton gets accidentally summoned when Roman sarcastically calls Logan "Dad" in the middle of one of their arguments. He is quickly dispatched as well, so Virgil doesn't need to appear up there.

He was astonished how obtuse both sides were being. _I mean I knew they were oblivious before, but this is ridiculous!_ Both Sides are pulling to the extreme of their points, making them both sound ridiculous.

"Well, this ISN'T healthy. Maybe I SHOULDN'T ground them" Janus drolly comments. And while Virgil did protest how that would look for Janus - "going up there and dragging those two down by the ear is not going to endear you to Thomas!" "Hah! endEAR. ""Shut up, Remus!" - he is starting to see the benefits of it.

 _Thomas even gave up on the two Sides while they were fighting!_ It is only by some miracle that Thomas was able to come out of that video with any sort of conclusion, but he found a way to the amazement of Virgil.

"Each day is an opportunity to marvel at my daily life AND dream about what’s around the bend. And I shouldn’t let any of that go to waste. Thank you guys!"

Janus jumps up at the thanks. "Why is he NOT thanking them?!? They did not help him get to that conclusion, Thomas figured it out by ignoring their bickering!"

Janus whirls to face Virgil, and the anxious Side is surprised by how angry Janus looks. _This really got to him, huh?_

"This little spectacle has NOT finalized my decision to show up more! If half of Thomas's advising Ssides are acting thisss Sstupid, then Thomas needss more help!"

Janus elongating his S's was a sign that he was about to explode on someone. Virgil looks over to Remus, who has the same realization on his face. They both get up and start ushering Janus to the Dark Side, before he decides to march into the Light Side common room and start a fight.

"Makes sense Janus." Virgil sooths. The thing is, Virgil agrees with him after the performance he saw today by Roman and Logan. He is also worried why Thomas did not call up either Patton or himself when he lost control of the conversation. _He may have gotten an answer, but he ignored the obvious issue of two of his Sides fighting for that long._

With that in mind, Virgil remembers that he hasn’t told either Dark Side about the mindscape information Logan told him a while ago. "We might be able to use Thomas's mindscape instead of our own if we ever need to."

Janus stops and looks at Virgil. "How?"

"Logan told me the he , Roman, and Patton can't pull someone out of their own mindscape; only Thomas and the owner of the mindscape can do that. BUT I was able to when I 'debated' him in his mindscape. It felt the same as when I go into ours, so it makes me think that when I travelled there I was hacking into it instead of whatever the Light Sides do. So, if that is how we travel to all mindscapes, then -"

"We can use Thomas's by doing the same thing!" Remus finishes, looking excited.

"That definitely WON'T be helpful if we need to do another one of those scenes…" Janus mutters, staring off into the distance. Virgil relaxes some, but can still tell that Janus needs some sort of physical outlet.

"Now how about we go bad-touch some shadows until we calm down?" Remus adds, pulling Janus through the closet door. He had obviously made the same conclusion Virgil did. Janus gives a considering hiss.

"Aw Janus, you are just trying to make me feel better since Hissy is visiting her other family!" Remus coos at Janus, then takes off running to avoid the wrath of the pissed Side.

A couple hours and quite a few shadows later, they were able to get Janus to stop hissing. Virgil is happy that the father Side has finally calmed down. However, he can't help feel unease at the number of shadows they had to handle. _It seems like the amount of shadows is growing again…_ Watching Remus warily scan the room for more shadows, Virgil doesn't think he is the only one that noticed.

Virgil catches Remus's eye, and an unspoken promise of keeping an eye on the shadows is made. _We will tell Janus tomorrow, so he can relax for the night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Logan is going to Sherlock his way through this! And the idea of Virgil trying to kill himself is messing him up...
> 
> Shadows are growing again. That can't be good...


	38. Manifest Day and Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman sees more shadows in the Imagination.
> 
> It's Manifest Day again!
> 
> And the reason Roman and Logan's camaraderie went down the toilet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I chose the day for Manifest Day before I looked up different music available at that time. But it was pretty cool when I chose Virgil's gifts

The truce between Roman and Logan stays true for the last month, much to Virgil's surprise. In that time, Thomas was able to get sponsorship from Crofters, leading to Logan and Roman to create a song to commemorate the occasion. During the video, Janus and Virgil had to physically hold down Remus so that he would not go steal all the Crofters in the Light Side. He said it was retaliation for having to listen to them sing, but Virgil is pretty sure it is watching those two be so happy after the shit show that was the last video.

Janus and Remus have been perfecting their ability to travel to a mindscape. Using theirs as practice. Virgil helps them, letting them pull him out of it as he resists. He knows that the goal is not to increase their ability to get into the Dark Side mindscape, but to be able to sneak into Thomas's.

 _Since things have calmed down, we won't need to do that._ Virgil reasons. _So we can all keep practicing, even if we never have to use the ability._ With that in mind, Virgil hopes that things keep going in the positive direction. This hope was shaken some by the fact more shadows keep showing up in the Dark Side, but Janus had reasoned this was most likely due to his appearance. _Nothing to worry about. It will all pass over._

Another reason to feel optimistic is that Manifest Day was fast approaching. Virgil had based his gift to Janus off of Janus's last gift to him; Remus let him sneak into the Imagination and create a big heated blanket for the cold Side. As for Remus's gift, inspiration had struck after watching the musical video.

Remus's normal outfit is plain and dark, to better avoid shadows grabbing and ripping pieces of it. But considering the costume that Deceit wears in front of Thomas, Virgil wanted to make an outfit for Remus. The problem was he was not sure what it should look like. That is, until he watched Roman dramatically gesturing in his finery. _It should be as detailed as Roman's but with a more dramatic edge like Janus's_. _Like with frills and sparkles to catch people's attention. Because Remus will want to upstage Roman when he shows up._

Once the idea had taken hold, Virgil tried to find the right materials in the Dark Side. He could find pieces, but not enough to make a full shirt and sash. That required for him to sneak into Remus's room to go to the Imagination, quickly make the materials he needed, sneak out, and hide the materials before Remus noticed. After a week or so of unsuccessful attempts, he finally enlisted Janus's help in distracting Remus until he could complete his mission. In return, he had to promise not to over-caffeinate Remus again this year. _If sacrificing that entertainment lets me make his present, then it is the only way._

It took him another month to finish the outfit, mostly because he could only work on it in his room when Remus wasn't there. Eventually he did finish the gift, with about a week to spare before the holiday _. If Remus hadn't spent the day hanging out with Hissy's co-family, I might not have gotten it done_.

Virgil quickly hides it under his bed with Janus's gift. This year, he also told Patton, Roman, and Logan that he might take a me-day sometime, and he would put a note on his door if he wasn't going to make it down for lunch. Luckily, the fourth Sunday of July was not a Light Side hangout night, so he doesn't have to worry about missing that as well. 

With everything taken care of for the holiday, Virgil relaxes and starts the countdown. _Eight days to go!_

\----

"Back, Foul Minion!" Roman yells as he slices into another shadow with his sword. The shadow dissipates like normal, and he slowly sheathes his sword. The number and size of the shadows have increased, to where he always sees a few every visit. It has caused him to patrol his side of the Imagination regularly. Another change is that the larger ones do not look as translucent, and will actually become aggressive. Though they are still small compared to him, the change in personality is concerning to him.

The non-translucent shadows can also land blows. This is normal with any creature in the Imagination, but Roman always feels a spike of SOME UNPLEASANT FEELING whenever the shadows so much as touch him. To avoid it, he uses more energy than he normally does to make sure the shadows never make contact. Most of the time, like today, he ends up tired and grumpy after the encounters.

'My brother is getting better at making these with Deceit's help…" Roman mutters as he slowly trudges back to the Light Side. Something large and dark moves in the corner of his eye. He quickly jumps away, pulling out his sword to ward off the attack. None came, only the sounds of something large moving swiftly away. Roman tries to follow, but the thing is too fast for him to catch a glimpse of, so he finally gives up.

"A bear, maybe?" He wonders uneasily. Roman thought he knew every bear in his Imagination, and whatever that was didn't feel like any bear he knew.

"Well, whatever it is, it is did not attack. It must be shy." Roman straightens up, still breathing hard . "And as the Prince of this land, I must show compassion to those who are not as brave as I."

He makes a note to ask the local townspeople if there is a shy bear in this area tomorrow. _Or if they have seen anything large and dark hiding around here._ Roman is grateful to see the door to his room up ahead of him. _Ah, time to relax in a bubble bath!_

\----

Virgil wakes up slowly and stretches. He looks around and does not see Remus in his blanket nest, but Janus is still sleeping in his. For some reason this really confuses him. _Like something is different…_

He sees a paper sitting on his desk, folded in the shape of a frog. _Must be from Remus._ He is starting to wake up more now, and realize that it is Manifest Day. But Remus's normal jump-and-shout greeting did not happen. Virgil quickly unfolds the letter, only to stop and gag when the paper makes frog distress noises as it is being pulled apart _. Damn it Remus! What the hell?!?_ He tries again, getting the letter completely open this time, and starts to read. It says that Remus needed some extra time this morning to finish one of his gifts, and he will meet them in the Dark Side at eight.

The clock on his desk displays seven forty-five. _We should probably head over there. But first-_ Virgil grabs a piece of paper, writes "Me Day" on it, and tapes it to the outside of his bedroom door. Virgil then makes his way over to Janus and stares at the sleeping Side. _I really shouldn't deprive him of the traditional holiday greeting_ he reasons, a sinister smile starts to grow across his face.

Virgil places his presents on the desk for easy escape, then jumps on top of Janus. "Get up sucker! It is party time!!"

"Damn it Remu- Wait, Virgil?!?" Janus blearily looks at him. Virgil grabs his presents.

"Remus had to do something and is already in the Dark Side. Since you looked so sad without your wakeup call-" Virgil ducks the pillow thrown at his head and takes off to the Dark Side, with a cursing Janus chasing after.

He notices Remus is already there sipping on a big cup of coffee on the couch in the common room as he enters. Virgil starts laughing when Janus follows him in. The parental Side takes one look at Remus and starts glaring at Virgil, who puts his hands up in surrender.

"I did not give it to him I swear!" he protests. Janus hisses and sits down next to one of the other coffee cups. "Whatever, let's NOT get this over with."

Virgil sits down in the third spot just in time to get smacked in the face by Janus's gift to him. Janus smirks, unrepentant. Virgil grumbles, but the present is small, so it didn't hurt too bad. _Though it could have taken my eye out; its corners are hard!_

He unwraps the present and stares, shocked. "But, this isn't out yet!"

"Ha, shows what you know!" Remus yells "It came early this morning, so Janus called in a favor and had me make it!"

"The newest Panic! At the Disco cd…" Virgil leans over and hugs both Janus and Remus. "Thank you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Now where is my present? You promised to make something for me!" Remus demands, holding out his arms. Virgil throws the blanket covered outfit at him, and looks over to see what Janus got.

A large box of Pumice stones and an equally large box filled with clay for clay facial masks are open in front of Janus. He his happily sifting through the pumice, causing Virgil to laugh. Janus hates how rough his scales can get. Pumice stone is his go-to for smoothing them when he gets dry. And he loves to have a clay mask for his other half of the face when it happens. _Ah, man that is going to be tough to beat!_

"OH MY GOD, I HAVE A VILLAIN OUTFIT!!" Remus screams, dancing around with the shirt and sash held in front of him. Virgil winces. "It isn't a villain outfit, just a costume so you can - "

"Outshine my brother as the most extra of them all!" Remus interrupts, pulling off his shirt and tossing the gift on. _Well, at least I got his endgame right with the outfit._

"I even made a black and green snow hat for Hissy, since you said I had to or you would look." Virgil tosses it over to the sound of delighted Remus noises.

He also tosses his gift for Janus over, and reaches for the still wrapped large rectangle in Remus's spot. _I am glad I did not give him a chance to throw that at me!_ He unwraps it to see-

_Remus grabs Virgil and squishes him close. Virgil tries to push him away and protest, but the chaotic Side ignores him. He grabs Janus and pulls him close as well._

_"What are we NOT doing, Remus"_

_"Gotta have a family picture. Hissy goes back to her possum family today."_

_"But you will see her when you pick her up on Monday! Why does this mean a picture?!?" Virgil protests._

_"We either take the picture or I start bringing Hissy snacks in this room. And that means bugs. Lots of bugs. All crawling around in here. Do you know how many types of bugs possums eat?"_

_"Fine, fine. Just take your damn picture."_

_"Yay! On three everyone say 'Sleaze!'. One, two, three!"_

_"Freeze" "Appease" "SLEAZE" "HSSSS"_

-Remus had painted the picture of all three of them, including Hissy's face peaking around Remus's head. Warmth blooms in Virgil's chest looking at it. _My own family painting._ He refuses to acknowledge the water in his eyes as he turns to Remus.

"This is definitely going up in my room!" Virgil promises. Remus genuinely smiles at him, then leans over to hug him. "Just in case you forget that you have a family again."

Virgil looks over to see how Janus liked his present while Remus starts to open his last one.

Virgil snorts out a laugh. Janus has already unfolded the blanket , plugged it in, covered himself with it, and turned it on. He is sitting there with a look of bliss on his face, softly hissing in contentment _. I guess he likes it._

"Three seasons of Rick and Morty AND a book of raunchy jokes?!? I am happier than a dog with a mountain of shit to roll in!"

It took Virgil a good hour to get Janus out from under the heated blanket to make them food. It was only when Remus started graphically describing what starvation does to the body that the cold Side left his warm blanket.

After breakfast, all three went back and sat on the couch. Virgil put his headphones on and listened to his new cd, Remus conjured a working TV and bluray to watch Rick and Morty, and Janus buffed his scales with the pumice stones while wearing the heated blanket.

\----

After the movie ends, Roman gets up to stretch. He takes stock of the others in the room. Both Virgil and Patton are out, and Logan is reading by a light on the couch.

He had been a little surprised with Virgil declared a me-day earlier in the week, but whatever he had done worked. Roman had seen no less than a smile a day from the normally sullen Side, and he now appears to be relaxed enough to sleep in the living room. He debates leaving Virgil there, but is pretty sure that will cause the bad mood to return to the anxious Side.

"Virgil, time to go to your room." Roman stage-whispers as he leans over the sleeping Side. Only to jerk back when a hiss comes from below.

"Did he just hiss at me?!?"

Logan pulls out a notebook and starts searching through it. "Yes. Virgil did that to me once and told me he does that when… Ah! 'when I start reaching my limit with stupid questions'. Which is odd considering you did not in fact ask him a question. He must hiss for other reasons as well."

His mental picture of how Logan would react to getting hissed at makes Roman regret he had not been there for the incident. _It might be one of my biggest regrets…_ He has lost patience with Virgil though. _Hissing at the chivalrous Prince who is only trying to help? And since I can't touch him..._

"HEY! LOOK THE MOVIE IS OVER! SEEMS LIKE TIME TO GO TO BED!!" Roman projects his voice as loud as he can. Roman had been watching to see if Logan would also react - the logical Side jumps then flinches from the noise _._ _Ten points to the Prince!_ \- so he was confused when he turned around only to not see Virgil. The anxious Side then groans from BEHIND the couch. _Shouldn't he have rolled in front of the couch if he jumped?_ The groan was followed by the Virgil yelling "You're an ASS!"

Patton seems confused by being woken up, but happily tells them all good night. Virgil slinks up to his room without taking his glaring eyes off of Roman. _What a drama queen!_ Logan starts to head to his room, but Roman stops him.

"Hey Teach, I wanted to have a quick word with you. Mind if I join you in your room?" Recognition and interest flash through Logan's eyes as he gestures for Roman to lead the way.

Once the door closes, Logan starts the questions. "I assume this has to do with Remus's minions?"

"Yeah, they are getting more aggressive and I have seen at least one every time I go to the Imagination. They are still easily vanquished by yours truly, but they increased after Deceit showed himself. I think that proves that Deceit is involved somehow."

"It does seem so." Logan agreed. "However, Patton had a point of not inviting Deceit up here to answer questions unless we want to give him better access to Thomas for the duration of the interrogation. That may be what he is trying to achieve."

"Doesn't Virgil have that voice thing? Where it is hard NOT to hear it?" At Logan's surprised look, Roman remembers. "Oh yeah, you were just barely there. He used it once to say no right before you left Patton's mindscape. But he kept it up after. He was able to override my opinions to Thomas with just that voice. Can't he just do that while Deceit is here? So Thomas won't hear him?"

"There are a few things wrong with that plan." Logan sniffed, and Roman feels a pang of hurt. _I am trying, give me credit!_ "One is that is a trait Virgil shares with Paranoia, and he will most likely not want to have us -" Logan flips through some index cards"-connect the dots, as it were, between him and that Dark Side."

"But we can tell him that we don't care-"

"The second thing wrong with that plan," Logan interrupts "is that we don't know if that same power will work on Deceit. The third thing is that I do believe Deceit and Virgil have some history considering they were both Dark Sides. We do not know if that history will cause Virgil to be reluctant to go against another Dark Side."

Roman feels anger rush through him. "Are you saying that Virgil is in league with the other Dark Sides?!?"

"No, I do not believe so. BUT when we started talking about them, Vigil showed obvious reluctance to say anything. Whether that is because he used to be friends and doesn't want to break their confidence, or because he is scared of their retaliation, or really any other - "

"You think the Dark Sides would hurt Virgil?!?" Roman is shocked. He may not like his brother, but to actually hurt another Side is hard to comprehend. _Are they that depraved?_

"I don’t KNOW, Roman." Logan pushes a hand through his hair, obviously frustrated. _Good, now we both are on the same page._ "It is an OPTION. I am trying to solve a mystery with some of the main pieces of information either hidden from me, or require making either Patton or Virgil upset. I am doing by BEST."

"Well then get better, Specs! If Deceit hurt Virgil and he is now up showing up, he could try to hurt him again!"

"I am AWARE of that. But that is only one solution to the puzzle-"

"Are you SCARED to go up against the Dark Sides? Is that it? Because I can take them if you are -" Roman offers as a compromise, only to see Logan stiffen.

"It is not about feeling scared. All of Thomas's Sides have a role to play and if we start attacking one another then that could cause chaos in Thomas - "

"Excuses, excuses. Look, it is fine if you are scared. Even the most valiant Princes can be sometimes. But that should not stop you from protecting your friends-"

"And I am telling YOU that this is about using your BRAIN before jumping into things that could do more harm than good. If you took a second to REASON and OBJECTIVELY look at the FACTS, you would see they don't SUPPORT -" Roman had had enough at this point. _I can't trust Logan to protect Patton and Virgil while I fight in the Imagination._ Disappointment and anger spark in him.

"Fine! If you can't be BOTHERED to help until you see Deceit BEATING on Virgil, then stay in your isolated room, you unfeeling robot! What good is your logic if it doesn’t HELP anyone. It's a JOKE!" Roman screams as he heads to the door. He leaves Logan's room and runs to his. Once inside, he collapses on with his back to the door, crying. _No allies. Fighting this war alone. Logan refuses to help._

He gets up and stumbles over to his bed. "So be it."

\----

Logan throws a book at the door once it closes behind the raging Roman.

"IT'S NOT ABOUT FEELINGS, IT'S ABOUT CONSEQUENCES! THE SAME CONSEQUENCES THAT MAY HAVE CAUSED VIRGIL TO TRY TO KILL HIMSELF! MAKING SURE WE DON'T HURT ANYONE IS NOT A JOKE! I AM NOT A JOKE!"

He collapses on his desk chair, shaking. _Roman is too emotionally charged. He cannot be trusted with sensitive information without a threat of him acting upon it without my knowledge. It will have to just be me against the Dark Sides._ "I must figure this out. Alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course Virgil made Remus's shirt. 
> 
> Any guesses how Virgil ended up behind the couch? Hint, he was lucky no one was watching him!
> 
> I really think if the Light Sides had actually talked it all out with each other, they would have figured it out by now. But where would that leave the videos? Instead they are going to hurt each other because angst!


	39. Fighting...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Learning New Things About Ourselves video starts

Virgil has no idea what happened, but the truce between Roman and Logan completely disintegrated after one movie night. In it's stead is a cold war that is doing nothing to help Thomas. Virgil had to keep pumping anxiety into Thomas to get ANYTHING done, whether it was create content or plan for the next video. It left him exhausted and confused.

Patton doesn't help the situation either. After one or two tries of talking to the other Sides, he just gives up and goes to distract Thomas until the argument peters out. His distraction techniques are good, and Virgil has fallen prey to them when he tries to talk about it with Patton.

At lunches, Patton tries to keep the peace, but it normally turns into Patton distracting the other two until everyone eats their meal and leaves. Only to have the same cycle repeated the next day.

Trying to talk to either Roman or Logan about it ends with frustration and no changes. Roman gets offended at everything in order not to talk about it, and Logan uses his ability to be oblivious to "not understand" how the situation has anything to do with him. It's enough to make Virgil want to pull his hair out.

After another distracted lunch, Virgil is ready to use Tempus Tongue to scream at Thomas until he DOES SOMETHING, when he senses him setting up for a video. _Yes! Now we can get something done!_ He sets up the phone/TV on the desk and waits for Janus and Remus to get back from the Dark Side. They have been increasing patrols because of the influx of shadows and the lack of full-shadows.

The topic of the video doesn't start out about the fight between Roman and Logan. However, Virgil is confident that if either show up the topic will change. They are to the point of not being able to exist in the same room without insults and chaos ensuing _. Even hanging out with Remus on his manic days isn't THIS tiring._

Patton shows up and Thomas explains that a friend asked him what he does for a living, then looked down on him after being told he is on YouTube. Since that has happened, Thomas has been in a funk, and he is not sure why he is feeling this way, or how to start figuring it out.

Virgil does some math and realizes that the conversation with the friend happened after Roman and Logan started fighting. So while this may be a part of their arguments, it wasn't the root cause…

Patton encourages Thomas to spend time figuring out what is going wrong. _I can give him a hint. Two Names, both ending in AN._ But Thomas puts it off since he has to make content. He even calls the content he is making "not anything great", which is exactly how to summon Roman. _Yay, you got the first name, Thomas. Want to guess the other one?_

Roman protests that claim, and asks for time to explore what Thomas wants, which summons Logan to argue that there is not time to do that with the current deadlines. Though they are still arguing, Virgil relaxes knowing that Thomas should notice the problem. However, minutes go by with Roman and Logan hijacking the conversation by arguing and neither Patton or Thomas do anything about it. Virgil knows Thomas realizes this is not normal because he can feel Thomas's anxiety rise. _You have got to be kidding me!_

Virgil rises up and glares are Thomas, who ignores the argument that is STILL GOING ON to greet him. "Thomas, you have got to do something about this!"

Thomas tries to claim ignorance even though he has to raise his voice to be heard over the bickering Sides, leaving Virgil to stare at him incredulously. Thomas also argues that they were making headway. _Yeah, key word being "were". Look around you Thomas!_

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say maybe - MAYBE - there's still some things to work out." Virgil spits out.

"Right! Like confronting his feelings, which is what I was saying! Thank you, you shadowy, but angelic songbird!" _Ooooh, Step-Dad Patton is happy to have me on his side this time!_

"You got it, Pop Star."

While Patton is squealing at the nickname and Thomas is still arguing that while not ideal this is fine, Roman finally notices Virgil and asks when he got here.

"Yeah, definitely not ideal." _WHY?!? Why is he ignoring this?_ A sudden thought hits Virgil. _This is big enough to be a full-thought, but we haven't found any lately. Is it because we aren't processing the issue and forcing it in front of him that this is happening?_ It would make sense. This is the first time something like this has happened, but that means dealing with this is going to be tough. _Might as well get started._

Virgil gets everyone's attention and starts identifying the problems. _Like a band-aid, just rip it off!_ "Okay, listen up you two because I'm getting real tired of this. Roman- You get super insecure for some reason and, when that happens, the work suffers." he continues over offended Princey noises. "And Logan, you get upset anytime anyone throws a wrench into the system, or really any time things aren't working perfectly, so, you start acting like a jerk and making everyone feel stupid."

Virgil tries to point out to Logan and Roman that his is an unbiased opinion and he is not taking Sides, but he makes a mistake with his wording.

"All I'm saying is that you both suck at what you do and I'm tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butts." With the fire reference, Logan goes off on the safety of such a thing, ignoring the content of the message. Roman then proceeds to be offended and try to out fire reference Virgil. He tries to correct his wording, but it is already too late. Both Sides are talking at him and not to him anymore. Virgil can feel both his and Thomas's anxiety growing and just wants to scream -   
  
"Okay, okay! Calm Down Time!" Virgil presses the buttons on the fidget toy put in front of him, the clicks calming his anxiety. "I like the one with the buttons. "

As his anxiety goes down, he feels his frustration rise. _Distracted again! But it never helps!_ He drops the fidget toy.

"Wait, no! We do this too much!" he looks up to see Roman coloring, Logan solving a Rubik's cube, and Thomas watching TV. Thomas and Patton start talking about how he should watch a new show, and Virgil feels himself getting distracted again, but he refuses to comply this time. _Is it always this hard when we don't contain the issues bubbling beneath the surface? Damn!_

"This is part of the problem. We keep having this same problem, but instead of facing it and fixing it, we just...find a distraction."

Logan joins in by agreeing this cyclical process of arguing then distracting has been ongoing for quite some time. Patton jumps in to point out that this might be why Thomas feels weird. The distraction pulls on them by Thomas and Patton starting a wordplay loop, then trying to identify good type of loops. _Fruit loops are apparently the only one that meet Patton's standards, huh._ Virgil throws more anxiety at Thomas until he asks how to get out of the loop. _Now we are getting somewhere._

"The situation is pretty cut-and-dry, isn't it? You guys just cut it out." Virgil points at Roman and Logan when saying this, who immediately protest that they are innocent. Which is normal for those two, but Thomas surprises Virgil.

"Yeah, I gotta say I don't see anything wrong there either." _Thomas, you have a shit ton of anxiety in you right now. How can you possibly be able to ignore this?!? Maybe we can't get through until we get the shadow? Cool, so we just need to end this mess and Janus, Remus and I can increase our searches._

With that plan in mind, Virgil gives up fighting. Thomas asks Logan, who claims he is fine. He then asks Roman, who claims they should get naked to think better. Virgil reflexively puts a stop to that one. _Getting a little too close to your brother's reasoning when he is flustered, Roman. If your next idea has anything to do with getting dirty-_

Patton gasps, pulling Virgil out of his thoughts - _distracted again!_ \- and explains that the reason we are having this issue is because Thomas doesn't know. Logan then pipes in with a translation that Thomas does not know the question he should be asking to find the issue that is bothering him. _Looks like we are going to actually make some strides forward because of Patton._

Now thinking about it, Virgil realizes that Patton is normally the one distracting, not the one distracted. _Is he not - or less- effected by this loop than the rest of us?_ It gives him hope they might be able to work this out now instead of having to come back to it over and over again.

"Alright, come on guys! We've got an issue. Something that I'm not aware of yet, something that may be unlocked with the right question. This is like... fundamental learning! How did I used to learn things?"

" Textbooks." "Mistakes." "Mistakes." "Puppets!"

Before Virgil can even comment on Patton's contribution of puppets, Logan is telling Thomas to ignore him. Virgil reminds Thomas that Patton was the one that figured out which direction to go in the first place, only to have Roman side with Logan. _Considering listening to you two hasn't helped, I am going with whatever Patton meant by puppets._

The explanation is for them to turn into puppets like sesame street to help Thomas learn. Thomas loves the idea, even though Virgil has some concerns. He watches as Patton scares the crap out of Thomas by turning into a paperbag puppet and Roman goes all out with the felt puppet. _Not sure HOW this helps, but what type of puppet should I be_? He pictures a simple design and comes up with a sock puppet. _Just like turning into Talyn that one time. Just got to breathe and -_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puppet Time!!


	40. …and Learning New Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The puppets sing their problems away

" Yes, I am a puppet. Here to take you on a magical journey through your feel-" Even trying to act like a puppet helper makes Virgil regret his choices. "Oh this was a mistake. I can't do this."

Thomas loves it though, so Virgil decides to stay in character. _What is the worse that can happen? I mean other than getting stuck as a sock forever and someone putting me in the wash accidentally-_ He forcefully turns his attention to everyone else trying to convince Logan to change as well. _To be completely accurate, Patton and Thomas are trying and Roman is taunting him. Wonder when the argument will start-_

Logan screams and throws a balled up index card at Roman, hitting him in the eye. Of course Roman screams bloody murder and Patton looks shocked.

"Geez, L, that was pretty rough." Virgil tells Logan, who already looks shocked and almost scared at what just happened. That is not a normal look for the logical Side. _Something is really going on with him if he is reacting so differently from normal._ Virgil feels guilty because he can't remember the last time he had one on one conversation with the logical Side. Or any Side, for that matter. _I have been comfortable hanging with the group without making sure they are all okay…That has got to change!_

Logan tries to leave, but Patton reels him back in with the help of Thomas promising he does not have to be a puppet. Virgil is optimistic that with the four of them helping they can get through whatever is bothering Thomas -

"Well, we could start by having an open and honest conversation about our feelings." _Nope! Patton has lost me._ A quick look around reveals that Virgil is not the only one to reject Patton's offer, with Roman and Thomas both disagreeing and Logan acting like he had not heard it at all.

Unfortunately for Thomas, and fortunately for Virgil, Patton starts asking Thomas about how they got into the loop again. The answers are a little different this time, causing Virgil to straighten up. Instead of it being about the actual loop, they have morphed into asking why Thomas should be feeling bad in the first place with all his blessings. _Ah the good-old feeling bad if you feel bad because others have it worse off. We can work with that! If Thomas fixes his problems then he won't feel bad, breaking the loop for feeling bad for feeling bad!_

Patton is trying to get Thomas to look closer at his feelings when Virgil interrupts.

"Maybe you won't have to understand your feelings if you fix the problem." He proceeds to go over his points from before, hoping for different reactions like Patton had. Be he only got the same pushback from Logan and Roman until Thomas steps in to break it up.

"Okay. I think it's clear... that pointing fingers is getting us nowhere. So, let's avoid that." Virgil sighs and slumps back. He is SURE those two's arguing is part of the problem, so if they can cut each other some slack Thomas should be able to breathe. _I was trying to point out a problem, not point fingers…_

Thomas questions Logan about his thoughts on the matter, who brings things back to asking what the question really is. Patton, again surprising Virgil, catches on the fastest and starts asking Thomas questions starting with why Thomas makes videos. It seemed like a strange rabbit trail to Virgil until -

"Why did your old friend's question stick with you?"

"Because... Because I always wonder if I'm doing the right thing for a living." _Hot Damn we actually got somewhere! We have a path forward!_

Logan pounces on that, coming up with four reasons that may be why Thomas doubts his job choice; no job security, too much responsibility, his work is inessential, and no one takes him seriously. At the beginning of the list, Virgil was playing them off as anxious comments he could use later, complete with lightning effects flashing in the background. The tone of the last one revealed a little too much about how Logan is feeling.

"Sheesh, ya sloppily eat some jam, accidentally make a few puns, and now you're all sensitive about not being taken seriously?" Virgil mutters, and watches Logan's almost desperate denial of being a joke. He recovers from his slip with a more sensible wording of that statement, but the emotion coming through on the initial reaction tells its own story. _Who made you feel like you were a joke?_

"- there will be times in which I must be heeded and given our... current circumstances... I clearly haven't been. " A pang hits Virgil, the words so similar to what he thought before he was accepted. He wants to support Logan's decision, but that decision is to change his life completely and that is not something Virgil can get on board without careful consideration. He tries to word it nicely, only to have Logan act like Virgil scoffed at his ideas.

Thomas hesitantly brings up that needing a life change may the cause to his mixed feelings, and Virgil is unable to hold in how much he hates that idea.

"Thomas, don't start. I have plenty of hate to go around…"

Patton butts in before Thomas can respond. "Oh, very funny, Virgil, ya cute little muffin! Thomas, you know, he doesn't mean it." _Great, and now I feel like I am not being heard._ He doesn't mind getting nicknames and having puns thrown at him by Patton, but him acting like Virgil can't grab Thomas by the throat with his shadows and break him down into a sobbing mess if need be does not help anyone. _And I need to tell Patton that or be a hypocrite not sharing his feelings… Shit._

Patton calls Logan's thoughts helpful for bringing up real topics to the table, only to have Roman immediately call Logan the worst and the problem. _God, he is so not helping anything!_

"Could you even contribute like an ounce of constructive input to our conversation today, Doctor Do-the-Most?" Virgil snaps, starting a back and forth with Roman until Thomas steps in again. Roman immediately caves admitting that he knows he is not being helpful and feels bad. Only to apologize to Logan instead of Virgil. Virgil tries to let it go, because he knows Roman apologizing to Logan is the better step forward anyway. _Still not happy about being ignored for one._

That was not enough for Roman, especially Logan's lackluster response to it. Virgil should have expected what would come next, but it still took him by surprise when the first notes started playing. _Guess we are getting another song._

Roman restates what happened and how he shouldn't retaliate, making Virgil roll his eyes. _Is this song just going to be about how he is great for not throwing something back?_

"~Sometimes the problems at play are not all plain to see. So, we lash out at our loved ones disregarding our bonds' sanctity!~" Virgil stops and stares at Roman. _So he is admitting that there is something else going on._ He leans forward waiting for Roman to give them some insight, only for Patton to take over and express his recent issue of hiding his sadness. _We need to come back to Roman though, because he definitely has something to share._

"~ you don't have to hide your pain. Life without rainy days is incomplete!~" Patton goes off on a tangent about the circle of life, and Virgil waits for Roman to jump in. When instead Logan tries to stop the song, he knows he has to keep it going.

"On the subject of storm clouds... Cause, ya know... you need storm clouds to make... rain--I'm just gonna get into it," _Nailing it already. Fuck this is going to suck._ Virgil takes a breath and speaks honestly to the group about his change in the group.

"~

You once knew me as real gloomy. This weird, spooky, broody dude because I knew you'd listen to me as too scary to ignore. I thought that I could take it, all the hate could just be shaken, But when you lo... CARE for someone, not much hurts more than their scorn. I also felt bad.

~"

"Come now…" _Roman is comforting me ? That is nice._

"~In a different way.~"

"Different how?" _Thomas over there, asking the questions I don't like answering._

"~

By 'bad', I mean, well, 'mean', but I did what I thought that I had to... which is bad, too! I don't have to act all tough.

~"

"~Sometimes love is enough.~"

"~Or what we need!~"

Thomas then Patton finish off that idea. Virgil sighs out shakily, happy his turn is over. Except Logan again tries to end the song by pointing out that they already knew all of that. _Yeah, well, add some new content to the table if you don't want it to be a review, Logan!_

Thomas and Logan start arguing. Virgil knows that both Logan and Thomas may have points to whatever they are saying, but no one can hear them. _Two people desperate to be heard, yet drowning each other out with their volume._ Virgil glances over at Roman, then back at Logan. _Is that what they have been doing? And we haven't heard them?_ He tried reaching Logan.

"HEY!" everyone looks at him and a swell of anxiety hits. He grits his teeth, determined to do something that will get through Logan's wall.

"~You're lost.~"

"I'm right here."

"~It's okay.~"

"You're acting weird…"

"~I was lost once, too, but thanks to all of you, life sucks less now.~"

Thomas, Roman and Patton come in for the next line, so they see where he is going with the song "~We're your best pals!~"

"~No one wants to be a joke-~"

"But a life free of jokes is incomplete!" _Okay, NOT what I was going to say, but that works too._

Logan has calmed down now, and has a more considering look on his face, even if there is still confusion there. _All you need is a little break in the wall, then you can make it come tumbling down later._

Another bonus is that Roman starts singing. It starts as talking about how he is better than all of them, but Thomas calls him out on that being a front for the hurt he is hiding. _Nice catch._

"~You feel low~" Virgil tries, and gets rebuffed. Patton tries to reach him as well, only to he rebuffed too. Virgil thinks that they won't reach Roman, until Thomas adds a line.

"~You don't need to save face~" Virgil can work with that.

"~In almost any case, We'd embrace you.~" The second part of that is sung in chorus with Patton. _Of course he would dish out the hugs!_ Roman still looks unconvinced, so Virgil tries again.

"~No one hates you.~" That one seems to land with Roman, who just nods while looking down. _What happened to make him think he is hated? Add that to my list of things to find out!_

Virgil finishes out the song with Patton and Thomas emphasizing that all of them are needed. Even though Thomas doesn't mean it that way, Virgil hopes that Janus and Remus hear that. _He needs ALL his Sides. And he should know about them. Another thing for the list..._

The song seemed to do its job, because Thomas says he feels better. Virgil is glad, but he was hoping for a change with Roman and Logan. _They need help here too…_

Roman starts talking about knowing where some of the issues are coming from, and points at himself wanting everything perfect. _Well yeah, that is nothing new?_ Roman continues how it is hard to do that when it is critiques harshly by Logan, who seems surprised by this admission.

Virgil is shocked by the amount of real emotion in Roman's voice when he admits this. _He isn't acting, he really is getting hurt by the fights between them._ Virgil looks over to Logan to see how he will react, and notices that the wall of indifference has completely crumbled now. Instead, there is emotions flashing on Logan's face; hurt, confusion, sadness.

Logan's concession, that he does care about the quality as well as the schedule but doesn't know how to show it, is as emotional as Virgil has ever heard him. _I don't know this is all the issue, but it sounds like they are actually talking now._ He sighs, glad they were able to figure this out.

Logan seems to now be on board with their "silly" ways to work through things because he sees now that they are also constructive and effective. Virgil snorts.

"No matter what we do, logic always has a part to play, Logan." he points out to the logical Side.

"Maybe so. Perhaps there is room for me to participate in the conveyance of ideas through... unconventional means."

This causes a breakthrough for Thomas, who needed to hear that his work can be both creative and intelligent _. Ah, so the fighting between Roman and Logan may have made Thomas feel like they could never agree on his work. Makes sense. But there still should have been a full shadow for this!_ It leads to his epiphany that he never questioned others belittling his work, but his work can be taken seriously.

Patton turns back to his normal form only to come hug Virgil.

"Oh, don't hug me. I'm scared." _Oh shit, Remus is going to have fun with that..._

Logan apologizes and promises to be more open with what Roman shows him. This causes the creative Side to go back to human as well. Virgil sighs, _if the others are allowed to go back now I want to too_. He transforms back only to feel the tingle in his arms since he was unable to move them.

"Thank god, I can move my arms again." _Even though it hurts. Why do they tingle so much?!?_

Logan offers to make it up to Roman, and Virgil perks up. _What is he going to ask in response? The moon? A dance?_

"Yes, you can become a puppet" _Roman, you fool! You should have asked for the moon!_ To make sure Logan knows it was voluntary, Virgil adds "Only if you want to!"

Logan seems okay with changing and turns into a robot puppet. _I don't know why I expected anything else, really._

Everyone seems to have come to a happy conclusion, making Virgil fidget. _Okay, I need to do this in order to not be a hypocrite! Just get it over with!_

"Well, then, uhm... While we're talking about things, Patton."

"Yeah, kiddo?" _Deep breath and rip that band-aid off!_

"I don't always like... when you talk about me like I'm some... innocent, harmless... angel." _Fuck, I forgot Remus and Janus are watching this. They must be laughing at me…_ "It-It just- it kind of makes me feel weird. Not in a- Not in a... wei-uh... weird...way-um... It takes away some of my uh... Thunder…"

" Oh, okay! You got it, Virgil."

Roman and Logan high-five over supporting one another. Virgil is just happy that the daily warfare going on should be done with now.

"Virgil I owe you and Patton for pushing me to find a solution!" Thomas says, making Virgil uncomfortable. _Quick get the attention off me!_

"Like we said, a, uh... dynamic duo! High five?" _He hates us reaching across, so this should both freak him out and make Patton happy. Two birds with one stone!_

Logan asks at how to get to something, which Virgil, Roman, and Patton all fill in the obvious answer.

"~How to get to Sesame Street! ~" _I never knew he would line up a joke like that up for us_ Virgil muses as he sinks down. _I hope Thomas can help him with whatever his real question was!_


	41. Checking up ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dark Sides reactions to the last video, and Virgil chats with Logan and Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for Virgil to try again to talk to the Light Sides. It went so well with Patton!

Before he has fully risen up in his room, a body comes flying out and tackle-hugs him. "DON'T hug you? I CAN'T do that!" Janus laughs.

Virgil wiggles out from under the laughing Side all the while cursing him out. "REALLY?!? I would have thought Remus would have done that, but you Janus? Et tu?"

When he is finally free, a yellow glove smacks him in the face. _What the -_

"VIRGIL!" he whips around to see Remus standing in one corner of the room with a bloody sword at the ready and looking uncharacteristically serious. "I challenge you to a duel!"

Virgil catches the equally bloody sword thrown at him and he uses it to deflect Remus's first blow. "What?!? Why?"

"GREEN IS A CREATIVE COLOR!" _Oh shit, I forgot that was a line in the first video of the Don't Hug Me I'm Scared series!_ He also forgot Remus has a love-hate relationship with the series because of it. _To be fair-_

"I DIDN'T SAY IT WASN'T, YOU ASS!" That stops Remus's attacks as he tilts his head to the side.

"Huh, I guess you didn't. Well then - " Both swords disappear as Remus leaps into a tackle hug. "Don't hug you-"

"Janus already did that!" Virgil futilely protests, glaring at Janus who is STILL LAUGHING. "It isn't that funny!"

"You are NOT correct, Virgil. It ISN'T that funny." A groan burst out of him from having his own words used against him again.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laugh it up jerk." Virgil finally gets out from under Remus and goes over to sit on his bed. "But in all seriousness, why didn't we know about how much Thomas was upset? That should have shown itself as a full shadow, especially if it has been going on for as long as Roman and Logan have been fighting."

That sobered up the room, with Janus and Remus coming over to sit near Virgil. Janus sighed, "Yes, we had NOT come to the same conclusion while watching the vlog. But we still DO know where that shadow went!" Virgil gulped. _If they already looked for it but didn't find it, that is not good..._

Janus pauses to deeply inhale and exhale before continuing. "Fortunately, that shadow should have reverted back to a small one, if not dissipate completely, now that Thomas has NOT dealt with it."

At that statement, Virgil relaxes some. "That is good news. But it doesn't help us with future issues."

"Not that I think any of the shadows can get by us when we are all here, but we tested the closet door to make sure they weren't slipping in. It is solid." Remus adds. A manic glint is in his eye, showing how worried he is about the situation. "We are going to have to widen our search around the Dark Side. Maybe they found another path closer to the subconscious that connects the two areas…"

"And we WILL be going alone. With the increase of shadows, EVERYONE should be fighting them alone. That is an AWFUL way to get ambushed. Especially if we widen the patrols closer to the subconscious…"

Virgil groans and falls back. "All I am hearing is more fighting and less sleeping…"

They had done something similar before, once the shadow blitzes from Thomas's teenage years started to falter. It meant two sides up at all times together, and constant, short patrols. Though it sounds like the patrols will be longer, considering they rarely patrolled outside of their main area in the Dark Side. Being closer to the subconscious than the Light Side, it would twist and turn into a labyrinth of halls the farther you get away from the common room.

A thought hit Virgil and some curse words spilled out, catching the other Sides attention. "We can't do three eight hour shifts and each take two. I have lunches and movie nights with the Light Sides. We are going to have to split the sleep time into two pieces, and I am going to be with the Light Sides through some of mine…"

"Just until we DON'T find where that shadow went through." Janus sooths. "And you CAN'T sleep through the movies, so it will only be an hour off for lunch!"

"OR, you can get them to put on scary movies to keep you awake! Like that Spanish REC movie! You didn't sleep for days after that one!" Remus cheers, obviously proud he has come to a solution. Virgil hits him with a pillow. _If I didn't know he thinks that would truly help -_ he sighs.

"I need to check on Roman and Logan, because they were a little crazy in the video. Can we start this tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I am not looking forward to it either. It's like a bath; awful but inevitable. Tomorrow is fine with me."

"It is NOT fine with me as well. I will NOT need to divvy up the shifts."

Virgil gets up and heads to the bedroom door. "Then I might as well get the talks over with so I can sleep as much as I can tonight!"

\----

Logan is in his room when a soft knock on his door gets his attention. _Not loud enough to be Roman, and not to a tune which eliminates Patton. Next logical assumption is_ \- "Come in, Virgil."

"How- " the anxious Side mutters as he enters the room, then shakes his head. "Never mind. I wanted to talk to you if you had some time?"

"I am amenable to talking now." Logan watches as Virgil looks for another chair, then shrugs and sits on the bed. _No hesitation in sitting on another person's bed. Considering his anxious nature, that shows the action has been done enough for him to be comfortable with it._ "How may I assist you?"

"Well, that's the thing." Virgil's anxiety shows itself as he starts to fidget. "I am here to ask you if you need any help with anything. You seemed … upset in the last video."

Logan blinked, surprised. He had already had to fend off Patton's tray of cookies after the video, but had not expected anything from Virgil. _Is this strange behavior for the anxious Side? Unclear; need more data._ "That is kind of you, Virgil, but I believe we settled all our issues in the video."

Virgil caught and held Logan's stare. After a few seconds, he lifted his eyebrows and a small smile appeared. "Really, that is what you are going with? We didn't talk about what the hell happened to put you and Roman so at odds with each other." Logan starts to respond, only to be cut off.

"Because you aren't the only one that can do math. This had been going on at least a week before than Thomas's friend conversation, so that is not the root cause. It did seem like you two came to some sort of understanding, but unless there was a hell of a lot of subtext that I missed, the root cause of this thing was never addressed." _Astute; he caught the discrepancy of the start of the arguments versus Thomas's issues. I underestimated him._ Logan had predicted - _hoped_ \- that neither Patton nor Virgil had caught that. _I was right with Patton, but wrong with Virgil. How to proceed? A placation?_

"I appreciate the concern, but everything is under control-

"Control? You have it covered? Just got to get through this rough patch?" Virgil's stare darkened with each word. "Yeah, I don't buy that. You can tell me what's wrong, you can tell me you don't want to talk about it, you can even tell me to fuck off. But don't lie to me about everything being good!" _He did not take the deflection. Why?_

"Is there a reason you are taking such an aggressive stance with me?" Logan asks, running out of explanations for Virgil's change in attitude. _Is he upset about what happened in the video?_

Virgil laughs, startling Logan. A flash of purple briefly shows in Virgil's eyes. _What was that?_ "Aggressive? I haven't even begun to be aggressive. You think that Patton's disappointed look is the worst thing you are going to deal with if you really need help and you don't ask?" Pieces of the puzzle started to click into place. "Think again. You guys asked me to give you another chance. Well, that means you guys get to deal with me when I know you are lying to me!"

"Is this what you wanted when you ducked out? Someone to talk to? And now you are making sure I have it, as you see me in danger of isolating myself?"

"This isn't about what I wanted! This is about you, now! It was clear to me you did not realize that we cared about you, and you aren't talking to us." Virgil jumps up and grabs Logan's tie knot in his fist. _Faster reflexes than even Roman. Is it because of him being Thomas's fight or flight response, or does he train?_

"I am going to make this nice and clear. Patton cares about you, Roman cares about you, Thomas cares about you, I care about you. And if you need to talk to someone, if you need a quiet place to relax, if you even need help with your workload, we are all here to help you. So, Logan, I'll ask again. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Where were you when you ducked out? What was your endgame?" Logan's eyes widened. He did not mean to ask those questions, but they had been in the back of his mind since Roman first brought it up. He can't get rid of them, no matter how hard he works on something else. Virgil let go of Logan's tie and sighed. The logical Side looked down and straightened it, expecting to hear his bedroom door close.

"So you figured out that ducking out doesn't mean closing your eyes and covering your ears." Logan quickly looked up to see Virgil slumping down on the bed. "Yeah, I was going to sink into the subconscious. And I was in my room - my real room, not my mindscape - when I did it." _I did not expect him to give any information on this, much less be as blunt about it._

"Then did our traveling to your mindscape wake you up?" Virgil stares hard at Logan before replying slowly. "I am only going to give you these details in case you are worried about someone else - maybe you or another Side - ducking out. No. What you did had no affect on what I was doing. We all got lucky that another series of events happened to get me to wake up. I doubt I would have woken up otherwise." _The Dark Sides, he is talking about them doing something when he ducked out. Do they care about him? Is their actions now based on that?_

"Now that I have answered your question, can you answer mine? What happened to get you so upset?" Logan debated how to answer. _He was honest about a question he normally avoided. I cannot do anything less._

"I was working on a problem with Roman. We were unable to find an easy answer, and things got heated. We left on bad terms, and I have been struggling with the problem since."

"Is there anything I can do to help you with that problem?" It was clear Virgil had caught how carefully Logan had worded the answer, but wasn't debating it. _It seems he meant it when he said that he would accept not talking about it. At least, for now._

"Not now, but I might ask you for assistance in the future." _If I can find a way to ask without alienating you. Considering how much that has been shared today, that might not be as big of an issue as I feared._ More surprising was the affect his words had on Virgil, the aggressive stance softened, and the fidgeting was back.

"Okay, in that case, I think I am going to go. But if you need to chat or whatever, just let me know." And with that, Virgil walked swiftly out of the room.

\----

Virgil closes Logan's door and collapses into a sitting position. "Geez, I did the same thing to Patton. I get too mad at what is going on and I get aggressive."

The lie set him off, pulling at the paranoia - and therefore the fight reflex - within him. _Why would he need to lie? What is he hiding? Is he out to get you_? Virgil is not used to being able to lie when talking with the others when dealing with issues. It was better to just say what the problem was and deal with the aftermath than to lie around Janus. Having Janus around constantly broke Remus and him of that habit.

 _Or at least until I got far enough away to think it was a good idea. And I am not going to go down that road again!_ "Come on! I need to check on Roman, so I need to do better!" he mutters to himself as he gets back up. He looks over and sees Roman's door. _Better get this over with…_ Virgil knocks on the door.

\----

Roman starts at the knock on his door. He goes over and swings it open. "Who is here to bask in the glow that is me- Virgil?!?"

Virgil pushes his way inside the room, then turns to look at Roman. "Can we talk?"

"I, uh, am not quite sure what you want to talk about?" Roman hesitantly responds. He had heard that Virgil knocked on Patton's door once, but he was not sure why the anxious Side would do so for him.

Virgil looks around then smirks at Roman. "Can I take a seat?"

"Oh, of course. Where are my manners! A Prince should never let a guest be left standing!" He grandly gestures over to the desk chair, as he sits at the edge of his bed. "Now what do I owe for the pleasure of your company?"

"I wanted to ask you if everything is okay?" _Is this about the video? Or does he know something about what the Dark Sides are doing?_ Virgil waits a beat but when Roman doesn't respond he continues. "You should know I talked to Logan because he also seemed to be in a bad place last video. He told me that you guys had a fight about a 'problem' but didn't tell me what it was and refused help for it. " Virgil's eyes widened and he leaned forward "You don't have to either! I just wanted to see if you needed help in general, that's all…"

 _Virgil, VIRGIL, is checking up on us? Have we been that bad?_ Roman battles with spilling everything to the gloomy Side, but he did not want to get the Virgil more involved if the Dark Sides did hurt him. _I will protect him from their vile ways! But… what do I say instead?_

Roman rubs the back of his neck, causing his shirt to shift some. He was too busy trying to figure out an answer to see Virgil's eye lock on his revealed shoulder. He did catch the flare of purple that crossed Virgil's eyes, especially since the anxious Side had gotten up to stand over him. _What?_

"Why do you have a bruise?" Roman freezes, realizing the bruise from one of the shadow's attacks must have peeked out of his shirt. He rallies since bruises are not COMPLETELY UNCOMMON in the Imagination. _It just has been a long while since I have gotten any I did not want for a story…_ "Being a Prince, I must fight the villains in the Imagination. Sometimes that means getting a few heroic bruises."

Virgil frowned, looking worried. "Wait, you actually get HURT in the Imagination? It's not just…pretend?" Roman stiffens up at that accusation.

"Pretend? The Imagination is made of hopes and dreams, and is serious!" _Is that what he thinks I do?_ He gets ready to defend his honor when Virgil cuts in.

"Then who is your backup?"

"I am a Prince, I do not need backup-"

"EVERYONE needs backup, Roman! Do you have any?"

"I have my loyal subjects in the kingdom-"

"But they didn't help you avoid that bruise?" _Ah, trapped!_

"Um, no…" Some of the ire in Roman extinguishes with that question. _I can only answer the general questions about the bruise truthfully…_

Virgil stares at him a bit longer, obviously waiting for an answer. When Roman just looks at the ground, Virgil sighs. "Okay, you don't want to talk about it. Fine. But you have to make me a promise instead."

Roman looks over at the anxious Side and sees the flash of purple again. _What does that mean?_ "What promise?"

"You have to promise me you will call me if you are in over your head in there." Roman stares at the normally quiet Side incredulously. _He has no idea how good the fighters are in there. He can't be serious! Has he ever fought anyone? Maybe when the Dark Sides attacked him?_

Picking up on the doubt that must be written over his face, Virgil starts to glare. "Hey! I would be better in a fight than Patton and Logan. Don't give me that look! Promise or I start trying to follow you into the Imagination!"

Roman can't have that! "Fine I promise!" Virgil stares at him a little longer, checking to make sure he means it.

"Okay. Good! And you know if you need to talk to someone you can, right?"

"I am well aware that Patton's door is always open-"

"I meant me, you obtuse - You can come to me as well if you need it. But if you want to talk to Patton, that works too."Virgil shoves his hands deeper in his pockets and turns to head towards the door.

"I didn't mean- "

"It's fine Princey, just don't forget your promise!" And with that the dark emotional whirlwind that is Virgil leaves his room. Roman collapses back on the bed and stares at the ceiling.

"What just happened?"

\----

After getting mad at BOTH people he was trying to help, he decided that he had done enough for the day. He wearily makes his way to his room.

"That was fucking draining. And I haven't even started patrol yet..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Virgil is used to yelling and getting aggressive to show you care. So I think it went GREAT! :)


	42. … And Getting Knocked Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus talks to Roman, and the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus angst you guys. I am sorry!

Remus waves off Janus and Virgil for their patrol. His two four hour breaks are 1-5 AM and PM. Virgil took the 9-1 blocks and Janus got the other eight hours. He had slept through his first break, and doesn't really need a lot of sleep. _Or, I don't get a lot of sleep from the thoughts I have, so might as well not even try!_

So instead of heading over to Virgil's room to nap, he makes his way to his room. _Where his door to the Imagination is._

Virgil had mentioned last night that Roman gets bruised in the Imagination. He had seen that in some of Thomas's more volatile years, but not recently. _Did I miss my bro hurting?_ The thought did not sit well, so he was going to check up just to be sure. He fights the shadows so Roman can be the happy Creativity that he wants to be. If that is not what is happening, then he wants to help his brother.

When he gets to the clearing where Roman is sitting, it looked like he had been fighting for a while. _Going for the weary hero cliché?_ After a quick look at his brother, Remus senses two more bruises on him. One on his chest and one on his shin. However, they were both old and healing, nowhere as fresh as the bruise Virgil caught sight of. _I am really liking this power boost from the Light Side! I don't have to worry about my brother as much!_

Relieved that it looks like Roman is barely bruised, and not heavily beaten - because that thought followed him around all night - Remus strolls out chuckling. "Hey Romano, how have you been?"

He freezes when he sees the pure rage in his brother's eyes _. Who is he mad at? Who do I have to kill?_

"YOU! How dare you show your face to me!" _What? Me?_ Remus scrambles to figure out what Roman can be mad about _. Is it all the possums I put on the brighter side of the Imagination? They wouldn't make it on my side!_

"Now bro, don't you think you are overreacting here?"This was apparently the wrong tactic to take, as a nuclear explosion of anger can be seen in Roman's eyes.

"Overreaction. After what you did, what you are DOING? You are awful! Deceit is awful! I don't want to talk to you anymore!"

They had had their squabbles over the years, but those words have never been uttered before. _What is going on?!?_ "Hey bro, come on. We can chat about-"

"I don't want anymore of your chats! I don't want to talk to you! I can't believe you would do something like this! Why?!?"

"I don't know what -"

"You don't know why you are doing this?!? What type of answer is that?" Roman inhales then turns his back on Remus.

Remus feels his heart shatter from that movement. _No! What- what is going on? Why won't he tell me?!?_

"Roman please listen-"

"No! Your answers speak for themselves. You are a danger to Thomas, and a danger to the Light Sides. I don't want to talk to you anymore." Roman continues to face away from Remus the entire time. _Roman, look at me! What is going on? What do I need to do to help?!?_

"But -"

"NO! I refuse to continue talking to anyone that would attack - that would - no. Remus, you are awful, and I can't defend you any longer. You are on your own." Roman walks towards his room, leaving Remus reeling.

_I knew he didn't like me sometimes, but it was worth it to protect him. I never knew he hated me this much._ Tears stream down Remus's face, unheeded by the chaotic Side, as he runs back to his room. When he gets there, he looks blankly at the walls filled with grotesque pictures and graffiti. _Maybe Roman is right, and I AM awful. I don't mean to be..._ On autopilot he makes his way to Virgil's room, and borrows his weighted blanket. _Not as strong as Roman's hugs, but I'm never going to get those anymore._

Janus and Virgil find him, three hours later, with tears rolling down his face and pulling the weighted blanket tight against him.

\----

Virgil stares incredulously at Remus. He has seen Remus take the worst thoughts that pop into Thomas's mind with barely a wince, and here he is completely broken. He keeps pulling the blanket around himself, so Virgil uses his six arms to squeeze Remus into the tightest hug he can.

"What happened?"

"Roman never wants to speak to me again." Virgil looks at Janus questioningly. He know the brothers argue, but that is a new threat from Roman.

"Maybe he is just angry-"

"He called me AWFUL and told me I was on my OWN! How can I protect him if I am on my own…" The sniffles from the normally unfazed Side breaks Virgil's heart, and sets of a firestorm of rage.

"You ARE on your own!" Janus yells, adding his six arms to the Remus hug.

Remus let's out a watery laugh "I know what you are saying, but man that sounds awful… And that is coming from me…"

Virgil and Janus look over Remus's crying head, the rage in each resonating with the other. "I think that the other Sides DON'T need a reminder in fear."

"I can probably get them to do a Halloween episode that we can take over." Virgil murmurs. "But Remus, I am going to need help with the costume. To scare the others. Will you help?"

A few sniffles happen before Remus finally answers. "Will we get to use blood?"

"I will volunteer to be a Vampire." Virgil promises.

"…Okay. I can help."

\----

It was stupidly easy to get the Light Sides to agree to a Halloween episode. Roman seemed eager to dress up, grating on Virgil. He hides his fury though, so Roman won't know what hits him in the video.

They agree to allow Virgil to convince Thomas of the episode theme as they coordinate their costumes. _While they are worrying about that, I will be reminding Thomas why he should listen to me. Because I am almost ready to burn his world to the ground over what was done to Remus._ _Oh, and to help if we have more shadow problems. But mostly Remus._

Janus and Virgil had made sure that if they were not there for Remus, then Hissy Fit was. Virgil even lets him sleep with his octopus and snake stuffed animals, who immediately get the names Scuba doo and Monty the Python respectively. That seemed to help, as Remus was closer to his normal self as long as no one mentioned Roman.

They continue forward with their Halloween episode until one day Remus declares that he will be in Virgil's costume.

"But why?"

"Because it might be the only chance to be in the same room as Thomas." That comment broke down any argument about being up there from Virgil, whose heart was aching. "Plus, you might need someone with conjuring powers for effects. We all saw your 'scary' lightning from the last video. So either me or Janus."

Virgil wants to argue, but Remus was not wrong. And considering Janus had already been up there with Thomas, it didn't feel right leaving Remus again if they could sneak him in. Though he didn't have to hide...

"But you can just lay down at the top of the stairs if you want. Or change into a small person up there instead of having to cling to my back!"

"But then I don't get to have an awkward hug the whole video! Or are you going to give me one when we aren't pranking the others?"

"…Just make sure you can fit under the cape…"

They started planning on Remus turning into an octopus to hide in Virgil's cape _. This is the least of the things that I would do to make him happy again…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought Virgil's conjuring abilities skyrocketed from the lightning effect to turning changing everyone. So now we have Remus tagging along! And after what just happened, how is Virgil supposed to say no?
> 
> NOTE: for any re-reading, I had to update the patrol times in order to match with the rest of the story and actually be 4 hour blocks each.


	43. Phases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Embarassing Phases video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> underlined words are whispered because I can't change font size here.

When the episode finally comes, Virgil is ready. Except-

 _"_ Why the Hell is Thomas in a Christmas hat?!? All the Light Sides worked on their costume theme, but Thomas doesn't know? Did Logan and Roman not put Halloween in their schedule?!? _"_

"You need to change it back to Halloween! And when you do, summon me when you put on your outfit! Then the awkward hug can begin!"

Virgil and Remus were about to do their patrol of the Dark Side together, and Janus is taking his free time to clean some of the common areas since they are now visiting it more. They sprint back to his room in time for Thomas to cheer for Christmas and Virgil hastily rises up. 

"NO!" He tries to get Thomas to guess what holiday they haven't covered - _LOOK AT ME, WHAT HOLIDAY WOULD I LIKE?!?_ \- only for Thomas to start listing a very oddly ordered set of holidays. _Why was Easter his first guess? Then St. Patrick's Day?_ After two more guesses, Virgil is about to call it quits and just leave. _Seriously, why is this so hard?_

"Halloween?"

"Yes" Virgil distractedly says before realizing that Thomas FINALLY GUESSED RIGHT! "yes, YES!" Thomas is celebrating his victory looking away from Virgil. While he is distracted, Virgil whisper-summons Remus and his costume. He feels Remus's octopus arms grab onto his ribs and tighten just enough to hang on. _And here we go!_

He starts to kneel down in his normal place, but realizes that the others would see him there. The tiniest whisper of "stairs" reaches his ear from behind him, so he moves over there. Thomas is obviously confused by what he is doing, so he lets his host know he will be scaring the other Sides out of their pants.

"Umm…" _Oh no, he is going to spoil this for us!_

"Affectionately! And then I'm going to, affectionately, scare them so freaking bad, they'll wet those same pants after they put them back on!" He adds a maniacal laugh for fun only to hear Remus add some thunder sounds in the background. _This is why Remus is here. To help add atmosphere!_ Virgil was a little upset that he hadn't thought of that, but also glad Remus is participating.

Luckily, Thomas doesn't seem to be in the mood to stop him. Virgil tells him to ignore him, only to watch Thomas try to use a floss packet as a spider web shooter for the spider-man costume he has on. _Well at least I can get behind the costume idea, if not the awful accessories._

Soon enough, Roman and Logan rise up in their costumes, a mummy and Frankenstein's monster respectively. Virgil internally agrees with Thomas that they put a lot of thought into their costumes. _And yet no one told Thomas what we were planning?!? Oh well, just need to wait until Patton gets here._ _At least the other two Sides have not noticed me._

He smirks when Thomas questions why Logan chose the monster instead of the doctor. That had been a fun lunch time to watch Logan blue-screen after Roman's comment-

"Roman said, and I quote, 'That dude sounds like a Grade D dork. You should be the scary monster instead. You know, the real Frankenstein.'" _Yeah, that did it for poor Logan. He froze for a whole minute until even Roman was worried about him. The head banging on the table after that was perfectly understandable._

Finally Patton rises up looking more like a half-done dog costume than the wolf man he had signed up for. The others noticed, and a discussion about Patton's costume goes on for way too long. _He is never going to dress scary guys, just forget it._

Thomas does catch Roman saying that they planned on wearing scary costumes and questions why he wasn't told. _That is a very astute question Thomas!_ Virgil can't wait to hear their answer-

"I literally don't know how. We discussed it in your head." _OH MY GOD, REALLY ROMAN!_ "Idiots" he whispers as low as he can and feels Remus pulse his tentacles in likely agreement.

Virgil was also not expecting the reminder of how much Patton doesn't like spiders as he freaks himself out talking about Thomas's costume. _Always good to be reminded that Patton would most likely pass out if he saw my spider arms..._

Roman starts to define scary, giving Virgil the opening he was hoping for. "showtime"

"Scary is more like, uhhh…"

"Like THIS?!?" He can feel the cherry flavored "blood" dripping out of his mouth and off of the knife that appeared in his left hand. It had been an epic battle to get Remus to agree NOT to use real blood. Remus had also conjured some hazy smoke that billowed around him. _Not bad if I do say so myself._

Except no one reacted! "Are you kidding me? I spent all day working on this. Be afraid. Be very afraid!"

"Oh, sorry bud. I just don't think that we find you as scary anymore." Virgil has to resist the urge to throw the knife in his hands REALLY close to Thomas's face _. I won't hit him, just let out a little frustration. Nah, Remus has a card about "not throwing things at people just because they are being stupid" which means I would hear about it from Janus._

"What?!?"

"Oh, but that's good! You're part of the group now! You work with us instead of... against us? Let me rephrase that, okay? Um…" Logan fortunately steps in while Thomas flounders. Unfortunately, he takes the floor to berate Virgil on not scaring Thomas and how he needs to keep Thomas at the optimum point of tension. And how Thomas not feeling anxiety's effects.

Virgil opens his mouth to point out he wasn't trying to scare Thomas, only the three other Sides when he feels Remus tighten his tentacles again. "we can work with this. To get Thomas to respect you. Play dumb at first." Virgil is unsure, but is willing to let Remus drive the choices for now.

So when Patton asks for him to do "his voice thing", he growls and uses a sound effect to enhance the noise instead of his real Tempus Tongue. Patton's acting is almost as bad as Logan's romancing, and culminates to making a pun holding up his pants.

"Put your pants back on! Don't patronize me."

"You mean 'pant-ronize'?" A soft snort comes from behind Virgil at Patton's new pun. Thomas jumps back into the fray, talking about how they understand now.

"Understand what?"

"Your being scary was really mainly a thing when you were isolating yourself, before you knew a better way to help me. Now that we've broken down that wall, you don't have to, you know, keep up the act."

"Oh my god! This is gold!" Remus is shaking with silent laughter and Virgil really hopes he doesn't either make his cape shake or fall off from laughing too hard. He is starting to get offended by the things that Thomas "understands". _It seems like Patton wasn't the only one thinking me harmless!_

"Act?"

"Well, you know, not an act, but a phase." That is worse in Virgil's opinion, because at least an act can be turned on and off whereas once a phase ends it is usually gone.

"Well, sure. Everyone goes through phases. They're embarrassing, but we get over them. We're all just happy you're embracing who you truly are now, so we can be pals." Virgil stares at Patton. _Who I am? You think that THIS is all that I am?_

"Listen. We may be friends, but that doesn't mean I can't scare you anymore. I'm your anxiety. That is what I do." _But apparently I have been using too much control lately, trying not to let me freaking out affect Thomas. And that is causing Thomas to underestimate me. Shit!_

Logan has the gall to ask him how hard it is to distress someone, then proceed to cause Thomas's anxiety to spike pointing out that Thomas only has a finite amount of time to make everything.

"Oh, jeez, dude." _Making me work harder by adding to the workload? Thanks…_

Thomas is adamant that he wants the 'scary anxiety' phase to be over. Virgil feels like he is being talked down to, like he is being patronized. _Flashing lights aren't really what truly scare you Thomas, and I can prove it._ "When I raise my hand, black out the room and change one of them into bad cosplay. Oh, and a flashlight" he whispers to Remus as Thomas continues his little speech. He quickly glances around, but everyone is looking at Thomas.

"The phases I've gone through are in the past. And I feel like I can finally be my real self now." _Perfect cue!_

"Interesting perspective, Thomas." He raises his hand and Remus acts mumbling a soft "Logan" as a flashlight appears in his hands. "Get rid of black when I snap" Virgil whispers under the other Sides reacting to the pitch black. When they stop, he shines the light on his face.

"You know, I'm glad you brought up those phases you went through. Let's talk about those." He snaps, and Remus pulls off the black in a nice dark cloud, revealing Logan last. _Damn, he is right that he is way better than me at conjuring. Is this what it feels like to be able to do good effects?_

The bad cosplay of Frankenstein, just a foam hat and a jacket really, elicits actual jumps from the others in the room.

"Anyone remember Thomas's … **cosplay phase**??" More smoke and thunder from Remus as he uses his Tempus Tongue.

Logan is offended that his costume was changed, Thomas's anxiety rises a little remembering how bad he was at it, Roman is devastated in remembering how they weren't good, and Patton is trying to be supportive. Virgil pokes at both Roman and Thomas by calling the cosplays gargantuan failures only to be warned by Patton and yelled at by Roman.

However, Logan seems to realize there is a lesson in this, and starts talking about psycho-social development and how this is an example of Industry versus Inferiority. _Those are a lot of big words…_ but is does seem like Logan is getting the gist of what Virgil wanted to prove to Thomas. _You moved forward with the things you were good at because of the failures you had with other things. The failure being cosplay._

Thomas realizes that he met a lot of friends while failing at cosplay and he had fun. Roman encourages him to revisit cosplaying, leading Virgil to tell Thomas to let the past die. _Because that is what you want me to do, right? You can't revisit a phase once it is over, right Thomas?_

Patton also encourages him to retry if he wants to.

"You know, you're right! And- I feel like I've also probably improved since then, with all the costuming for videos. That time in my life might have been an essential steppingstone"- "fake rock left hand" comes from behind him as something forms in his hand -" in order to get to where I am today."

"Steppingstone? More like throwing stone!" Virgil throws the 'fake' rock at Thomas, expecting it to be soft. But the sound of it hitting Thomas in the face made it clear that it still had some heft to it. He feels Remus shaking with laughter again. _Fucking Dick!_

He quickly apologizes, pointing out that it was supposed to scare Thomas. He tries to recover pointing out that Thomas must be going through a phase of pain - W _ell, that sucked, but seriously which phase next?_ \- and apologizes again.

Logan has the gall to call his change in clothing not scary, so Virgil threatens him with Thomas's girl phase - _which is close to what I want, but not right. I need something with more angst._ \- While Thomas and the others joke about him acting like he liked girls _\- see, not scary enough_ \- Virgil whispers.

"Snap fingers, emo outfit." Patton makes it easy to tell who the next person is going to be by volunteering. Virgil snaps his fingers and Remus only clouds Patton this time, revealing the happy side in a stereotypical emo outfit but still keeping the large dog ears hanging by his face. Virgil has fun announcing the emo phase, posing for the black mist and sound effects Remus pulls.

He tries not to laugh as Patton starts to freak out about that phase in Thomas's life, pulling Logan along with him. Roman seems pretty unaffected, making song references and riffing a Paramore chorus until Virgil tells him to stop.

Virgil focuses back on Thomas. "Being old enough to comprehend depressing realities, but still too young to wrap your head around why things are the way they are, resulted in you becoming... a little try-hard. You only made things worse for yourself by dressing in a way that was so wannabe edgy... You were just... making it way too easy to insult you." _All the fucking shadow blitzes and screaming myself hoarse. Those memories drive Janus, Remus and me to try to help you before you get to that point ever again._

Roman mumbles something, causing Virgil to ask "what?". Roman goes off on not expecting "that" to work and Virgil hears a snort and more laughter shaking on his back. _At least Remus is having fun with whatever Roman is doing._

"Shut up! " He turns back to Thomas."Also, what were you thinking going to events like Warped Tour? You hate crowds!"

Logan takes the spotlight to inform Thomas about the identity versus role confusion psychosocial development, which basically boils down to figuring out where you belong by trying different things. Also that you can get an identity crisis if this doesn’t go well. _Do we really need the name of every stage, Logan?_ Virgil jumps in with his point.

"An identity crisis that clearly hasn't ended. I mean, what am I, other than a highly condensed ball of angst whose style is a relic from that time in your life?" _Whose major skills were developed protecting you in this time?_

Patton jokes about being style buddies, but the point seems to be getting through to Thomas. He talks about how Anxiety was not a part of the decision making at the time and how he was so scared before trying to understand new feelings. _And I was trying so hard for you to hear me then...  
_

Thomas admits singing the angsty songs and going to the concerts gave him a sense of community. "Honestly, that was a time where I developed a lot of the values I still believe in today."

However, he makes the STUPID assertion right after that epiphany. "I don't think I really have any other embarrassing ph- mm, 'embarrassing' phases."

Even before Roman cheers that his costume will remain untouched, Virgil hears the same phase that he is thinking of whispered behind him. "Vine. Snap fingers."

"Princey, Princey, Princey... so naive." _You are the main reason I wanted to scare everyone. You really think you would remain untouched?_ With some slight hesitation - _What is Remus going to do? Tie him up in a vine that is trying to eat him?_ \- Virgil snaps his fingers. He quietly exhales in relief when he sees the burlap wrap covered with an obviously fake vine. _Honestly, the degradation in quality of his costume will hit him where it hurts._

It takes them a second, but all on them figure out what it is. "Yes, the **vine phase**!"

Roman tries to bluff that Vine wasn't bad. _Too easy._ Virgil then plays him one of Thomas's worse clips causing the others to start screaming. _I even got Logan on that one. Nice!_

Thomas tries to argue he is on YouTube now so it shouldn’t matter. _Because there are no vine compilations on YouTube…_ But that is not the anxiety he wants to give Thomas.

"Oh, Thomas... Vine may be dead, but it still haunts you like a malevolent apparition. Those were some of the earliest years in developing your voice as a creator... But no matter what you do, no matter what you try... you will never grow past it. Your tombstone will read: 'Here lies Thomas Sanders. Remember him? He was the Storytime Guy... on VINE!'"

Thomas freaks a bit, until Patton reigns him in, asking why that would be a bad thing. _Damn it Patton, I was starting to have fun!_ He also pulls Logan into explaining this phase as well. _Yeah, yeah, generatively versus stagnation stage or whatever. Just get to the point!_

Thomas realizes that if he hadn't done Vine, he would not be where he is today in his career _. There we go, putting the pieces together_! Logan tries to continue the explanation, only to have Patton redeem himself by playing another bad Vine freaking out Roman. _Ha!_

Logan takes over then. "Yeah. Ya boi has delivered some ill-conceived content, but that was part of his development. Similarly, if we hadn't endured those various cringe-inspiring periods of your life, then you wouldn't know the things that you know now." _I could have done without the slang, but nice summary otherwise!_

"Or... be the person that I am today." Thomas mumbles. Virgil takes in a breath, considering putting a phase on Thomas, and decides they have made enough progress for the day.

"Yeah, duh. It's not that I haven't changed, but when you reduce a piece of my history to just a "phase", you ignore everything that I went through. Who I was when I scared you all the time is no less real than who I am now. Past phases are the foundation of who you've become." Remus must have let go of his control, because the other Sides switch back to their real costumes. "So, if you remove that foundation…"

Thomas picks up on the unsaid question. "What's left standing? Sorry if we tore you down a little bit, Virgil."

Virgil chooses to ignore Patton praising the pun and continue talking to Thomas. "Look, dealing with me... will never be a walk in the park, and you can't pretend that it will be. When you try to deny me, I get frustrated and I lash out. Y-You talk about how I work with you now. That's great, but... I need you to work with me, too."

"You're right. You're right. I-I... I don't suppose there's anything I can do to... remedy the situation?" _Well, since you asked. I haven't changed you yet, and I know exactly what will freak you out the most!_

"Eeh, don't worry about it. ...I'll get even with you."

"What? What does that mean? What are you gonna do? When are you gonna do it!?" Virgil smirks at feeling Thomas's anxiety skyrocket. _I could leave it there…but I am not._

While the other Sides also start to yell, Virgil only needs to say one word to Remus - "fedora" - to feel the chaotic Side start shaking with laughter.

"Thomas, do you remember your... **fedora phase**?!?" Virgil gets a good laugh out of Thomas's screams at the hat now on his head, before relenting. "Alright, now we're even."

"You DON'T bring up a guy's fedora phase, Virgil! There's gotta be a LINE!"

"Not even if that guy belittled someone's past hardships?"

While Thomas is ranting, trying to defend the phase, Roman leans over to Virgil.

"Does the fedora thing tie into the lesson in any way?"

"No! I just had a point to prove... I still got it." He made sure to look at Logan when he said it, considering he was the one to yell at him the most about scaring Thomas.

"Yeah, you certainly do." Thomas yells, still clearly upset. _Time to make sure this last bit sticks_

" **Don't question me again, Sanders!** " He warns as he sinks out amidst more smoke and thunder effects. He and Remus pop up in his room.

"Well, how do you think we did?" Virgil asks Remus who is bouncing around laughing. Janus must still be cleaning in the Dark Side, because he and his phone/TV are nowhere to be found.

"As good as we could without putting poison ivy all over Roman's costume!"

"Oh god! Dealing with him being itchy everywhere for days would have made lunches unbearable! Thank you for refraining!" Virgil had not even thought of that possibility. He can't imagine the whining that would happen as Patton nurses a rashy Roman. _Argh!_

Remus stops bouncing and gains a serious expression as he looks at Virgil. "I want to go up there. Where I can talk to Thomas."

"You will. I don't know when, but it is only a matter of time now. We just need the right opportunity." Virgil promises, and is heartened to see the smile that grows on Remus's face. "Oh and before I forget - "

Virgil smacks Remus upside the head as hard as he can. "A FAKE rock, huh? I hit him with it in the face you ASS!" Remus cackles and runs through the closet door to the Dark Side with Virgil chasing after him, still cursing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this video taught everyone a valuable lesson: Don't trust Remus to give you a fake rock...
> 
> This episode was kinda nice since it was only 20 minutes. It brought home the next two are double in length!! And I thought the previous video was tough!


	44. Conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Patton talk, and Janus doesn't have much time to plan. Also, the start of Selfishness v. Selflessness

When Virgil asked, Janus said he had enjoyed the last episode, but had also been worried about how much they had to press Thomas to even respect Virgil's position as Anxiety. Considering that they still can't find where the full thought went, or where other full thoughts could be going, Thomas listening to at least Virgil is paramount. Janus is now looking for any chance to go up to see Thomas, and both Janus and Virgil are trying to figure out when Remus can be introduced.

While recovered, Remus still doesn't go to the imagination unless it is to pick up Hissy. When questioned on it, he makes excuses, but Virgil knows it is to limit any interactions with his brother. Considering how much he is getting along with the Light Sides, this gives Virgil mixed feelings. He wants to punch Roman in the face for what he has done, but can't help but laugh at some of his jokes at lunch. _This has got to be fixed. I don't know I can take the cognitive dissonance anymore!_

\----

Logan leans back in his chair with a sigh. _Too many variables to reach a conclusion._ He had been trying to interpret the last video. Virgil's conjuring ability skyrocketed in it without explanation. _It is like another Side was helping him._ The only way that was possible is if another Dark Side was hidden the whole video.

Logan would normally disregard a fantastical option like that, but a few times in the video he was at least ninety percent positive that Virgil was whispering. Very softly so even he couldn't hear what he was saying and he is the closest Side to Virgil's spot. The key was that sometimes a quiet noise came from Virgil's corner and Virgil hadn't moved his mouth. _I am almost certain that he was communicating with someone whether they were physically there or not. Perhaps a phone?_

The repercussions of this conclusion are immense. It would mean that Virgil is in contact with at least one Dark Side, and the worst that Dark Side did was mess with their costumes. _No worse than what we have done to each other._ Considering Thomas being adamant that Virgil should have a seat at the table, it brings to question why none of the other Dark Sides have that ability. _Is that what they want? To have what Virgil has?_

Logan gets up and makes his way to Patton's door. With a few precise knocks, he only has to wait a second before Patton flings open the door. "Logan! What can I help you with?"

"I would like to have a discussion. May I please come in?" Logan enters Patton's room and notes that Virgil's Christmas gift is sitting on top of his pile of stuffed animals. _Favored._ He turns to look at Patton.

"I have come to talk to you about the Dark Sides." He had expected some reaction from the emotional Side, but not a sigh.

"Is this about Virgil?"

"Why would you think that?" Logan chose his words carefully, unsure of what Patton knew.

Patton gave him a rueful smile. "You guys like to think me completely oblivious, but it is hard to be when something is shouting in your face."

Logan tries to interpret what Patton is saying, but it does not compute. "I am sorry did someone shout in your face to make you think of Virgil with the Dark Sides?" he tries.

Patton chuckles. "You could say that. Virgil did. He was upset that I broke a promise to talk." Patton fidgeted, obviously uncomfortable. "The promise was made before we talked about hiding feelings with Thomas. After that video, Virgil stormed in here and gave me a very stern lecture." Patton chuckles. "And I thought I was the father Side…"

"I am unsure what that has to do with the Dark Sides-"

"That's just the thing, Logan. In the middle of yelling at me, his eyes went purple and his face looked to be covered in shadows. It was very familiar. Like -"

"Paranoia." Logan finished and Patton chuckles.

"Yeah, like that. I am not sure if Roman-"

"Roman may have known before either of us. He gave a hint to it in the Fitting in video."

"So we all know that Virgil is - or is somehow connected to - Paranoia, but haven't told him."

"Yes, that is an accurate statement." Logan concluded, surprised at how much Patton knew _. What else have I underestimated Patton on_?

"Well that is probably for the best." Patton concludes, confusing Logan.

"Why did you reach that conclusion?"

"Well, with Deceit popping up, I am sure Virgil would be worried about being labeled as a Dark Side. He came over here for a reason, so he would not want to be grouped with them again. And did you see him when Deceit was around? He was so mad. Deceit must have been really mean to him" Patton looks to be ready to cry. _Deceit's and Virgil's interactions in the video ARE still a concern. Is Virgil only working with Remus and Deceit is mad about it? Was some of it an act? Patton's emotional evaluations seems to have been biased._

"That is one explanation." Logan comments, keeping his ideas to himself. He is sure that Virgil has at least limited communication with someone in the Dark Sides, considering what happened when he ducked out, and his theories about the last video. But it was clear that Patton was too emotional on the subject of Virgil. _I did get the information that all of us know he used to be Paranoia._

Patton takes his response at face value, and changes the subject to some emotional thought. _Why do I care how much Thomas smiles at one color versus another color._ Seeing that he was not going to get any more useful information, Logan excused himself and left for his room. _From my information, the Dark Sides are going to be showing up as often as possible_ he concludes.

\----

Remus found a new trick. After Thomas watches some realistic baking videos on YouTube, Remus realizes that he can eat things that look horrible but taste great. It has become normal to see him chomping on a hand or foot only for it to be some sort of candy confection. It is driving Janus slowly crazy.

It didn't help that it had been three months since Virgil's Halloween video and they still have not found where that full shadow disappeared to. They had not expected to keep up the patrols for this long, and it was wearing on them. Remus's word vomit had gone up significantly, and Virgil would twitch at any sounds, a sure sign he was starting to lose composure. Janus wished he could say he was faring better, but the scales on his body had spread, to cover his entire right arm. _We are all struggling with this._

Janus could have cried in relief when the call-back to a very important audition came and it turned out to be on the same day as Thomas's friends' wedding. It was clear to Janus that Thomas wanted to go to the audition, but that some of the other Sides would be against missing the wedding. _Sounds like a perfect opening for me to get to the truth of the matter..._

Thomas spur-of-the-moment started a vlog, not giving Janus much time to plan. He opened Virgil's bedroom door, and dashed over to Logan's door, pushing power into it. _Hide Logan from Thomas's sight._ He would have wanted to choose Patton, but since he has already impersonated the happy Side, he expects it would be easy to spot him. _Also he just went up there, so no dice. Argh, why the rush Thomas?!?_

He sinks back into Virgil's room and frantically leaves a short note, knowing that the anxious Side will come up and remembering his promise.

_Virgil,_

_Thomas wants to go to the callback, but won't admit it. I will be Logan._

_See you soon,_

_Janus._

He just barely finished the letter when he feels Thomas lie about being excited to go the wedding. _I didn't even get to practice my Logan. Shit!_ He quickly transforms and rises up.

\----

Virgil senses Thomas starting a video and sprints to his room, waving at Remus to follow. There hadn't been a video planned, so something must have happened that Thomas wanted to discuss. When he approaches Light Side, he can focus on Roman and Patton already up there talking about - _Oh shit, the callback is on the same day as the wedding? That is going to cause some fireworks! He is going to be pissed to miss the call back._

Virgil bursts through the closet door as he senses Logan join the others. "Hey Janus, did you see that Thomas is making a video-" A survey of the room does not reveal Janus anywhere, but he does see a folded piece of paper on his desk. _Oh no, he is already doing something._

Virgil rushes over and reads the letter as Remus enters the room.

"Hey Jan-"

"That son of a bitch didn't tell me anything!! What is his plan?!?" Virgil throws down the useless message. He can also sense Thomas already on to Janus's disguise.

"Janus's up there, huh? And tried to be Logan? OOOH bad move. He should have gone with my bro by knocking him unconscious for the video."

"Maybe he wants Roman up there because he wants Thomas to go to the callback? But if that is true, why did he not hide Patton again? What should I do?!?" Virgil paces, freaking out.

"Well, you should get up there. Thomas just called Janus out" Remus mutters, getting the phone/tv set on his bed so he can lie down to watch.

"ARGH!!!" Virgil screams then rises up in the living room right as a dramatic Janus reveals himself.

"Hi! Hello! What do you want?" Virgil sarcastically waves at Janus and leans towards him. _Because your pitiful excuse of a letter didn't say shit! What do you want out of this? And way to keep me informed!!You were already found out as Logan so I have no idea what the plan is!_

"Thank you, Virgil. I LOVE how you just **ruined** my dramatic introduction. Mwah, mwah. So good." Janus fires back, but Virgil is unfazed.

"Well, your face ruined my day. So we'll call it even." _I'm ready to go when you are Janus!_ The only thing holding him back from launching himself at the snake Side is how that would work against Deceit with Thomas.

Roman steps in to "back up" Virgil, only to list out all the things that Janus did wrong. Of course, being the dramatic bitch that he is, Janus conjures up a fucking pencil and notebook to take notes!

"Roman, enough!" Janus says, seeming to be having a ton of fun with this, but Virgil is too wired to care.

"No. Seriously, Roman, enough." _That is not how to make Thomas want you to stay, Janus!_

Thomas starts to kick Janus out, only for him to protest. _Ah shit, I was too mad at him and he is going to get kicked out._ That thought tempers some of his anger at Janus. He can only sit back and watch as Janus points out that he doesn't always speak in lies. Thomas asks Janus what color his shirt is and Virgil has to hold his breath so he doesn't laugh at Janus's bitch-I'm-not-your-dancing-monkey face before answering the question. Considering the shirt has black, blue, white, yellow, red, and green in it, there are not many colors Janus could choose that would not be technically right. Janus chooses one of those colors - red- before correcting to the main color, blue. Even Thomas seems to realize his question was a mistake after thinking about it.

Virgil keeps glancing at Janus, trying to figure out what he may want. When Janus catches his eye and adjusts his gloves, Virgil interprets that to mean that he still wants to be treated as the bad guy. _I can do that!_ He turns to Thomas, ready to play the anxious protector but still pull his punches to help out Janus.

"Okay, Thomas, even if he can tell the truth, that doesn't mean he can be trusted." _Like, as a life rule, don't trust people because they CAN tell the truth. Because that would be stupid._

"Virgil's very right. You can't trust me! It's not like I'm trying to look out for you or anything." _Ha! Point to Janus._

"Yeah, when I think of trustworthiness, I immediately think of someone who consistently disguises themselves like a member of Team Rocket."

"Oh, and no one has ever done any good with dishonesty at someone else's expense. It was pretty despicable when the Allies misled the Germans about the date and location of their D-day landings. An operation which led to the eventual liberation of Europe from Nazi control." _Nazis?!? Are we really going with Nazis? I mean I know Janus can't help but be dramatic, but really? How is that supposed to-_

"Alright, he can stay." Virgil whips over to look at Thomas as he explains that since Deceit doesn't like Nazis they can at least hear him out.

"That... cannot be where the bar is!" _I worked by ass off to try to get you to hear me out, and all I had to do was talk about not liking NAZIS?!?_

"Well, the bar for skipping an important opportunity should be higher than a... social engagement." And this is part of the reason that Virgil is still freaked out. He doesn't agree with what Janus just said. Given a choice, he would much rather have Thomas be bored but hanging out around calming friends than deal with the high pressure situation of a call back that Thomas REALLY wants to excel at.

Janus then throws Virgil for a loop when he straight up asks Thomas if he wants the part or not. Thomas - _doesn't answer. Oh fuck, Janus was right when he said Thomas wants to go to the call back._ Roman steps in to answer that he does want the part only to have Patton berate him on forgetting Thomas's promise to go to the wedding.

"It would be wrong for him to go back on that." Patton concludes, and it looks like the guilt trip works on Roman, whose shoulders are now drooping.

"Wrong?" Deceit asks. Patton enthusiastically agrees, but Thomas, mutters an affirmative while looking away. With that look, Virgil relaxes some because that pretty much guarantees Deceit is going to stay for the argument. _Or it could be he talked about god damn NAZIS. I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT!_

"Why would that be wrong?" Deceit is looking at Patton, but it is obvious he is pulling for something else. Virgil doesn't know how he can jump in to help without going against his current stance. It was not him Janus was waiting for, though. Roman points out that if something bad happens Thomas's friends won't care if he misses the wedding, so why would they if something good pops up.

 _Just to make this clear what the teams are here and get you committed to helping him -_ "Are you seriously siding with Deceit?"

"Are you seriously so close-minded to think that everything said by someone you don't like is automatically untrue? This is a big deal for Thomas! Maybe Mary and Lee will understand." _Okay, we have the teams then. Roman and Deceit against Patton. And me, who doesn't know what the hell to do._

Deceit points out that they could always lie and act like something bad happened to spare his friends their feelings. Of course Patton jumps in on that, and it becomes a free for all. Virgil puts up a token resistance, but watches Thomas get lost in thought.

"I mean... it's not really hurting my friends if they think I'm gone for a better reason." _Yeah, he really wants the call back, considering what happened last time he thought about lying to his friends…_

Patton then lays down the fatherly guilt trip on both Roman and Thomas. Even Virgil, out of the line of fire, starts to feel a little bad about his plans on helping Janus. He glances over at Janus to see him watching the scene with a stoic expression. His eyes are catching exactly how Thomas is folding to the assertions Patton is giving that Thomas is a good person. _It makes sense that a Dad lecture doesn't affect another Dad._

"Do you know who else is here? Me! So perhaps Thomas isn't so innocent. " Deceit gasps, pulling the wounded act well. Virgil starts to feel a little tug when Patton continues to argue that Thomas is perfect. _What the-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Telling Virgil makes him anxious in the video. Not telling Virgil makes him anxious in the video...The Dark Sides just need to stop planning for things for the videos... I'm just saying.


	45. Selflessly helping...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of Selfishness v. Selflessness video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with fake Thomas's past. They don't apply (or I have no idea if they apply) to the real Thomas in any way. They weren't meant to.
> 
> Court Scene! Court Scene!

Virgil lands in a - jury box? He quickly looks around for either light or shadows, but doesn't see any. _It must be Thomas's mindscape . I guess that practice really paid off._ He takes stock of the room and sees Janus as the prosecutor, Patton as the defendant, and Roman as the judge. Of course Thomas is the accused. _But why me as the jury?_ He would much rather be the judge so he doesn't have to make the final decision, whatever that may be.

"I'm too emotionally unstable for jury duty. Can I be excused?"

"Oh, come now, Virgil, jury duty is so much fun!" Virgil glares at Janus's fake chipper voice. _I am taking that to mean he wants me here. Asshole..._

"I'm a little confused as to what this is all about." Thomas asks Patton, and Virgil silently seconds that

"Basically, Deceit is trying to prove that you care more about yourself than your friends, but don't worry, kiddo, we'll show him." _I have my doubts._

"Does everyone understand their parts?"

"I broke my gavel." Comes from the judges box.

"I don't care. Wonderful! Now, could we have the honorable Justice Roman read off the charges, please?"

Virgil snickers at the sass Janus is using. _Looks like Patton isn't the only one pulling out the Dad personality!_ He is also relieved to hear all charges from Roman; Thomas tried to get out of the wedding, falsely act like a good person, prioritize himself over others, thought to lie to his friends, and ... leaving his underwear on the floor? It becomes really clear the last one is there to get Roman fired up, as he starts yelling at Patton that the last one is true. He even yells out objection.

"Objection! Judges don't object."

"Objection. Neither can the jury." Deceit fires back.

"Well, that settles it. Thomas is guilty." Roman pounds his gavel looking very confused about what he just said.

"What are you- the jury decides if he's guilty!" Virgil argues, only to realize his mistake. "What am I doing? I don't care." _Yeah, this is going great… Why did Janus leave out Logan again?_

Janus corrals Roman to ask Thomas how he pleads, and Virgil winces at the timid and slow "not guilty" plea. _Like, all of this happened since the video started, so we all know what he did. Are we going to argue that he thought about doing those things, or whether he actually goes to the wedding?_

"Ooh, said with the confidence of a man who has his hands stuck in the cookie jar, in a cookie factory, and his pants are down, and they're on fire." Deceit had noticed Thomas's plea as well, and Virgil has to duck his head to hide a smile. _Ah yes, Remus's Great Cookie Incident of 2002. I have never been able to look at thin mints the same way._ He glances up to see Janus catch his eye before laughing. _And he knows it._

Opening statements are called; Deceit's a taunt and Patton's the rubber-glue school yard retort. _Ah, so this is why Logan isn't here._

Janus then surprises Virgil by calling Logan up to the stand, who is not happy to not be invited to the courtroom scenario. Roman blames him for being impersonated, leading to Logan yelling at Deceit. Logan turns confused when everyone points out that they know - and Deceit gives a little wave - and Virgil can't blame him.

"Why is he still here?" Logan asks the group, only to have the same reaction as Virgil when Thomas tells him Deceit doesn't like Nazis. That at least makes Virgil feel a little better.

Seeing the logical Side here underscores the point that Thomas never tried to summon Logan after Deceit was unmasked. _Almost like he doesn't want to hear logical arguments, only wants to make a choice that will make him feel good. Oh boy, this is going to be fun…_

Janus uses five of his arms to swear everyone else in, but Virgil does not touch the book or say "I do". _Who knows what I am going to need to do in this scenario, and I notice that Janus didn't put his last hand to swear himself in, so I'm not going to either._

Deceit riles up Logan by seeming confused what Logan's role, and telling him that Patton told them not to summon him much to Roman's amusement. _Yeah, that whole "tell nothing but the truth" is going great, Janus. Watch out or someone else might notice and connect the dots that you didn't swear in._

After getting laughingly reprimanded by Roman , Janus asks Logan which event should Thomas go to. Janus's act breaks and Virgil feels a burst of confusion when Logan promptly states the wedding. _What?!?_ However, as he listens to Logan's reasoning - not going to the callback is like he didn’t get it at all, the low probability of winning the callback, losing friends over not going to the wedding - make sense. _And the second one is my main issue with it. The emotional toll of the call back is going to be immense if we go._

But never say that Janus doesn't know how to work someone, getting Logan to admit to not minding if Thomas loses a friend or two because they distract them. _Yeah, that has been brought up before; no surprises there._

"I feel like 'which event could cost us more to miss?' is a less interesting question than 'which event has more to offer us?' Don't you?" Deceit changes the trajectory of the conversation, making Virgil sigh.

It's his job to worry about the former, so he can't agree with this idea _. Though it makes sense from Janus's perspective, to not allow Thomas to sacrifice something with more to offer because of my concerns._ It isn't often that Janus and Virgil land on different sides of an argument about Thomas's well-being, but this is unfortunately turning out to be one of them.

Logan does admit the call back has more to offer, and gets led to show everyone what is on his scheduling calendar for Thomas. At this point, it does not surprise Virgil to see the callback in the box for April the thirteenth, even though Patton and Thomas appear to be horrified and blame Deceit. _Logan would be flying across the room, or throwing something, at Deceit if he changed one of his schedules, and he here he sits calmly not doing that._

Patton's turn to question Logan goes about as well as can be expected. He tries to use puppy-dog eyes on Logan to change the calendar, which of course doesn’t work. It does give Janus the ability to make a point.

"He's clearly manipulating the witness into doing what he thinks is best. Wait a minute. Who was it that was called a Scooby-Doo villain for doing the exact same thing? Oh, yeah, it was me... disguised as Patton." _Yeah we both know they weren't mad you tried to manipulate Thomas, just that you did it while they don't like you._

Virgil feels like he should chime in. "So, he didn't want to play by the rules of your game. Big deal! This whole thing is probably rigged anyway. It was set up by a liar!" _This is starting to feel like when Logan "debated" me then made all the rules without informing me._

"Takes a liar, to know a liar." _Yeah. You know I learned from the best, which is you. Did anyone else notice that he looked proud about it?_ The spike in Thomas's anxiety causes Virgil's gaze to ping-pong between Deceit and Thomas. _What the hell is Janus doing? And why did Thomas get worried about that? What does Thomas think I am lying about?_ It hits him what Janus is doing. _He is undermining my credibility as a witness/contributor because he knows that I genuinely want Thomas to go to the wedding._ He wants to be mad, but it is a good strategy, considering the teams.

With Logan agreeing about the callback, the count is solidly four to two, five to two if you count Thomas. Both Remus and Roman are going to want to go, Janus has made it clear that he wants to go, and Logan just showed that he is swayed by reward more than risk. _And taking me out would make the count be even more skewed, forcing Thomas to admit he wants to go._

If Virgil wants to really have the all the Dark Sides be a part of the discussion, then he should act like it and accept when he is on the losing side. When that happened in in past videos, he was usually put in the position of easing their way into the new decision; still able to give concerns, but only with the understanding that this is the path they are going to go. That doesn't make him feel any better about the decision, though.

Deceit is taunting Patton when Virgil snaps. "Will you let Patton make his case!" _Let's get this over with._ Deceit comes back with a "silencing the one angry man" retort that just TICKLES Roman - _not sure why he is having so much fun since he is so invested in one outcome_ \- only to have Patton point out Logan said it didn't make much difference if Thomas misses the callback _. Is that all you can get out of Logan, Patton?_ Roman rightly states that Patton accomplished nothing in his turn, and Patton starts to break down once he sits down with Thomas.

Virgil can't make out all of it, but what he hears does not sit well with him. Thomas mentions not wanting to be a bad person and Patton promises to make sure he is not. Not, try to help him not be, but the more forceful option of making sure he isn't. _That may be a problem in the future…_

Logan gets tossed to the back of the room, and Janus asks Virgil to take the stand. Still off kilter from his revelation that Janus's option is the majority one and the one that Thomas wants, he blows a raspberry making it clear he does not want to do it. 

"Hmm, very well. You don't usually have anything helpful to add anyway." Janus flashes him a significant look in his speech. _Guess he really wants me up there._ Virgil appears in the witness box and leans toward the microphone.

"Okay, ask me your questions."

"You are in control of Thomas's fears, are you not?"

"Oh my god! We all know each other; who are these clarifications for? Cut to the chase!"

"Is it true that you once said that 'weddings are outdated overly expensive pageantry?'" _Another great impersonation of me, and I can't golf clap for him._ Virgil wants to give Janus some sign that he is aware that Janus should win, but how _? What would he get but the others wouldn't_?

Then it hits him; the perfect code. "Yeah, well, I also once swore to Thomas that the drink he left alone in the other room for ten seconds was definitely poisoned and, if he drank it, he would die. I'm not exactly a beacon of truth."

_*Sometime in college*_

_" **THOMAS THAT DRINK IS POISONED AND YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DRINK IT!"** Virgil screams at the top of his lungs._

_"That DOESN'T sound ridiculous, Virgil." Janus points out from where he is lounging on the overturned couch._

_"Yeah? Well, turns out I don't have the permission to go up there and point out that since there have been a rash of people getting drugged and date raped across the campus, he should never leave his drink unsupervised by himself or a close friend." Virgil snarks back, able to vaguely sense Thomas abandoning that drink and getting a new one. "If that is the way to get him to listen, then that is what I'm going to say."_

_Virgil kept Thomas up most of the night with nightmares about being poisoned and dying unnoticed in the middle of a party. The next morning Thomas heard of a guy being drugged at the party he went to. Luckily they had good friends who figured out they were acting strangely and called the cops. There was a suspect in custody, much to Thomas's relief._

_And Virgil didn't regret a thing._

"So you've changed your mind then?" The intensity of Janus's stare shows that he remembers the incident as well.

"Next question." _I am not going to point out that Thomas would be going to the wedding for the company and if outdated and overly expensive pageantry makes his friends happy, then Thomas can be happy at the event._

Janus's act relaxed a little bit with that answer, and he chuckles. "Very well. As Thomas's anxiety, do you have any relevant information about his norepinephrine levels in regards to these two conflicting commitments?"

Instead of arguing that the call back would be way worse for Thomas's stress, Virgil goes with an ad hominem attack, setting himself up for a character assassination. _Might as well make it easy on him._

"I think it's ridiculous that anyone is entertaining any of this. Guys, he's a liar. You literally know him as Deceit."

"Glass houses, Virgil. You yourself said that you are not a beacon of truth." _Here it comes._

"Yeah, because I'm wrong a lot."

"Oh, so you've never been reluctant to share anything with the group, then?"

"Don't." _This is getting WAY to close to home Janus! Couldn't you have kept it at me being paranoid instead of giving a hint that I am still hiding something?_

"What? I just meant your name."

"Don't!" Virgil isn't feeling too good about this questioning anymore, and hopes Janus can see that.

"Maybe that's why it's so easy for you to recognize me for what I am. Like I said before... it takes a liar to know a liar."

Patton objects stating that Deceit is "weaseling the witness", Logan corrects it to "badgering the witness", and Roman loses his SHIT smacking the gavel to get Logan to shut up. _What the hell, dude?_ Luckily, Roman sustains Patton's objection and Janus's turn is done. _Thank god, that was getting WAY too close to home for me._

Virgil braces for Patton's turn. He tries to downplay the affects that not going to the wedding will have on Thomas - "He's nervous", " more nervous about lying to his friends than skipping the wedding" "It could hurt Mary Lee and Lee" - but Patton keeps drilling in.

" I mean, if they're not gonna hurt Thomas back, then why are we worried about 'em? "

"Because…"

"Because…?" Virgil finally snaps and stops avoiding the answers he wants to say.

"Because it sucks! Because it hurts Thomas when he hurts his friends!"

"Why?"

"I don't know! Because he's Thomas!"

Patton cheers at this and ends his turn. Virgil appears back in his jury chair, disheartened. _I was going to help out Janus but I messed it up at the end._

Roman's turn for the witness for Janus went as expected. He got to plead his case to Thomas about not being allowed to go for their dreams. Janus digs down on Thomas putting his friends before himself by prioritizing the wedding. He points out that normally there is compromise in situations like this, but there is not an easy compromise in this case, and fair is not always ideal.

"It would be fair if both parties got to have their special days but ideally for them, they get to have their big day and Thomas has to watch." Virgil winces. _I can't say that isn't true. What would be a good compromise though? We haven't discussed that, not really._

Patton's questioning includes a scene in which Liza Minnelli promises to go to the wedding, cancels because of her dog, then is caught lying about her dog as she parties online. _That is why we shouldn't lie!_ Roman actually has some good points in his rebuttal about why it shouldn't matter.

"She's her own person, and she has her own life. I can't take that from her! Her being at the wedding is for me and if I forced her to be there when she didn't want to go, then I would be the selfish one." _If only we could guarantee that his friends would feel the same way. If they did, then Thomas could just be up front with them and try to make it up to them later._

Virgil blinks then leans forward when Deceit appears on the stand with Patton questioning him. _How the hell is this going to go?_

At first, it is what you expect, Patton pointing out his manipulations and Deceit having a ready answer to them. But just like with Virgil, Patton somehow pulls Janus into admitting more than he probably wants. Janus starts sharing his views on society being an absurd, abstract concept. Virgil knows that this topic is something Janus really cares about, and is shocked it is coming out now. _What sort of magic powers does Patton have?!?_

"Okay... what does any of this have to do with Thomas?" Patton asks. And, whether or not the others realize it, Janus bares a bit of his soul to them.

"I don't want Thomas to be disadvantaged in a world where you can die for not following the laws made in the name of a lie."

Seeing the normally calm and collected Side so vulnerable makes Virgil want to hug and protect him. He desperately tries to come up with something that could break the moment and allow Janus some breathing room.

"Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but that was so edgy and over-the-top. We're talking about a wedding here."

" Am I being over-the-top?" Deceit asks.

"Yes" _Come on, take the lifeline. I don't want you hurt!_

"I thought we were having a discussion about rights and wrongs, shoulds and shouldn'ts. In a society? Those labels are deadly serious." Virgil is shocked that Janus wants to have this conversation now. _I just wanted to help, what do I do?_

Patton interrupts to try to ask another question, but Janus turns the tables on him. Patton is now sitting in the witness box with Janus at the podium. _And boy, does he look pissed!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In every other video where more sides wanted something, they always went with that idea. Virgil is well aware of this, being on the losing side more than once. So he tries to help... 
> 
> *rant start* Got to be honest, this video's reasoning never made sense. Why was there only two choices, wedding or lie to friends? It really put anyone who had a good reason to want to go to the call back in a really bad spot. *rant over*


	46. ...Only to Selfishly Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End of Selfishness v. Selflessness. The Dark Sides reflect on the last video together while Patton reacts to it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of episode. The longest video over!!

Janus asks if Patton knows who Max Stirner is. Virgil can only shake his head. He has become familiar with Stirner's teaching in Janus's rants about the confines of Society's expectations. _But he must have forgotten that Stirner is a morally grey character at best, and that is not going to play well with this group. This is a mistake._ Janus's next mistake is asking Logan to fill in the others on who Stirner is.

"Max Stirner was a racist, drunken anarchist philosopher who squandered most of his wife's inheritance on his failed milk sternum!" Virgil puts his head in his hands and sighs. _Yeah, that went as well as I thought; mistake._ Janus seems to realize it, telling everyone to focus on the philosopher part.

And the battle begins. Patton's selflessness to the point of sacrificing Thomas for his friends versus Januss' s selfishness of prioritizing Thomas over anyone else. Janus wielding individual care and Patton countering with friendship. Virgil is impressed by their fight until Janus slipped up.

"He believed that no one was more important than anyone else, and if everyone understood everyone else to be equals, then maybe we could have a society where you could either work with others towards a mutual benefit or be left to your own devices. If that's what you wanted." _And here is where his racism is going to make it all break apart for this group._ Virgil knows if he doesn’t bring it up, one of the others will, so he goes for it.

"Wait, wait, wait. Did you just say he thought all people were equal? Because Logan said he was racist." Patton and Thomas agree that this goes against what Deceit is saying, breaking down Janus's arguments. Virgil hears the key sentence in his protestations that the others probably missed.

"If Thomas wanted to be seen as a good friend more than he wanted the role of a lifetime? Well, then I'm all for that. But I just don't buy it." _Meaning Thomas is lying to himself and Janus refuses to let that continue. Which makes sense because full shadows that we would normally use to help Thomas through this are disappearing and we don’t know where!_

It is now Patton's turn to question…himself? Virgil watches in confused amusement as Patton cross examines himself by running back and forth between the witness box and the podium. Nothing really comes out of it, other than Patton comforts himself about how he is doing as a lawyer. _At least HE got something out of it, but Thomas looks exasperated._

Janus comes up to call Thomas to the stand, who does not seem to be ready for this. _Then he better get ready for a bumpy ride!_ Janus gets Thomas to admit even the Royal wedding was over watched , and that he would not make a general rule to ban parents from showing their kids R-rated movies. Thomas seems to think those two pieces are unconnected, until Janus brings it together to point out that others pushing him to go to the wedding would be similar to generalizing that all weddings are important, which Thomas does not agree with.

Janus tries again to get Thomas to admit to not wanting to go to the wedding, when he pleads the sixth amendment. It takes a second, but Virgil realizes that Thomas is claiming bias in the court. _I tried that when we got here and you didn't say anything. This just proves you don't want to admit you want to go to the call back._

Janus points out that everyone here is biased; the judge in favor of going, the jury against it, so what does it matter? Thomas still protests, and Janus breaks a little to point out that this is all just a happening in his head _. We can’t help you if you aren't honest with us, Thomas! And lying to Janus's face is pretty bold. He might slap you with one of those gloves and challenge you to a duel if you keep it up._

Thomas finally breaks. "Fine! I want to go to the callback! I was planning on playing word crush on my phone during the wedding ceremony to keep my mind off the fact that I'm single. I don't want to go! I'm afraid to go. And on top of that, a dream come true fell into my lap scheduled on the same day. Anyone would want to go to the callback! So, yeah. I tried to force myself to forget about the wedding, and now I want to lie to my friends, so they don't hate me for not supporting them. I'm a liar. I'm a liar."

Janus seems euphoric in his victory of getting Thomas to confess, but Virgil is more hesitant in calling it a victory. Roman looks just as sad as Patton, which is not good for Janus's side _. Admitting he wants to go doesn't QUITE mean he will. He's made sacrifices before._ Roman asks Virgil for a decision. It takes a second to remember that all the charges are about if Thomas thought about not going to the wedding _. Even if he changes his mind, he still did all of that._ Virgil proclaims Thomas guilty on all charges. It then goes to Roman to give Thomas his sentence, which he makes -

"To one day at the Saint Clifford's Chapel on the day of Lee and Mary Lee's wedding."

Virgil feels some vertigo as they get pulled out of Thomas's mindscape to his living room. Janus is already protesting, not that Virgil blames him. _I knew Roman looking sad was a bad thing!_

"It's my sworn duty to help Thomas achieve his hopes and dreams. But Thomas wouldn't dream of attaining his hopes through deceitful means." Roman defends, pissing off Janus even more.

"But that's not true!" Virgil has to agree with Janus. The Dark Sides are well aware that Thomas would DREAM about being deceitful. However, Virgil is sure that Thomas would not feel good about ACTING on it. He still has to keep up the façade of hating Deceit, so he joins the discussion.

"And you're a beacon of truth?" Thomas then voices confusion that Janus got him to admit he lied, so why was he still upset? _Shows what you know about Janus wanting to help you. He wants you to be truthful to yourself AND act on it._

"But you're still missing the point! Didn't it seem kind of ridiculous taking this matter so seriously to the point of settling it in a legal setting?" Janus argues, making Virgil smirk. _Don't you remember all the shit scenarios I have been through? This is nothing!_ Thomas, Patton, and Roman agree with his sentiment, and Virgil get to watch Janus mentally break while screaming. _If he had a table in front of him, he would be flipping it on all of us._

Janus tries one more time with a scenario of either hitting a piñata with cool stuff inside with a blindfold on, or without the blindfold. Roman takes to mean they should beat and rob someone. Virgil does a double take on that. _Okay, I understand the beating part, but when did we agree to robbing anyone?_

Logan finally comes up to tell Deceit to leave the teaching to him. Deceit takes that opportunity to point out he isn't going to fade away, shows off his snake logo on his shirt _\- When did Janus do that_? - and sinks out. Patton and Roman proceed to make snake jokes until Roman sinks out to work on getting more call backs. Logan follows soon after, apparently done with his job of chasing away Deceit . Virgil does perk up hearing that Logan would be interested in debating Janus on his views of Society _. That… could be very interesting!_ Logan wanting to discuss with Janus even though he is a Dark Side is a good step forward to eventually getting them all up here _. Though it was always going to be Patton that will be the biggest hurtle here._

Virgil gets ready to sink, then remembers his promise to Remus. He grabs Thomas's attention.

"Well, unlike the tardy teacher, I don't have an issue with strong language. I freaking hated everything about this." he ignores Patton's relief about his strong language. _If you only knew_ "Do not allow him or any of ... his friends to stick around that long ever again." _There! I planted the idea that Deceit has other friends so we can get Remus up here!_

"Okay, but what if-" Thomas protests, so Virgil repeats himself. "Ever again! Cool?"

He gets confirmation from Patton and Thomas, so he proceeds to sink out.

"Then we're all cool here. Now. I'm gonna go be cool somewhere else, huh?"

He appears in his room, and notices that Janus is sitting at his desk with his face flat against the top while Remus is finishing off a bowl of disgusting smelling popcorn. They turn to look at him, and he really has one thing to say.

"What the fuck did you expect to happen trying to use Max Stirner?"

Janus groans and starts hitting his head on the desk. Virgil laughs. "Yeah, congratulations on your first what-the-fuck-just-happened group session."

\----

Remus and Virgil play go fish while Janus finishes his head banging session, which lasted about five minutes. Virgil is pinning Remus to the ground and hitting him over the head with a pillow for lying about not having any twos - "You had all three of them you ass! You could have put a pair down but didn't, just to fuck with me!" "Hahaha, duh! Ow, stop it!" - when Janus finally steps in.

"If you two don't calm down, I am NOT going to ban that game as well. Just like war, uno, memory cards, and the rest. What would you play then?"

"Probably the game where we see who can poke you the most without getting killed." Remus's muffled voice is hard to hear since Virgil is now trying to smother the chaotic Side.

"Then maybe I SHOULDN'T let Virgil smother you to death." That causes Virgil to stop and remove the pillow. Remus throws him off while Janus gives him a raised eyebrow. "You forget, Janus. Whoever finally kills him gets all his stuff. ALL of his stuff."

"All my screaming heads and dead kittens and vomit collages. Only the finest of treasures for the brave warrior who can best me!"

"I had forgotten about that. Thank you for the reminder…"

Virgil watches Janus turn on his heat lamp and sit down under it. "So… that could have gone better…"

"Every single one of them was NOT dropped on their heads as a child! It is the only way to explain their stupidity!!"

"I still say you trying to use Stirner against them was not going to end well. As soon as the word racist was used, you were a goner. And why did it automatically come down to lying about not going versus going to the call back?"

"I DO know! I mentioned it as an option to see if that would calm down Roman. By the time I realized they were only looking at two options, it would have completely thrown off my momentum to correct!"

"Then Roman used it to fuck you in the ass so he can be the hero sacrificing himself for his friends!" Remus adds, cackling. "I think it went well!"

That comment robs Virgil of his voice from sheer confusion. He glances over and sees Janus having the same trouble. Virgil shakes his head and regains his voice. "Remus, Janus got found out almost instantly, I had to yell at him knowing he should win, and he ultimately got Thomas to agree he lies only to punish himself."

"Oh, please. If Janus hid too long then they would have felt worse about not recognizing him and he would not have been allowed to stay. Patton was never going to let Thomas miss the wedding after he was asked to help him not be a 'bad person'. Logan seems willing to talk to Janus again, and Roman even worked with him for a bit. In summary, Thomas himself asked Janus to stay for a video and give his opinions, got him to see that he is not always honest with himself, and made headway with some of the Light Sides. I say that is pretty good for a day's work!"

 _That…is actually a good point. Sure, it felt like a garbage fire going out of control while we were up there, but all of those things are important steps we needed the others to take. And we got them done in one video._ Virgil starts to feel a little bit of hope that they will be able to recover from this video.

"Yeah, that was TOTALLY my plan…" Janus sighs "Sorry for the LONG letter; I had only a few minutes to come up with something when I felt Thomas start filming. I DIDN'T even forget about Logan's costume change."

"Yeah, sorry for going right for you when I got up there. I was a little stressed and didn't know how to help. I had some serious concerns about LYING to get out of the wedding, but I tried to keep it to myself since it was clear to me that Thomas wanted to go to the call back."

"I liked all the references you guys threw over everyone's head! The Great Cookie Incident? The potentially drugged drink incident in college? That was hilarious and they didn't even know!!"

"Please tell me you ARE thinking of doing that when you get up there… Let's NOT get you introduced first!"

"Yeah Remus, if you make me laugh in front of all the others, it is going to be hard to say I don't know and/or like you."

"Challenge accepted!!"

"Remus, no wait! I didn't mean - "

"How about you two DON'T go back to patrolling before Remus thinks of anything else fun he wants to do!" Virgil quickly heads out in the hopes that will contain Remus' ideas on what to do in front of Thomas. _It would be my luck if he strips everyone naked for funsies when he gets up there…_

Luckily Remus follows and they finish off their patrol in relatively good spirits.

\----

Patton collapses on his bed, hugging his blue cat plushie. His confident aura is shattered now that he doesn't need to put on a brave face for Thomas.

"Everything's fine! Thomas is going to the wedding and being a great friend. He asked me to make sure he is a good person and I did…" _But why was it so hard?_

"No! It's okay to struggle sometimes. It just means he is" _listening to Deceit_ "just wrapping his mind around all the new things that he is learning about himself. I know he wants to be a good person. I can feel it!"

He takes calming breaths and focuses on the soft stuffed animals around him and all of Thomas's good feelings. _Like one giant hug._ "It's okay. Thomas just needs some help, so that's what I'll do. He's struggled before and always came out better. Because he's Thomas; he's the best." 

Still feeling shaky, but much better than when he entered his room, Patton moves toward the common room. _Binge watching some happy movies with a plate of cookies is just what the situation calls for._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of my rant in the last chapter made it into the Dark Side dialogue. Sorry, not sorry.
> 
> Patton has good coping skills...not. To be honest, none of them do right now...


	47. Hide...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory post-video lunch which does not go well, and the shadows are hiding from everyone!

The next day, Virgil hesitantly heads over to the kitchen. The last video was a little more … intense than the last one Janus was in. _How are the other Sides going to react?_

Logan is reading from a book like normal, but Roman seems to be comforting Patton. "Come now my Precocious Padre, we triumphed over evil and protected Thomas! We should be celebrating!"

"But! Deceit almost got Thomas to be a bad person!"

Virgil looks over to Logan to see if he is going to contribute to this and notices that the logical Side is watching the fight instead of reading his book. He does not seem to be in any hurry to join the conversation, so Virgil steps in.

"Was the 'bad person' part lying to his friends, wanting to go to the callback instead of the wedding, or both?"

"All of it! He keeps wanting Thomas to do bad things!!"

"But Patton, Roman also wanted to go to the callback-"

"Hey! I did, but I chose the wedding! Don't put me in league with that villain!" Roman jumps in, looking angry.

"-BUT I don't think Roman is a bad person." Virgil finishes, ignoring the interruption. Roman calms down at the conclusion of the sentence, and Patton starts to look conflicted.

"He is right. What people want and what they do are two different things. If Thomas always did what he wanted, he would have a harder time following the schedules I give him than he already does. " Logan closes his book and straightens up. _I guess he decided to join the discussion._

"Thomas isn't a bad person! He doesn't want to be so we won't let him. We got to help him through this" Patton yells, stamping his foot. He turns to fully face Virgil. "You don't like Deceit either! Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not!" _Not yet._ "I am just saying that just because someone disagrees, that doesn't make them bad!"

"He IS bad!"

"Was I?" Virgil yells, unable to keep a reasonable tone anymore. "AM I? Because we have disagreed before, and I know we will again. Are you going to start calling me bad" _a Dark Side_ "because of it?"Silence reigns in the kitchen, and Virgil takes a steadying breath. He wants so much to have an honest conversation about this. To tell them that he is a Dark Side, and that all he wants is to help Thomas. How all Janus and Remus want is the same, even if their ideas are different than Patton, Roman, and Logan. _But I can't. I have to hide that information until it won't be used against Janus or Remus._ Frustration wells up, but he forces it back down.

Virgil tries again. "Both Logan and Roman, who are ABSOLUTELY NOT bad, made it clear that if they had to choose, they would WANT to go to the call back -"

"We already decided what Thomas is going to do! Go to the wedding! We don't need to discuss it anymore!" Patton spins around and walks out of kitchen. Virgil stares after him, shocked that he ran from the conversation. _He can't even discuss it?_

He gets up, ready to follow Patton, when Roman starts moving toward the entrance. "I'll go calm him down. And Virgil - " Virgil is surprised to see the seriousness in Roman's expression. "I don't think you are bad and I'm sure Patton doesn't either."

"I concur with Roman." Logan comments "And while I do not disagree with your current conclusions, I do not believe that Patton is in the right frame of mind to hear it. He has been very shaken after Deceit's courtroom scenario and will most likely need time to process all his feelings." _So we ignore it until he wants to talk?_

This is starting to remind Virgil of Patton's negative outlook toward feeling sad. However, if that is the case, then Virgil is not going to be able to break through Patton's avoidance alone. He would need Thomas to help show the emotional Side that not everything is black and white and that is okay. _Which means we WILL probably ignore it AT LEAST until the next group session with Thomas._

"I just don't think that the after-effects of the wedding decision are over." _Doing something you don't want to is definitely going to generate a lot of anxiety._

Logan calmly stares at him, before getting up and grabbing his book. "I am in agreement with that sentiment. However, there is not much we can do about it currently. Other than properly schedule for the wedding, of course." A smile flickers over Logan's face at that. "Now, since lunch appears to be cancelled, I am going to go to my room and plan." He grabs a jar of Crofters and a spoon before leaving.

"Wait, you aren't going to just eat the jam, are you?" Virgil calls out after him, only to be met with silence. _I guess he is._ It didn't slip by him that neither Roman nor Logan contested his assertion that they would prefer the callback, even if they decided on going to the wedding. _Having more Sides than not wanting the call back that Thomas is not going to has got to cause some sort of bad thoughts in the subconscious._ Virgil makes a mental note to add that to the list of shadows to look for. _Later though. For now, I need to eat something._ He starts looking through the cabinets for something to eat. He pulls out the peanut butter and smiles.

"Since Logan took the jam, how about that old favorite-" he pulls out another can "- peanut butter and tuna?"

Remembering the days of scavenging through the kitchen for any non-labeled food highlights just how far he has come with the Light Sides. _And Janus and Remus can get here too. It will just take some time. But we can get there, I know we can!_

\----

Lunches after that were stilted with Patton refusing to talk about anything that had any depth to it. However, it is clear that he is also struggling with his thoughts. The normally happy Side appeared tired, even if he did not have dark circles under his eyes. Virgil tried to approach him to allow him to talk about what is bothering him, but Patton brushed him off. Virgil has kept an eye on him since then, looking for any signs that he needed to stage an intervention before Thomas has another video with them.

All the while, they stuck to asinine topics at lunch. Logan took the brunt of the change, as he was bombarded with puns. Virgil starts to try to commandeer some of the pun jokes to get some heat off the logical Side. _I never thought I would be stopping someone from fucking with Logan, but here we are._

In parallel with that strange reality, Janus, Remus, and he are still scouring the Dark Side for any full thoughts. It is ridiculous to think that the wedding did not cause any major issues for Thomas, but they can't find any sign of it. _It has been almost three months since the last video that would have caused the full shadow. Where the hell did it go?_

\----

Roman is on his normal patrol in the Imagination when a villager calls over to him.

"Your Highness, you asked to be made aware if anyone had seen anything out of the ordinary" the villager explains while bowing.

"I did, good sir. I am assuming that you pulling me over means that something out of the ordinary did occur?"

"Yes your Highness. A great beast has been seen in the woods. It is black as night, and anyone who sees it feels a great dread!"

 _That sounds like one of Remus's minions. A big one._ "Then as Prince I have no other choice than to find the foul beast. Point the way that it was last seen and I will defeat such a sinister foe!"

The villager pointed him to the denser part of the forest and Roman started his search. However, no matter where he looks, he can't find a trace of the beast. "I just need to keep searching." He reassures himself, but as the hours pass and no sign is seen he starts to doubt. _Where did that beast sneak off to?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is starting to try to open up, but he is still worried about his dark family...
> 
> Everyone ready for the crazy? Because here...


	48. ... and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets attacked. Logan wakes up. And Thomas has a bad night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...we...

Virgil blearily wakes up at 12:45 AM, giving himself only fifteen minutes before the start of his patrol. He quickly changes clothes, then decides to go down to the kitchen to get something to snack on. _Those damn lunches are so tense that it is hard to eat like normal._

He is starting down the stairs, when something slashes him from behind through his jacket. A gash opens up on his lower back, and he spins around as the thought _liar, Liar, LIAR_ resonates through his head.

A full shadow is standing at the top of the stairs pulling back a large clawed arm, its eyes almost a physical touch holding him in place. Virgil doesn't allow himself to think, knowing his panic will give his opponent and opening to land another blow. His spider arms come out and stabilize him on the stairs just in time to stop him from falling down as he dodges the swing.

Gripping the wall and railing with one set of arms while blocking with another- _LIAR, LAIR, LAIR!!_ \- Virgil backs his way down the stairs. He ignores the pain radiating from his wound, focusing on one important fact; _Patton, Roman, and Logan are defenseless in their rooms. If it turns around…_

His right foot reaches the bottom of the stairs, so he grabs the shadow and flings it into the common room. It lands on the couch, but is immediately up and charging at him. Virgil sets up a defensive stance in front of the stairs. Looking around, there is no place he can go that wouldn't mean giving his opponent a shot at running up the stairs _. I have to get this out of here! I need the others!_

" **Janus! Remus!** " He stage whispers their names over and over, hoping that some of his Tempus Tongue ability will help summon them from the Dark Side _. If they don't get here fast, this is going to escalate_! Already the shadow previously quiet attacks are including growling to match Virgil's summons. Remus appears on the stairs behind him.

"Hey Virgil, where's the fire-"

" **Shadow! Help!** " Virgil interrupts, glancing over to see the chaotic Side realizing where they are and what is in front of him. His distraction earns him another hit from the shadow. This time a gash opens up on his human left arm, ripping another hole in his jacket. _Damn it! Does it know how much work it is to patch up holes?!? What am I thinking, it doesn't care!_

Remus's freezes in shock during the hit, but quickly conjures a shield to defend Virgil from the shadow. As he gets in between the shadow and them, Janus finally appears.

"What the-"

 **"We need a portal now, Janus!"** Virgil whisper yells, working with Remus to corner the shadow in the kitchen. The table gets smashed in the time it takes Janus to open a portal, and Virgil uses his extra arms to launch the shadow into the Dark Mindscape.

For a few seconds, all the Dark Sides catch their breath. Then-

"What the Hell?!? We are in the Light Side? How did it get here?!?" Janus whisper yells.

"Oh…"

Both Virgil and Janus swing to look at Remus, who sheepishly smiles. "So… Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

" **Fucking tell us!** " Virgil growls.

"Good news is I know how it got here. It must have gone through my door to the Imagination and landed here. The bad news is -"

" **We have no fucking idea how many shadows are now in the Imagination!** " Virgil keeps his voice to a whisper, but just barely. His anxiety is starting to get out of control now that the shock of the attack is dying down.

"Do I smell blood?" Janus asks, looking around.

" **Yeah, the son of a bitch got two good hits on me. I need to get the gashes closed. More good news, that was definitely the full shadow for Thomas realizing he is a liar.** "

Janus goes into full Dad-mode. "Remus, fix the kitchen table. I'll bring Virgil back to his room to assess the damage."

" **Wait, we need to check if the other Sides are okay. If it came from Roman's room-"**

"Bro's fine, I can sense him running around in the Imagination. You only need to check on the other two." Remus comments as he eyes the broken kitchen table.

"Virgil, you go straight to your room and I will check in on the other two" Janus orders. Virgil grumbles but knows that him being wounded is priority for Janus while in Dad-Mode. He goes to his room and finished taking off his shirt and jacket when he hears Janus enter.

"Patton and Logan are both safe and sound. Here's a towel for your arm. I am going to hold one to your back. You will most likely need Remus to stitch you up on both wounds, judging by their size. But we can consult him when he arrives." Janus informs him.

" **Fucking great…** " Virgil complains. " **At least let me lay on my stomach if Remus is going to come at me with a needle.** "

Virgil lands face first on his bed, and he and Janus wait for Remus to come back up to stitch him up.

\----

Logan is struggling to get some rest in order to be at optimal efficiency tomorrow. He is laying down in his bed, trying to keep his eyes closed in order to lull his mind into sleep. _I just need to turn off my thoughts_ …

Focused on trying to make his mind blank, he startles when there is a noise outside his door. Not wanting to deal with another one of Roman's "great ideas" this late, he pretends to be asleep as someone slowly and quietly opens his door. _That does not make sense. Roman normally swings it open loudly, then goes away if I do not wake up from it._

As he is contemplating this, his door starts to close. He quickly opens his eyes to see Deceit looking away as he shuts the door. _What is Deceit up to? When he disguised himself as me, he somehow shut me off from Thomas. However, that technique did not require him to open my door or I would have noticed. He didn't move into the room so he could not have dropped or taken anything._

Logan is looking around near the door just in case, when he hears someone quickly walk past his door. _Is Deceit checking on all the Sides for some reason?_ Right as he is about to open the door, another set of footsteps runs in the same direction. He stops, and checks for any other noise, but curiosity is riding him hard.

The hall is empty, but Virgil's door is ever so slightly open. _Did he try to duck out again? Is that why Deceit is here?_ Swallowing the unpleasant feeling over the intrusive thought, Logan moves quietly towards Virgil's room. He freezes and moves out of sight of anyone in the room when he hears a conversation drifting out.

"Wow, you must have gotten out of practice if that shadow got TWO good hits on you." The Duke - Remus - taunts.

" **Shut the fuck up, Remus. Do they need stitches or not?** " Virgil's agitated, dark voice rings out. _Virgil has been hurt by a … shadow? Is that the same thing as what is in the Imagination? And while he is using the Paranoia voice, he seems to be on good terms with Remus if he is being tended to by him. But why stitches?_ _Do_ _wounds made by a shadow react badly to just healing it?_

"I CAN believe that we fucking forgot Remus's fucking door…" Deceit rants. _So Deceit is in there as well. Theory that Virgil is talking to the Dark Sides confirmed._

" **Yeah, what the fuck Remus**!"

"Look, I am about to put a needle in you. Do you really want to be bitching at me right now?"

"What DON'T you need to close those gashes?"

"Both are going to need at least five stitches. So alcohol would help.

"We TOTALLY have rubbing alcohol lying around. You will have to conjure it."

"Who said anything about rubbing alcohol? This is to dull the pain. We need to get Virgil drunk.~"

" **Well thanks, Remus! You are making me not freak out about this!** "

"You either get the alcohol, a leather strap to bite into, or shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear you yelling while I am stitching."

" **Yeah, yeah. Love you too, Remus. But seriously guys. I have gotten better at not letting anxiety get to Thomas, but he is DEFINITELY starting to feel this. I am freaking the FUCK out and trying to process the damn hits I took.** " _Theory that Virgil is able to manage Thomas's anxiety, at least somewhat, is confirmed._

"I am starting the stitching, so last chance to choose the leather strap or alcohol."

"Okay, so here is what we AREN'T going to do . Remus is going to give me the shield for his door. I am going to install it. Once Remus is done stitching you up, he is NOT going to give Thomas hell tonight. I will also buffer Roman so he doesn't try to stop Remus. That way Thomas WILL focus on the shadow we just found. Once everything DOESN'T calm down, you two get in the Imagination and deal with the shadows that are snuck in there."

"Do you think this is what Roman hated me for? And what gave him bruises?"

 **"What?- OUCH- wait, you think the shadows have been leaking in there since last fucking Halloween?!? AND HE DIDN'T TELL ME?!?** " _Theory that not telling Virgil about the shadows is a good idea, busted. Also, theory that the shadows are being controlled by the Dark Side, busted._

"That is TOTALLY what we should be figuring out right now. Remus, give me the shield for the door. And I swear that if it has an ikea instruction manual-"

"There. It's going to take you the better part of the day to put it on, but the instructions are straightforward. How are your stitches feeling, Virgil?"

" **Like you did it in the dark with no antiseptics. So, pretty good. Thanks. Now, what the Hell am I supposed to be doing while you give Thomas nightmares?** "

"You are going to get anxious! And not leave this bed. You need to not pull those stitches. If you ruin my work-"

"Patton is NOT going to get upset with whatever Remus pulls right now, so ride the wave, Virgil. And DON'T seriously get some rest on those stitches. We WON'T need your help hunting shadows in the Imagination."

Logan rushes from Virgil's door to his own, and quietly sneaks into his room. Hopefully, Deceit did not see him when he went to … wherever Remus's door to the Imagination was. _I have a lot to parse through. And plenty of time, if Remus is going to keep Thomas awake._

He is tempted to go and check on Virgil, since it sounded like he got hurt from something. However, the Dark Sides seemed to be well equipped to handle the issue. _And I am sure if I burst into Virgil's room while Remus is there, he is not going to be appreciative of my concern._

He could go in there and demand answers, but it sounds like it would at least be two against one. He decides to leave them alone because - _he trusts Virgil_ \- Roman is apparently unavailable and pulling Patton in to battle The Duke would be very unsound. At best their plan will - _help Thomas somehow_ \- cause Thomas to lose a night's sleep, which - _Roman and Patton have done to Thomas dozens of times_ \- is not unrecoverable.

They _\- don't want to hurt Thomas_ \- aren't very good at convincing Thomas, so there is little worry that their host will be swayed by their tactics. However, he will be confronting Virgil in the morning because - _he wants to make sure he isn't hurt too baldy_ \- he has a lot of questions to answer. _Not talking to him is not going to work anymore._

Logan sits down at his desk and start writing down all the new information he had learned.

\----

Remus gets comfy in the middle of Virgil's bedroom and starts to conjure and raise hell. Thomas had just gotten to sleep a little after midnight when the chaotic Side started bombarding him with something that he must have been holding back for a while now. Gruesome images of Thomas killing Joan and hiding their body in the bathtub flash through Thomas's, and all the other Sides's, mind. _Well, except for Roman, the lucky bastard!_

Patton is freaking out, throwing emotions all over the place, not that Virgil can blame him. Even knowing that this is just a distraction, Virgil struggles with Thomas's anxiety. He's still not in the most calm of mindsets after the attack, making the battle occur on two fronts. Remus had conjured up some pain killers for his wounds, but the pull of the stitches when he moves are a constant reminder of being attacked feet away from the defenseless Light Sides. _What would have happened if I hadn't wanted a snack? Would it have attacked one of the doors? Or gone downstairs and lain in wait for someone to come down?_

"Hey! Earth to Virgil! You are getting Thomas so upset that he is crying on the floor in his dream! I mean, I can work with that, but it wasn't in my script."

Virgil takes a deep breath, inhaling for four, holding for seven, exhaling for eight. After a few more breaths, he pulls his head off his bent knees and gives Remus a weak smile.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll let you work."

"Don't be, you know I love it when you or Janus give me ideas. Anyway, Thomas's alarm woke him up so I guess I am done here. Wanna play Uno?"

"And destroy my room in the process? Also, that won't help calm me down at all. We can rock out to some music?" Virgil pauses and reruns what he sensed Thomas saying as he woke up. "Oh shit, is there a vlog planned for today?"

They both stare wide-eyed at each other before Remus bursts out laughing. "This is going to go down like a lead balloon! Fire and death and a lot of yelling! Oh the humanity! Want me to go say hi?"

"No! We don't need to antagonize him after we essentially put him through the wringer last night! And Janus took over the last video. If you take over this one, he may feel like he is getting overrun! We need to get him to listen to you guys more than ever." Virgil grabbed his jacket and scrutinized the holes in it. "It normally takes him a bit to get everything set up. I might have time to fix these. Can you get me some black thread and a needle?"

"Do you want the one I used on you?" Remus asked as he hands over the thread and a bloody needle. Virgil stares at it before threading the needle and starting. _I don't have time to argue._ "Does Janus have his phone/tv?"

"Looks like it; I don't see it on the desk."

"Ah man, sorry. Just stay here while I go try to calm Thomas down. Then we can sneak into the Imagination."

"That sucks more than a black hole pulling us in until we reach our inevitable doom..." Remus grumbles then pouts in his bed while Virgil finishes fixing his jacket. He doesn't think anyone will notice the rushed job, and he can make it better after the video.

He hears Thomas rambling in his living room, the sleep depravation really getting to him. At the end of his monologue, he concludes that everything is going wrong, even his thoughts. Virgil does a quick check of his appearance. _No spider arms, my voice is normal, and I look like I poured all my black eye shadow under my eyes. Well, two out of three isn't bad. Here we go!_

"See you soon Remus!"

"See you soon Virgil!" Remus calls out, watching Virgil disappear to rise up with Thomas. He smirks while conjuring a pot of coffee and taking a big gulp. "Way sooner than you are going to like."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...go!
> 
> Logan has so many feelings, guys. He just will be damned before he bases a decision on them!
> 
> Rule number one: Never leave Remus alone! 
> 
> Virgil is too sleep deprived to remember the number one rule, guys. He is about to have a bad time *megalomania intensifies*


	49. Intruding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts video starts

Patton must have heard Thomas talking bad as well, because he rises the same time Virgil does. The Dad Side immediately starts denying everything, and Thomas asks to talk about something else. Virgil agrees, knowing at this point Thomas is not in any mindset to deal with Remus's cover. _I am not ready to deal with it, and I got sleep before it all went down._

However Roman rises up and immediately gets suspicious when Patton tells him they were just talking about something else. _Why Patton…why?_ Undaunted, Patton continues to dig himself into a hole, making Roman more suspicious. Virgil doesn't know if he wants to strangle the emotional Side or just run. _Today started great, and it just keeps looking up!_

Roman demands to know what they are hiding from him, and ignores Thomas's and Virgil's warnings that he doesn't. Virgil is surprised when Roman actually summons Logan to get to the bottom of what is happening. _Wow, he really wants to know._

When Logan arrives, he is frustrated that Patton and Virgil are still so disconcerted. Virgil snaps back that Logan is putting it lightly. _If you knew the amount of anxiety I've kept away from Thomas today, you wouldn't be giving me shit!_ Logan, of course, does not know and looks down on Virgil's responses as overreactions. Virgil tries to point out that Logan doesn't know what an overreaction is because he never has any, only to have the logical Side scream "FALSEHOOD!" in his ear, correcting him. _I forgot about that twitch of his, and now my ear won't stop ringing..._

Roman tries to get Logan back on track of telling him what is wrong, and Logan complies.

"Well, last night, Thomas struggled to fall asleep due to persistent troubling thoughts about-"

Virgil is joined by Thomas and Patton to talk over the end of that sentence and to tell Logan to not say anything. Roman calls it fishy, and Virgil makes a fish pun - " Alright, so I'm acting fishy, so sushi- I mean- sue me." - to see if that will derail the conversation. It does, for a hot minute. Thankfully Roman's next demand contains a reference to the sword and the stone, which allows them to get off track again. _Wow, I am not normally actively derailing the conversation. It is harder than I would have thought!_

Logan tries again to get them to talk about Remus's dreams, and Virgil has to feel respect for the poor Side. _He is doing his best to try to help Thomas. It is just a shame that I completely disagree that this will help._ It also doesn't help that the reason Patton doesn't want to talk about it is not the reason Virgil doesn't. _And wouldn't he be pissed if he knew why I was on his side in this._ Another attempt is made and Virgil snaps. He stares hard at Logan and says slowly.

"Logan, if you continue to push this we're gonna end up in really dangerous territory." Logan looks confused, so Patton jumps in to try and dissuade him.

'I'm sorry, but I can't condone any more of that kind of thinking! Please! Just…"

"Just- listen to US this time." _There is a reason I am doing this. Please!_ Logan sighs exasperatedly, but doesn't say anything else. Virgil takes that as a good sign. "We're going to talk about something else now, okay? Patton? What are we talking about?"

Apparently they were going to talk about the 2005 "Just Like Heaven" movie _. I mean, I could think of worse topics, but that seems out of left field. Ah who am I kidding, we could spend an entire session talking about the color of the wall if we wanted to. Distractions are plentiful in this group_. Roman and even Logan get in to talking about the movie instead of what happened last night. 

It seems like all is well, except for Thomas. He seems to be zoning out in the conversation, which is not awful but still concerns Virgil. _Is he okay? Or is he just fading because he needs sleep._ Virgil continues to keep an eye on him while the conversation turns to whether ghosts are evil.

"Well, there's one thing I know; Reese Witherspoon isn't EVIL…" Patton says, the last word sounding weird. Virgil keeps the conversation going as he glances over to Patton. He is looking behind Roman, so Virgil turns while talking.

"I resent that. Ghosts aren't evil. They just scare people because you never know when they're going to **SHOW UP**!"

Remus, the STUPID, IMPULSIVE BASTARD is standing up and pulling out HIS FUCKING MACE. He then proceeds to knock Roman over the head with it, KO-ing his twin. Virgil looks down and sighs. _I FUCKING left him alone to his own devices. He mentioned showing up and I did not lock him up somewhere. I should have known better._ There is no way that Remus is just going to leave now, so Virgil looks to Thomas as Patton is screaming about killing Roman. _There's no blood from that wound, so Remus was being extra careful with his hit. Roman's fine. Unconscious, but fine._

Logan is relatively unfazed by Remus showing up, telling Thomas that it is "The Duke". Thomas then proceeds to freak out, not that Virgil can blame him. _Because this is probably the WORST WAY TO INTRODUCE REMUS!!!_ Patton gives Remus an opening by saying it is hard to explain who the Duke is, and Virgil knows what is going to happen even before Remus interrupts. _I have to acknowledge that I have made bad choices in my life. Apparently telling Janus and Remus about Thomas's mindscape and how we can access it is going to haunt me forever._

The stupid, impulsive, DRAMATIC bastard that is Remus then proceeds to do a musical number after pulling them all into Thomas's mindscape. Virgil is NOT IN THE MOOD for Remus to be fucking around with Thomas. _And if Remus thinks that Janus isn't going to kill first him then me for not stopping him, then he is wrong._

Remus continues his acid-trip of a song to Thomas about how he needs Remus for more explicit content. Logan tries to tell Thomas that it is fine, only to be pushed into a corner of the mindscape where their host can't hear him. Patton goes the same way when telling Thomas that these are not his thoughts. Virgil tries to give actual advice to get them out of this place.

"ALRIGHT, you've got to stop this guy from singing!" _That will get you control of the mindscape, since it is yours._ Remus is on to him though, and taunts him about being cute _\- Fuck, I smell coffee on his breath. He must be WIRED_ \- before shoving him in the corner with Patton and Logan. Not that they can talk to each other there, only watch as Roman wakes up enough to need another hit to the head to be shut up. _Oh yeah, really endearing yourself to everyone here Remus. And I guess I am supposed to be against you since you fucking benched me in this song._

The music finally stops with all of them pulled back into Thomas's living room. But not before Remus showed off Janus talking to him with his six arms out. Virgil smirks, knowing that Janus didn't want the Light Sides to know about those. _Remus is in so much trouble!!_ OOOOOH!

When he got pulled into the corner, it put pressure on his stitches in his back. He tries to check on them by moving his back without making it clear what he is doing. Thankfully everyone is freaked out enough to notice. _They seem fine. Stretched, but they don’t feel like the stitches tore._

Thomas asks for an explanation on who Remus is only to be told he is his Creativity. _Yeah, that explains everything Remus…_ Logan tries his hand by explaining that Roman is PG-13 Creativity and what you choose to -

"Block out all the juicy stuff~" Remus shimmies while saying this, and Virgil snaps. _Now you are just fucking with everyone!_

"Don't say 'juicy' in that context."

"Uh, juicy butthole?" Virgil continues to glare and forces his face not to change. _Because I will be damned if I laugh at Remus right now. I am so pissed at him!_ Luckily both Thomas and Patton are overreacting to Remus's comment, taking the attention off of Virgil. Though he can't shake the impression that Logan keeps looking at Virgil for some reason. _What is up with that? Does he think I have something to do with this?_

Thomas questioned the creativity of juicy buttholes, causing the conversation somehow end up at whether Jeffery Dahlmer was creative or not. Thomas demands they don't talk about Dahlmer. Logan tries to warn Thomas that he can't stop Remus once he is on a subject - _And trust me, Janus and I have tried SO MANY WAYS, only to fail_ \- just to be proven right by Remus pointing out that Jeffery Dahlmer tried to repress his thoughts too. 

Logan, the only one of them that came to actually get anything done today, points out that repression is not only bad, but it is ineffective. He then tells Patton to talk for a minute about anything he wants. Patton in his naïve glory tells all of them that he is about to talk their ears off. _Oh Patton…_ Virgil doesn't even look at Remus when he pulls off his ears. Though he has to admit that Janus must be laughing his ass off at Patton trying to get Remus to put his ears back on only for Remus to scream that he can't hear him. _Janus would just take the ears and say nice things into them until Remus breaks and tries to get them back. Funnily enough, killing with kindness._

Logan makes a mistake by hesitating when he is telling Patton what he can't mention. Remus supplies "goldfish in a condom" and Virgil is skeptical. _Patton doesn’t even curse. How hard could it be-_

"Uh, once upon a time there was a gold- - en girl…" _Oh my god. What? "_ who lived in a con-, condominium! " _So… we just have to tell Patton he can't talk about something to get him to discuss disturbing topics? And now Remus knows?!? Shit…_

Logan explains the whole experiment, where being told to not talk about something only caused people to mention it more. Thomas seems to be taking the news horribly, laughing hysterically about how he can't stop Remus. Virgil doesn't know what he can say to Thomas. _He actually filters thoughts for you. You REALLY don't want him to stop doing that. He only wants the best for you…_

Thomas focuses on the fact that Remus can't be his creativity. Remus tries to play it off by asking if it is because he is stinky, only for Thomas to correct that he is scary. Virgil can’t help the glare he sends Thomas's way at that, knowing that that comment must have hurt Remus. The chaotic Side tries to play it off by saying that is a Thomas problem, but then surprises Virgil by accusing Virgil of having a problem with Remus. _I have no idea what he wants from me right now! Am I supposed to protest or agree?_

Logan interrupts to point out that Remus is a portion of Thomas's Imagination so Virgil doesn't have to figure out how to respond. However, that leaves Virgil with an important question for Logan.

"Why are you defending him?" _None of you like Dark Sides, so why the acceptance? Can I trust it?_

"I'm... not. I'm just trying to be intellectually honest with Thomas." Logan seems confused by Virgil's question. Remus tries to distract Virgil by accusing Logan of being Deceit. 

Virgil waits until that distraction is settled _\- If he had been Janus he would have started yelling at Remus as soon as he appeared_ \- before asking the same question from a different angle. "Then why are you lying?"

Logan scoffs, so Virgil clarifies "You just said the Duke is Thomas' imagination." _You are going to have to explain it better than that. This could still be a setup for saying Remus needs to be locked away forever or something!_ Logan ignores Virgil, Patton and Remus to focus on talking directly to Thomas. He points out that nothing is ever completely black and white, and that perception of the Duke being dark and Roman being light is how Thomas sees them.

Remus turns into Joan and holds a severed arm with blood dripping out of his mouth. Thomas starts to freak until "Joan" molds the hand so that it is flashing the bird at the host. "That... is something Joan would do." _Yeah, because your friends are definitely not un the PG-13 rating. Remus can tell you how all your friends would act if you asked them to hide a dead body with you, and his guesses would most likely be accurate. Not that we should actually do it…_

Logan plows on with the explanation that Roman and Remus were once one Side but split into two, and Remus is the "bad imagination". Virgil tenses, ready to jump in if Logan tries to get Remus exiled or locked up.

However, Remus seemed to have found Logan's weak point, by taunting Thomas that his work sucks.

"~ Hey Prude, your art is bad!~"

"You're attacking my livelihood now?"

"Thomas' friends and family is one thing, but his work? Is nothing sacred?" _Ha! Logan got played. I am going to have to keep that in mind the next time I want to distract him._

"Yeah! Wait, what about my friends and family?" Virgil rubs his face with his hands, exasperated. _We already went over Logan's lack of reverence for your loved ones, Thomas. Let's not revisit._

Remus now has control of the conversation, pointing out he would have opinions on Thomas's work. Virgil counters by asking if they are opinions that matter. He knows that Remus throws out less harmful thoughts to Thomas, but less harmful doesn't mean useful. It would be bad for Thomas to take everything Remus said seriously, especially when the chaotic Side is venting. _Or hyped up on_ _caffeine_ _after fighting off a full shadow then spending the next eleven-ish hours making nightmares. We just need to survive the wave of manic exhaustion radiating from him. How bad can it get?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is way too sleep deprived for this shit...
> 
> Also, it is just funny for Logan to be willing to give Remus a chance only to be extremely confused by Virgil freaking the fuck out! Knowing that Virgil just got patched up by Remus...


	50. Through the Wringer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finishing Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50 chapters... so many words... I had no idea what I was getting into when I started this. But here we are!!!

Remus suggests Thomas get naked and set fire to himself while singing "Shake it off", which is received about as well as Virgil can expect: Thomas starts claiming he hates Remus. Remus tries to shake off the comment by singing some of the lyrics, but Virgil sees the hurt that flashes through his eyes. 

Virgil throws a glare at Thomas who is busy arguing with Remus about whether or not he wants to hide unpleasantness from his viewers, or if he is going to let them decide what to watch. Well, that is the opinion the chaotic Side normally tries to promote in these discussions with what Janus should hide from Thomas. In his current state, the argument comes out as is Thomas wants to be the wind that makes a baby fall out of a tree and die. _Yeah I don't think the message got through your manic filter, Remus._

Remus protests that pleasant metaphors are not his strong suit, and Virgil falls for the trap.

"You have a strong suit?"

"I do! My birthday suit." _Point to fucking Remus. I knew he still makes birthday suit jokes, but I lined him up anyway..._ Remus seems so happy with his joke that Virgil has to look away so he doesn't smile. He tries to turn it into a look of disgust, but is not sure how successful he is. _Thankfully everyone is freaking out so they aren't paying too close attention._

Remus tries another metaphor that ends with pushing a baby bird out of a nest into a jet turbine. Thomas demands to know Remus's deal, only to have it turned around on him since Remus is a part of his creativity. With Patton arguing that Thomas has no deal, Remus decides to show everyone some of the images from last night. The spike in Thomas's anxiety hits Virgil, and he goes into damage-control mode. _Can we not give Thomas a heart attack, Remus? Thanks!_

"Not all thoughts have some... profound meaning behind them! Some are worthless."

"Virgil, you've never been one to soften the truth. Why would you aspire to be so...boring?" Taken aback by Remus's calm tone, Virgil reviews what he said. None of it was false, but he could see Remus getting annoyed that Virgil is trying to tone him down. _Probably because I am still getting over a shadow attack and ten straight hours of Thomas freaking the fuck out, only for you to word vomit all over us!_

However, Remus does have a point. He does have valuable thoughts that Thomas needs to hear. Just because some of them are expected to be ignored doesn't mean it is fair to give Thomas the impression that Remus should always be disregarded.

So when Remus argues the thoughts are Thomas's and Patton tried to argue. Virgil backs him up. He second's Remus's claim, causing Patton to ask if Thomas is a bad person and Thomas to yell why that keeps getting asked.

"We still haven't gotten an answer." Virgil sighs. "He hasn't acted on any of the thoughts yet. So at least there's that. But there's definitely something wrong with him. And unfortunately, he's not the naturally good person that you wish he was, Patton." _You haven't seen the shadows that form from his subconscious…_

"But-But Thomas always tries to put others before himself, we've all seen it!"

"Yeah, he can ACT like a good person, just like Deceit can act like you. We've also seen that… doing what he thinks is right can... be pretty difficult for him." A prime example: _Either most of him would prefer to do the "wrong" thing of attending the call back, or his moral compass is pointing to the wrong "right" thing. That is what we call a lose-lose situation_.

Logan tries to interrupt and claim that Patton and Virgil are still overreacting, but Virgil interrupts him.

"Logan, I'm sorry, but Thomas can't Logic his way out of this one. Facts are facts. And the fact is: Thomas had twisted thoughts that a stable person would never have." Even saying that, Virgil hopes Logan can prove him wrong. _Convince me that this is okay. That a normal person would have Sides that need to fight the hosts thoughts. It would be a good step towards Thomas accepting how important Janus and Remus are if the thoughts he has are normal!_

"Actually, a 'stable person', as you put it, could absolutely have those thoughts." Logan retorts. Virgil looks over at him only to see Remus appear in front of the logical Side and whisper something to him. _Whoa! What is he doing?!?_ Before Virgil can go over there and break it up, Remus goes back to Roman's corner. Logan seems unfazed by whatever Remus said, so he decides to leave it alone for now.

Patton suggests they all help Thomas fake being good until Thomas is actually good, which sounds like an awful coping mechanism to Virgil. He is proven right when they mention the "Just Like Heaven" distraction before, just to have more of Remus's nightmares from last night play. Another bout of anxiety sends Virgil reeling. He looks over at Remus to yell at him, only to watch surprise flash across the chaotic Sides face before his smile comes back down. _He didn't cause them?_

Logan observes that since they used the movie to try to repress the intrusive thoughts, it is now tied to them. In a way that makes Virgil feel better. At least Thomas hadn't intentionally thought about it again. But it isn't comforting to know that Remus doesn't have full control over Thomas's intrusive thoughts. _I'd rather have him fucking with us than no one having any control._

Right on cue, Remus conjures human-sized puppets of the two stars of "Just Like Heaven" and taunts Thomas with them. He then proceeds to lick one of their faces, and Virgil has to point out that they can't ignore this. Patton counters that they as long as Thomas doesn't act on it, then things will be okay. It gets harder to hear his argument as Remus grabs each star's neck in turn and screams at them.

Remus then conjures a baby and a knife in Thomas's hands only for the scared host to throw them, even as he just got finished protesting that all the thoughts would stay in his head. Virgil yells at him that he is the one thinking about it, not sure how Thomas thinks they could explain his thoughts to him. 

"Not acting on every thought that he has isn't faking anything. I-I can't think of how one WOULD fake not doing something, other than by DOING something, and hiding that they're doing it." _Speaking of, what does Janus think when he is watching this? Or did he die from a stroke at our antics? He's going to kill us if he isn't dead…_

Remus, who must have had the same thought as Virgil but has no fear of death, points out that Thomas has a Side that can help with lying. Thomas quickly overrides that offer by saying one of Dark Sides is enough _. Hate to break it to you Thomas, but you have two of us right now. Surprise!_

Patton again tries for the repression idea only to be surprised when informed what repression is and how Logan already said that won't work. _I am going to either laugh or cry soon. But hey, that is normal for these sessions, so maybe we aren't doing so bad?_

"Well, what other options do we have?" Virgil questioned, not seeing any new path forward.

"Virgil, I don't want to do what he says!"

"You mean YOU don't wanna act on what YOU think!"

Logan sternly tells Virgil to stop. Virgil looks over at him, ready to argue with him about this if he needs to. _These are Thomas's thoughts! What am I saying wrong?_

Remus interrupts to taunt Logan that he has reached his limit of listening. Logan counters that it is everyone else who is not listening to Thomas when he claims he doesn't want to act on the thoughts. Right after the wedding scenario, where Thomas was clearly lying to himself, Virgil retorts without thinking.

"But what if he's lying?" Even as he says it, he realizes his mistake. _If Thomas was lying that much, Janus would have come up here whether he was summoned or not._ Logan response echoes his thoughts.

"I can assure you he's not. You're just para-" Logan stops himself, causing Virgil to tense up. _This is the second time one of the Light Sides did this. I can believe that Roman was a false alarm but not Logan. Fuck…_ "expressing an unhealthy amount of concern. Thank you for being on-guard. But for now, you must listen." Before Virgil can completely freak out about the implications of Logan's slip-up, Thomas claims his attention.

"You have to believe me, Virge. Patton. I am not AT ALL enticed by anything the Duke is saying. I do not identify with anything about him!"

Logan goes on to point out that the thoughts are only a problem if Thomas was not bothered by them. Remembering Remus making a point somewhere before about Dahmer being bothered, Virgil blurts out "But what about Jeffrey Dahmer?" only for Remus to ask the same thing. He turns to look at Remus, and is given the famous I-got-a-plan-just-watch look in return.

Virgil scrambles to think of what type of plan Remus could now have. _Logan is actually doing a pretty good job of working through this. But that is not a look Remus gets in his manic state, so the caffeine frenzy must have ebbed._

Virgil is even more surprised when Remus lets Logan have the floor and to allay Thomas's concerns about Dahmer; he points out that Dahmer was only bothered as a child and not when he was murdering people. Logan then goes on to explain that Thomas lives his life based on his religious faith.

"Couldn't all this talk of religion create a connection between Thomas' beliefs and his intrusive thoughts?' Virgil points out, not wanting another rerun of last night.

" **Careful, Virgil**! You're giving me ideas!" _Well that was a strange emphasis from Remus. He doesn't want me to point out things? Fine!_

Virgil sits back and lets Logan explain that Remus has been using religious language already because Thomas's upbringing taught him that a thought is one stop away from an action, and that Remus knew the language would bother Thomas. He even surprises Remus by pointing out that he was right that repression won't work. He asks that Thomas let him examine Remus's words to dress them down.

Virgil steps in when Logan becomes sidetracked by Remus disregarding his use of figuratively to start to drop his pants, then compliments his double-D alliteration. _I'd rather not spend all day on this._

"Okay, then what is the real problem, Logan?"

"...It's you."

"Uh-oh! Looks like the cat's out of the ball bag! Despite his best efforts, Virgil could never stop being the **_bad guy_**!" Virgil catches the other look from Remus on "bad guy" and it starts to click into place. _Oh, he wants to be defeated like Janus was, so Thomas won't fear him-_

Virgil's thoughts freeze in surprise when Logan continues to also blame Patton. It seems he is not the only one, as Remus looks confused and Thomas asks how it could be Patton.

"He's being too strict. Oh, my goodness... PATTON is being too strict? It's not me for once? What does that mean? Am I cool? Does this make me cool? Am I being COOL?!" Logan cheers, only to have his two front teeth get shoved up his nose. _What the hell?!?_ Virgil starts to move to Logan - _what can I do? Put his teeth back in?_ \- but stops when Logan's confused attitude registers. That… is not the normal way people would react to teeth being pulled out of their mouth and shoved up their nose. _Was it an effect to just mess with Logan?_ Virgil takes a breath and settles back into his spot.

Logan counters by saying that Remus reeks, but that does not faze the chaotic Side who makes a comment about his deodorant having a reek flavor.

"Deodorants don't have flavors, you don't eat deodorant." Virgil instinctively corrects, only to watch Remus blankly stare at him while taking a bite out of something out of a deodorant container. _I bet you anything that is one of his realistic food tricks, and I set him up for the punch line again! Damn it!_

Thomas tries to taunt Remus by calling him Dukey, making Virgil quietly groan. _Yeah, that is not going away anytime soon._ Remus then surprises the hell out of Virgil by telling Thomas his name. Thomas also expresses his surprise at this, to which Remus casts side-eye at Virgil while commenting that he would never hide anything from him. _Hey! That is not fair! I didn't know if they connected my name with Paranoia, asshole!_

Virgil freezes, considering the accusation. _Is he trying to say I should tell Thomas about being a Dark Side?_ It would not be too far from something Remus would do, but did Virgil want to? _Kinda? At least Logan suspects, and I really don't want him hearing it from someone else..._

Logan finally changed his appearance back to normal _\- So it WAS a special effect!_ \- and had the arrogance to flaunt it to Remus. Virgil winces, knowing those are fighting words, only to raise his eyebrows at the invisible punch that hits Remus when Logan asserts that "Object impermanence renders you pretty unintimidating."

It clicks that Remus is setting this up for Logan to be the one to "vanquish the villain", as Roman would normally put it _. Because he definitely shares the dramatic flair with his twin._ So Virgil plays along and lets Logan take full control of the conversation again.

A back and forth fight ensues where Remus would do something disturbing, like hit Logan with a throwing star, only for Logan to change back unharmed and point out facts to Thomas. Facts like the lack of sleep Thomas got from the nightmares was because of Virgil and Patton, not Remus. Facts like they would not be able to logic their way out of this, but can deal with the thoughts as meaningless. _Not all of them, Logan._

Virgil is a little uncomfortable with that conclusion, but Remus disappears after it is said making it clear that is what he wants Thomas to think. _We can always fix it later, I guess._

Patton admits that he acted harshly - _you would have thought b-hole was the most vile curse word by his face when he said he was acting like one -_ when Thomas notices Remus's disappearance and asks if he is gone.

Remus pops up and plants the sound of nails on a chalkboard in their heads - _damn it Remus!_ \- then extrapolated the saying to mean nailing fingernails to the chalkboard. Logan pleads not to check if Remus is gone. Thomas demands to know why Remus has shown up today. Virgil stares at their host. _You're kidding, right?_

Logan asks how Thomas is doing, only for the host to brush off the question. _Oh, we are back to ignoring things. Gotcha._ Logan seems to be on the same page as Virgil and asks him how Thomas is doing. _How long do you have, Logan?_

"He recently realized he's a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn't understand himself, he's committed to skipping a big callback, and he's sleep-deprived. So, yeah. He feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life." _Not to mention all his Dark Sides are living closer to him than ever before. And they accidentally let loose shadows into his Imagination. That then ambushed one of them. Fun times for everyone!_

Logan concludes that the lack of control is giving Remus a foothold . Remus tries to interrupt again only to be shut down by Thomas.

"I guess that makes sense. I mean, I sound the alarm whenever Roman suggests Thomas talk to a cute guy, so… it follows that I would have even more of a reaction to Remus' suggestions." _And I am used to them being used to hide other issues, so I allow more anxiety to flow to Thomas than if Remus just comes over to chat._

"Speaking of suggestions, when are you actually going to jump out of a moving car? I've been bringing it up for years. Still nothing." Virgil turns and glares at Remus while Thomas admits that he is used to that one _. I thought we talked about not sending that one up every day!_ Remus shoots Virgil a quick grin, most likely knowing what he is fuming about.

Patton asks what they can do, if the problem is with their reactions. Logan sooths that they just need to allow the intrusive thoughts to happen and accept that they don't contribute to Thomas's character. _Not all intrusive thoughts are bad…_

Logan also mentions talking to someone or seeing a therapist. The disapproving hum that slips out of Virgil was involuntary but heartfelt. Remus is not out of control to the point of needing a professional. _And even if he was Janus is going to kill both of us for this fiasco. Thomas won't have to worry!_

"I didn't realize what an impossible standard I've been setting. I can't control every little thing that pops into your head. This may be unnecessary, but it's okay if you sometimes think some icky thoughts, Thomas. You have my permission." Virgil stares at Patton, stunned by his admission and the implications of it. _He's not going to immediately try to kick Remus out if he shows up? Did Remus get it so that he can show up without being threatened?_ If he is allowed to stay, that will make Janus staying so much easier. _We can all be a part of the discussion!_

Thomas goes to yell at Remus, only for Logan and Patton to tell him to not worry about it. At the same time the chaotic Side flashes a pointed look at Virgil, obviously prodding him to play his part. But Virgil is watching Thomas; how tired Thomas is, how exhausted they - he - made him last night, Virgil feels guilt start to weigh him down. _We have done this so many times to him. Now that we are all up here, we can't keep doing this to him. Especially if we are getting stronger!_

So when he gives a go away speech to Remus, he hopes the chaotic Side hears his implied message. "You know what's funny? You used to really unsettle me. I thought that you were some… terrible illness. Now I can see that you're just a common cold. A mild inconvenience that's gone before you know it." _Thomas is trying to do better. We should too._

"You tickle me, emo! Well, I enjoyed this! Good seeing you again, Virgil! Ah, it was just like **_old times_**!" Remus laughs as he sinks out, and Virgil does not miss the emphasis on the last two words. _Yep, he totally wants me to tell Thomas._ Virgil is still apprehensive about it, but it makes sense if he wants to be honest with everyone.

"I can see now why everyone was reluctant to tell me what was going on." Roman complains as he gets off the floor, rubbing his head. Thomas and Patton cheer, but Virgil notices the disgruntled look on his face.

"Are you… good?" He asks. Roman seems to be a little unsettled, but otherwise okay. Logan asks how Thomas is, who states that he is alright. _So… we're all good? And that is good?_

Logan must have come to the same conclusion, as he wraps up with a command that Thomas should get some sleep. Virgil is pretty sure that Thomas made Logan's year when he affectionately calls the logical Side cool before he sinks out. _Not that I blame him. That is high praise that he deserved._

Patton is promising to get better about not freaking out at whatever goes through his head. "Whether they be sugarplums, or -"

"SMELLY BUMS!" Remus yells as he appears next to Roman. Virgil smiles a bit at the once-over Remus gives Roman. He knows that is checking to make sure Roman is alright _. Which is a concern because Roman has been going into the Imagination with a ton of shadows._ Virgil's smile drops as that thought hits.

Roman and Remus goes back and forth for a bit before Remus sinks out.

"So... you have a brother?" Thomas draws out the question, and looks uncomfortable.

"Yeah. It's a little like looking into a funhouse mirror, but instead of a giant head, or, like, long legs and a tiny torso, it shows you everything you don't wanna be." Virgil winces, glad that Remus was gone for that. _If only you knew how much he does to protect you…_

Roman sinks out yelling about how Remus is never coming back here, and Thomas's unheard denial shows that at least one of them knows that isn’t true. _And then there was one. Like a band-aid Virgil! Just figure out how you want to say it and then just do it-_

"Virgil? You okay, buddy?" Virgil realizes that he had been not paying attention and just standing there. _Now's your chance!_

"Huh? ...Oh, uh... yeah. I- I just... I'm a little disappointed in myself. I thought that I would be able to... protect you from them."

"Uh, the Dark Sides?" _Considering I am a Dark Side, let's label them differently._

"The others. I- I thought- I thought I knew how to handle them." _I thought that what we were doing was the only way to get them up here._

"Oh, well, I- I think we're all trying to figure them out for now. It'll take some time to figure everything out."

"Yeah, but I should know better."

"Isn't that kind of unfair? Why should you be held to a different standard than any other side?"

"Because I was one of them." _Because I AM one of them._ Before he can get out the second sentence, a wave of anxiety hits him. He waits for Thomas to say anything so he knows if it is okay to tell him the whole truth, but only hears silence in the room and anxiety in his mind. He really wants to get it all out, but considering how much his past affected Thomas, his present will hit worse. _Look at him! He is exhausted! I can't tell him everything just to make me feel better_ _. I_ _t will make him feel worse._

So with a shrug, Virgil sinks out. _Sorry, Thomas._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only two videos that seem to go the Dark Sides way are the two that I put Remus into. I am just saying he thrives off the chaos of these types of things so it would make sense he is the only one that gets what he wants!
> 
> I had a whole scene that would have made the baby and the knife an inside joke too, but I couldn't figure out how to put it in the story without it slowing down the plot. Considering I am on chapter 50, I didn't want to do that! Maybe I will make a quick short out of it or something...


	51. Keeping Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dark Sides react to the last video, and decide to take a nap. Roman encounters some full-thought shadows and chaos ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is keeping what promise?

"You know you are so lucky that they didn't choose to never let you up there again- " Virgil says, rising up into his room, only to realize that Remus wasn't the only one there.

Janus is standing with his arms crossed and a thunderous look on his face. "DOESN'T anyone want to explain what just happened?" he hissed at them.

Remus grins, doing a little dance even though exhaustion is starting to show on his face. "I went up there and now Thomas won't automatically kick me out!" he cheers.

"For the record, I had no idea he was going to show up. I told him to stay here." Virgil rushes to say when Janus's glare is turned on him. He shrugs helplessly "I don't know what to tell you. It was a shit show but ended well."

Janus sighs and rubs his temples. "We can get into how GREAT it was to have to watch all of that-"

"I asked Thomas if he wanted you to go up!"

"I DIDN'T see that Remus! I think that TOTALLY helped things!" Janus takes a deep breath to calm down. Virgil can almost hear him counting to ten in his head. "But I think we all DON'T need to rest. We have so LITTLE to take care of. Virgil, how are your stitches?"

Virgil stretches some and winces. "The pain-killer wore off before the video, but other than that I am fine. I wouldn't say no to a nap though."

"Dog pile! Dog pile! Dog Pile!" Remus chants as he throws all the blankets into the middle of the floor. Janus glares at him for a second, but when there is no acknowledgement, he sighs and scoots over his heat lamp.

"DO think that you have heard the last of this" he warns, and Virgil gulps. _If it gets too bad I can always throw Remus under the bus by snitching that he drank coffee before he went up there…_

Virgil finds a spot in the blankets and burrows in. He tries to calm down his racing thoughts. _Everything is fine. We can deal with anything once we are up. Just leave things be for now..._ He feels himself start to drift. _Everything will still be there when I wake up…_

\----

Roman's head breaks through the water and he gasps in a breath of fresh air. He then sighs and starts floating on his back, his arms and legs lazily moving just enough to keep him afloat.

After the whole fiasco with his brother, he had needed some time to cool down. So he made his way over to a little known lake in the Imagination and just swam for a while. It seems recently a bunch of possums have taken up residence in the surrounding area, and Roman has to admit he enjoys watching them run around. It calms him, just like the swimming does. With his new clarity, he can really think about what happened.

It was strange after he had gotten hit with the mace. He knew he was unconscious, but he had this sense of something else close by, and through it he heard most of what happened. The only way that made sense would be - "A twin thing? OR a split Side thing?" Roman mutters.

It is true that he normally didn't fall unconscious in front of his brother, and that fact has given him some pause. Considering how easily that Remus had snuck up behind him, it would stand to reason that he could have snuck up on Roman at some time in the Imagination.

However, every time they meet, the worst Roman has ever gotten from Remus is hurt feelings and a few bruises. "Something doesn't make sense here…" Roman groans. He flips over and swims to the shore, ready to do some patrolling to get his mind off the video.

As he is getting on his shirt, he hears a twig snap near him. A groan escapes. _I am not ready to handle fawning subjects._ He turns with a smile though. "I am sorry but I must be going-"

Two giant shadows monsters enter the clearing with the lake. Roman scrambles to summon his sword, but knows he is outmatched. _I have never seen any that large or dark! What do I do?!?_ He tries running, only for the two shadows to keep pace with him.

He blocks the blow of the smaller one, only to be clipped by the larger monster. _AM I A BAD PERSON?!?_ Roman shakes his head, not sure where the thought echoing around came from _. What is going on?_

As they circle him, he guesses Remus finally won. _But he didn't really hurt me when he had the chance…_ Roman has one idea how to get help - _"You have to promise me you will call me if you are in over your head in there." "Fine I promise!"_ \- but he conflicted over his next move. _I made a promise… but how is Virgil supposed to help? Maybe with his paranoia powers? But he hasn't used them in so long. He'll probably just get hurt if I call him!_

However, the two shadows advance on him, Roman knows he really has only one option. He pulls with all his might.

"VIRGIL!!!"

\-----

Virgil!

Virgil wakes up to being pulled through an abyss, only to land on some grass in a clearing. He looks around to see Roman backed up against a tree with two full shadows advancing on him.

"WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS THIS?!?" Virgil screams, catching the attention of the shadows. Adrenaline floods his system, giving him a ton of anxiety to work with. He quickly pulls out his spider arms and his Tempus Tongue and screams for all he is worth. " **JANUS! REMUS! Get your asses over here!** "

He ducks the moves of both shadows and places himself in between Roman and the threats.

" **Where is your door to the Imagination from here?** " Roman seems to be shocked by his appearance so he tries again. " **ROMAN, where is your door to the Imagination from here?** "

While he blocks two attacks from the shadows - _NOT A GOOD PERSON! WHY DO I HAVE BAD SIDES?!?_ \- Roman collects himself.

"It is north of -"

" **IS YOUR BACK TO IT?** "

"Uh, no?"

" **Face so that your back is to your door and I will follow suit. JANUS! REMUS!** "

"Who is Janus-"

"Hey Virgil, why are you fucking up my beauty sleep-" Remus appears facing Virgil, then takes note of him in his full fighting body with Roman at his back. He whips around to see the two shadows.

"Wow, look what you found! Do you know-"

" **Best guess is why does Thomas have Dark Sides and the big one is Thomas is not as good of a person as he believes.** "

"That's great! We've been looking for those forever-"

" **FOCUS! We need Janus for these! Why didn't he come with you?!?** "

Remus dodges an attack from the larger shadow and conjures up his mace and a shield. "Probably because I wasn't fully asleep whereas Janus was out like an exploded light!"

" **THEN FUCKING GET TO SUMONING HIM TOO! We have to wake him up!"** Virgil shifts as Roman changes his stance. He is hoping this means that the creative Side is putting his back toward his door so Virgil does not have to worry about these full shadows escaping into the Light Side.

As Remus and him regroup to attack the full shadows as one unit, they both scream at the same time. "JANUS!" " **JANUS!** "

\----

Thomas turns over on his bed, not fully awake but not asleep either. The name _Janus_ runs through his mind over and over, but he is so exhausted that he just wants to sleep. It keeps looping, not allowing him to fall back into his dreams, and he starts to wake up and figure out what is going on when it stops _. Finally!_ He burrows his head further into the pillows and drifts off.

\----

Virgil and Remus alternate attacking and defending against the shadows. It had been a while since they fought not one but two full shadows at the same time, but the muscle memory was there. Unfortunately muscle memory doesn't take into account a wounded arm when blocking. Virgil hisses as he feel some of his stitches tear. _Yeah, definitely going to have a scar there now. Remus is going to be pissed I messed up his stitching!_

Roman had been throwing out questions when first arrived, but when the only responses he got were Virgil and Remus yelling for Janus and telling him to back towards his door, he went silent and watched while moving. Not that they are getting far, the shadows are constantly trying to circle them making retreating a slow endeavor. Roman even tried to attack the shadows when they had to stop because of the circling, giving Virgil a mini heart attack. Based on the threats Remus starts throwing at his twin if he didn't stay back, Virgil is pretty sure he had one too.

A thud followed by cursing to his right lets Virgil know that Janus has finally arrived. Ignoring Roman's "Deceit!" squawk, he turns to see Janus taking in the situation and moving into a defensive position as well. " **PORTAL! NOW!** "

"I AM stupid Virgil! Opening at your two o'clock NOT behind the shadows."

"Alright shadows, time to get bad-touched into the creepy murder-basement!" Remus screams as his shield disappears in favor of a second mace. Virgil also goes to full attack mode now that Janus can guard Roman. It only takes a minute to get the two shadows into the portal and for Janus to close it.

Remus poses dramatically while Virgil collapses on the ground, both of them breathing heavily. Janus comes closer, eyeing Roman.

"Anyone want to tell me where we AREN'T?"

"Yeah, why is this place so familiar-"

"HSSSS" Hissy scrambles out of a tree to cling to Remus's shoulders. Who starts cooing over the scared critter.

" **What is Hissy doing here?!?** "

"We must be at Possum Lake! It shouldn't be too long of a trek to get to Roman's room!"

"Yes, we DON'T need to put something on his door until this place can be swept for shadows."

All three turn to see Roman staring at them. "So the shadows aren’t your minions?" he asks in a small voice.

"See! I told you that the shadows had something to do with him being mean!" Remus crows while walking past Roman in the direction of his door, Hissy living up to her name the whole way.

" **Wait, did you actually get the bruise I saw from a shadow?** " When Roman winces and rubs an ear, Virgil realizes that he is still using Tempus Tongue and clears his throat. "Sorry. But did you?"

"…Yes?"

"What the fuck Roman?!? Why didn't you tell-"

"We CAN'T yell at Roman once we get to his room." Janus pauses "Wait why AREN'T we walking? Roman is right there. He can just pull us all into his room!"

"That's not how the Imagination works -" "~That's not how the Imagination works!~" Roman and Remus stop and stare at each other surprised synchronization of their replies _._ Virgil is slightly impressed _. If they start holding hands and asking people to come play with them I will not be responsible for my actions! Not sure whether I would run away or beat them, but something would happen._

"Well then, let's STAY HERE." Janus grumbles as he starts walking. "And while we walk, Roman WON'T tell us what has been going on with the shadows."

"Wait, why am I the one who has to say anything?!? I have questions too! Like why are we going to my room? I'm not letting you guys into the Light Side" Virgil watches as some of his confidence fades as Roman seems to realize that he was there. "Well, except for Virgil. Who knows what you will do!"

Remus walks over to his brother and flings an arm around his shoulder, moving him in the direction of his room. "Here's the deal, bro. You are going to tell us what has been going on because it is three versus one. And while J-Deceit and Virgil are softies, you put yourself in danger which means you are in SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

Roman looks over at Virgil and Janus. Virgil glances at Janus's you-are-going-to-wish-you-are-just-grounded-for-life glare and smirks. He turns back to Roman and crosses his arms. _You are not going to get any help from me._

"And as to why we are going to your room, it's because we don't want any of those shadows to start wrecking havoc in the Light Side. That's our job!" Remus finishes with a squeeze to the arm around Romans shoulders. "Now let's get going! And start talking, or we have ways of making you~"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that went well, don't you think?
> 
> How are they going to get Roman to talk?


	52. Back to the Light Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil checks on the other Light Sides, and Logan notices Virgil acting strange.
> 
> The Dark Sides need to put a shield on Roman's door to the Imagination.

By the time they arrived at Roman's door, they had gotten the whole story from Roman. How they had started showing up after after the Moving On video. How Roman assumed it had something to do with Remus's threat - "What the fuck Remus!" "I was angry! And I didn't physically hurt him so what are we even yelling about?!?" - and how he told Logan about the shadows. How they started thinking that ducking out was worse than they thought - "About GODDAMN time! I can't be the twin with the beauty AND the brains! You have to pick up some of this yourself!" - and how the shadows increased as time went on. How they thought that another Dark Side had to be involved since this wasn't Remus's normal behavior. How the villagers in the Imagination started seeing larger shadows, but Roman had trouble tracking them.

Anytime Roman would hesitate over giving information, Janus ruthlessly told Remus to tickle his twin until he broke. After the third time of it happening, Virgil starts to feel a little bad for Roman. He has been on the other side of Remus's famous tickle interrogations, and they are brutal. Even Janus can't withstand them for long, if Remus can actually immobilize the slippery Side.

Roman puts up more protests when the Dark Sides went to enter his room, causing Remus to laugh. Janus just raises an eyebrow and points out it is three versus one as he sails through the door first. Virgil knows that it was partly to look dramatic, but it was also partly to check the room for shadows.

"Virgil, DON'T go check the Light Side" A side eye at Roman before Janus puts on a villainous smirk "And make sure the other sides are still oblivious to our devious schemes." Virgil levels a flat look at him.

"Really? We are doing this now? Fine J-Deceit, I'll go check on the other sides so you won't worry about them being hurt!"He levels his own smirk back at Janus as Remus chuckles and pulls Roman close to tell him stories about Janus being a mother hen. Roman looks shocked but interested in the news. Janus is hurrying over to shut Remus up when Virgil leaves the room.

Virgil hears someone clanging pots and pans in the kitchen, so he heads that way. A quick scan of the hallway and the common room show no signs of a shadow. _Well, no signs of shadows here now._ He winces when he sees a nick in the railing where his spider claw had gripped it. _Hopefully no one else will notice? Who am I kidding, we are all going to have to talk after kidnapping Roman. He is not going to keep quiet about this, and other than buffering him off forever, I don't think Janus could stop him completely._

Virgil is surprised to see both Sides in the kitchen. Patton is cooking what looks like grilled cheese with some tomato soup warming on another burner. Logan seems to be going over Thomas's schedule , with a calendar on the table in front of his seat. Virgil does a double take at the "fixed" table. It was bigger than the old one, more rectangular than square _. Like it can fit six people instead of four. I am sure they won't notice, Remus_. Patton looks from his cooking when Virgil stops in the entryway.

"Oh, hey Kiddo! We are having a late lunch since we all got a little distracted this morning."

"That's cool. I just heard you guys down here and was curious about what you were up to."

"Wanna join us? I made a lot." Patton offers, throwing a smile his way.

"Oh! Uh, no thanks, Patton. I am good." Virgil starts to back out of the room.

"Well if you are sure. I am going to go ask Roman in a bit to see if he can help with all this food."

"No!" Virgil yells, then realizes how that looks. He tries to relax and smile at the two Sides that are looking at him in surprise. "I can do it. Since I am headed up that way."

"Oh, well, ok. Thanks Kiddo!"

"No problem! I'll go now." Virgil tries to slowly walk away, only to sprint once he is out of the kitchen's line of sight. _That was close._

\----

Logan listens to the pounding of Virgil's feet as he runs up the stairs. If the outburst about him checking on Roman wasn't enough to make him think something is going on between the anxious and the creative Side, the increased speed up the stairs would have done it.

He had wanted to use tonight's movie night as an excuse to get Virgil alone and confront him on what he had overheard last night. But now there seems to be more pressing matters at hand. _Why doesn't Virgil want Patton to talk to Roman?_

Not only that, but Virgil's left pajama sleeve was wet and seemed to be sticking to his skin. _Most likely from blood from one of the wounds that he received last night. The cloth is black so I can't verify by the color of the spot._ He wonders if what happened with the shadows has anything to do with the larger table in the kitchen. _If I postulate that Deceit was the first set of_ _footsteps_ _I heard last night, then someone else ran from_ _left to right after him. Meaning that they came from the common areas. Something must have happened to the old table and Remus conjured another one._

He stores that away and focuses on the subject at hand- Virgil. Glancing over at Patton cooking, he waits for the happy Side to comment on Virgil's strange mannerisms. It had been beyond obvious, and he was curious what Patton made out of it all _. What are the emotional cues that I may have missed?_

"That was nice of Virgil!" Patton chirps, flipping a sandwich. Logan stares at his back, disbelieving. _He can't be serious._

Logan debates whether to clue him in, then dismisses it. _If I am going to start clueing him in, then I should clue him in on everything so he has all the reasons why Virgil is acting suspicious. That will take too much time._ He stands up and tucks his calendar under his arm.

"I am going to trade my scheduling for a book this lunch. I will return shortly." He heads toward the stairs followed by a cheerful "Okay Logan!"

He puts his calendar in his room and stands in front of Roman's door. He can hear multiple muffled voices through it. _More than two. Who else is in there?_ He debates trying the knob, then discards it. _Virgil would not have forgotten to lock the door when he went in there; he is Anxiety after all. Though he could have forgotten that we can appear in each other's room if we have permission-_

The thought gives him pause as he realizes that none of them have tried to get permission to appear in Virgil's room, or to tell him that he has permission to enter theirs. _He may be unaware that we gave each other permission a long time ago, so locking the door is insufficient to keep out other Light Sides._

Ready to exploit a potential loophole in order to have the element of surprise - according to his index card, that is the correct usage - he focuses to appear in Roman's room.

\----

As Virgil reaches Roman's door, he clearly hears the three Sides arguing. _We got spoiled with my room being soundproof_ he gripes, quickly entering the room. He makes sure to lock the door, ignoring Roman's "Hey!" and turns around to take in the scene in front of him.

"I thought we talked about ikea instruction manuals?" he points out, noticing the book with pictures thrown in the middle of the crazy amount of door-shield pieces. Janus opens his mouth, but Virgil quickly interrupts. "Wait, before you answer, I can easily hear you outside the door, so we have to keep it down. Apparently you can hear everything through Roman's normal door."

"Are you saying that you can't hear things through your door? How did you manage that?"

Roman demands. All three Dark Sides stare at him for a second before Virgil and Remus slowly point to Janus, who examines his nails and smirks.

"What? I want a soundproofed room, too!" Roman protests. "I am tired of Logan complaining about my singing and yelling at 'odd hours'. A prince has got to emote!" Virgil chuckles, easily able to imagine that scene going down. _It probably ends with the two Sides yelling loud enough to wake up Patton. Man, I am glad my door is soundproof!_

"I am sure we CAN'T work something out. Depending on how willing you are to work with us, of course." Janus smoothly inserts into Roman's rant. That seems to give the creative Side pause as he stares at Janus.

"Anyway, why the ikea-" Virgil tries again, only to be interrupted by a whispering Janus glaring at the twins.

"Because I DIDN'T warn Remus about using an ikea manual again, and Roman _had to_ claim that they WEREN'T easy. The rest, as they say, is two idiots fighting over whether a piece is C4 or E5. I refuse to so much as look at the manual."

"How can I not give bro the challenge that will break him? That would make me a bad brother" "HSSSS"

"This won't break me, Remus! You just need to admit the piece is obviously C4! And I am offended by that accusation, Hissy!"

It doesn't surprise him at all that Roman is rolling with Hissy having opinions. _Just another chance to be dramatic. At least they are both whispering now._ Virgil sighs as he realizes how long putting up the shield is going to take. "Give me the damn manual." Remus throws it at his face, which he ducks. While down there, he grabs the piece and the now fallen book. As he examines both, he shakes his head. "This is a D2 piece guys, see how it has the little indent in it-"

"How dare you suggest that I cannot identify a piece!" Roman whisper-yells at the same time as Remus's "Fuck you spidey boy, what do you know?"

He turns the manual around to show the indented part in the picture just as Logan rises up in the room. Everyone freezes. _He has permission to appear in Roman's room?!? Why is he here? Ah, fuck it._

Virgil holds out the piece and the manual to the logical Side. "Can you tell us what piece this is?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Janus has to be dramatic, Roman and Remus have to feed off each other, Virgil has to be completely obvious, and Hissy has to just be cute!


	53. Sander Sides, Assemble!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton gets worried when Logan doesn't come down. He heads up to find him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeee! It is happening!! 
> 
> There is a lot of time skips to get all the setup. I hope it isn't too choppy.

Patton takes the final sandwich off the frying pan and flips it onto a plate. He moves it over to the table - _Which seems larger…_ \- but then frowns at the empty chairs. Logan has been gone for longer than ten minutes, which is much longer than it should take going up and down the stairs. And Roman normally would at least come down to grab something if Patton is cooking. _Where is everyone?_

He heads up the stairs, moving to Logan's room first. _He said he would be down, and Roman may just be in the imagination_. He knocks on the door and is met with silence on the other side. 

"Logan? You coming down for lunch?" Patton tries again with the same result. He debates barging in, but reasons that there could be a perfectly reasonable answer for this. _Maybe he fell asleep when he got up here. Since last night was so hectic!_ Satisfied with that possibility, he leaves Logan alone to go check on Roman.

As he approaches the door, it sounds like a party is going on in there. He is shocked to hear more than two voices coming from inside. _What the heck is going on?_ The voices on the other side get louder, and Patton clearly recognizes Remus's voice. _Oh no, is he bothering Roman still?_

Patton squares his shoulders and appears into the room. "What is-" he falters once the scene in front of him starts to register. "-going on?!?" The question ends in a squeak as all five - _Five?!?_ \- Sides turn to look at him, one with a hissing animal on his shoulder. _Oh my goodness!_

\----

"It DIDN'T only take ten minutes…" breathes Janus from where he is sitting next to Virgil, who snorts. "I don't know what power Logan just used, but I want it." Both of them relax and survey the room in front of them in awe and confusion.

Logan was observing the fully completed shield now on the inside of Roman's door to the Imagination while the twins are loudly celebrating their puzzle prowess. After identifying the piece Virgil had shown him - _D2. Take that you two_! - Logan then skimmed all the identifying pictures in the manual. It had only taken two minutes for Logan to have a system in place to sort and assemble the pieces. He put out reference pieces of all the shapes, and pulled Janus and Virgil to sort the rest. There had barely been an eyebrow raise as both sides pulled out their extra arms to work faster, because of course Virgil and Janus made it into a race. _Stupid Janus and his stupid thumbs on ALL his arms..._

Wielding the instruction manual like the mightiest of weapons, he commandeered the twins to assemble the door, making it a competition on who can assemble the most. With that motivation, both creative Sides made short work following the instructions Logan would read out, hilariously coming to a tie on the amount of assembly done.

"Now that whatever this is has been assembled, may I enquire as to what it is?"

"It's a shield so that Roman doesn't get bad-touched at night!" Remus yells, then cackles when Virgil groans at that description.

"Are you challenging my prowess with a sword? I can defeat any villain that comes my way, even at night!"

"Oh yeah, like you defeated the two shadows before you called for Virgil to save you?"

"I-I had it under control! But I made a promise to call for Virgil if I didn't have backup, and I cannot break a promise. Because that is what Princes do!"

"HSSSS"

"I DON'T agree that that is a lie, Hissy" smirks Janus, leaning back on his arms. "You might NOT want to try better than that." As Roman sputters, Logan interjects.

"…I don't think that answered my question. But I am now more curious about the opossum in the room. Specifically, around Remus's shoulders. Is it your pet?"

"I co-parent with her possum family."

"...What?"

"You, a parent? When did this happen?" Roman scoffs, then pauses. "Wait, does that mean I am an Uncle?" He gasps as he turns to look over Hissy, his eyes starting to sparkle. "I must spoil my niece to prove I am the best Uncle in the world!"

Virgil snorts."Good luck with that! We are also her uncles, and you are not going to overthrow us. She still hisses at you!" He is relieved that the conversation took this turn, or else Remus would have gotten violent. _Don't question his parenting, or he will bite your face off._

Roman goes on a monologue about how he will beat them at being the best uncle, while the Darks Sides heckle him. Virgil stops when Logan comes over to stand next to him.

"I am afraid that I won't be able to steer the conversation back to my questions, so I am going to just ask you. What is the thing on the door for? How did all of you come to be in the room with Roman? What did Remus mean about two shadows and Roman calling you? How is your ar-"

"What is going on?!?" Patton ends his question in a squeak as everyone stops talking to look at him. Except Hissy, who hisses at the new person in the room _. That's our Hissy! Never runs out of things to say._ Just then, a his head starts to buzz. _What the hell?_

\----

Thomas gets up and stretches, feeling refreshed after his nap. He looks over at the clock and realizes that he slept for a couple hours without any bad dreams _. Which is a miracle after last night!_

As he heads down to get something to eat he feels like he has forgotten something. _But what?_ Reviewing what he remembers from the video with Remus, he can't find any hint of what it could be. _After that, I slept like a rock, so it can't be-Wait._

There was something he vaguely remembers during his sleep. Something that woke him up because it repeated itself. _But what was it?_ He brings a bowl of cereal over to the couch and sits down, eating as he wracks his brain. _It was a name, I think. Started with a J. John? Jerry? Janus?_

"Janus!" Thomas shouts, knowing that was it. "But why-" He hears a thud near the stairs.

His head whips around to see a casually dressed - _are those pajamas?_ \- Deceit wincing as he gets off the bottom few steps. "What is NOT going on-" he mutters as he brushes off his pajamas, still not looking at Thomas.

Thomas stares at the snake Side pull himself together, pieces of the puzzle falling into place. "Your name is Janus?"

Deceit freezes, then whips his head up to stare incredulously at Thomas. He watches as Deceit tries to relax before replying. "Nice try, but NO. Why would you think you could guess my name, Thomas? Too good to just ask me what it is?" _Definitely his name, but why did I hear it last night?_

"I heard it while sleeping after meeting Remus. But, why?"

Janus's face blanks for a second, before anger clouds it. " **Virgil! Remus!"**

Virgil and Remus appear on either side of Deceit, one looking much more worried than the other. Remus waves happily at Thomas, causing him to get anxious about both Deceit and Remus up here. He hears a short groan and looks at Virgil, who is wincing. The anxious Side then leans around Deceit to hit Remus upside the head, startling a laugh from Thomas.

Virgil then turns to the fuming Janus and winces again. "Look, it was an accident!"

"How about you DON'T explain it to me!" Janus hisses, just as the other Sides appear in their normal places.

Thomas lets out a frustrated breath. "Can someone tell me what is going on here?!?"

\----

"Ah, hello Patton. I am sorry I did not return to the kitchen right away. I got distracted by the events transpiring in here." Virgil stares at Logan, unsettled by how unfazed he seems to be. _This is a time to fucking panic! Watch, I'll show you!_ He is just glad that he had put his spider arms away after finishing sorting the pieces.

"Patton! Please back me up! Would I not make the best Uncle out of all of us?" Roman shouts, obviously confusing Patton even more. Remus jumps in.

"You would just try to buy her love by conjuring things! Patton, tell my brother that buying someone's love is wrong!"

"I-I mean, it is, but why is Roman going to be an uncle? Why is everyone in here? Is that a possum?!?"

"Her name ISN'T Hissy and she is obviously NOT Remus's kid-possum." Janus explains, rolling his eyes. Virgil is not sure if it was because of Patton or the conversation as a whole. _Both would be pretty valid_.

"Oh, but - Why - What is everyone doing in here?" Virgil winces at that, and sits up straighter. _Geez, where to begin-_

"I was bravely fighting monsters in the Imagination when I had a need to call on Virgil for assistance. These two showed up, and once the monsters were defeated, they proceeded to torture me for information! I just barely made it out alive!"

 _That isn't it! R_ emus started to laugh halfway through Roman's "explanation". _If you can call it that!_ Virgil looks over to Janus for help, only to see him strike a villainous pose. Luckily, Logan is unimpressed by that description as well.

"Is that why you and Remus were yelling at Virgil about a piece of the armor on the door, while Deceit watched? And that the only one who looks hurt out of all of you is Virgil?" All eyes swing to Virgil, but he is looking questioningly at Logan. _How did he know I was injured?_ The logical Side glances down at Virgil's arm, causing Virgil to do the same. He winces when he sees the still slightly wet spot from when the stitches tore.

"Who hurt you? You can tell us if it was Deceit or Remus. We'll protect you!" Patton says as he rushes to Virgil's side. Janus stands up by Virgil's other side, clearly pissed.

"How nice of you to think that we would hurt Virgil, considering everything!"

"Yeah, I would say that we all come out pretty even on who fucked Virgil over the most, so no one gets a prize." Remus adds in. His voice is still chipper, but his eyes have become serious. "So how about we don't point any fingers that we wouldn't want bitten off."

Virgil jumps up and makes sure to block Patton and Janus from each other. "Whoa, whoa. I got the wound from something else. Remus and Deceit didn't do anything to me! They even patched it up, until I pulled the stitches."

Patton's faces fades from a protective zeal to a more confused expression."Stitches? But why not just heal the wound?'

"What?" All three Dark Sides ask, staring at Patton. "You can heal someone else?!?" Remus adds. He can heal himself when trying out some of his darker thoughts, but he has never been able to heal Janus or Virgil. Virgil and Janus never had the healing power at all, even to heal themselves.

Janus recovers first. "Yes we _obviously_ stitched something up when we can magically heal-" without any other warning Janus disappears. They all stare at the spot he had just been. _What just happened?_ Virgil tries to figure it out, only to sense Thomas in the living room with Janus. It is then that he realizes the buzzing has also stopped. "Did Thomas just call Deceit up?"

"uh, well- not REALLY." Remus mutters. Virgil glares at him until he shrugs a little helplessly "I heard him call SOMEONE up there… by name..."

"Oh fuck, he must have heard us last night!" Virgil yells. "Deceit is going to kill us!"

"You mean when you called for Janus and Remus, then Deceit and Remus showed up?" Roman asks.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I fucking mean-"

 _VIRGIL!_ He gets roughly pulled into the living room with a confused Thomas and an enraged Janus. He lands a few steps up from his normal spot and takes a second to get his bearings. Unfortunately, Thomas's anxiety spikes making Virgil cut off a groan. He looks over at the host only to see Remus standing on the other side of Janus cheerily waving at a scared Thomas. Virgil gets up and leans over to smack Remus in the back of the head, relaxing some when Thomas laughs. _Making my life harder right before Janus kills us. What an ass._

He braces himself to look again at Janus, only to see he looks even angrier than expected, causing him to wince and put his hands out in a helpless gesture. "Look, it was an accident!"

"How about you DON'T explain it to me!" Janus hisses, just as the other Sides appear in their normal places. _Oh look, the gang's all here. Patton looks freaked, Logan looks to have questions, and Roman is just glaring at his brother._

Thomas lets out a frustrated breath. "Can someone tell me what is going on here?!?" _This is going to be fun..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The IKEA manual is no match for Logic!
> 
> Also,  
> EEEEEE! IT'S HAPPENING!


	54. Let Me Tell You a Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas has a chat with all his Sides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with fake Thomas's past. They don't apply (or I have no idea if they apply) to the real Thomas in any way. They weren't meant to.
> 
> I... don't know how well this turned out. I tried broach a lot of the topics, but I understood that this was NOT going to solve all the problems...

"NOTHING, Thomas. I am just going to lighten the number of Sides you have!" Janus growls, turning his glare on Remus. Virgil sees the chaotic Side's eyebrow raise for a fraction of a second before his face goes blank. He then slowly pulls out that damn deodorant container and takes a bite out of it. Janus is full on hissing at this point. Virgil decides to step in before he has to bury Remus's body.

"We tried summoning you but you were asleep so we had to keep doing it until you woke up and Thomas must have heard." Virgil rushed out.

"Yeah Janus, you sleep like a dead body." Remus laughs and ducks Janus's smack to the head. He moves to the other side of his brother, obviously planning to use him as a meat shield. _Not sure that is going to be enough if you don't stop taunting him!_

"We? You and Virgil were trying to summon Deceit - I mean Janus - and couldn't because he was asleep? Why were you two summoning him?" Thomas asks, looking extremely confused.

"Well, obviously it was to stop Roman from getting bad touched." Remus responds like this is a given. Virgil growls.

"Can you stop with the bad touch explanation?!? It does not help at all!"

"You could always explain it to us, Virgil." Logan calmly offers, making Virgil freeze then fidget.

"...Why we were summoning Deceit?"

"Just use Janus at this point. NO ONE knows now." Janus grumbles, crossing his arms.

"We can start there, of course. But I have a few more questions after that." Logan responds. Patton and Roman both chime in that they have questions as well. "You could always start at the beginning and we can ask our questions as you go if that would be easier."

"Well, uh" Virgil looks to Thomas, who is looking back pleadingly. " I would really like to know what is going on, Virgil."

"Once upon a time, Virgil, Janus and I started getting worried about all the bad thoughts you were repressing. We wanted to work with you on it, but you never listened to us. And the Light Sides never have any idea about them, so we couldn't expect them to figure it out. Except you had been talking about feeling anxious, so we pulled Virgil up to the Light Side to try to work with you." Remus rushes out, then grins and shoots Virgil finger guns. "There. Now the story is started. Take it from here, Virgil!"

"Wait! Before we hear from Virgil" Patton interrupts. "I want to heal his arm."

"What is wrong with his arm?!?" Thomas yells. Virgil rushes in to reassure him.

"Nothing bad, Thomas. I was just slow in dodging and got a slash. Remus stitched it up, but then I tore it…"

"You are telling the story out of order!" Remus complains, throwing up his hands. "And I set it up so well for you!"

"How about we DON'T let Patton heal Virgil while he continues the story." Janus interrupts. He turns to Thomas and Virgil can see him softening at the worry on his face. "Don't worry Thomas. Virgil is fine. If Patton can heal him, that would be nice. If not, he just needs some stitches redone. Nothing to freak out about."

"I am confused as to why you three are unaware of us being able to heal." Logan comments "Considering Virgil and Remus saw me demonstrate it just last night."

"Wait, your teeth were ACTALLY pulled out?!?" Vigil yells, then turns to glare at the chaotic Side. "You pulled his teeth out and hit him in the head with a ninja star?!? FOR REAL?!? **What the fuck Remus!** "

"I was going to reattach his teeth after the video! He would have had wiggly teeth for a bit, but no lasting damage! Then he goes and fixes them himself and says nothing I do is permanent! I got curious!!"

Janus puts a hand on Virgil shoulder as he starts to lunge at Remus. "Remus I DON'T know you have an index card on this-"

Patton moves past Janus as he continues to lecture Remus, and Virgil calms down enough to pull up his sleeve for him. The wound actually doesn't look too bad, considering he fought with it. Patton still winces at it. "Wow kiddo, that's a lot of scars…" he mumbles as he reaches for the wound.

Virgil takes another look at his arm. Sure, there three scars visible, but he is relatively untouched in comparison to Janus. And Remus would be riddled with them if he did not have the ability to heal himself. "Um, well not-" He stops when a warm zap hits the wound and it disappears. Virgil pokes at the new skin, amazed. "That is awesome Patton! Thanks!"

Patton beams, but the smile falters when Virgil turns around and shows him the wound on his back. "Can you do this one too?" Virgil hears a soft "Sure Kiddo" right before a warm zap hits his back. The dull pain and the pull of stitches disappears. He turns around smiling. "Thanks Patton!" He freezes when he notices the Light Sides and Thomas all staring at him strangely. "What?"

Janus seems to notice the shift in attention and stops yelling at Remus. Patton is struggling to say something, but Virgil is not sure what. Janus looks him over, so Virgil shows him his healed arm. Janus nods at it in approval."Now that that is NOT done, let's start the story. We will NOT be here all night if we keep jumping topic to topic."

"Before you continue, may I ask a question about these 'bad thoughts'?" Logan asks. Virgil shrugs. "Sure."

"Are these bad thoughts where Virgil got all his scars?"

"Yeah, they are pretty aggressive. I mean, they can attack all of us. We just make sure they don’t get to Thomas, or you guys." Virgil mutters. "They are feelings and thoughts from the subconscious. The stronger the feeling or thought, the bigger and more solid they are.

"And when they touch you, you feel what that feeling or thought is?" Roman asks.

"Exactly. You want to get a read on what caused the shadow, so you have to touch them. But you also don't want to get hit or cut by them, so you have to move fast. That is only for the big ones, though. We contain those because they are ones that Thomas has to work through consciously. For the smaller ones, you can absorb them and process the feelings and/or thoughts that made them. We normally handle those ourselves or bring it up if there are a lot of them."

"So instead of the Dark Sides being the source of Thomas's anxiety, deceit, and intrusive thoughts, you instead filter it out to him based on what his subconscious sends to you." Logan concludes.

"Virgil mentioned that you all have light in your mindscapes that seem to work in a similar fashion. When he touched the light, it hit him with feelings or thoughts. But since he is used to the shadows, he was not able to handle it. You may have NOT noticed his reactions when in your mindscapes." Janus supplies.

"That about sums it up!" Remus agrees. "And there was a rash of new shadows when we sent Virgil up. You guys needed some sense beaten into you after we watched the first two vlogs."

"But were you my anxiety when you were a Dark Side?" Thomas asks, seeming confused. Virgil sighs.

"Patton, Roman, and Logan would have known me as Paranoia, but that was because it was really fucking hard to get your attention from the Dark Side. We had to essentially scare you in order to get you to listen. So we all kinda adapted to that." Virgil responds, watching the Light Sides. None of them seem surprised by this information. _Maybe Roman DID know when he corrected himself before…_

"Why didn’t they immediately identify you, then?" Thomas seems to be struggling with all the new information.

"Because he doesn't look the same when he has to get your attention!" Remus responds, sending Virgil an obvious wink. _Really..._

"What did you-" Thomas starts, but Virgil can guess what he is asking. He allows his eye shadows to drop, pulls out his spider arms, and clears his throat feeling the Tempus Tongue settle in.

" **I look a little different when I was trying to get your attention.** " Virgil replies then pulls it all back. Thomas looks shocked but not really scared. Bracing himself, he casts a glance at Patton. The happy Side seems wary, but did not freak out about how he looks like a spider - _As soon as Virgil had changed, Janus forced a hand over Patton's mouth so no sounds of fear could escape._ _It sobered the normally happy Side to not freak out, catching Janus's eye and nodding._ _Janus allowed the hand to drop._ \- making him relax. _That went a lot better than I was expecting!_

"I knew as soon as you came up here." Roman quietly admitted. Virgil looks at him in shock. "How?!?"

"That would be my fault." Remus says in a serious tone. "I may have joked with Roman in the past about how anxiety and paranoia are essentially the same thing…"

"It's why I was so against you in the beginning…" Roman looks away. Pieces of the puzzle click into place. _If I thought that Paranoia was coming to talk to Thomas, would I do anything different?_ He has to admit the answer to that is a resounding NO. He gives Roman a smile showing he understood.

"Anyways, I started trying to scare you to get you to listen to me. But that made you reflexively not actually listen to anything I had to say, just because it was me saying it." Virgil continued. "I have to admit all the videos threw me for a loop. Sometimes we were talking about serious matters, sometimes we were just joking around. Since I had never had the ability to just hang out with you before, the latter really pissed me off. I may have yelled at Patton, Roman, and Logan after the video where you talked about being in a Disney show…" Virgil refuses to look at anyone at the end of that explanation, missing the surprised look shared between the Light Sides.

"We had left a way for me to travel to the Dark Side, but some of the shadows - the small ones - started coming through. At first it was easy to take care of, but it escalated to a problem after my debate with Logan."

"I do have some questions about that debate." Logan interrupts. "For parts of it, you seemed uneasy if not anxious when you thought no one was looking at you. From what Janus explained, it was the light in the mindscape that caused you to need to leave and subsequently pull all three of us back here? "

"Wait, you pulled you, Thomas, and Logan out of Logan's mindscape?!?" Roman incredulously asks.

"So, apparently us Dark Sides have the ability to access any mindscape, and to drag others in and out of them, since we don't each have our own." Virgil responds. Thomas opens his mouth to ask the obvious question, but Virgil cuts him off. "As for where you guys went to when looking for me, that is a little later in the story."

"So get on with it!" Remus yells, petting Hissy on his shoulder, who hissed at the shout.

"Are we going to keep ignoring the animal on Remus's shoulder?" Thomas asks. Virgil sends him a flat stare. "Unless you want to get sidetracked, yes." He waits to see if Thomas will push the issue, but the host just shrugs and gestures for him to continue.

"Well, with the fact shadows were showing up in the Light Side because of my shortcut to the Dark Side, and Patton, Roman, and Logan starting to work out issues with you, I decided to duck out." Virgil quickly summarizes, ready to get past this part. Apparently Janus and Remus were not.

"What Virgil IS saying is that he was being attacked by shadows, dismissed by the Light Sides, and did not have a quick enough communication with Remus and myself, so he committed suicide."

"WHAT?!?" Thomas yells. "I thought ducking out what keeping yourself in your room?!?"

Remus starts hysterically laughing. "You and the Light Sides think that. But seriously Thomas, when have you ever NOT been able to contact Logan, Patton, or Roman?" When Thomas had no answer to the question, Remus continued."I don't know if it is because we are closer to the darker subconscious or what, but 'ducking out' to us means falling into the subconscious until we are absorbed into it and aren't a Side anymore." He chuckles and sends a friendly-but-still-maniacal glance to Thomas. "So you can imagine how Janus and I felt seeing you all be so cavalier about the whole thing." Virgil winces. _Please. I want to get past me being incredibly dumb!_

"Wait, that was the first time." Thomas interrupts, looking deep in thought.

"First time?" Virgil prompts, curious. Thomas pauses a moment before continuing. "I remember being pretty out of it before we found you, Virgil. But before we travelled to your room, I vaguely remember hearing the name Virgil in my head." Thomas blushes. "Before I took off my pants."

"That was NOT us" Janus cautiously conceded. "You were all calling for Anxiety, but that is not all that Virgil is. Remus and I got to Virgil's room to see him-" a pause filled with a shaky inhale "Fading into the subconscious, so we called for Virgil to come back. You must have heard us yelling. Remus tried to cover it up with telling you to take off your pants."

Virgil reaches over to give Janus a one-armed hug with his left arm. He holds his right arm out, and Remus runs over to get the other hug. _That sounds pretty traumatic. I didn't want to give them nightmares! Why did I do something so stupid!_ He was so busy squeezing the Dark Sides in comfort, that he missed the surprise then soft smile Thomas got while watching them.

"While they were doing that, the place you went to is actually a collective mindscape for all Dark Sides." Virgil continued."It is normally where we hold the thoughts that you need to consciously deal with, but are not ready to. I may have -" Virgil fidgets and avoids everyone's eyes"-kinda dealt with the ones in that place before I ducked out, which is why you guys weren't attacked."

Virgil continued before anyone could ask any questions. "After you guys told me you wanted to work with me, I was willing to stay up on the Light Side. Janus and Remus would regularly join me up there because they didn’t want to leave me alone again."

"Wait, so Janus and Remus have been camping out in your room for over a year?!?" Roman exclaims. Virgil shrugs. "I don't know if you guys realize, but being in the Dark Side is like being deaf and blind compared to up here. In the Dark Side, the best we can do is reactively help Thomas, and in VERY RARE cases proactively help. Up here, all you guys do is proactively help him. We can hear and sense Thomas so much better up here than in the Dark Side. It takes some getting used to."

"But D-Janus and Remus didn't do anything until recently!"Thomas protests. Virgil glares at him in response.

"Janus showed up when you started lying to yourself about what you wanted! He was able to try to work with you about the issues, rather than have to hide things to try to get his point across. And Remus-" Virgil winces then continues "he showed up to cover for me being surprised…"

"What-"

"You know how I talked about shadows coming through my shortcut to the Dark Side? Well, when Remus and Janus started watching over me up here, we forgot about Remus's door to the Imagination, which is connected to-"

"My door to the Imagination." Roman supplies, looking uneasy. "But what does that have to do with Remus giving Thomas nightmares?"

"A shadow, or whatever you call the things from the Dark Side, came through your door and attacked Virgil last night." Logan supplies. _How the FUCK does he know that?!?_ When every Side stares at him, he shrugs and adds more information."Deceit came to check on me, and I am assuming Patton as well-" Janus nods, so Logan continues "-after Virgil got hurt. I heard the noise and went to check out what was causing it. Virgil's door was open a little so I listened in-"

"You have a soundproofed room, and you forgot to close the door?!?" Roman interrupts, appearing morally offended at the idea.

"Whoops…" Remus says with a shrug, and Virgil watches as Janus rubs his face with his hands. Virgil groans and shifts his hold to squeeze around Remus's neck, but only slightly. He wants to be mad at the chaotic Side, but they were on borrowed time anyway. _It was only a matter of time that we would have had this discussion. I am just glad that I was not aware of it at the time._

"It was pretty hectic that night." Virgil defended. "It is not everyday that you get attacked by a shadow in the Light Side! So all of us were kinda running of instinct here!"

"So how does that lead to Remus-"

"Virgil got those wounds from the shadow when it surprised him, skyrocketing his anxiety. That meant that some would bleed over to you. Normally, when your shadows contained too much anxiety for Virgil to process, I get to … distract you." Remus supplies.

"Wait, that whole thing was just a distraction?!?"

"It was either that or have you try to come to terms with being a liar while Virgil desperately tried to not give you a panic attack! The idea was to allow some disturbing but mostly harmless thoughts through and then deal with your worry of being a liar when things calmed down." Janus jumps in to explain.

"B-but it kept me up all night! And then Remus showed up, freaking me out more. How was that supposed to calm me down?!?"

"Virgil was having problems with my dreams, so I thought why not make a dramatic entrance? Then the Light Sides would 'defeat' me so you wouldn't be scared of me and I could join you guys!"

"That was TOTALLY agreed upon by Virgil and myself. We were DEFINITELY told about this before he went up there!" Janus glares at Remus, who wiggles out of Virgil's hold to take refuge behind Roman again. Virgil smirks.

"It also didn't help that Remus drank caffeine before he went up there." He chuckles at Janus's "What?!?" and Remus's "How could you?" and continues. "He gets pretty manic when he is wired. I was NOT happy when I smelled coffee on his breath during the song. Though the whole musical number should have been the first clue…"

"You mean like when Roman has a cup of coffee then sings the entire Disney anthology at the top of his lungs?" Patton asks. Virgil does a slow pan over to Roman, who is blushing. _I guess they share some of the same weaknesses._ Remus flings his arm around Roman's shoulder.

"Sounds like we need to chug a gallon of coffee and have a karaoke night!" _Oh god, no!_ Virgil loudly yells his disapproval of this idea, along with Janus, Logan, and Thomas. Patton of course claps his hands and starts suggesting songs.

"When is intrusive thoughts ever helpful, though?" Thomas asks but trails off that he end because of the glare that Virgil was leveling at him _. I bet that Janus is also glaring! What sort of question is that?!?_ He goes to open his mouth when Remus calmly interrupts.

"Do you know who knew you were gay first?" He chuckles at Thomas's shocked face. "Boy, you REALLY didn't want to confront that thought for a long time! It took forever for you to finally talk about it with someone and realize it wasn't a bad thing. Or who had to explain death to you? That was tough, considering your first interaction with it was through your beloved dog." Remus absently petted Hissy during his response. Virgil is sure that if you weren't paying close attention you would miss the slight shaking of his hand.

"Intrusive can be described as causing disruption or annoyance through being unwelcome or uninvited, Thomas. It sounds like Remus also helps you work through thoughts that may first be unwelcome, but may ultimately be beneficial for you to know." Logan pipes in.

"Why didn't you lead with that, Remus? It would have been so much better!" Thomas yells, causing Virgil to sigh.

"Are you forgetting that he just gave you nightmares? It doesn't seem like a good idea to let you have those thoughts, then have Remus calmly bring up all the things that you aren't ready to hear. And to be honest, it actually went pretty well. I expected the first time we all showed up here with you to be a screaming match."

"Wait, Virgil's the one who is being optimistic?"Roman asks and Virgil turns to glare at the creative Side, causing him to gulp. "You want me to get anxious? Because I can freak out-"

"No,no,no! I like the optimistic side!" Thomas jumps in, and is echoed by Patton. He takes a breath then looks over at Janus. "So is there anything else you've been hiding from me?"

"All the bad thoughts that you are not ready to deal with currently." Janus promptly replies. "But I would strongly suggest not going into that now. You have a lot of information to process, which would be beneficial for you to have really gone through before we try to work out any more issues."

"I second that, Thomas. All of us were given a lot of information here, so perhaps we end this discussion here for now." Logan says.

"Yeah, you're right. I didn't even have the camera up because I wasn't expecting this…"

"Oh, and we are going to try to move Remus's and my room up here." Janus casts a wary look at Thomas." We tried when you first found out about me, but you had some block on my room, so we left both down there. Are you against it?"

"It would be beneficial to have them up here in their own rooms instead of all occupying Virgil's." Logan points out.

"Yeah, the more the merrier…" Patton's cheer isn't as pronounced as it normally is, but at least some is there.

"I have a feeling that Remus might start using my room since I now know he is up here, so I am all for it." Roman comments, eyeing his brother who cackles and doesn't deny the accusation.

"It sounds like it won't make much difference in seeing you guys, so if it is helpful to you, then sure. What do I need to do?" Thomas's voice is also unsure, but he is agreeing.

Janus smiles. "I am sure your consent is really all we need. If that turns out to not be true, we can work it out then."

"Then with that, I will take my leave. Until later, Thomas" Logan says as he sinks out. One by one the others sink out, each saying goodbye to Thomas as they go. Virgil waits until they are all gone before looking at Thomas.

"Please don't tell me you have any more secrets!" Thomas moans. Virgil chuckles.

"No, I just wanted to apologize. I didn't mean for this to happen like it did. But I am glad you now know and Janus and Remus can help you more openly. It was making me really worried about having to hide it from you, especially when they started to show up."

Thomas looks Virgil up and down. "Yeah, you seem much more relaxed and happy now, even with getting attacked by the shadow thing." He takes a breath, and Virgil waits "I am still not sure about Janus and Remus being as nice as you claim, but I trust you. If you say they are really only trying to help, then I will give this a shot."

"Thanks. But don't expect Janus to drop his villain look or Remus to turn into Roman. Janus can rival Roman with his flair for the dramatic and Remus likes messing with people. But they would do anything to help you out, even if it turns out to be a stupid plan. It will probably be better to have them tell you the plans upfront and have Logan shoot them down if they are dumb then try another grand scheme like me coming up here." Virgil decides to end it there, knowing there would be more time to help Thomas work through this later. "See you around, Thomas." he says as he sinks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's gonna try! Yay!


	55. We're all in this together!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sides all sit down and talk after visiting with Thomas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER!!!

Virgil appears in the common room, expecting that the Sides would need to chat after talking with Thomas. He hears others talking in the kitchen and heads in that direction. As he walks in, Patton is commenting on how they all can fit at the table.

"Isn't that cool? I thought it seemed larger!"

"That was Remus." Virgil points out "When we were tossing the shadow into the dark mindscape, the table got broken. Remus was supposed to fix it, but instead made this one apparently."

"We wouldn't have all fit at the other one. It needed to be bigger!" Remus protests as he conjures two more chairs so everyone can sit down. Logan sits in his normal place, with Remus scooting in between him and Roman. Janus takes the chair between Roman and Patton, with Virgil in his normal spot on the other side of the happy Side.

"Now that we all AREN'T here. Does anyone have any more questions before we try to move over our doors?" Janus interrupts.

"Do you need help with moving them?" Logan asks.

"We are going to use shadows to do it, so we should be good." Virgil replies. He is watching Patton next to him, who is looking troubled. "You okay there Patton?"

"You guys were fighting off bad shadows and getting hurt and we had no idea?" Patton's voice is a mixture between shock and sadness. The obvious answer to the question is yes, but Virgil doesn't think that will make Patton feel better. Virgil looks over to Janus, not knowing how to answer.

"Yeah brother. Why didn't you tell me?" Roman's voice is quiet as well, and he is looking over at Remus, who shifts uncomfortably in his chair causing Hissy to protest. "Just looking after you, bro. What are brothers for?"

Roman stands up and slams his hand on the table. "I will go and help vanquish these beasts from the Dark Side-"

"That would be unwise with the current information." Logan interrupts. "Virgil mentioned that he is not able to process the thoughts and feelings we contain in our mindscapes, so it stands to reason that the opposite it true." He adjusts his glasses "We can, however, help as much as we can in other areas. Like working with them to help Thomas through the bad thoughts he is having, and treating any wounds that they may get from the shadows. So they don't need to add to their scars…" Logan looks uncomfortable at the last sentence.

"I'm so sorry!" Patton wails, startling Virgil. "If we had known it was like that down there, we could have done something sooner! You wouldn't have gotten hurt!"

"Patton enough" Janus loudly says, making Patton tearfully look at him. "You couldn't have stopped us from getting hurt, only treated the wounds after we finished fighting. That will be really nice going forward. "At this Janus smiles and softens his tone. "But we would rather work on getting along in the present than feel guilty about the past."

"Yeah." Virgil seconds. "We did things that we aren't real proud of in the past as well, but I want to move forward with you guys than focus on when we were separated."

Patton sniffles and leans toward Virgil before stopping. "I know you don't like being touched-"

Virgil leans over and hugs him while Remus starts loudly questioning that statement. "Virgil is a fucking cuddle bunny! Why do you not think that he doesn't like to be touched?"

"Language!" Patton shouts still holding onto Virgil, only to have Remus scoff. He lets go of the anxious Side to narrow his eyes at Remus. Virgil sits back, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire if Patton starts a fight. 

"You use that language around your kid-possom? That doesn't sound like good co-parenting." Remus freezes and Virgil stifles a startled laugh. _Oooooh, Patton hitting where it hurts!_ As Remus looks at Hissy curled around his shoulders, Janus and Virgil share an amused glance. Remus huffs.

"Fine! Virgil is a freaking cuddle bunny. Better?"

"Much better! And Virgil told us that he didn't like being touched."

"Yes, he smacked Patton's hand away when he patted him on the shoulder! It was very abrupt and frankly rude-"

"Oh! I get it." Remus interrupts and relaxes back in his chair. "He said that because he couldn't say why else he would do that." Janus seems to realize what Remus is implying and sighs.

"What good reason would he have for smacking someone's hand away-" Before Roman finishes his question, his twin reaches over and grabs a spot on his arm. Roman shouts and smacks the hand away. "Ow, watch it! I have a bruise- oh."

He starts to look uncomfortable and Virgil opens his mouth to jump in when Logan starts talking.

"It seems that Remus is implying that Patton accidentally hit a bruise, startling Virgil into smacking his hand away, and fabricated not wanting to be touched since he could not explain where he got said bruise. I am assuming the source was the shadows you mentioned sneaking in your room?" Virgil nods, looking down at the table. "And have sufficient measures been taken to stop that from happening again?"

"As soon as Remus and I got up here." Janus confirmed.

"Then can I also assume from his interactions with you two, and Remus's comments that Virgil is tactile?" Virgil looks up, to see the Light Sides expectant faces. "Y-yeah." He mutters.

Patton squeals and hugs him again. "I've been wanting to give you hugs for AGES and now I finally CAN!" Virgil casts desperate eyes over to Janus, who chuckles and gets up.

"Alright. We DON'T need to go look at our doors to make sure they can move up here. You WON'T have time to do that later." Patton reluctantly lets go as Logan corrects Janus.

"I assure you there will be plenty of free time for Patton to hug Virgil, and I still have questions-"

"I tell lies, Logan. I do it all the fu-" a quick glance around to see both Patton AND Remus glaring at him -"freaking time. You are going to need to learn how to listen for it!" With that he storms off, Remus and Virgil quickly following after.

"Don't forget movie night tonight!" Patton cheerfully calls after the retreating Sides.

\----

Janus had been right about his door now being able to move since Thomas said it was okay. In fact, it seemed to take sufficiently less shadow power to start moving Janus's door over than it did so long ago with Virgil's. Even still, it would be a multi-day event to move each door over. They worked until it was close to movie time, then headed back. Janus and Remus grabbed blankets from Virgil's room on the way to the common room. They put them in a pile on the floor and all three started burrowing in as the Light Sides joined them.

Patton immediately wanted to join the blanket pile, and Roman was pulled in by Remus. Even Logan joined once Janus pointed out the benefits of physical contact, even though he stayed close to the edge of the pile. Patton seemed surprised that Janus would get Logan to join, but Virgil is pretty sure it is to harvest more body heat. Judging by Remus's smirk, he thought the same thing. Roman just enjoyed taunting Logan until he joined.

Virgil settled in a sleep-like daze listening to Remus and Roman heckle Frozen with a few comments thrown in from Patton, Janus, and even Logan. The warmth of the blankets and the knowledge that all the other Sides were happy for now lulled him into a light sleep.

He wakes up to the credits of Tangled playing to see that only Janus is still up, basking in the warmth from all the extra bodies. He notices Virgil awake and smiles at him, keeping his voice low. "You doing okay?"

Virgil thinks about all the things that happened over the last twenty-four hours and chuckles. "Yeah, I think I am. You?"

Janus smirks. "Of course I am. My plan to get us up here was a complete success. No issues whatsoever."

Virgil stares at him for a second. "You got to be kidding me. Are you saying that it went exactly according to plan?" He reaches behind him for a pillow on the couch and launches it at Janus's face. "Booooo!"

Janus hisses at him and returns fire with the single pillow, but can't reach any other ammo from his place in the blankets. He hisses again when Virgil chuckles at him, and turns away to lie down. Virgil snuggles back under the blankets and sighs.

 _Of course Janus did not plan all of this. But, I can't say I don't like the results._ Virgil can admit that, even if it is just to himself. _I am sure that the vlogs with Thomas are going to get even crazier with all of us up there, and there are definitely going to be fights between the Sides. We still have to figure out what to do with the whole wedding thing, now that Remus is up here, but that is a problem for tomorrow._

He closes his eyes, for the first time in a very long time truly excited to see what tomorrow brings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is it for this story!!! I have some little snippets I might put in another work, but this tale is long enough!
> 
> Thank all of you for making it this far, and I hope it ended to your satisfaction!

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is my first story, I would love feedback on it. 
> 
> I take all feedback, so feel free to also correct me if you see any editing mistakes or something that does not match the cannon Sanders Sides.


End file.
